April | 2020 | Guy Portman's Blog

Covid-19 & The Great Outdoors

Apr 24 2020

The future has shifted from a promise to a threat. Who knows when this Covid-19 situation is going to blow over. It has to be soon, or the global economy is going to be a train wreck. Well, it is already come to think of it. As for me, I’ve been fortunate in that I can get outside, as I live in the countryside. Not that it’s all been enjoyment. Removing this stump was a living hell. It has been replaced with a hedging plant.

What with the Covid-19 situation, there are some good deals around, especially when it comes to hedging plants and gardening supplies in general it seems.

We’ve been fortunate to have had such glorious weather during lockdown, something you can’t take for granted here in the UK. Walking and unwinding in the woods has been a pleasure.

This tranquil setting (see below) proved to be the ideal place to ease coronavirus-related stress.

There is nothing quite as cathartic as water. Well opiates perhaps. But water is better for one’s health, and wallet.

What with all the gardening and writing I’ve been doing, I haven’t got as much reading done as I hoped. These two books will be devoured soon.

I’ve never considered myself a fan of sake, but this bottle was delicious.

As for book sales, it’s been a torrid period of late though there was a welcome smattering of sales of Necropolis (#1 Necropolis Trilogy) on UK Amazon this week.

Have a good weekend. Take care and stay safe.

Under Lockdown And Looking For Something To Do?

Apr 17 2020

If the answer to the headline is yes, I have a solution for you, albeit a temporary one. My book Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future is FREE on Amazon (Today & Tomorrow).

The future may not be bright but it’s hilarious.

(40,251 words/2.5 hours)

Links: Amazon US, Amazon UK, Amazon CA, Amazon AU

‘The book will certainly have you turning the pages to see what happens next’ – The Daily Squib

‘… in Tomorrow’s World Guy has seen the writing on the wall. And it’s in emojis’ – Adam Riley (comedian)

Like all great visionary satires, the book takes our current foibles and obsessions to their logical, gruesome and absurd conclusions. And it’ll make you laugh out loud along the way.

‘I binge watched Black Mirror a while back and that show was ‘Dark Humour’ very much in the same vein’ – Goodreads Reviewer

Links: Amazon US, Amazon UK, Amazon CA, Amazon AU

Let’s hope this Covid-19 induced lockdown blows over soon and everything returns to normal. Normal might not have been great but it beats this. Take care and stay safe.

Virtual Easter Egg Hunts, Easter Coronavirus Bunnies & More.

Apr 10 2020

Lent officially ended yesterday, but what with the coronavirus lockdown being extended it is going to run for a little while longer yet.

In other news, the Easter Bunny has had a makeover.

Kinder eggs are great, but I for one have had enough surprises this year.

Self-isolation and Easter eggs hunts aren’t an ideal combination, unless one has amnesia. Fortunately there is a solution – virtual Easter egg hunts. Presumably, the fun is all in the hunt. A bit like fox hunting when the fox bit was banned. After all virtual Easter eggs can’t be that appetising though I hear anorexics love them.

If you’re interested in setting up your own virtual Easter egg hunt, you can find instructions through this link. (Tip: Unless you want to get egg on your face do not use FaceTime for hunts involving more than ten people. Use Skype).

And the Easter fun doesn’t end with virtual Easter egg hunts. For the first time this Easter, virtual church services are taking place. Here in the UK, the Archbishop of Canterbury is due to lead the first virtual Church of England service. Combining church with a Sunday sleep-in certainly appeals more than turning up in person. None the less I think I’ll give it a miss.

And then there’s the virtual church service slash virtual Easter egg hunt. One has to locate the hidden eggs in various places in the church – (cloisters, congregations’ handbags etc.) in a clandestine manner, so as not to incur the wrath of the pastor, parishioners and God himself who will not hesitate in vanquishing you with a lightening bolt, if he notices you disrespecting his special day by scurrying around looking for eggs. I made that up; but it’s got promise.

Jokes aside, there seems little doubt that the coronavirus pandemic is giving us a sneak preview of the future. Everything will be going virtual in due course. That is my prediction in Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future (99c/99p on Amazon). If you’re not too busy with your virtual shenanigans this Easter, you might enjoy it.

‘This book will certainly have you turning the pages to see what happens next …’ – The Daily Squib

Tomorrow’s World is … a plea to put down the VR headset and experience life directly. Because nothing lasts forever.

Coronavirus: Weathering The Storm

Apr 03 2020

Much of the world is in coronavirus lockdown. Over the course of the last week, matters have only got worse. America is now being ravaged by the virus, and in India migrant workers have been controversially sprayed with disinfectant in an effort to stop the spread of Covid-19. We’re all hoping matters improve quickly, or many of us will be facing destitution.

One of my blog visitors has asked me to share his infographic (see link below) – ‘Weathering The Storm’. It contains useful tips on how to deal with lockdown, and some ideas on how to spend one’s time – many of us have a lot more of it after all. Prior to familiarising myself with this infographic, I was not aware that famous museums the world over are offering virtual tours. If you’ve ever wanted to visit Seoul’s National Museum of Modern and Contemporary Art, you can now do so from the comfort of your living room. It’s the only way in fact.

Infograpic-1 Download

As for me, I’ve been using the opportunity to clear the garden. Exhausting, satisfying, never-ending toil is how it could best be described.