CreateSpace

I have been very fortunate in receiving a great deal of assistance with cover design (see front cover on right of screen), editing and proof reading for my soon to be released book, all of which I am most grateful for.  An eBook conversion company is formatting the book for the Kindle, whilst I am preparing the paperback version myself.

Monday

07:00 – The paperback formatting begins in earnest with the downloading of a special Word template courtesy of CreateSpace.  With a meticulous eye for detail I diligently change fonts, alter images, move chapter headings, in addition to a whole host of other tasks.

18:00 – The formatting is finally complete.  I convert it into a PDF document and upload it onto the CreateSpace website.  A message informs me that I will be informed within the next forty-eight hours if it has been successful.  I am confident all will be fine.  After all what could go wrong.

Tuesday

13:30 – A message from CreateSpace arrives in my email inbox.  It says congratulations your files have been accepted.  I punch the air with delight.  This feeling dissipates on scrolling down and reading the rest of the message.  I am informed that there are a number of problems; most pertinently is the fact that even pages are appearing on the right of the book.  I open the online virtual version of the book (can only be viewed once CreateSpace have checked your files).  The even pages are indeed on the right.  Deciding that I am hardly in a position to change centuries of tradition (all books have even pages on the left) I sigh with annoyance and make some alterations.  These include adding a blank page at the start.  The next few hours are spent checking the document thoroughly for any untoward changes that might have occurred from my changes; of which there are many.

15:27 – I press upload.

Wednesday

14:00 – The email arrives from CreateSpace.  Despite it saying congratulations I do not celebrate.  On opening the file I find the even pages on the right once again, causing me to swear loudly and scrunch up the piece of paper in my hand violently.  Having calmed down somewhat I analyse the virtual book carefully before checking online for information on the subject.  I then move the text, add some further blank pages and begin the tedious checking process yet again.

17:00 – The file is converted to PDF and uploaded to CreateSpace.  I am not entirely confident that my efforts will be met with success.

Thursday 

13:00 – Pacing nervously in circles I chew on the end of my ballpoint pen, my breathing coming in harried gasps.

13:23 – The email arrives from CreateSpace.  As I hurriedly open the virtual reader, I mutter a prayer to some as of yet unknown deity.  Seeing the even pages on the right again, bitter acrimony descends upon me.  I scream out aloud a number of times and then proceed to throw objects at the far wall, including a large glass ashtray that weighs several pounds.  It smashes into pieces on impact, leaving a large dent in the wall.  More items are thrown, though this time lighter ones; small books and the like.  Sometime later I stop throwing things and lean back in my chair, seething with hopeless introspection, as the gloom from the grey day outside pervades the room.

13:32 – The doorbell is ringing.  I head forlornly downstairs.  Opening the door, I am surprised to see two policemen.  Before I am able to greet them, the shorter of the two informs me that a neighbour has raised concerns about a disturbance on my premises.  I inform them it was merely a solitary outburst brought about by exasperation over an IT issue.  Thanking them for their concern I begin to close the door.  One of the policemen places his hand on it, preventing this from occurring.  They insist on looking inside.  Several minutes later, satisfied nothing sinister has occurred they are ready to depart.  On the way out I ask them if either of them knows anything about CreateSpace.  They say they do not.

Friday

13:39 – I am waiting anxiously for the latest update from CreateSpace.