Guy Portman's Blog

My Easter Egg Hunt

Happy Easter. This week we take a sojourn from the usual book/author theme to explore the world of Easter Eggs. Sales at Easter time make up approximately 10% of UK chocolate spending for the whole year. We Britons love chocolate. In world league tables of per capita consumption the UK comes joint 4th behind Switzerland, Germany and Austria. As is the case every year my supermarket is seething with Easter chocolate.

Amongst the usual culprits is this Lindt Giant Carrot.

The Church of England never tires of reminding us that secularism and consumerism is resulting in religious traditions being increasingly marginalised. Their response is The Real Easter Egg (see below). These can be found in stores across the UK. The story of Jesus is depicted on the sides and back of the box.

For those of us emaciated from our Lenten fasts might I suggest a gargantuan Easter egg (see below). If camouflaged with foliage this Easter Egg could masquerade as part of the scenery in an Easter egg hunt.

Until recently I was under the impression that Easter eggs are supposed to be an opportunity to indulge oneself after the privations of Lent. This is no longer the case. Lent Continued Easter Eggs are everywhere these days, especially in WholeFoods. The below Smug Eggs moo free eggs are organic, GM free, wheat free, soya free… It appears that soya is no longer the go to dairy alternative. This is due to its purported health risks. How do I know? I listen in on people’s conversations when I go on my photography trips to WholeFoods.

Prior to this Easter I had never seen the sweetener xylitol advertised on Easter Egg packaging (see below). To me it sounds as appealing as a swimming pool promoting its high chlorine content. Xylitol is all the rage at the moment I was soon to discover. Apparently it can reduce bacteria in your mouth by up to 90%. Does this mean that if you eat Easter Eggs with xylitol in you are cleaning your teeth at the same time?

There’s always one. Not content with being oval, this Ladurée pretentious petal egg (see below) has embraced a postmodern deconstructed look. It is decorated with crystallised rose, jasmine and violet petals, garnished with dark, milk and praline chocolate figurines and bells. Cost: £72.50 ($102.47)

Below are some aesthetically pleasing Easter Eggs that resemble real birds’ eggs.

And here are some ostrich sized ones.

One thing I have noticed this year is the prevalence of Easter chocolate being sold by companies that we do not usually associate with chocolate. Below are some Hello Kitty chocolate treats that I came across yesterday.

I am an ardent devotee of Cadbury Creme Eggs (see below). But not all is well in the world of Cadbury Creme Eggs. Satisfaction has fallen dramatically amongst consumers since the product’s controversial recipe change, which saw Dairy Milk being replaced with ‘standard cocoa mix chocolate’. I must confess that I didn’t even notice.

Whatever Easter Eggs you decide on, I hope you enjoy them.

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I am the author of the black comedy Necropolis.

And the psychological thriller Symbiosis.

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