Welcome newsletter subscribers. I am fascinated by bizarre books, and have devoted numerous blog posts to the subject. The following highlights have been compiled especially for you.
Here are 10 books that I consider to be bizarre. I have added pithy comments/fictitious dialogue below each.
Would you trust the author to make you disappear when he can’t spell disappear?
This 50,000+ word lipogram novel claims not to use the letter e.
How many e’s can you spot on the front cover?
Why cats paint? Boredom mostly. Playing with balls of string and toying with mice can only keep them entertained so long.
Owner: Yes Tiddles, approach the gun like that.
Tiddles: Meow, meow, purr.
Owner: That is the safety switch. Do not turn it off. No!
Tiddles: Meow, hiss!
Owner: Not the trigger. NOOO!
Go to McDonald’s with your date and order a grilled onion cheddar burger from the dollar menu, then pull out 99c and plead until they let you off the 1c. Now cut the burger in 2 and give her/him half, but with all the onions.
Date: ‘All the onions? That’s so kind. Are you sure?’
You: ‘Yes I’m sure. Now eat them before I change my mind.’
For those of us who spreading it on our toast is not enough.
Brimming with helpful tips from Argentine sailors.
This is how I imagine Latawnya the Naughty Horse learns how to say ‘No’ to drugs.
Someone walks into Latawnya’s stable holding some drugs.
Person: ‘Hi Latawnya you naughty horse, would you like some drugs?’
‘Let’s try that again shall we. Would you like some drugs?’
‘Would you like some drugs?’
Latawyna has learnt to say no to drugs. Have you?
Cat: ‘Meow! Meow! Purr, purr, meow, hiss! MEOW! MEOW!’
Person: ‘Are you sure God? We already have 10 Commandments, do we really need an 11th?’
What ludicrous garments.