2019 | Guy Portman's Blog

Fiction, Food & Flooding

Oct 18 2019

The weather here in South East England has been absolutely wretched of late. Relentless rain, day in, day out. Well, we need it; so I’m told. Some of the roads around my way have flooded. Fortunately, last week I finally sold my little car and upgraded to one with 4-wheel drive capabilities, so I should be okay. She’s a Honda. We’re in that honeymoon stage in our relationship, when everything’s perfect.

With all this rain and the impending darkness as winter looms, one seeks solace in sugar. Or at least I do.

And feeding frenzies too. These pork ribs doused in a rich sauce were sumptuous.

In other news, I am finally back in the writing groove, for want of a better expression. Perhaps the writers amongst you are the same as me. When you don’t write for a while, it is difficult to get back into it, until it becomes part of one’s routine once again.

I am also in the process of seeking for reviews for Golgotha (release date: Dec.3) – the third instalment in the Necropolis Trilogy. Like its predecessors, the book can be read as a standalone novel. It promises to be the best part yet.

Will a sociopath get his way?

And I’ve been making time for some reading. Never read Oscar Wilde before. His humour appeals.

You have to make your own entertainment out here in the sticks. Fortunately, I’m an imaginative person. This is me trying to hypnotise my dog with a piece of spaghetti.

One more thing. My satirical book of vignettes is free at all retailers. This is probably where I’m supposed to insert a ‘for a limited time’ clause to persuade you guys to download it right away. Well, the chances are it will be free for a while so there’s no rush. If you were able to download a copy it would be great; if you actually read it even better; and leave a review; well in that case I would be in heaven. Have a good weekend.

Tomorrow’s World links (some of them at any rate) – Amazon US, Amazon UK, Kobo Ca, Kobo UK.

Golgotha Blurb Reveal

Oct 11 2019

My black comedy Golgotha will be unleashed on the world on December 3rd. Today, I am pleased to unveil the blurb, some early endorsements and more besides. The blurb:

You can’t keep a good sociopath down.

Dyson Devereux is languishing in prison awaiting trial for murder. Languishing wouldn’t be so bad were it not for the irksome inmates, crowded conditions and distinct lack of haute cuisine.

Only Alegra, his sometime paramour and frequent visitor, shares his desire to see him released. The problem is, she wants Dyson freed so they can start a new life together. But all Dyson desires is to get back home to his treasured mementos.

As judgement day draws ever closer, can Dyson keep up appearances long enough to win his freedom? And at what cost? For hell hath no fury like a sociopath scorned.

Golgotha is a funny, fast-paced crime comedy novel, boasting a sardonic and sinister sociopath at its helm.

“Sociopathic comedy at its best” — Adam Riley, Comedian

“Deeply dark and irresistibly funny. If you like dark humour, you’ll love watching Dyson unravel” — Sandra Seymour, Author

Golgotha is the final instalment in the Necropolis Trilogy (#1 Necropolis & #2 Sepultura). As is the case with its predecessors, Golgotha can be read as a standalone novel. It will be available as an eBook and paperback.

Golgotha is now available for pre order as an eBook from selected retailers Here are the retailer links – Amazon US, Amazon UK, Kobo US, Kobo UK, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble.

Golgotha has recently been added to Goodreads. Click here to add Golgotha to your to-read list. Have a good weekend.

Dark Humour Books, Culinary Delights & More Besides

Oct 04 2019

This a breakfast I had earlier in the week. It’s called egg hash and I highly recommend it.

As for me I’ve been catching up with some reading of late. I just finished Mother Night by Kurt Vonnegut. I actually preferred this quick read to the author’s seminal work, Slaughterhouse-Five. Next up is this comedy crime caper. I often drink green tea while reading.

These are the books I have left to read in 2019. Some of this pile appeared in one of my recent posts, but it has since had two additions.

For a nation traditionally blighted by substandard instant noodles, these have been a welcome arrival. Not sure what their fate will be in the face of a no-deal Brexit. I guess we’ll find out soon enough.

I am prone to doubling up on chocolate eclairs.

Like Dyson Devereux, the protagonist in the Necropolis Trilogy, I am an avid consumer of Italian delicacies. Amongst those eaten this week were these carciofi (artichokes) and prosciutto wrapped cheese.

Golgotha, the third instalment in my black comedy trilogy, will be released on Dec. 3. It will see the return of the sociopathic Dyson Devereux. Golgotha has just been uploaded to Goodreads. If you could add it to your TBR list, it would be much appreciated.

You can’t keep a good sociopath down.

Golgotha Goodreads link. Have a good weekend.

It’s That Friday Feeling

Sep 27 2019

No, that’s not for you …

It’s been a mixed Friday so far. On the plus side, I ate a delicious chicken wrap from the local Indian restaurant and scrawled out 1k words of what I am tentatively calling my work in progress. On a less positive note, I managed to put a massive crack in my computer screen. Having carried it successfully downstairs, I cracked it when putting it down on my desk. The crack puts in the shade the smaller crack the computer ‘repair’ shop made to it the other day. Considering the hell I gave them for their unprofessionalism, it seems only fair that I give myself a hard time too.

The good news is it still works. Here’s a breakfast I ate earlier in the week. England might have a poor culinary reputation, but you can’t beat English Breakfasts.

Like Dyson Devereux, the protagonist in the Necropolis Trilogy, I am a big fan of Italian delicacies. This week I indulged in a fair few.

These truffles (tartufo) proved to be particularly delicious.

I am also a fan of less sophisticated fare. Take the kebab I was poised to eat last weekend when the doorbell rang. On returning to the kitchen, I discovered my dog had eaten near on all of it save for a piece of tomato.

Is that the time? Best be getting to the supermarket. The fun never stops. Have a good weekend.

Another Week Bites The Dust

Sep 20 2019

It’s Friday again. They sure come around fast. Last week I unveiled the front cover for Golgotha (release: early Dec) the final instalment in my black comedy Necropolis Trilogy. If you missed it, here it is again.

On another subject, today I came across these three Roe deer on my morning walk.

They didn’t seem too alarmed by my dog and I. Evidently they were not aware of how keen on venison we are. Trigga was fixated on this tree in my garden for ages yesterday. Likelihood is a squirrel had gone up it, or it contains a late season pigeon nest.

The garden is still growing pretty quick, and having ignored it for a few weeks, the time has come to get back to work.

What with all the dog walking and gardening, I have been losing weight. So, it’s out with the healthy stuff …

And in with the high calorie fare. You can’t beat vegetable samosas and onion bhajis.

Three chocolate brownies down; two to go.

A book delivery arrived yesterday. It’s a good feeling receiving new books; if you’re a bibliophile like me that is. For the most part, my reading matter currently comprises the genres I write in; namely dark humour and Transgressive Fiction. While Dark Places doesn’t fit into those categories, it is dark fiction. I will be reviewing them here and on Goodreads in due course. All I need now is some bookshelves to store this ever-expanding reading matter.

A reminder that Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future is free at all retailers. My satirical book of vignettes finally received a decent batch of reviews on Amazon US this week. It appears my book is a bit like Marmite. People either love it or hate it.

And that’s it for this week. Have a good weekend. And if your nation is playing in the Rugby World Cup, I wish you the best of luck, unless your from Tonga that is.

Golgotha Cover Reveal

Sep 13 2019

Today, I am pleased to unveil the front cover for my forthcoming black comedy, Golgotha (release date: early December).

I am impressed with the design the team at Ebook Launch came up with. It captures the book’s tone perfectly. Golgotha is the final instalment in the popular Necropolis Trilogy. It will see the return of darkly humorous sociopath Dyson Devereux. I look forward to revealing the blurb and more besides in due course.

The first two instalments in the trilogy are #1 Necropolis & #2 Sepultura.

800 Ratings and Reviews on Goodreads

‘The book (#1) is full of razor-sharp satire’ – Crime Fiction Lover

‘… a magnificent foray into the mind of a sociopath’ – DLS Reviews

‘… a mix between The Office and American Psycho’ – Amazon Reviewer

If you like dark humour you’ll love the Necropolis Trilogy

Retailer Links (eBook & paperback) – Amazon US Amazon UK Kobo US Kobo UK Kobo CA Barnes & Noble Smashwords

Have a good weekend.

Sepultura Has A New Blurb

Sep 06 2019

As many of you are aware, the third instalment in the Necropolis Trilogy will be unleished on the world late this year (date to follow). The darkly humorous Golgotha will see the return of sociopath Dyson Devereux. I look forward to releasing more information in due course.

Today, I am pleased to unveil the new blurb for the second part in the trilogy. Those who have helped me modify the blurb for Sepultura are of the opinion that the new version better describes the book, particularly the conflict which lurks at the heart of it. And I agree with them. Here it is.

A sociopath’s work is never done.

Dyson Devereux is a busy man, with a challenging new job in the council’s Burials and Cemeteries department and a young son. Life should be fine.

But amid the mindless minutiae of his workplace, Dyson is fast losing patience with his crass colleagues and their contemptible clothes. Something’s got to give, and it’s not going to be Dyson.

Because unbeknown to those around him, beneath Dyson’s charming, Italian-delicacy-consuming veneer lurks something sinister. As his personal and professional lives threaten to spiral out of control, how long can Dyson keep his true nature under wraps?

Sepultura is a hilarious black comedy exposing the banality of public-sector bureaucracy.

“Hysterical. Takes dark humour to a whole new level” — Martin Allen, Author of Weed.

“A satirical gem” — Adam Riley, Comedian

Necropolis Trilogy retailer links – Amazon US, Amazon UK, Kobo US, Kobo UK, Kobo Ca

I know comments and likes aren’t functioning properly on this blog presently. I plan to rectify this soon. Have a good weekend.

The Necropolis Trilogy And More Besides

Aug 30 2019

Golgotha, the final instalment in my Necropolis Trilogy, is nearing completion. I am currently working on a blurb, which I look forward to sharing with you in due course. If you haven’t done so already, why not check out the first two darkly humorous offerings in the trilogy? Click here to see my books on Amazon.

What is a sociopath to do?

A sociopath’s work is never done.

I hope you’ve all enjoyed your summer (Northern Hemisphere) visitors. What with all the sun and rain, I have been besieged with gardening. It is now complete; that is until it grows again. This lawn was landscaped a few months back hence why it looks a bit patchy in places. But it’s coming along well, and I look forward to the day when it will be a pristine bowling green.

In other news, I have just finished my thirteenth book of the year – Papillon. The 600 page tome is about a man sentenced to life imprisonment in a penal colony in French Guiana. Review to follow. Perhaps you’ve read it or watched the film it inspired. Next up will be some dark humour. A batch of books are on their way.

My blog’s comments and likes etc. are still not working properly, which is annoying. But I will be migrating to a new website at some point in the not too distant future, so I am not going to try and rectify this fiddly issue for now.

Have a good weekend.

6 Humorous Reading Recommendations

Aug 23 2019

This week I have six humorous reading recommendations for you – five of which I’ve read and one that I have written. Click on the links to read my reviews.

High Fidelity by Nick Hornby

Set in the 1990s, High Fidelity is a wryly humorous, music-themed novel that analyses man’s fixations and foibles.

My Review: Rob is a record shop owner from North London. The thirty-something has just split up with his girlfriend Laura and is now single. He had been …(more)

The Squirrel that Dreamt of Madness by Craig Stone

The Squirrel that Dreamt of Madness is a bizarre and humorous novel about the author’s time spent living homeless in a park.

My Review: The author Craig Stone is becoming increasingly disillusioned with the predictability and banality of his everyday existence. Deciding that it is better to live dreaming than …(more)

Rant by Chuck Palahniuk

Rant challenges our own traditions by demonstrating how we contort our recollection of events in accordance with our desires, motives and beliefs.

My Review: Rant is the oral history of Buster ‘Rant’ Casey, recounted by an array of people including his relations, friends, enemies and lovers. Rant’s childhood companions from the …(more)

Candide by Voltaire

Candide is an eighteenth-century satirical classic that evaluates optimism; the prevailing philosophical ideology of The Enlightenment.

My Review: Brought up in the household of a German baron, cheerful protagonist Candide has been instilled with the philosophy of Leibniz, notably – That all is for the best in this …(more)

Knockemstiff by Donald Ray Pollock

Knockemstiff is a transgressive compilation of short stories. Topics include drugs, drinking, disease and sexual degeneracy.

My Review: These interlinked short stories are set in ‘The Holler’; an impoverished part of Knockemstiff, a real-life Ohioan backwater. ‘The Holler’s’ air is permanently imbued with …(more)

Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales by Guy Portman

This quick read’s subjects encompass manic capitalism, extreme celebrity worship, virtual reality and a grotesquely ageing population. (Free at all retailers – you can also download it through this link)

Daily Squib Review: There’s something about the future that scares the shit out of people a lot, maybe it’s simply the thought of the unknown that affects us with such fear. What possible delights await …(more)

A Free Book & An Update

Aug 16 2019

Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future is now FREE on all retailer sites. Well, I should say permafree – as it’s going to be free for quite some time I suspect. Maybe semipermafree would be the correct term. I digress. For those who don’t know, Tomorrow’s World is a satirical book of vignettes about the future, which will appeal to all dark fiction aficionados. You can download a copy using the link below (Mobi/ePub/PDF). No email is required. Otherwise visit your retailer of choice. Tomorrow’s World is also available as a paperback, but not for free.

Click here to claim your FREE copy of Tomorrow’s World

My forthcoming book, Golgotha, is coming along well. Golgotha is the third instalment in The Necropolis Trilogy. I am currently giving some thought to the blurb.

I am also going to be bringing out a new blurb for part 2 – Sepultura, as it could be improved upon. It is strange how we can be content with something, only at a later date to revisit it and be left with a different impression.

Thank you to those who have been in touch to tell me that my blog is not working properly. Namely, that posts cannot be liked or shared. The reason is the PHP is out of date. I am not going to try and fix it, as this blog will be migrating to a different platform as I mentioned previously. But it is going to take some time for it is a complex procedure, and one that I am incapable of doing on my own. Have a good weekend.

Archive - 2019

Fiction, Food & Flooding

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Golgotha Blurb Reveal

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Dark Humour Books, Culinary Delights & More Besides

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It’s That Friday Feeling

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Another Week Bites The Dust

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Golgotha Cover Reveal

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Sepultura Has A New Blurb

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The Necropolis Trilogy And More Besides

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6 Humorous Reading Recommendations

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A Free Book & An Update

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Archive - 2019

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