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My Plans For 2019

Jan 04 2019

Happy New Year everyone.

‘May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.’ – Joey Adams

This, my first blog post of 2019, is about my plans for this year. With regards writing, I plan to release my sixth book later this year. I released two in 2018 (Sepultura & Tomorrow’s World). Golgotha will be the third and final instalment in the Necropolis Trilogy. It will feature suave sociopath Dyson Devereux. The first part, Necropolis, has 100+ reviews on Goodreads. Part two, Sepultura, was released last year. If you like dark humour you’ll love the Necropolis trilogy.

A sociopath can only keep up a façade for so long.

Sepultura Goodreads link.

As for other plans, I have some freelance writing work to get on with, and then there’s the reading. Here are a couple of books I want to read this year.

If you are looking for some more reading recommendations and you haven’t seen it already, check out – The 20 books I read in 2018. I have written a review of each. Happy New Year.

The 20 Books I Read In 2018

Dec 28 2018

As is my custom at year end, I am dedicating this blog post to the books I read this year. I have been pretty busy in 2018, what with releasing two books (Sepultura & Tomorrow’s World) and various writing gigs. However, I did find time to read 20 books. Click on the links to read my reviews. They are presented in the order in which I read them:

Skagboys by Irvine Welsh (2012) – This is the prequel to Trainspotting. It is set in the 1980s against a backdrop of Thatcherism, the rise of dance music and HIV.

The Carrot Man by Theo E. Gerken (2017) – This existential comedy is replete with jokes. Some are offensive, few are amusing.

An Ice-Cream War by William Boyd (1982) – An Ice-Cream War’s motif is the absurdness of war. The book’s grave content is laced with humour of the dark variety.

The Trumpassic Period – Year One by David Belisle (2018) – This sleep-inducing politics-meets-palaeontology work purports to be a satire, of the lampooning variety.

Last Exit To Brooklyn by Hubert Selby Jr. (1964) – This is a controversial and ground-breaking transgressive work consisting of six inter-related short stories.

Vile Bodies by Evelyn Waugh (1930) – This satirical novel’s primary purpose is satirising decadent 1920s London society.

Hotel Scarface by Roben Farzad (2017) – Named after iconic film Scarface, Hotel Scarface is an account of the rise and fall of Hotel Mutiny; a Miami-based hotel and club.

Not Exactly Shakespeare by Martin Freznell (2017) – Not Exactly Shakespeare purports to be the shortest book you’ll ever be forced to pretend to have to read.

The Raw Shark Texts by Steven Hall (2007) – This analytical and abstract book’s motif is mental health. Its contents include drawings and computer code.

Marabao Stork Nightmares by Irvine Welsh (1995) – An inventive, transgressive work, boasting parallel stories and different levels of awareness.

American Gods by Neil Gaiman (2001) – This dark, unusual blend of fantasy and mythology explores the tribalistic nature of America’s various beliefs.

Knockemstiff by Donald Ray Pollock (2008) – This excellent transgressive compilation of interlinked short stories is set in a real-life Ohioan backwater.

Discontents by James Wallace Birch (2011) – This rather uncompelling work of Transgressive Fiction contains considerable theorising.

The Journey of Crazy Horse by J.M. Marshall III (2004) – A biographical narrative about the legendary Lakota Sioux chief, Crazy Horse.

Between the Shadow and Lo by Lauren Sapala (2017) – A first-person work of Transgressive Fiction written by a female author and boasting an alcoholic female protagonist.

The Willow Tree by Hubert Selby Jr. (1998) – A fable about hate and its ramifications. Themes include hope, forgiveness and love.

The Blade Artist by Irvine Welsh (2016) – This memorable work of Transgressive Fiction boasts a complex and manipulative protagonist.

The Bad Boys of Bokaro Jail by Chetan Mahajan (2014) – This quick and easy read consists of a first-person account of the author’s short stint in an Indian local jail.

The Butcher by Nathan Burrows (2018) – This aptly named book is set in the English county of Norfolk. Topics encompass swine, illegal migrants, potential Brexit ramifications and cannibalism.

In Wolves’ Clothing by Greg Levin (2017) – A first-person transgressive work about a troubled member of an anti child trafficking organisation.

My Favourite Books IV

Dec 21 2018

This week’s post is dedicated to 6 of my favourite books. I am an avid reader and writer of dark humour and Transgressive Fiction, and this is reflected in the majority of my choices. Click on the links to read my reviews.

Fire In The Hole by Elmore Leonard

This is a compilation of nine short, authentic and atmospheric, American-based, crime-themed stories. The book is named after its longest title, Fire In The Hole, the inspiration for the television series Justified. Click here to read my review.

The Killer Inside Me by Jim Thompson

The Killer Inside Me is a thought provoking and unrelentingly bleak first person narrative about a highly intelligent, manipulative and cold-blooded psychopath by the name of Lou Ford. Click here to read my review.

Knockemstiff by Donald Ray Pollock

Knockemstiff is a transgressive compilation of interlinked short stories set in a real-life Ohioan backwater. Their grubby setting, visceral prose and dark humour appealed to this reader. Click here to read my review.

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier

Imbibed with a sense of impending doom, Rebecca is a slow-moving, haunting and atmospheric literary masterpiece, boasting an expertly woven plot and an abrupt ending. Click here to read my review.

Skagboys by Irvine Welsh

This work of Transgressive Fiction’s main focus is many of its colourful, mostly young characters increasing obsession with heroin. Skagboys is the prequel to Trainspotting. Click here to read my review.

Sepultura by Guy Portman

Compulsive and brimming with satirical wit, Sepultura is a black comedy featuring unforgettable sociopath, Dyson Devereux. It is sequel to Necropolis (Goodreads link) and the second part in a proposed trilogy. It can be read as a standalone novel.

15 of Literature’s Funniest Quotes

Dec 14 2018

Some time back, I dedicated a number of posts to literature’s funniest quotes. This week I have compiled what I regard as the highlights from those posts. Here are 15 of literature’s funniest quotes:

He receives comfort like cold porridge— The Tempest by William Shakespeare

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.— The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

‘Matteo’s not that type of Italian,’ replies Fraser. ‘He’s more the sort you come across in southern cities like Bari and Pescara, dragging an Alsatian around by a tattered piece of string.’— Necropolis by Guy Portman

It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.— The Life and Times of Dorothy Parker by Dorothy Parker

If I could believe in myself, why not give other improbabilities the benefit of the doubt?— Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.— Very Good, Jeeves! by P.G. Wodehouse

It is not that I object to the work, mind you; I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.— Three Men in a Boat by Jerome K. Jerome

If there’s anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now. — The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can’t say ‘No’ in any of them. — While Rome Burns by Dorothy Parker

If you’re looking for sympathy you’ll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.— Barrel Fever: Stories and Essays by David Sedaris

A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life’s gas-pipe with a lighted candle.— The Man Upstairs and Other Stories by P.G. Wodehouse

If you’re going to read this, dont bother. After a couple pages, you won’t want to be here.— Choke (opening line) by Chuck Palahniuk

Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.— The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.— The Algonquin Wits by Dorothy Parker

If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
— The Code of the Woosters by P.G. Wodehouse

12 Entertaining One Star Book Reviews

Dec 07 2018

This week’s post is dedicated to more amusing one star book reviews. I have previously devoted two posts to the subject. I found the following reviews entertaining, and I hope you will too.

Ulysses by James Joyce – ‘This is a tough book to read unless you understand several languages and are on LSD.’

The Bible – ‘Author is erratic in his writing, the plot goes nowhere, the characters are clearly plagiarised from other books of its genre, it is gory and certainly not recommended for children.’

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë – ‘There’s only one word to sum up this ‘classic’ and that is BORING!’

The Great Gatsby by Scott F. Fitzgerald – ‘Classic garbage. Just because things are old or well-known, doesn’t mean they are worthwhile.’

Necropolis by Guy Portman – ‘… it was so tedious …’

Lord of the Flies by William Golding – ‘… utterly awful leaving a truley bitter taste in my mouth.’

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone – ‘… it sucks balls and its hard to read there should be pictures and bigger writing …’

The Great Gatsby by Scott F. Fitzgerald – ‘Now at 70 yo I remember why I hate this crap for a book.’

Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson – ‘this book is a bad book, is very scary gives you nightmares …’

The Bible – ‘If you can stomach the genocide, infanticide, rape and killings then the Bible is for you. I will be sticking to Game of Thrones.’

The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger – ‘I’d let Alex from A Clockwork Orange babysit my daughter before I’d spend a single minute with this over-hyped, chickenshit boy.’

1984 by George Orwell – ‘… my rabbit could have written a better book.’

That Friday Feeling

Nov 30 2018

I don’t know why I just gave my post the title, That Friday Feeling. Probably because I couldn’t think of anything else. This time last week I was lamenting Black Friday, and comparing it to the Black Death. This week, I want to mention another American invasive species. But, unlike Black Friday this one is most welcome on these shores. If you haven’t tried Five Guys already, I strongly suggest you do so, unless you’re vegetarian or vegan that is. Yesterday, whilst gorging on the below, I tried to put my finger on what is so great about Five Guys. I came to the conclusion it is the consistency of the burgers, which is quite unlike anything we in the UK have experienced before.

After my luncheon, I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to find my car in the carpark. This happens every time I go to the shopping centre. When I finally got home, I worked off some calories cleaning my floor. It looks spotless, if I say so myself.

Some good reviews have appeared on Goodreads and Amazon UK for my new book, Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future. I could do with some on the US version of Amazon, but hopefully it’s merely a matter of time.

What with all the writing I’ve been doing, I have fallen behind with my reading. I have been rectifying that this week. Reviews of these three books to follow.

If you haven’t already read it, you might be interested in a free copy of my black comedy, Necropolis. Necropolis has been free on all major retailers for a while, but next week it will be re-joining the paid ranks. It is the first part of a proposed trilogy. The books feature meticulous sociopath, Dyson Devereux. The second instalment, Sepultura, was released earlier this year. The third part will be out some time in 2019. Have a good weekend.

Tomorrow’s World & Black Friday

Nov 23 2018

My new book, Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future, was released yesterday.

I am pleased and grateful that one of the UK’s biggest and most prestigious satire sites, ‘The Daily Squib’, have written a positive, amusing and extremely thorough review (14 paragraphs) of Tomorrow’s World on their website. Click here to read it.

If you like dark humour, you’ll love Tomorrow’s World.

As for me, I am currently holed up at home, trying to avoid Black Friday. It only seems a few years ago that Black Friday barely existed. Since then the virus has spread everywhere. It is currently contaminating the continent. The Low Countries offered no resistance, and as for France they have held out longer than they did against the Germans, but it is only a matter of time. Black Friday is spreading faster than the Black Death.

My advice – stay at home, keep the windows closed and the television off. I am not into yoga, but at times like this breathing exercises can help …

Click here to see Tomorrow’s World Goodreads Page.

Have a good weekend.

Tomorrow’s World: 6 Days To Go

Nov 16 2018

Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future is being released next Thursday, Nov. 22nd.

The future may not be bright but it’s hilarious

Here are some details about the book:

In England, Terrence finds himself disillusioned in a world of drudgery, compensation claim drones and a relentlessly rising retirement age. Across the pond, Walter has harnessed the power of age-defying medication in a bid to prosper indefinitely – at any expense. What could possibly go wrong?

40,251 words/2.5 hours reading time

Congratulations to the two winners of the Goodreads giveaway – Alexandria and Jessica. A first edition, signed copy will be posted to your US locations on Monday.

“Because in Tomorrow’s World, Guy has seen the writing on the wall. And it’s in emojis.” Adam Riley, Comedian

1140 readers have now added Tomorrow’s World to their Goodreads TBR list.

Here are a few short snippets from the book:

‘The fact that Paradise Pods have the same dimensions as a standard coffin is incidental,’ says the salesman, ducking to avoid the hurled teacup …

The interior of the rotorcraft erupts in vociferations of glee when the passengers catch sight of the white-tipped peak of Mont Blanc, Western Europe’s last remaining refuge for snow.

She cannot envisage ever swapping her early 1990s Benidorm experience for any of the other virtual-reality options available to her and her fellow retirees …

If you like dark humour, you’ll love Tomorrow’s World.

Tomorrow’s World will be available as a paperback & ebook from all major retailers.

Click here to see Tomorrow’s World Goodreads Page.

Tomorrow’s World: Countdown

Nov 09 2018

There is less than two weeks to go until the release of Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future (November 22nd).

The first reviews for Tomorrow’s World have appeared on Goodreads, and the Goodreads Giveaway is still underway. Two signed, first edition paperback copies must be won.

Here are some details about the darkly humorous, satirical extravaganza that is Tomorrow’s World:

In tales that criss cross the Atlantic, Tomorrow’s World transports the reader into the future where even dreams can be controlled – but it seems that the future’s not all it’s cracked up to be. In England, Terrence finds himself disillusioned in a world of drudgery, compensation claim drones and a relentlessly rising retirement age. Across the pond, Walter has harnessed the power of age-defying medication in a bid to prosper indefinitely – at any expense. What could possibly go wrong?

40,251 words/2.5 hours reading time

Here are a few snippets from the book:

2176 A.D.

… he had abhorred virtual celebrity reality television his entire life. He had first been subjected to it as a small child in the family home. Over the years he had witnessed a plethora of virtual celebrity reality television shows that had catered to the vicarious, the voyeur, the vain and the vapid.

2160 A.D.

‘Garbage Pail Kids.’

‘What are Garbage Pail Kids?’

‘They were 1980s humorous, satirical trading cards. We have one of Europe’s finest private collections in the family. Remind me to show you them sometime.’

Click here to view Tomorrow’s World Goodreads page.

Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future

Nov 02 2018

I am currently running a Goodreads Giveaway for my forthcoming book, Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future (Release Date: November 22nd).

The good news is that two signed, first edition paperback copies are up for grabs. The bad news is that the giveaway is only open to North American readers. Goodreads dictates the rules, not me. If it wasn’t for the inclusion of Canada, I would suspect this was another of Trump’s trade embargos. Regardless, you can still add Tomorrow’s World to your Goodreads to-read list; LibraryThing too if you’re that way inclined. Tomorrow’s World will be available to purchase in all countries (excluding North Korea). Here are some details:

The future’s here and it’s great. You can live for a very long time, you can experience the dream in virtual reality, and you can even worship David Hasselhoff. But not everyone is feeling fulfilled …

With the relentlessly increasing mandatory retirement age, Terrence can see no end to his life of drudgery. And then there are the compensation claim drones …

With its dark humour and gripping narrative, Tomorrow’s World paints a vivid picture of a future that’s a little too close for comfort.

40,251 words – 2.5 hours reading time
Publication Date: November 22nd (paperback & eBook)

‘… in Tomorrow’s World, Guy has seen the writing on the wall. And it’s in emojis.’ – Adam Riley (comedian)

Warning: This book is not suitable for overtly religious types/those who do not appreciate dark humour.

Tomorrow’s World Goodreads Page.

Have a good weekend.

AUTHOR GUY PORTMAN'S BLOG

My Plans For 2019

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The 20 Books I Read In 2018

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My Favourite Books IV

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15 of Literature’s Funniest Quotes

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12 Entertaining One Star Book Reviews

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That Friday Feeling

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Tomorrow’s World & Black Friday

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Tomorrow’s World: 6 Days To Go

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Tomorrow’s World: Countdown

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Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future

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AUTHOR GUY PORTMAN'S BLOG

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