May | 2016 | Guy Portman's Blog

Bizarre Female Author Facts

May 27 2016

This week’s blog post is devoted to Bizarre Female Author Facts. I haven’t forgotten about the men. It will be their turn next week.

booksnew

Did you know that:

Modernist writer Katherine Mansfield wore a mourning dress to her own wedding.

Jane Austen never married, but she was engaged for 1 night. She accepted the proposal of marriage 2 weeks prior to her 27th birthday. Austen changed her mind the next day.

Harriet Beecher Stowe (author of Uncle Tom’s Cabin) lived next door to Mark Twain.

Agatha Christie came to have a strong disliking for her creation Hercule Poirot.

Dorothy Parker’s epitaph reads — Excuse my dust.

Agatha Christie

Jane Austen was the first person known to have used the word ‘outsider’.

Zadie Smith spent the best part of 2 years writing and rewriting the first 20 pages of her novel, On Beauty.

Romance author Ida Pollock is widely considered to be the World’s oldest ever author. She died aged 105, just weeks before her 125th book was published.

It took Helen Hooven Santmyer 50 years to pen And Ladies of the Club.

Virginia Woolf was the granddaughter of novelist William Makepeace Thackeray.

By her late 30s Emily Dickinson was so reclusive that she rarely left her house and spoke to visitors from the other side of her closed front door.

Emily Dickinson

Maya Angelou’s writing routine entailed travelling to a bare hotel room every morning, where she would write until about 2 p.m.

Agatha Christie’s favourite food was Devonshire Cream.

Helen Hoover Santymeyer was 88 when her seminal work And Ladies of the Club was published.

Dorothy Straight is on record as being the youngest published author ever. At the age of 4 she wrote a story for her grandmother, which went on to be published when she was 6.

Author and essayist Flannery O’Connor not only wrote at the same time every day, but also in the same place. That special place was facing her blank wood dresser, which provided no distractions.

…………………………………………………………………………………..

Click here to sign up for my newsletter.

Authors as Desserts II

May 20 2016

2 weeks ago I wrote a blog post about authors and the desserts that in my opinion they/their writing corresponds to. Here is Part II.

Chuck Palahniuk

ChuckPalahniuk

Palahniuk is a controversial, transgressive author whose writing is not for the fainthearted.

Corresponding dessert: Dirt Cake

Dirt cake

(Courtesy of Visions of Sugar Plum)

Rationale: This aptly named dessert is created by combining unusual, and some might argue unpalatable ingredients, including Oreo cookies, cream cheese and Gummy Worms.

George Orwell

GeorgeOrwell

Orwell was an iconic British author with socialist tendencies.

Corresponding dessert: Bread and Butter Pudding

bread and butter

(Courtesy of BBC Good Food)

Rationale: This simple, traditional British fare is popular with the masses.

Jackie Collins

Collins

Jackie Collins is one of the best-selling Romance authors of all time.

Corresponding dessert: Black Forest Gâteau

Black Forest Gateau

(Courtesy of Wikipedia)

Rationale: This decadent dessert leaves one feeling nauseous.

Haruki Murakami

Murakami

Murakami is Japan’s most famous contemporary writer.

Corresponding dessert: Matcha (green tea) Ice Cream

Green Tea

(Courtesy of Youtube)

Rationale: Westerners have enthusiastically embraced this distinctly Oriental flavour, presented in a familiar form.

Danielle Steele

Steele

Corresponding dessert: Cupcake

Cup Cake

(Courtesy of Esciencelog)

Rationale: A dollop of icing fails to disguise what is a meagre offering.

C. S. Lewis

C. S. Lewis

The creator of The Chronicles of Narnia was a devout Christian.

Corresponding dessert: Hot Cross Bread and Butter Pudding

hot-cross-bun

(Courtesy of Tesco)

Rationale: This variation on the hot cross bun is ideal fare to mark the end of Lent.

Bram Stoker

Stoker

Irish author Bram Stoker is best remembered for his Gothic novel Dracula.

Corresponding dessert: Red Velvet Slaughter Cake

Red Velvet

(Courtesy of Huffington Post)

Rationale: Self-explanatory

Vladimir Nabokov

Nabokov

The intellectual Russian born Nabokov utilised an ornate prose style.

Corresponding dessert: Deconstructed S’more

Deconstructed Smores

(Courtesy of OC Foodies)

Rationale: This sophisticated, deconstructed extravagance contains caramelised vanilla marshmallow, soft salted caramel and chocolate-coated cereal garnishes.

Click here to sign up for my newsletter.

Click here for Part III.

Bizarre Book Trivia

May 13 2016

Yesterday whilst whiling away some time on the internet I discovered some bizarre book trivia, which I thought might make a good foundation for a blog post. Here goes:

Most Bizarre Book Ever: BIRTH CONTROL IS SINFUL IN THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES and Also ROBBING GOD OF PRIESTHOOD CHILDREN!! by ELIYZABETH YANNE STRONG-ANDERSON.

WorstBook

I was planning to read it, but considered the price (£20.95) prohibitive. The reason for me choosing it (the title is too long to repeat) is because of Michael N. Marcus’s review in his book Stinkers:

Every letter in book capitalised
Ridden with grammatical errors
Ludicrous subject matter
Excessive price tag
Neurotic nature of its author

Most Offensive Book Title Ever: Helping The Retarded To Know God by H. R. Hahn & W. H. Raasch.

Retarded

I imagine this book wasn’t welcomed with open arms even when it was published back in 1969. As for the question How does one help the retarded to know God? As no one to the best of my knowledge has ever known God, I can only assume it’s a challenge.

Book genres: Have you noticed how many genres and sub genres are around these days. Take Punk literature (related to punk subculture). There are 13 sub genres, in addition a host of tenuous ones. Punk’s official sub genres are: Cyberpunk, Steampunk, Dieselpunk, Biopunk, Bugpunk, Transistorpunk, Nanopunk, Decopunk, Atompunk, Teslapunk, Clockpunk, Splatterpunk & Mythpunk…

Here is an imaginary conversation:

Do you enjoy reading?
Yeah.
Me too. Which genres do you like?
Primarily Dieselpunk and Biopunk with a smattering of Transistorpunk.

According to wiki the Romance genre has 36 sub genres. Every man/woman to his/her tastes, but for me reading with 1 hand whilst holding a sick bucket with the other isn’t much fun.

heart

A person who reads 50 Shades of Grey has no advantage over one who can’t read. — Guy Portman

The infestation of erotica/erotic romance titles means that it is extremely difficult for authors to come up with novel ideas, but I have one — Romeo & Juliet, the Asphyxiation Erotica version.

Juliet: O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?
Romeo: Ghuahh! Ghuahh!
Juliet: O’ there art thou with a plastic bag thrust over thy head.

Fans of zoophilia-themed, BBW, paranormal shapeshifter romances might be interested in Hedging His Bets by Celia Kyle & Mina Carter. It is touted as the book that makes hedgehogs sexy.

Hedge

Bad-boy Blake Carlisle is a big, badass biker with a secret — he’s a werehedgehog. It is obvious that Blake and Honey are meant to be together — because he loves rubenesque beauties and she loves hedgehogs .

Here’s an extract: Plopping down on the floor, she opened the cage and lifted each of them out. She rolled around on the ground making yipping noises, mimicking them to the best of her ability, and just playing with the cute little things. … Who needed a man when she had hedgies?

If Authors Were Desserts

May 06 2016

Have you ever thought that if so and so were a dessert they would be an apple strudel? This post is devoted to 8 authors and the desserts that in my opinion they/their writing corresponds to.

Charles Bukowski

Charles Bukowski

American poet and novelist Bukowski was known as the ‘laureate of American lowlife’.

Corresponding dessert: Baked apples with whiskey

bourbon-baked-apples

Rationale: Not aesthetically pleasing and unsophisticated it may be, but it tastes good.

E. L. James

ELJAmes

Erotica novelist E. L. James is one of the World’s best-selling authors.

Corresponding dessert: Cheesecake

cheese (Courtesy of Tennessee Cheesecake)

Rationale: Many, including yours truly, are of the opinion that cheese and cake should not be mixed.

Hunter S. Thompson

Hunter Thompson

The father of Gonzo journalism was a staunch patriot with an insatiable thirst.

Corresponding dessert: Chocolate Bourbon Pecan Pie

choc_pecan_pie (Courtesy of Random Sweetness Baking)

Rationale: Self-explanatory.

Dan Brown

Brown

Brown has sold more than 200 million of his mystery/conspiracy novels.

Corresponding dessert: Ring-Shaped Donut

Doughnut (Courtesy of i food)

Rationale: These deep-fried treats are not only bad for the health, but they leave one feeling something’s missing.

Salman Rushdie

rushdie4

This Booker Prize winning author’s preferred genre is magic realism.

Corresponding dessert: Deconstructed Strawberry Falooda

Falooda2 (Courtesy of Pinterest)

Rationale: This Indian dessert drink might not be soft on the eye, but it contains whole wheat vermicelli, gulkand preserve and is devoid of artificial colours.

John Steinbeck

JohnSteinbeck