July | 2020 | Guy Portman's Blog

The Summerhouse, The Gazebo & A One Day Heatwave.

Jul 31 2020

Recently, I have been feeling less like a writer and more like a labourer slash handyman, albeit one with dire DIY skills. It seemed that no sooner had I finished removing and burning a leylandii hedge than it was time to varnish the summerhouse. It took my friend and I twenty-two hours to put two coats on the exterior and one inside. There are just so many multiple-sided bits jutting out all over it, and the windows took an eternity to do.

Once the electricity is sorted, I will start using it as my office. That is the summerhouse dealt with, now for The Gazebo. The front cover is currently being designed and I look forward to unveiling it soon. The Gazebo consists of two darkly humorous stories. It is my seventh book.

The below is me posing with a honeysuckle, which is going to make a tree stump outside my front door more ascetically pleasing. That is the plan anyway.

It had been several decades since I saw a snake here in the UK. I stumbled across this grass snake on a walk the other day.

There is a one-day heatwave taking place today in much of the country. It feels like Chad out there. The temperature is currently 34C (93.2F). My dog has been seeking shade, as have I.

Hope you are all enjoying the hot weather, if you have hot weather that is. Have a great weekend.

My Book To Be Published In German

Jul 24 2020

I am excited to announce that my third book, Symbiosis, is to be published in Germany. Festa Verlag, a Leipzig-based publisher believe that my psychological offering will appeal to their readers. They have acquired the German-language rights and Symbiosis will be released in German next spring.

Symbiosis is a psychological thriller of sorts. The book does not contain as much dark humour as my other offerings. It is about identical twins. If you haven’t come across it before here is the blurb:

Identical twins Talulah and Taliah have never been apart. Viewed as curiosities by children and adults alike, they coexist in an insular world with their own secret language. But being identical doesn’t necessarily mean being equal …

Soon a series of momentous events will send Talulah and Taliah spiralling out of control, setting them on a collision course with a society that views them as two parts of a whole. Will their symbiotic relationship survive?

Perceptive and poignant, Symbiosis explores our enduring fascination with twins and the complexities of twinship.

Symbiosis Goodreads Link

I look forward to seeing the German version of Symbiosis. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to read it as I only know about twenty words of German.

Darkly Humorous Fiction, Carb-Free Feasts & Arachnids

Jul 17 2020

This week people have been helping me polish the blurb for my forthcoming book – The Gazebo (Release date: Tues, Sep.1). It’s a little way off but I want to try and get it to some reviewers a month or so before it comes out, and the front cover is still being designed. I shared the blurb in progress last week. Here is the completed version:

Two men’s lives are about to implode. Can they save themselves before it’s too late?

The Gazebo: A husband’s lustful behaviour is out of control. If his wife finds out, there’ll be hell to pay – and she is on to him. Calamity looms in this warped tale featuring an unusual fetish and a gazebo.

The Curse: They warned him to steer clear of the Transylvanian temptress, but entrepreneur Theo couldn’t resist her charms. Now he’s up to his neck in trouble. Could it be the death of him?

These turbulent romps merge domestic disaster with caustic comedy to devastating effect. If you like dark humour, you’ll relish these stories about desire and deception.

Here is a picture of a carb-free feast I had earlier in the week.

What with my new summerhouse, I will finally be able to get some bookshelves to house my books. Here is some of my homeless humorous fiction collection. Most are of the dark humour variety.

Last night I had a bedtime companion – a rarity these days.

This morning I came across these two deer on my morning walk. Fortunately, my dog obeyed my command, ‘Leave it!’ because the Roe buck on the left appeared quite feisty.

I hear that pesky bug is still about. Stay well, keep safe and have a good weekend.

A Gazebo, A Summerhouse & Black Comedy

Jul 10 2020

This week I’ve been working on my new book – The Gazebo. Here are some details:

Two men’s lives are about to implode. Can they save themselves before it’s too late?

The Gazebo: A husband’s peculiar lust is out of control. If his wife finds out, there’ll be hell to pay – and she is on to him. Calamity looms in this warped tale featuring an unusual fetish and a gazebo.

The Curse: They warned him to steer clear of the Transylvanian temptress, but entrepreneur Theo couldn’t resist her charms. Now he’s up to his neck in trouble.

The Gazebo will be released late summer.

That is not a gazebo, it’s a summerhouse that has just been erected in my garden. It is going to be my office. There is still a fair bit of work to do – roof covering, insulation, electrics, patio and varnishing. Hopefully, it will be up and running in a month or so. I picked it up discounted due to the Covid-19 crisis. It’s proven to be an absolute nightmare for the builders as a lot of the pieces did not come cut to size.

Here’s my dog Trigga having a snooze on his favourite chair. It’s strange because there’s a big sofa next to it, but he prefers being cramped in his familiar chair.

I have been eating a fair bit of watermelon of late. No, that’s not my bowl. As I can’t get through half a watermelon on my own, I need help.

What with Lockdown relaxing, I imagine some of you are getting out and about a bit more. Last weekend I visited family for the first time in ages. This beef bourguignon was Sunday lunch.

Have a good weekend.

Humorous Fiction and A New Toy

Jul 03 2020

You know when you have no luck with something. It could be anything – but in my case it’s brush cutters amongst other things. I started off with the cheapest I could find. It weighed the same as an Atlas stone from World’s Strongest Man, and the engine overheated and switched itself off every two minutes. I then bought a Kawasaki which was pretty good until it wasn’t. As repairing it was proving to be a big undertaking, I upgraded this week to the Ferrari of brush cutters – a Stihl FS70. It cost an arm and a leg, but I am hoping it will be just what the doctor ordered. I will be taking it out for a test run soon.

Here’s my dog posing with his new tennis ball in my mown, but not brush cut garden.

I just got him this 2kg bag of charcoal dog biscuits from Amazon. What did we do before Amazon came on the scene? Surely life was less convenient. They might come in for a lot of criticism, but I for one am somewhat dependent on them.

My seventh book is currently being proofread. The Gazebo is a darkly humorous quick read, consisting of two stories.

Story One: Lust threatens to go horribly wrong in a tale featuring an unusual fetish and a gazebo.

Story Two: When an entrepreneur falls for a temptress, his life rapidly spirals out of control.

A lot of people have been getting a fair bit of reading done over Lockdown. I’ve done some, but not as much as many from the sound of things. Of late, my book choices have been somewhat eclectic. But I’m going to stick with my genre, humorous fiction, for a while. My next two reads will be: