2020 | Guy Portman's Blog

The Gazebo: Check Out The Front Cover.

Aug 07 2020

Today, I am pleased to unveil the front cover for The Gazebo, my forthcoming darkly humorous work of fiction. Release date: September 1st.

Hope you like it as much as I do. The colour scheme and contrast is I believe appealing. Purple is a luxurious colour and an appropriate one for a darkly humorous read. The designer has done an excellent job with the depiction of the gazebo, which is a sinister presence in the first of the two stories.

The Gazebo is my seventh book. It will be available in eBook and paperback form. It is a quick, humorous and memorable read. The plan is to offer it at a discount for a short time, probably 99p/99c.

Here is the back matter:

It is searing hot here today and feels like Chad out there. Have a great weekend.

Click here to see my Goodreads Author Page.

The Summerhouse, The Gazebo & A One Day Heatwave.

Jul 31 2020

Recently, I have been feeling less like a writer and more like a labourer slash handyman, albeit one with dire DIY skills. It seemed that no sooner had I finished removing and burning a leylandii hedge than it was time to varnish the summerhouse. It took my friend and I twenty-two hours to put two coats on the exterior and one inside. There are just so many multiple-sided bits jutting out all over it, and the windows took an eternity to do.

Once the electricity is sorted, I will start using it as my office. That is the summerhouse dealt with, now for The Gazebo. The front cover is currently being designed and I look forward to unveiling it soon. The Gazebo consists of two darkly humorous stories. It is my seventh book.

The below is me posing with a honeysuckle, which is going to make a tree stump outside my front door more ascetically pleasing. That is the plan anyway.

It had been several decades since I saw a snake here in the UK. I stumbled across this grass snake on a walk the other day.

There is a one-day heatwave taking place today in much of the country. It feels like Chad out there. The temperature is currently 34C (93.2F). My dog has been seeking shade, as have I.

Hope you are all enjoying the hot weather, if you have hot weather that is. Have a great weekend.

My Book To Be Published In German

Jul 24 2020

I am excited to announce that my third book, Symbiosis, is to be published in Germany. Festa Verlag, a Leipzig-based publisher believe that my psychological offering will appeal to their readers. They have acquired the German-language rights and Symbiosis will be released in German next spring.

Symbiosis is a psychological thriller of sorts. The book does not contain as much dark humour as my other offerings. It is about identical twins. If you haven’t come across it before here is the blurb:

Identical twins Talulah and Taliah have never been apart. Viewed as curiosities by children and adults alike, they coexist in an insular world with their own secret language. But being identical doesn’t necessarily mean being equal …

Soon a series of momentous events will send Talulah and Taliah spiralling out of control, setting them on a collision course with a society that views them as two parts of a whole. Will their symbiotic relationship survive?

Perceptive and poignant, Symbiosis explores our enduring fascination with twins and the complexities of twinship.

Symbiosis Goodreads Link

I look forward to seeing the German version of Symbiosis. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to read it as I only know about twenty words of German.

Darkly Humorous Fiction, Carb-Free Feasts & Arachnids

Jul 17 2020

This week people have been helping me polish the blurb for my forthcoming book – The Gazebo (Release date: Tues, Sep.1). It’s a little way off but I want to try and get it to some reviewers a month or so before it comes out, and the front cover is still being designed. I shared the blurb in progress last week. Here is the completed version:

Two men’s lives are about to implode. Can they save themselves before it’s too late?

The Gazebo: A husband’s lustful behaviour is out of control. If his wife finds out, there’ll be hell to pay – and she is on to him. Calamity looms in this warped tale featuring an unusual fetish and a gazebo.

The Curse: They warned him to steer clear of the Transylvanian temptress, but entrepreneur Theo couldn’t resist her charms. Now he’s up to his neck in trouble. Could it be the death of him?

These turbulent romps merge domestic disaster with caustic comedy to devastating effect. If you like dark humour, you’ll relish these stories about desire and deception.

Here is a picture of a carb-free feast I had earlier in the week.

What with my new summerhouse, I will finally be able to get some bookshelves to house my books. Here is some of my homeless humorous fiction collection. Most are of the dark humour variety.

Last night I had a bedtime companion – a rarity these days.

This morning I came across these two deer on my morning walk. Fortunately, my dog obeyed my command, ‘Leave it!’ because the Roe buck on the left appeared quite feisty.

I hear that pesky bug is still about. Stay well, keep safe and have a good weekend.

A Gazebo, A Summerhouse & Black Comedy

Jul 10 2020

This week I’ve been working on my new book – The Gazebo. Here are some details:

Two men’s lives are about to implode. Can they save themselves before it’s too late?

The Gazebo: A husband’s peculiar lust is out of control. If his wife finds out, there’ll be hell to pay – and she is on to him. Calamity looms in this warped tale featuring an unusual fetish and a gazebo.

The Curse: They warned him to steer clear of the Transylvanian temptress, but entrepreneur Theo couldn’t resist her charms. Now he’s up to his neck in trouble.

The Gazebo will be released late summer.

That is not a gazebo, it’s a summerhouse that has just been erected in my garden. It is going to be my office. There is still a fair bit of work to do – roof covering, insulation, electrics, patio and varnishing. Hopefully, it will be up and running in a month or so. I picked it up discounted due to the Covid-19 crisis. It’s proven to be an absolute nightmare for the builders as a lot of the pieces did not come cut to size.

Here’s my dog Trigga having a snooze on his favourite chair. It’s strange because there’s a big sofa next to it, but he prefers being cramped in his familiar chair.

I have been eating a fair bit of watermelon of late. No, that’s not my bowl. As I can’t get through half a watermelon on my own, I need help.

What with Lockdown relaxing, I imagine some of you are getting out and about a bit more. Last weekend I visited family for the first time in ages. This beef bourguignon was Sunday lunch.

Have a good weekend.

Humorous Fiction and A New Toy

Jul 03 2020

You know when you have no luck with something. It could be anything – but in my case it’s brush cutters amongst other things. I started off with the cheapest I could find. It weighed the same as an Atlas stone from World’s Strongest Man, and the engine overheated and switched itself off every two minutes. I then bought a Kawasaki which was pretty good until it wasn’t. As repairing it was proving to be a big undertaking, I upgraded this week to the Ferrari of brush cutters – a Stihl FS70. It cost an arm and a leg, but I am hoping it will be just what the doctor ordered. I will be taking it out for a test run soon.

Here’s my dog posing with his new tennis ball in my mown, but not brush cut garden.

I just got him this 2kg bag of charcoal dog biscuits from Amazon. What did we do before Amazon came on the scene? Surely life was less convenient. They might come in for a lot of criticism, but I for one am somewhat dependent on them.

My seventh book is currently being proofread. The Gazebo is a darkly humorous quick read, consisting of two stories.

Story One: Lust threatens to go horribly wrong in a tale featuring an unusual fetish and a gazebo.

Story Two: When an entrepreneur falls for a temptress, his life rapidly spirals out of control.

A lot of people have been getting a fair bit of reading done over Lockdown. I’ve done some, but not as much as many from the sound of things. Of late, my book choices have been somewhat eclectic. But I’m going to stick with my genre, humorous fiction, for a while. My next two reads will be:

Have a good weekend.

6 Dark Fiction Reading Recommendations

Jun 26 2020

There is nothing to report this week, so it is back to my bread and butter – reading recommendations. Here are six dark fiction books worth reading, if you haven’t done so already. Click on the links to read my reviews:

Novel with Cocaine

Novel with Cocaine is a nihilistic account of adolescence and addiction.

My Review: Set in the years immediately before and after the Russian Revolution, Novel with Cocaine follows the life of Vadim, a Moscow adolescent and …(more)

Rashōmon and Seventeen Other Stories

A sense of doom and despair permeates this somewhat disparate assemblage.

My Review: The book, which is divided into four parts, begins with the sinister tale Rashōmon. Set during the Heian era, it sees a confrontation between …(more)

In Wolves’ Clothing

This first-person transgressive work features a member of an anti-child trafficking organisation.

My Review: Zero Slade is a member of an anti-child sex trafficking organisation. The role entails infiltrating the industry by masquerading as
high-rolling sex …(more)

Heart of Darkness

Heart of Darkness is a multi-layered story about what can occur when man exists outside of civilisation’s constraints.

My Review: Heart of Darkness is a novella about a steamship sailing up a river through the jungles of The Congo, in search of Mr Kurtz, a mysterious ivory trader, who has reportedly …(more)

In Cold Blood

Capote’s seminal work is a reconstruction of the real life murders of a family.

My Review: The story reconstructs the real life murders of a Kansas farmer, his wife and teenaged children. The Clutters, as they are referred to in the book, are a popular …(more)

Less Than Zero

Less Than Zero is about a privileged and disturbed group of L.A. youngsters.

My Review: Set in nineteen-eighties Los Angeles, the story follows eighteen-year-old Clay, returned home for Christmas from college in New Hampshire. Clay immediately …(more)

Gardening, Beer, Reading & Lockdown Easing.

Jun 19 2020

Lockdown restrictions are beginning to ease and it seems things are returning to normal. This was made clear to me when I went to the supermarket this week and came across these Kleenex Originals. They are the first I’d seen in months. Was beginning to think Kleenex Originals had gone the same way as the dodo and woolly mammoth.

And that wasn’t the end of the supermarket’s pleasant surprises. This box of twenty-four Moretti was a mere twenty-three quid. What a deal.

I decided to make a daytrip of it, and also went to the gardening tool shop in addition to the supermarket. The protective shield bit had broken off on my brush cutter, and the lid for the scart socket keeps coming off, which has resulted in me getting sporadic electric shocks. A potentially catastrophic combination.

It transpires that it needs a new blade too. This is why cutting the garden has turned into a fulltime occupation. I had put it down to inefficiency on my part.

As for reading, I have just started a new book. This fiction writer needs a non fiction fix once in a while. It is proving to be interesting , but long.

Green tea and a Twix are an agreeable combination.

So is standard tea and a chocolate éclair.

Right, time to get going. My dog is waiting for his walk.

I’ve left Trigga out in the garden to scare off the pigeons. They keep eating my grass seed. Have a good weekend.

A Gazebo, A Reading Recommendation, and Lockdown Haircuts.

Jun 12 2020

I finally had enough of waiting for hairdressers to reopen and shaved my head. You’ll have to take my word for it; it looks bad.

Of late, it has been unusually dry in the South of England. The heavens have just opened however. My new, threadbare lawn could certainly do with some water.

Having a dog is useful, in that he/she can help out when one has too much food in stock. There was no way I was going to be able to eat a whole melon on my own.

Here is my dog Trigga taking his siesta.

I imagine some of you are getting quite a bit of reading done during Lockdown. My current read is:

I am very impressed with this female character driven novel, and I look forward to reviewing it in the review section of my blog in due course.

As mentioned previously, I have been getting a lot of writing done during Lockdown.

My seventh book is currently with beta readers. The Gazebo is a tautly written, darkly humorous quick read, consisting of two stories.

Story One: British middle-aged lust threatens to go horribly wrong in a tale featuring an unusual fetish and a gazebo.

Story Two: When a wealthy English entrepreneur falls for a Transylvanian temptress, his life rapidly spirals out of control.

I look forward to revealing more soon. Have a good weekend.

Click here to view My Goodreads Author Page.

5 Dark Humour Books You Might Like

Jun 05 2020

Without further ado, here they are. Click on the links to read my reviews.

Choke by Chuck Palahniuk

Choke is in essence a social commentary about our innate craving for attention and the fundamental nature of addiction.

My Review: The protagonist, Victor Mancini, is a sex addict employed at an eighteenth-century historical re-enactment park. Victor attends various sexual addiction support groups, where he …(more)

Skagboys by Irvine Welsh

Skagboys is a work of Transgressive Fiction whose main focus is many of its characters increasing obsession with heroin.

My Review: Skagboys is the prequel to Trainspotting. Its colourful, mostly young characters hail from the Edinburgh port suburb of Leith. There is the bookish, unambitious …(more)

Spencer’s Risk by Andy Greenhalgh

Spencer’s Risk is a third person, thespian-themed work that offers an authentic insight into the mind of a compulsive gambler.

My Review: Spencer Leyton’s life is spiralling downhill. He has split from his wife, is virtually estranged from his kids, his career is in tatters, and he has a serious …(more)

Mother Night by Kurt Vonnegut

Mother Night is a concise, ambiguous morality tale brimming with satirical observations and darkly humorous details.

My Review: During WWII, Howard W. Campbell was a prominent Nazi propagandist. Now he is languishing in an Israeli prison awaiting trial for war crimes …(more)

Women by Charles Bukowski

The concise, visceral story follows the exploits of ageing lowlife and Bukowski alter ego, Henry Chinaski.

My Review: Fat, ugly fifty-something Henry Chinaski is a degenerate drinker, gambler and womaniser residing in downtrodden East Hollywood.
After a lifetime spent toiling in …(more)

Archive - 2020

The Gazebo: Check Out The Front Cover.

Like this:

The Summerhouse, The Gazebo & A One Day Heatwave.

Like this:

My Book To Be Published In German

Like this:

Darkly Humorous Fiction, Carb-Free Feasts & Arachnids

Like this:

A Gazebo, A Summerhouse & Black Comedy

Like this:

Humorous Fiction and A New Toy

Like this:

6 Dark Fiction Reading Recommendations

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Gardening, Beer, Reading & Lockdown Easing.

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A Gazebo, A Reading Recommendation, and Lockdown Haircuts.

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5 Dark Humour Books You Might Like

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Archive - 2020

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