15 Bizarre Books
I am fascinated by bizarre books, and have devoted numerous blog posts to the subject in recent years. This week’s post consists of some of the highlights. Here are 15 books that I consider to be bizarre. I have added pithy comments/fictitious dialogue below each.
This 50,000+ word lipogram novel claims not to use the letter e.
How many e’s can you spot on the front cover?
Who would have thought nuclear war could be so much fun.
How To Make Your Own Dolls For Pleasure And Profit
The highly unimaginative front cover makes me suspicious as to Schauffler’s doll making abilities, be they for pleasure or profit.
How to Disappear Completely and Never Be Found
Would you trust the author to make you disappear when he can’t spell disappear?
Why cats paint? Boredom mostly. Playing with balls of string and toying with mice can only keep them entertained so long.
How To Talk To Your Cat About Gun Safety
Owner: Yes Tiddles, approach the gun like that.
Tiddles: Meow, meow, purr.
Owner: That is the safety switch. Do not turn it off. No!
Tiddles: Meow, hiss!
Owner: Not the trigger. NOOO!
Bang!
Dating for Under a Dollar: 301 Ideas
Go to McDonald’s with your date and order a grilled onion cheddar burger from the dollar menu, then pull out 99c and plead until they let you off the 1c. Now cut the burger in 2 and give her/him half, but with all the onions.
Date: ‘All the onions? That’s so kind. Are you sure?’
You: ‘Yes I’m sure. Now eat them before I change my mind.’
For those of us who spreading it on our toast is not enough.
Brimming with helpful tips from Argentine sailors.
Latawnya, the Naughty Horse, Learns to Say “No” to Drugs
This is how I imagine Latawnya the Naughty Horse learns how to say ‘No’ to drugs.
Someone walks into Latawnya’s stable holding some drugs.
Person: ‘Hi Latawnya you naughty horse, would you like some drugs?’
Latawnya: ‘Neighhhh.’
‘Let’s try that again shall we. Would you like some drugs?’
‘Neighhhh.’
‘Would you like some drugs?’
‘Neighhhno.’
Latawyna has learnt to say no to drugs. Have you?
How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack
You mean to tell me that gnomes are not only the height of bad taste, they also attack.
Collectible Spoons of the 3rd Reich
Not interested. I only collect 3rd Reich forks.
Read the instructions on the back of the packet, place food item in microwave, set time and press start. When microwave makes a beeping noise remove food.
There are books written millennia ago that have dated better than this.
What ludicrous garments.
