20 of Literature’s Funniest Quotes

Welcome newsletter subscribers. I have previously dedicated a number of posts to literature’s most humorous quotes. Here are the highlights.

A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life’s gas-pipe with a lighted candle. — The Man Upstairs and Other Stories by P.G. Wodehouse

It’s safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won’t be able to smoke anywhere in America. — When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris 

Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others. — The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce

I don’t know how other men feel about their wives walking out on them, but I helped mine pack. — Breaking Up by Bill Manville

I don’t deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it. — The Habit of Being: Letters of Flannery O’Connor by Flannery O’Connor

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness. — The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde

If there’s anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now. — The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

As a boy, I wanted to be a train. — Machine Man by Max Barry

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number. — Very Good, Jeeves! by P.G. Wodehouse

Every summer Lin Kong returned to Goose Village to divorce his wife, Shuyu. — Waiting by Ha Jin

Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage. — The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce 

If I could believe in myself, why not give other improbabilities the benefit of the doubt? — Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris

Multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign of a diseased mind. — Eric by Terry Pratchett

He receives comfort like cold porridge. — The Tempest by William Shakespeare

Mike nodded. A sombre nod. The nod Napoleon might have given if somebody had met him in 1812 and said, “So, you’re back from Moscow, eh? — Mike and Psmith by P.G. Wodehouse

I write this sitting in the kitchen sink. — I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith

You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think. — The Collected Dorothy Parker by Dorothy Parker

As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect. — The Metamorphosis and Other Stories by Franz Kafka

If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled. – The Code of the Woosters by P.G. Wodehouse

It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression ‘As pretty as an airport’. — The Long Dark Tea-time of the Soul by Douglas Adams

 

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