Black Comedy | Guy Portman's Blog

A Gazebo, A Summerhouse & Black Comedy

Jul 10 2020

This week I’ve been working on my new book – The Gazebo. Here are some details:

Two men’s lives are about to implode. Can they save themselves before it’s too late?

The Gazebo: A husband’s peculiar lust is out of control. If his wife finds out, there’ll be hell to pay – and she is on to him. Calamity looms in this warped tale featuring an unusual fetish and a gazebo.

The Curse: They warned him to steer clear of the Transylvanian temptress, but entrepreneur Theo couldn’t resist her charms. Now he’s up to his neck in trouble.

The Gazebo will be released late summer.

That is not a gazebo, it’s a summerhouse that has just been erected in my garden. It is going to be my office. There is still a fair bit of work to do – roof covering, insulation, electrics, patio and varnishing. Hopefully, it will be up and running in a month or so. I picked it up discounted due to the Covid-19 crisis. It’s proven to be an absolute nightmare for the builders as a lot of the pieces did not come cut to size.

Here’s my dog Trigga having a snooze on his favourite chair. It’s strange because there’s a big sofa next to it, but he prefers being cramped in his familiar chair.

I have been eating a fair bit of watermelon of late. No, that’s not my bowl. As I can’t get through half a watermelon on my own, I need help.

What with Lockdown relaxing, I imagine some of you are getting out and about a bit more. Last weekend I visited family for the first time in ages. This beef bourguignon was Sunday lunch.

Have a good weekend.

Under Lockdown And Looking For Something To Do?

Apr 17 2020

If the answer to the headline is yes, I have a solution for you, albeit a temporary one. My book Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future is FREE on Amazon (Today & Tomorrow).

The future may not be bright but it’s hilarious.

(40,251 words/2.5 hours)

Links: Amazon US, Amazon UK, Amazon CA, Amazon AU

‘The book will certainly have you turning the pages to see what happens next’ – The Daily Squib

‘… in Tomorrow’s World Guy has seen the writing on the wall. And it’s in emojis’ – Adam Riley (comedian)

Like all great visionary satires, the book takes our current foibles and obsessions to their logical, gruesome and absurd conclusions. And it’ll make you laugh out loud along the way.

‘I binge watched Black Mirror a while back and that show was ‘Dark Humour’ very much in the same vein’ – Goodreads Reviewer

Links: Amazon US, Amazon UK, Amazon CA, Amazon AU

Let’s hope this Covid-19 induced lockdown blows over soon and everything returns to normal. Normal might not have been great but it beats this. Take care and stay safe.

The Necropolis Trilogy Box Set

Feb 14 2020

Today, I am pleased to unveil the Necropolis Trilogy Box Set. My hope is that its vibrant colours will prove as irresistible to dark humour crime readers as the bright feathers used to lure mackerel.

Initially, the box set will be for eBook only. The individual books that make up my black comedy trilogy will continue to also be offered in paperback form.

In other news, the 19 free crime books offer I introduced last week is still running. The offer includes Necropolis; the first instalment in my darkly humorous crime trilogy.

800+ Ratings for the Necropolis Trilogy on Goodreads

‘The book is full of razor-sharp satire’ – Crime Fiction Lover

‘… a magnificent foray into the mind of a sociopath’ – DLS Reviews

Have a good weekend.

Necropolis: New Front Cover and Blurb Reveal

Jan 24 2020

Today, I am pleased to unveil the new front cover and blurb for Necropolis – part one in the recently completed Necropolis Trilogy. Initially, when the darkly humorous crime novel was released back in 2014, I was satisfied with the front cover the designer came up with. But, I recently came to the conclusion that not enough was going on with it and that it was too simple to draw readers in; in the droves at any rate. My feeling is the new cover better encapsulates the book’s content especially when viewed as a thumbnail, which is how prospective buyers will generally view the thing. Here is the new cover:

Necropolis’ blurb also required a makeover. Fortunately, friend, stand-up comedian and sometime copywriter Adam Riley came up with a much improved version. With any luck readers will approve.

The new blurb:

Have a good weekend.

A New Decade

Jan 03 2020

Happy New Year. Some of you will have over-indulged on turkey, alcohol and/or mince pies this Christmas. For me, my poison was Stilton. Never thought I’d say it, but I am sick to death of the stuff.

Most of us have plans and resolutions for the forthcoming year, and I am no exception. With regards my writing, I am planning to have my recently completed darkly humorous Necropolis Trilogy turned into a bundle (3 books in 1) – paperback and kindle. There will also be a new front cover for part 1: Necropolis. Sales have picked up slightly of late, and I am hoping 2020 will be a bumper year.

As for new books, I am planning to release three novella length, darkly humorous satires this year. Ambitious but certainly doable. I look forward to revealing more in due course.

And as for reading, I have some books lined up that I can’t wait to read. Although an eclectic reader, my primary staple is dark humour and Transgressive fiction; the genres I write in.

This book doesn’t fit in those categories, but I got it for Christmas and it looks intriguing. The Rapture is about a cult.

2019 saw me discover a new author – Cormac McCarthy. I find his writing to be dark, bleak and profound. Next up will be:

And there will be at least one Irvine Welsh book in there this year. I am thinking:

That’s it for today. Happy New Decade.

Black Comedies, Book Reviews & More Besides

Dec 13 2019

It’s been nearly a week and a half since Golgotha, the final instalment in The Necropolis Trilogy, was unleashed on the world. The reviews have been impressive. Sales have not. But, on a positive note the release appears to have generated some interest in the first instalment in the darkly humorous trilogy – Necropolis. Early next year, I am planning to bring out a box set. There are already 10 glowing testimonials for Golgotha on Goodreads. Click here to read them.

On another subject, how’s your Christmas shopping going? It is said there are two types of people in this world – those who buy their Xmas presents early, and those who do it last minute. I fall into the former category. Before you say anything, this Pokemon duvet cover set isn’t for me, it’s for a young relative.

I have one more book to read in order to complete my modest Goodreads 2019 challenge of twenty books. This is it.

This weekend I’ll be catching up with my book reviews. It’s a real labour of love writing them, as it is a time-consuming business. However, I am of the firm belief that forcing myself to write succinct book reviews has improved my writing in general.

It hasn’t all been hard work. Here is a Five Guys I had earlier this week.

The below is called breakfast hash. Highly recommended, and a pleasant change from the standard English Breakfast.

I haven’t been the only one spoiling myself.

Have a good weekend.

Launch of Golgotha

Dec 06 2019

Golgotha had its launch earlier this week. The reviews for my darkly humorous crime novel have been glowing so far. There are already eight on Goodreads, and they are starting to filter through to Amazon too. If you like dark humour, you’ll love Golgotha.

Here are some of the retailer links (eBook & paperback): Amazon UK, Amazon US, Amazon Ca, Kobo UK, & Goodreads

And here is a reminder about the book.

You can’t keep a good sociopath down.

Dyson Devereux is languishing in prison awaiting trial for murder. Languishing wouldn’t be so bad were it not for the irksome inmates, crowded conditions and distinct lack of haute cuisine.

Only Alegra, his sometime paramour and frequent visitor, shares his desire to see him released. The problem is, she wants Dyson freed so they can start a new life together. But all Dyson desires is to get back home to his treasured mementos.

As judgement day draws ever closer, can Dyson keep up appearances long enough to win his freedom? And at what cost? For hell hath no fury like a sociopath scorned.

Golgotha is a funny, fast-paced crime comedy novel, boasting a sardonic and sinister sociopath at its helm.

“Sociopathic comedy at its best” — Adam Riley, Comedian

“Deeply dark and irresistibly funny. If you like dark humour, you’ll love watching Dyson unravel” — Sandra Seymour, Author

‘A devilishly wry read …’ – Goodreads Reviewer

‘A brilliant unpredictable end’ – Goodreads Reviewer

Golgotha is the final instalment in the Necropolis Trilogy (#1 Necropolis & #2 Sepultura). As is the case with its predecessors, Golgotha can be read as a standalone novel.

Here is a short (467 word) extract, which I feel encapsulates the book’s dark tone. Click here to read it. Have a great weekend.

Necropolis Is On Sale – 99p/99c

Nov 22 2019

In the build up to the release of Golgotha (Dec. 03) and for a limited time (Today & Tomorrow), Necropolis is only 99p/99c (usual price: £2.99/$3.39). Available at all major retailers – Amazon US, Amazon UK, Barnes & Noble, Kobo & all the others. As is the case with the further instalments in my black comedy trilogy (#2 Sepultura & #3 Golgotha) #1 Necropolis can be read as a standalone novel.

What is a sociopath to do?

Dyson Devereux’s life appears to be on track. He has a way with the ladies, impeccable good taste, and as the recently promoted head of Burials and Cemeteries at Newton Borough Council, a job that demands request.

But Dyson is becoming annoyed with his drug-addled girlfriend’s decline, fed up with his banal work colleagues, and incensed by Newton New Cemetery’s gaudy memorial structures.

When Dyson suspects someone of having an even darker past than him, he has a chance for redemption. Will he seize it, or is his destiny to be a life of toil in Burials and Cemeteries?

Brutal, bleak and darkly comical, Necropolis is a savage indictment of the politically correct, health and safety obsessed public sector.

‘… a magnificent foray into the mind of a sociopath’ – DLS Reviews

‘The book is full of razor-sharp satire’ – Crime Fiction Lover

400+ Ratings on Goodreads

Grab your copy today and discover where it all began for your favourite sociopath, Dyson Devereux. Here are some of the retailer links – Amazon US, Amazon UK, Barnes & Noble, Kobo. Have a good weekend.

A Peek Inside Golgotha

Nov 08 2019

There is only 24 days to go until the release of my darkly humorous crime novel, Golgotha (release date: Dec. 3). My maths is correct, right?

Today, I am pleased to unveil a short (467 word) extract, which I feel encapsulates the book’s dark tone. Click here to read it.

For those of you who haven’t seen it yet, here is the blurb:

You can’t keep a good sociopath down.

Golgotha is the final instalment in the Necropolis Trilogy (#1 Necropolis & #2 Sepultura). As is the case with its predecessors, Golgotha can be read as a standalone novel. It will be available as an eBook and paperback.

Click here to read the extract. Have a good weekend.

Fiction, Food & Flooding

Oct 18 2019

The weather here in South East England has been absolutely wretched of late. Relentless rain, day in, day out. Well, we need it; so I’m told. Some of the roads around my way have flooded. Fortunately, last week I finally sold my little car and upgraded to one with 4-wheel drive capabilities, so I should be okay. She’s a Honda. We’re in that honeymoon stage in our relationship, when everything’s perfect.

With all this rain and the impending darkness as winter looms, one seeks solace in sugar. Or at least I do.

And feeding frenzies too. These pork ribs doused in a rich sauce were sumptuous.

In other news, I am finally back in the writing groove, for want of a better expression. Perhaps the writers amongst you are the same as me. When you don’t write for a while, it is difficult to get back into it, until it becomes part of one’s routine once again.

I am also in the process of seeking for reviews for Golgotha (release date: Dec.3) – the third instalment in the Necropolis Trilogy. Like its predecessors, the book can be read as a standalone novel. It promises to be the best part yet.

Will a sociopath get his way?

And I’ve been making time for some reading. Never read Oscar Wilde before. His humour appeals.

You have to make your own entertainment out here in the sticks. Fortunately, I’m an imaginative person. This is me trying to hypnotise my dog with a piece of spaghetti.

One more thing. My satirical book of vignettes is free at all retailers. This is probably where I’m supposed to insert a ‘for a limited time’ clause to persuade you guys to download it right away. Well, the chances are it will be free for a while so there’s no rush. If you were able to download a copy it would be great; if you actually read it even better; and leave a review; well in that case I would be in heaven. Have a good weekend.

Tomorrow’s World links (some of them at any rate) – Amazon US, Amazon UK, Kobo Ca, Kobo UK.

Tag - Black Comedy

A Gazebo, A Summerhouse & Black Comedy

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Under Lockdown And Looking For Something To Do?

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The Necropolis Trilogy Box Set

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Necropolis: New Front Cover and Blurb Reveal

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A New Decade

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Black Comedies, Book Reviews & More Besides

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Launch of Golgotha

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Necropolis Is On Sale – 99p/99c

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A Peek Inside Golgotha

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Fiction, Food & Flooding

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Tag - Black Comedy

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