October | 2018 | Guy Portman's Blog

16 Quotes About The Future

Oct 26 2018

My new book is being unleashed on the world, on November 22nd. Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future will appeal to fans of satire and dark humour. As the title suggests, it is about the future. I will be releasing more information over the forthcoming weeks.

In the build-up to the big day, I will be focusing on all things future. Today’s post is dedicated to quotes about the future. Many of these are amusing, others thought-provoking, and some both.

Here are 16 quotes about the future:

‘The future you have, tomorrow, won’t be the same future you had, yesterday.’ ― Chuck Palahniuk, Rant

‘The past is always tense, the future perfect.’ ― Zadie Smith

‘It’s amazing how a little tomorrow can make up for a whole lot of yesterday.’ ― John Guare, Landscape of the Body

‘The future is there… looking back at us. Trying to make sense of the fiction we will have become.’ ― William Gibson, Pattern Recognition

‘You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you’ll escape one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.’ ― John Green, Looking for Alaska

‘Study the past if you would define the future.’ ― Confucius

‘The future is uncertain but the end is always near.’ ― Jim Morrison

‘When did the future switch from being a promise to being a threat?’ ― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

‘I never think of the future – it comes soon enough.’ ― Albert Einstein

‘People were always getting ready for tomorrow. I didn’t believe in that. Tomorrow wasn’t getting ready for them. It didn’t even know they were there.’ ― Cormac McCarthy, The Road

‘The future came and went in the mildly discouraging way that futures do.’ ―
Neil Gaiman, Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

‘The past is made out of facts… I guess the future is just hope.’ ― Isaac Marion, Warm Bodies

‘I am an optimist. Anyone interested in the future has to be otherwise he would simply shoot himself.’ ― Arthur C. Clarke

‘Tomorrow belongs to those who can hear it coming.’ ― David Bowie

‘The future is already here – it’s just not evenly distributed.’ ― William Gibson

‘The future may not be bright but it’s hilarious.’ ― Tomorrow’s World (Press Release)

Click here to see Tomorrow’s World Goodreads page.

8 Books That Made Me Laugh

Oct 19 2018

This week’s post is devoted to some more highlights from my bizarre books series. Here are 8 books that made me laugh. Well, I haven’t read any of them, but just looking at them makes me laugh.

Managing a Dental Practice: The Genghis Khan Way

dental

If the client complains behead them. Then impale the head on a pike. Don’t forget to polish their teeth first.

We Never Went To The Moon

Moon

Author: ‘Do you believe NASA of the USA ever set foot on the moon in and after 1969 or do you doubt it?’

‘I can honestly say I’ve never given it any thought. On another subject did you use WordArt to design your front cover? … You did didn’t you.’

Scruples How to Avoid Them

Extreme supplication from the looks of things.

The Christian Life is Exciting

The front cover fails to give that impression.

Helping The Retarded To Know God

And the winner of the most offensive book title is…

It’s Not Going To Get Any Better When You Grow Up

grow-up

Truer words were never spoken.

God’s Masturbation Solution

Penned by M. L. Brown — Reverend and masturbation connoisseur.

Thinking Biblically About The iPod

If there is a more obscure book title out there, I am yet to come across it.

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6 Transgressive Fiction Reading Recommendations

Oct 12 2018

Click on the links to read my reviews.

Wasting Talent by Ryan Leone

Author Ryan Leone utilises innovative writing techniques and a frenetic prose style to weave this graphic story about drug addiction.

My Review: Young guitar virtuoso Damien Cantwell is a member of a band in Southern California. Damian is talented, popular and good looking, but he has a drug problem … (more)

Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk

Haunted is a series of short stories, in which the author explores a variety of themes, including the media-obsessed nature of society.

My Review: Haunted is about a group of writers, who have been assembled by the conniving Mr Whittier to attend a writers group. The location of the retreat is in an isolated theatre with … (more)

Glamorama by Bret Easton Ellis

Glamorama adeptly captures the hedonism of 1990s New York. It is punctuated with numerous pop-culture references.

My Review: Victor Ward aka Victor Johnson is a male model living in 1990s Manhattan. Victor is a vapid, soulless character, obsessed with celebrity culture, who lives an existence that revolves around …(more)

Last Exit to Brooklyn by Hubert Selby Jr.

About: This cult classic contains candid portrayals of numerous taboo topics. Its prose is visceral and frequently frenetic.

My Review: This inter-related collection of six stories are set in 1950s Brooklyn, New York. One revolves around a Benzedrine-scoffing transvestite’s unreciprocated love for a …(more)

Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk

About: The book’s premise, the superficial vanity of the beauty industry, is used to explore the unattractive side of human nature and satirise society in general.

My Review: Shannon McFarland is a catwalk model, who is the centre of attention wherever she goes. That is until she ‘accidentally’ blasts her jaw shot off with a gun whilst driving down …(more)

Knockemstiff by Donald Ray Pollock

About: Knockemstiff is a transgressive compilation of short stories. Their grubby setting, visceral prose and dark humour appealed to this reader.

My Review: These interlinked short stories are set in ‘The Holler’; an impoverished part of Knockemstiff, a real-life Ohioan backwater. ‘The Holler’s’ air is permanently imbued with the stench of …(more)

Books, The Crayfish and Me

Oct 05 2018

I am not a sociable person and I do not receive many visitors, so I was surprised when this one turned up, unannounced at my front door.

He is an American Crayfish. I’m assuming it’s a he, I don’t get female visitors. His visit was all the more surprising considering that there is very little water around here. Initially, I wasn’t aware that he was an American Crayfish, but then the postman arrived and informed me that ‘it’ was, and that American Crayfish are a clear and present danger to our native fauna. Rather like grey squirrels.

On another note, after years of using social media, I have finally decided to include a bio pic of myself, rather than an image from one of my front covers. It feels a bit like being naked in public. Anyway, here it is:

I will be rolling it out to my social media profiles in due course. Now, for a reading update. What with all the writing I have been doing, I haven’t been reading that much of late, but I am poised to embark on two books. The Blade Artist (Transgressive Fiction) and The Butcher (Black Comedy). I will be posting my reviews of them here and on Goodreads.

Just a reminder that my next book, Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future is being released next month (November 22nd). Click here to view its Goodreads page. Have a good weekend.