20 of Literature’s Funniest Quotes

Previously on this blog I have dedicated posts to quotes about reading, writing and publishing. This week it is the turn of quotes from literature. Here are 20 quotes from books that I think are amusing, and I hope you will too.

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness — The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde

Multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign of a diseased mind — Eric by Terry Pratchett

He receives comfort like cold porridge — The Tempest by William Shakespeare

Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness — Letters from a Stoic by Seneca

…answers Molly, gleefully yet wholly inadequately; her skills more akin to the baking of macaroons than solving the complexities of the universe. — Charles Middleworth by Guy Portman

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer. — The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams 

‘There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, ‘Do trousers matter?’
‘The mood will pass, sir.’ — The Code of the Woosters by P.G. Wodehouse 

Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. — The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce 

It’s just a penis, right? Probably no worse for you than smoking. — When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris 

Nick Naylor had been called many things since becoming the chief spokesman for the Academy of Tobacco Studies, but until now no one had actually compared him to Satan. — Thank You For Smoking by Christopher Buckley

As a boy, I wanted to be a train. — Machine Man by Max Barry

I write this sitting in the kitchen sink. — I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith

If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled. – The Code of the Woosters by P.G. Wodehouse

One press of a button and this degenerate goes to the cremator to the sound of Celine Dion’s dismal wails — Necropolis by Guy Portman 

It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression ‘As pretty as an airport. — The Long Dark Tea-time of the Soul by Douglas Adams

You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think. — The Collected Dorothy Parker by Dorothy Parker

The trouble with modern education is you never know how ignorant people are. — Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh 

Patience – A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue. — The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce 

‘Matteo’s not that type of Italian,’ replies Fraser. ‘He’s more the sort you come across in southern cities like Bari and Pescara, dragging an Alsatian around by a tattered piece of string.’ — Necropolis by Guy Portman

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen. — The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams