May | 2020 | Guy Portman's Blog

Lockdown Reading & Revelations

May 29 2020

Lockdown is starting to wind down here in the UK, it seems. As for me, I will be remaining in self-isolation. If there’s another way to live, I am not familiar with it. Besides, it has its perks, including reduced car fuel costs.

Not much of note has happened this week. On Monday, I found this nine quid box of Corona in the supermarket. It remains unopened, but that is poised to change.

You know when you have your schedule laid out for the day, only for a spanner to be thrown in the works? In this instance, it was discovering the hoover wasn’t performing its one function. It took ages to disassemble it, find the blockage and remove it. Mr Dyson’s hoover innovation infatuation doesn’t extend to inventing a non-blockable model, it appears. Dyson’s revolutionary wheel ball is all good and well, but I’d swap it for a blockage-free hoover any day of the week.

Someone was in for a treat. A dry pellet, broccoli, tomato and cheese feast. It could be the name of a Dominos Pizza, though I suspect my creation would be more appetising.

It’s been warm and sunny here in south of England every day for what seems like ages. Trigga has been enjoying the weather, as have I.

Some workers have been taking unusual precautions to protect themselves against the threat of Covid-19. Take my local supermarket worker for instance. Effective perhaps, if not a little concerning.

People are reading more during Lockdown, we are told. I want to try and utilise this trend to find more readers for my books. Presently, I am waiting for Amazon to get back to me about ways in which I can use my new Necropolis Trilogy series page to do just that; fingers crossed.

Like many authors, I don’t stick only to my own genre/s (dark humour/satire) when it comes to reading. Earlier this week, I picked up this kindle book for 99p following a recommendation on Goodreads. It’s a subject I know little about; and as I fancy myself to be something of a war historian dilettante, I thought why not?

No doubt you have read some good books over lockdown. If you have any suggestions, I’d be keen to hear them. Have a good weekend.

Dark Fiction, Empty Fridges & Culinary Titbits

May 22 2020

It’s Friday again. This week I read Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. I was only introduced to dark fiction author McCarthy last year, and I’ve already read four of his books. Blood Meridian is quite possibly the most brutal novel ever written.

Another trip to the supermarket was in order.

I was in luck however. Hidden away at the back of the freezer, there were gyoza. This time I succeeded in not getting them stuck to the frying pan.

Panic buying and long queues no longer appear to be an issue in the shops here, for now anyway. You are probably experiencing the same, I assume, unless you’re in Brazil. Covid-19 is wreaking havoc over there at the moment it seems, no thanks to their president.

Burning the cuttings from the garden. It proved to be an incredibly smoky fire.

My dog is obsessed with water. His reflection is the reason why I think.

Currently, I am offering the first instalment in my darkly humorous Necropolis Trilogy for free to people who sign up to my mailing list. This week I’ve sold a few copies, but haven’t succeeded in giving any away for free. If you fancy changing that, here are the details.

What is a sociopath to do?

Click here to get #1 for FREE.

Anyway, time to get back to work on my next book – tentatively titled The Gazebo. It consists of two darkly humorous stories set in the south of England, and will be of novella length. Themes include relationships; fractious ones. I look forward to sharing more in due course. Have a good weekend.

5 Good Books Containing Dark Humour

May 15 2020

This week we return to the subject of books. Here are five works of fiction that contain dark humour. Click on the links to read my reviews.

Glue by Irvine Welsh

Glue adeptly captures the zeitgeists of the various eras it encapsulates. The book’s scabrous descriptions will appeal to all fans of the Transgressive Fiction genre.

My Review: Glue is about four friends who hail from Scotland’s capital, Edinburgh. It begins with them as infants in the 1970s, and ends at the dawn of the new …(more)

Suttree by Cormac McCarthy

This brutal, bleak and at times humorous episodic tome (600+ pages) is a must for all dark fiction aficionados.

My Review: Cornelius Suttree resides in a dilapidated houseboat on the Tennessee River, on the edge of Knoxville. He ekes out a living fishing in its murky waters; his primary …(more)

Rant by Chuck Palahniuk

Rant challenges our own traditions by demonstrating how we contort our recollection of events in accordance with our desires, motives and beliefs.

My Review: Rant is the oral history of Buster ‘Rant’ Casey, recounted by an array of people including his relations, friends, enemies and lovers. Rant’s childhood companions from the …(more)

Knockemstiff by Donald Ray Pollock

Knockemstiff is a transgressive compilation of short stories. Topics include drugs, drinking, disease and sexual degeneracy.

My Review: These interlinked short stories are set in ‘The Holler’; an impoverished part of Knockemstiff, a real-life Ohioan backwater. ‘The Holler’s’ air is permanently imbued with the stench of …(more)

Checking Out by Nick Spalding

Checking Out is a black comedy sprinkled with hope. Many will be drawn to its protagonist due to his wry wit and likeable personality.

My Review: Nathan is a young, well-off musician with a gorgeous girlfriend, a sportscar and some exceedingly expensive bi-fold doors. He is also successful, thanks to his …(more)

Lockdown: Light At The End Of The Tunnel.

May 08 2020

The news here in the UK is that the lockdown is poised to be relaxed soon. What form this will take, only time will tell. Other European countries are beginning to return to normal, or at least a new normal, so it’s inevitable we’ll follow suit now new cases of Covid-19 are falling fast.

What are you most looking forward to doing when lockdown ends? For me – getting a haircut.

And what am I least looking forward to? The inevitable increase in taxes.

This week I’ve been catching up with my book reviews for the books I’ve read this year. The six new reviews will be making an appearance on my blog soon. If you haven’t already, you might be interested in the 165 reviews I’ve written (see My Reviews section). I’ve also been jogging and weight training. Here is my dog waiting for me to catch up on a run in the woods.

And here’s an inquisitive deer looking into my garden.

I’ve been drinking Corona. Couldn’t resist Tesco’s ten quid box offer of the stuff. If there’s a better warm weather beer out there, I am yet to try it.

Yesterday, I was pleased to see a duck on the tiny pond I recently dug out in my garden.

Lockdown is obviously proving pretty trying for people, particularly those stuck in small apartments in the city, and I hope things improve for them soon. As for me, the lockdown hasn’t made much difference to my life thus far. What would I have been doing differently anyway? Not much. But knowing that others are also stuck at home makes me feel better. Selfish perhaps; but what is there in this world if not by comparison.

Visitors have been pouring into my blog of late. What does this mean? Not a lot. They are coming to read my articles and reviews of books, and have no interest in me, my mailing list, or the six books I’ve written. C’est la vie; better that than nothing I suppose. I’m used to obscurity after a lifetime of it. Perhaps one of these days I’ll monetise this blog. Maybe sign up for an affiliate program with book retailers. Until then hope springs eternal. Have a good weekend. Keep well and stay safe.

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5 Things To Do During Lockdown.

May 01 2020

Lockdown continues to drag on here in the UK. Though there is light at the end of the tunnel, so we’re told. What with all the time people are spending at home, gardens have never had so much TLC. As it was raining this week, I took the opportunity to plant some hedges. You can pick the things up for peanuts at the moment. Planting my hedges entailed digging ninety holes.

And then it was time for the grass seed.

And then the wild flower seed.

Reading is a great way to wile away the time on lockdown. My current read is a morbid one.

I have been doing a lot of writing of late. My work in progress is a book of novella length, consisting of two darkly humorous tales, set for the most part in the upper echelons of English society. One of the tales has a supernatural theme.

Shopping was once a pleasure; it is now at best an inconvenience, at worst a nightmare. The queues to get into the supermarket are pretty horrendous and I try and stick to smaller shops. I’d been on the look out for these for over a month. If they didn’t come in a pack of six, this would constitute hoarding.