books | Guy Portman's Blog

10 Books About Prison

Aug 21 2015

This week sees the latest instalment in my popular famous book series. In recent years I have read a number of books about prisons/prisoners, all of which I have reviewed here on my blog. I thought it would make an interesting topic for a post.

Here are 10 books (4 of which I’ve read) about prison:

Invitation to a Beheading by Vladimir Nabokov

Invitation to a Beheading was originally published in a Russian émigré magazine in 1935-6. The book’s protagonist is Cincinnatus C., a prison inmate and citizen of an imaginary country, who has been sentenced to death.

Darkness At Noon by Arthur Koestler

Darkness At Noon is dedicated to the victims of The Moscow Trials. Although the characters in the book are fictitious, the historical circumstances are not. Protagonist Rubashov is a veteran of the Revolution and a decorated war hero.

Click here to read my review.

The Great Escape by Paul Brickhill

The Great Escape chronicles the famous escape of more than 600 men from a German prisoner-of-war camp. Their escape was meticulously planned over the course of year. Tunnels were dug, maps drawn, passports forged and clothes made. Then came the big night.

One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Ivan Denisovich Shukhov is a former POW serving a 10 year term in a Gulag on the Kazakh steppe for being a spy. He is innocent. The book chronicles a single day of his existence, beginning with a 5 a.m. reveille.

Click here to read my review.

Birdman of Alcatraz by Thomas E. Gaddis

This is the story of Robert Stroud, an inmate of the notorious Alcatraz prison, situated in the middle of San Francisco Bay. Stroud became so fascinated with the birds that landed outside his cell that he wrote several books about their behaviour.

Papillon by Henri Charrière

Papillon is an autobiography about Henri Charrière. Convicted in Paris of a murder that he did not commit, Charrière was sentenced to life imprisonment in French Guiana, where he became obsessed with the idea of escape.

Midnight Express by Billy Hayes & William Hoffer

In 1970 Billy Hayes, an English student, was caught smuggling hashish in Istanbul airport. His punishment, life imprisonment in a Turkish prison. One night he made a daring bid for freedom. Midnight Express is an Academy Award-winning film of the same name.

Hocus Pocus by Kurt Vonnegut

When protagonist Eugene Debs was sacked from his job as a college professor he became a teacher at a local prison. This unusually constructed novel is presented as if it had been written on scraps on paper and then assembled.

The Aquariums of Pyongyang by Pierre Rigoulot, & Kang Chol Hwan

Chol-Hwan is a North Korean, whose family had previously resided in Japan. The family initially flourished in their adopted country, but then they were sent to a prison camp. Chol-Hwan eventually fled to China and then on to South Korea.

Click here to read my review.

Escape from Camp 14 Blaine Harden

Escape from Camp 14 is the life story of Shin Dong-Hyuk, the only known person born in a North Korean gulag to have escaped. Shin started life in a fenced encampment less than fifty miles north of the capital Pyongyang.

Click here to read my review.

7 Satirical Books about War

Aug 14 2015

I like satire. My 2nd novel, Necropolis, is a satirical, black comedy about the politically correct, safety-obsessed world in which we live. I have also read a lot of books that could be described as satirical. My recent satirical reading exploits have included 2 famous and controversial satires about war. Earlier this week I was researching other war satires that might be of interest when it occurred to me that this would make a good topic for a blog post.

Here are 7 famous satirical books about war.

Catch-22 by Joseph Heller

Based on Heller’s own experiences as a bombardier in WWII, this best-selling, satirical, anti-war novel, took its American author 8 years to write. Catch-22 is frequently cited as one of the greatest literary works of the 20th century.

Click here to read my review.

MASH by Richard Hooker

Published in 1968, Mash follows the blundering exploits of the fictitious 4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital staff during the Korean War. The book was the inspiration for the 1970 film Mash and the TV series MAS*H.

Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut

Slaughterhouse-Five’s anti-war rhetoric has resulted in it being banned from numerous US schools and libraries. The story is about the exploits of Billy Pilgrim, a survivor of the notorious firebombing of Dresden in World War II.

Click here to read my review.

Going After Cacciato by Tim O’Brien

After going AWOL, Cacciato proceeds to walk from Vietnam to France. The non-linear Cacciato is narrated in the third person from the perspective of its protagonist Paul Berlin. The book’s central theme is psychological trauma.

Gravity’s Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon

This comic novel shared the 1974 U.S. National Book Award for Fiction. Its complex storyline sees protagonist Lieutenant Tyrone Slothrop of the U.S. Army travelling across war-torn Europe, his mission to find the German V2 Rocket 00000.

The Pearl of Kuwait by Tom Paine

The Pearl of Kuwait has been described as Romeo and Juliet meets Lawrence of Arabia. The story follows Marine Private Cody Carmichael and Private Tommy Trang efforts to rescue a Kuwaiti princess from behind enemy lines.

Dear Mr. President by Gabe Hudson

The theme of this series of short stories is Gulf War Syndrome. There is a US Marine who grows a third ear, a veteran whose bones are disintegrating, and a Green Beret who sees a vision of George Washington.

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Future of the Book

Jul 24 2015

The first e-book readers (Rocket eBook & SoftBook Reader) were launched in Silicon Valley in 1998. November 2007 saw Amazon release the Amazon Kindle (Cost: $399). It sold out in 5 1/2 hours. Today, 7 generations of Kindle later, there are 3.6m e-books (including my 2 novels) on the Amazon Kindle Store.

Approximately 30% of books are now sold as e-books. However, there is plenty of evidence to suggest that the demise of the paper book is not imminent. Nielsen BookScan (tracks what readers are buying) revealed that the number of paper books sold went up 2.4% in 2014.

(Courtesy of pencanada)

The book industry continues to be in a state of flux. Amazon’s war with the publishing industry (c.f. Hachette) has been well-documented. Amazon (controls 67% approx. of the U.S. e-book market) emerged victorious from the ‘Ebook Wars’, its heavily armed Kindles decimating Barnes and Noble’s woefully under-equipped Nooks. In the UK Amazon’s continued dominance has been challenged by supermarkets (Sainsbury & Tesco). The most likely challenge to Amazon’s domination of the e-book segment of its business in the foreseeable future is from Apple, who are rapidly closing in on 2nd place in the US market.

Whether the future (paper books) will see Amazon delivery drones surging through the sky above the ruins of former bookshops, only time will tell. With regards e-books, there seems no doubt that subscription services will increasingly come to the fore over the next few years. Bloomberg View columnist Leonid Bershidsky declared last year that the ‘… future of book ownership will soon be an anachronism.’ He claims that the future of books will be ‘an enormous digital library in the cloud, …’

Last year, Amazon launched Kindle Unlimited, a service that entails subscribers paying a monthly fee in exchange for access to around 700,000 books. It has been frequently hypothesised that Apple are poised to enter the fray. This seems likely, considering the manner in which we are now increasingly consuming media content (c.f. music, Netflix etc.).

Another recent innovation, that will inevitably become more popular, are ‘books’ that span different forms of media. In 2014 Rosetta Books published Find Me I’m Yours by author, artist & digital innovator Hillary Carlip. Described as a ‘Click Lit Novel’, it is a blend of words, images, videos, links and interactive elements, which enable the ‘reader’ to participate in polls as well as give their opinions. The story is about an L.A. based artist, employed at a bridal website, who has a predilection for cutting up 2 different cardigans and then sewing them together again (Why? – I don’t know why). 1 day she purchases a camera, which contains a video from a man (hunky/cheesy type) requesting to be her soul mate, but only if she is able to find him in time. A ~~trashy~~ ~~nauseating~~ delightful pursuit ensues.

In the future there will be ‘books’ that will entail reading, watching, hearing and no doubt a tactile virtual reality element too. Each and every 1 of the consumer’s sensory desires will be satisfied. One imagines that this approach will prove to be beneficial in encouraging reading-reluctant children.

Mother calls down from upstairs to young son, ‘Darling, if you read up to page 30, you can play the rest of the book.’ ………………………….. ‘Yes, there’s a monster’ ………………. (sighs) …. ‘Yes, you get to decapitate and disembowel the monster at the end.’

10 Best-Sellers Initially Rejected

Jun 12 2015

This week’s blog post is dedicated to best-selling books that were initially rejected by publishers. It is a subject that I thought might interest my fellow authors and book lovers. The following 10 books are presented in chronological order.

The War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells (1898) – This science fiction classic is about an unnamed protagonist and his younger brother, who are in London when the Earth is invaded by aliens. It was initially snubbed by a number of publishers, including one who wrote in the rejection letter, ‘An endless nightmare. I think the verdict would be ‘Oh don’t read that horrid book.’’

Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery (1908) – This classic recounts the adventures of Anne Shirley, an 11-year-old orphan sent to live with a middle-aged brother and sister on their farm. 5 publishers initially snubbed it, and it was only 2 years after this setback that the author removed it from her hatbox and resubmitted it.

Dubliners by James Joyce (1914) – Dubliners is a collection of 15 short stories whose primary theme is epiphany. Joyce began trying to find a publisher for his controversial book in 1905. He submitted Dubliners 18 times to 15 publishers without success. His relentless perseverance finally paid off when Grant Richards published it in 1914.

Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence (1928) – This story about a relationship between a gamekeeper and an upper-class woman was printed privately by its author in Florence after it was rejected by a host of publishers, due to its perceived scandalous subject matter and content. Lady Chatterley’s Lover was not published openly the UK until 1960.

Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell (1936) – Set during the American Civil War and Reconstruction era, Gone with the Wind is about Scarlett O’Hara, the daughter of a plantation owner. This, the only book published by Mitchell during her lifetime was shunned 38 times by publishers before eventually being accepted.

Lord of the Flies by William Golding (1954) – This dystopian novel is about a group of boys stranded on a deserted island, who attempt to govern themselves. Lord of the Flies was rejected 20 times before Faber and Faber accepted it. One of the rejection letters condemned the book as, ‘An absurd and uninteresting fantasy which was rubbish and dull.’

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov (1955) – Lolita is a controversial novel about a man’s obsession with a 12-year-old girl. It was rebuffed by numerous publishers because of its contentious subject matter. The book was eventually published in France by Olympia Press. Lolita was fourth on Modern Library’s 1998 list of the 100 Best Novels of the 20th Century.

Carrie by Stephen King (1974) – Stephen King’s first published novel is about a bullied high school girl who utilises her telekinetic powers to get revenge on her tormenters. Numerous publishers rejected the book. One publisher wrote in the rejection letter, ‘We are not interested in science fiction which deals with negative utopias. They do not sell.’

Life of Pi by Yann Martel (2001) – This fantasy adventure novel is about an Indian boy who survives for 227 days on a lifeboat with a Bengal tiger called Richard Parker. Life of Pi was rejected by 5 London publishers. In 2002 it won the The Man Booker Prize.

The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown (2003) – Dan Brown’s seminal work is a mystery/detective novel that explores an alternative religious history. Prior to its publication by Doubleday it was rejected by another publisher, who pre-empting the sentiments of many of its readers, allegedly stated in the rejection letter, ‘It is so badly written.’

7 Famous Works by Anonymous Authors

Jun 05 2015

Many authors have published anonymously through history, including Jane Austen, whose books were all published anonymously during her lifetime. However, I have only included literary works whose authors are either unknown or we know nothing about.

Here are 7 anonymously published works. They are presented in chronological order.

Beowulf

Set in Scandinavia, Beowulf is an Old English epic poem that was written between the 8th and early 9th century. It is regarded as one of the most important works of Old English literature, and may well be the oldest surviving long poem in Old English. The author of Beowulf was an anonymous Anglo-Saxon poet, who is commonly referred to as the ‘Beowulf poet’.

Sir Gawain and the Green Knight

This late 14th century Middle English chivalric romance is one of the most famous of the Arthurian stories. Written in stanzas of alliterative verse, Sir Gawain and the Green Knight was influenced by Irish, Welsh, English and French traditions. The poem survives as a single manuscript, which also includes 3 narrative poems. To this day the author remains a mystery.

Lazarillo de Tormes

La vida de Lazarillo de Tormes y de sus fortunas y adversidades is a Spanish novella, which was published in 3 cities in 1554. The novella’s content was regarded as heretical due to its open criticism of the Catholic Church, and this is most likely the reason that it was published anonymously. Various authors have been attributed to this important work.

The Romance of Lust

The Romance of Lust is a Victorian erotic novel that was published in 4 volumes between 1873-1876. The novel’s protagonist is Charlie Roberts, a man with a voracious sexual appetite. There has been much debate over who the author of this controversial book was. The general consensus is that William Simpson Potter or Edward Sellon, a well-known Victorian author of erotic novels, most likely wrote it.

Novel with Cocaine

Novel with Cocaine is a nihilistic and philosophical novel about adolescence and addiction. Since the time of its publication in book form there has been intense speculation over who wrote it. Many believed that it was Vladimir Nabokov, but he vehemently denied being the author. The real author is thought to be Mark Levi, a Russian émigré, who posted the manuscript to the Parisian journal Numbers in 1934.

Click here to read my review.

Diary of an Oxygen Thief

Diary of an Oxygen Thief is a Dutch novel, published in 2006, professing to be an autobiographical account of an Irish advertising executive living first in London and later in America, where he suffers from culture shock. The book, which was written anonymously, was published in Amsterdam by NLVI. Although Diary of an Oxygen Thief has become extremely popular the identity of its author continues to be a mystery.

O: A Presidential Novel

O: A Presidential Novel is a fictional account about the 2012 U.S. presidential race. Prior to publication, its publisher Simon & Schuster contacted many writers and journalists, requesting that they decline to comment if asked whether they were the anonymous author. The book was purportedly written by someone who ‘has been in the room with Obama’. The individual’s identity remains unknown.

7 Famous Controversial Novels

May 22 2015

Here are 7 famous controversial novels from the last 250 years. They are presented in chronological order:

Fanny Hill by John Cleland (1748-1749)

Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure or Fanny Hill as it is popularly known was published in 2 parts in 1748 & 1749. Written during its author’s stint in a debtor’s prison, Fanny Hill is considered to be the first erotic novel in the English language. It is one of the most banned and prosecuted books of all time. In November 1749 Cleland was arrested and charged with ‘corrupting the King’s subjects’.

Candide by Voltaire (1759)

Candide is a satirical novella that was regarded as being highly controversial at the time of its publication. Its author, the ardent critic Voltaire, not only criticised the prevailing philosophical ideology of his era, optimism, but also attacked the greed and hypocrisy within the state and church. The religious and secular authorities denounced the book, and it continued to cause controversy into the 20th Century.

Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe (1852)

Uncle Tom’s Cabin or Life Among the Lowly as it is also known was deemed at the time of its publication as a scathing attack on the slave-owning South. The book was so reviled in the South that it spawned a raft of what came to be known as Anti-Tom literature. The book is regarded as having been instrumental in stirring the abolitionist cause that was to culminate in The Civil War.

Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence (1928)

Lady Chatterley’s Lover is a fictional account of a married woman’s affair with her gamekeeper. Although published, it was heavily censored due to its perceived pornographic content. In 1960, 30 years after Lawrence’s death, Penguin attempted to publish the original version of Lady Chatterley’s Lover, but was forced to go to trial because of the ‘Obscene Publications Act’ of the previous year. The book was banned in the America until 1959.

Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs (1959)

Burrough’s seminal work, the non-linear Naked Lunch, is a sardonic, dark and humorous work that takes the form of a series of loosely linked vignettes. It draws on Burroughs’s own experiences living as a drug addict in the U.S., Mexico and Tangier. The book was viewed as being so scandalous at the time of its publication that it underwent a court case under U.S. obscenity laws.

The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie (1988)

The title of The Satanic Verses was deemed offensive by many Muslims, as it refers to a number of allegedly pagan verses, temporarily included in the Qur’an and later removed. Some pious Muslims were also displeased that the prophet Abraham was referred to as a ‘bastard’, in addition to various other insertions. In January 1989 the Ayatollah Khomeini issued a Fatwa against the author. To this day Rushdie receives death threats.

American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis (1991)

American Psycho is a satire of the yuppy culture of the 1980s that brought Easton Ellis instant fame. It is about a young, psychopathic Wall Street financier. The book caused outrage when it was published due to its explicit violence, sexual content and perceived misogynistic themes. Its author received numerous death threats. American Psycho was deemed harmful to minors in Germany and sold shrink-wrapped in Australia.

Work in Progress Blog Hop

Apr 24 2015

I have been nominated for the Work in Progress Blog Hop by author Heather Burnside (heatherburnside.com). Heather is a regular blogger, who likes to share writing tips and information about her books. Heather is currently working on her second novel – a sequel to SLUR, her crime fiction novel, set in 1980s Manchester. Heather has also written a book of short stories called Crime, Conflict & Consequences. Thank you for nominating me Heather.

The blog hop rules are:

Link back to the person who nominated you.
Write a little about and give the first few lines of your first three chapters from your WIP.
Nominate some other writers to do the same.

Here are my nominations:

Andy Lowe – Andy is a poet and author of 4 books. He shares writing excerpts on his blog – andrewlowewriter.wordpress.com

Craig Stone – Craig is the author of 5 humorous novels. He is also something of a Twitter celebrity. Craig shares his unique insights on his blog – http://thoughtscratchings.com

You can find reviews of Heather, Andy and Craig’s books in the review section of my blog.

Here’s a little about my work in progress:

I am currently writing my third novel (Charles Middleworth & Necropolis). It will be an original and suspenseful work of psychological fiction.

This is the opening line:

‘wethiwethi deh klathi nuhnuh – meou klathi bothi iahn’

It’s not even English I hear you say. It is written in a cryptophasia. A cryptophasia is a secret language developed by a set of twins, which only they understand. The word originates from the Latin crypto meaning secret and phasia meaning speech. As you’ve probably guessed by now my book is about twins. Their names are Talulah and Taliah.

Here are the opening lines of my first draft of Chapter 2 and the second paragraph of Chapter 3 (the first contained spoilers).

Chapter 2

Framed watercolours capturing landscapes adorn the white walls of the spacious, brightly lit room, furnished with vivid coloured settees, chairs, polka dotted bean bags and a large glass desk. Spread out on the polished wooden floor in the centre of the room is a large gridded mat with different coloured squares. Taliah is crouched over the mat, each of her feet and hands resting on separate squares. The young psychiatrist, sitting cross-legged beside the mat, says, ‘You ready …’

Chapter 3

As far back as Colin can remember he has been led to believe that ownership of a Ferrari offers the prospect of redemption, but now as he looks down upon its metallic, inanimate form, and its balding proprietor Gerald, heaving his corpulent carcass towards the office entrance, it occurs to Colin that redemption is merely an illusion.

4 Famous Male Writers’ Writing Styles

Feb 20 2015

Every author has his/her own distinctive writing style. My own evolving writing style utilises dry humour, satirical observations and concise prose.

This week’s blog post is dedicated to 4 famous writers’ writing styles:

James Joyce

(February 2nd 1882 – January 13th 1941)

Notable works: Ulysses, Finnegans Wake, A, Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man.

Ireland’s most famous author is remembered as being one of the most influential writers of the modernist avant-garde of the early 20th century. Joyce embraced an experimental, stream of consciousness writing style. His seminal work Ulysses contains more vocabulary words (30,030) than the entire Shakespearean canon of 38 plays.

The former poet took his experimental style a step further with his final book, Finnegan’s Wake (1939). Written in Paris over a period of 17 years, Finnegan’s Wake utilises a stream of consciousness style, idiosyncratic language and literary allusions. The book is regarded as one of the most difficult works of fiction in the English language.

William S. Burroughs

(February 5th 1914 – August 2nd 1997)

Notable works: Junkie, Queer, The Soft Machine, The Naked Lunch.

William S. Burroughs was at the forefront of the Beat generation, influencing the likes of Jack Kerouac and Allen Ginsberg. His often-controversial works (c.f. drugs and homosexuality) include 18 novels, in addition to a number of novellas and short stories, many of which are semi-autobiographical in nature. Burroughs’s writing is characterised as being sardonic, dark, humorous and confessional.

Burroughs was the pioneer of the collage technique, which entails cutting up text with a pair of scissors and then rearranging it to create new text. His seminal work, the non-linear and highly controversial Naked Lunch was created in this manner.

Click on the links to read my reviews of Junky and Queer.

Ernest Hemingway

(July 21st 1899 – July 2nd 1961)

Notable works: The Sun Also Rises, For Whom the Bell Tolls, The Old Man & the Sea.

Ernest Hemingway won The Pulitzer Prize for Fiction (1953) and The Nobel Prize in Literature (1954). Hemingway embraced the minimalist style of writing that he had been required to use when he had been a journalist. This style, known as The Iceberg Theory (Theory of Omission), utilised short, terse sentences, which was in stark contrast to the ornate prose of the literati of the time. It is this simple and direct writing style that has endeared Hemingway to so many readers down the years.

Click here to read my review of The Old Man and the Sea.

Jack Kerouac

(March 12th 1922 – October 21st 1969)

Notable works: On the Road, The Dharma Bums, Big Sur.

American novelist, poet and artist Jack Kerouac was a member of the Beat Generation. Kerouac primarily wrote autobiographical novels. His most famous book, On the Road, is set against a backdrop of poetry, jazz and drug use. It was the defining work of the post-war Beat Generation.

Kerouac typed On The Road over a period of 3 weeks in the spring of 1951, on a 3-inch thick, 120-foot long scroll. Through attempting to omit periods from his work and improvising words he created his own innovative, spontaneous prose writing style – a style that was influenced by Jazz music and Bebop.

Click on the links to read my reviews of Maggie Cassidy and On The Road.

Record Breaking Authors

Feb 13 2015

This, the latest instalment in my series of author related blog posts, is dedicated to World record breaking authors. As an author myself I find this topic fascinating, and I hope you will too.

Here are some record breaking authors:

Most Prolific Author Ever – American born author Lauran Bosworth Paine (1916-2001) can lay claim to being the most prolific author of all time. Paine, who had more pen names (70) than most authors have titles, wrote approximately 1000 books.

Best Selling Author Ever – The Guinness Book of World Records lists Agatha Christie, the creator of Hercule Poirot and Miss Marple, as the best-selling novelist of all time. She sold approximately 2 billion books.

Best Selling (non-English language) Author Ever – Prolific Belgian author Georges Simenon (1903-1989) wrote nearly 200 novels, in addition to many shorter works of fiction. He has sold approximately 550 million books.

Fastest Author Ever – Contemporary Irish novelist John Boyne claims to have written The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas – a best selling fictional account of a boy living through the Holocaust – in only two and a half days.

Worst Author Ever – Obviously this is a matter for conjecture, but it is difficult to argue with author Michael N. Marcus’s claim in his book Stinkers that ‘BIRTH CONTROL IS SINFUL IN THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES and Also ROBBING GOD OF PRIESTHOOD CHILDREN!!’ by ELIYZABETH YANNE STRONG-ANDERSON is the worst book ever. Every letter in this ludicrous, grammatically error strewn, excessively priced abomination (£113.92) is capitalised. Due to these reasons Yanne Strong-Anderson wins the accolade – the World’s worst author ever.

Oldest Author Ever – Ida Pollock, who died in 2013 at the age of 105, just weeks before her 125th book was published, might well be the oldest author ever. The romance novelist sold millions of books over the course of her long lifetime.

Youngest Author Ever – Dorothy Straight is on record as being the youngest published author ever. At the age of 4 she wrote a story for her grandmother, which went on to be published by Pantheon Books in 1964 when the author was 6.

Richest Author Ever – A number of sources including Celebrity Net Worth claim that JK Rowling, the creator of Harry Potter, is worth a reported $1Billion.

Poorest Author Ever – There are so many penniless authors out there, it was impossible to verify each and every claim. I have therefore been forced to leave this category blank.

Most Pretentious Author Ever – This reader appreciates Vladimir Nabokov’s (author of Lolita) remarkable linguistic abilities. However his ornate writing style, which utilises a vast array of obscure English words, in addition to French, German and Russian, as well as his obsession with wordplay (c.f. synesthetic details & acrostics) has resulted in the ever self-indulgent Nabokov winning the accolade of the most pretentious author ever.

Most Reclusive Author Ever – There have been a lot of reclusive authors down the years, but surely none more so than prolific American poet (I know I said authors) Emily Dickinson. By her late thirties her reclusive habits entailed rarely leaving the house and speaking to visitors from the other side of her closed front door.

My 2014 – An Overview

Jan 02 2015

Happy New Year

This week I look back on my 2014. It takes the form of concise extracts from my diary. This might seem a rather narcissistic thing to do, but hopefully some of you might find the entries mildly amusing and/or be interested in the links to the book reviews/blog posts/YouTube video.

January
Wednesday 1st – Have I ever had a less memorable New Year’s?

Monday 27th – Read and reviewed Post Office by Charles Bukowski. What a great book.

Friday 31st – It’s Tax Deadline Day – &#%!@?£*@%

February

Monday 3rd – February is the most desolate of all the months.

Wednesday 5th – Won £250 on a scratch card.

Tuesday 11th – Plumbing disaster – Water pouring through kitchen ceiling.

March

Friday 7th – Today I published the 8th instalment of my Bizarre Author Death Series. With the benefit of hindsight this seems like overkill.

Thursday 20th – Ladurée café Harrods – Ceylon tea and an assortment of macaroons.

Wednesday 26th – Is redemption merely an illusion?

April

Saturday 19th – What’s with all these gluten free Easter eggs? Are they for people who haven’t punished themselves enough over Lent?

Monday 21st – My first WholeFoods experience. I will devote a blog post to the subject.

Thursday 24th – Necropolis launch day.

Friday 25th – 13 Necropolis’ sold in 1 hour on Amazon.eu website. Could I be the next J.K. Rowling?

Wednesday 30th – Amazon Sales Report – It appears I am not on my way to becoming the next J.K. Rowling quite yet.

May

Saturday 3rd – I eat 3 WholeFoods caramel slice things.

Tuesday 6th – Nike Town – This assortment of multi-coloured trainers are far too flamboyant for me.

Saturday 12th – Suffering after yesterday’s Marylebone/Baker Street pub crawl (x12 pubs).

June

Wednesday 4th – The Gym – Holding my breath whilst deadlifting results in excruciating exertion headaches. (Takes several weeks to recover).

Tuesday 10th – Novella shopping spree in Waterstones.

Thursday 12th – World Cup begins.

Tuesday 24th – World Cup ends in humiliation for England at hands of Costa Rica.

July

Monday 7th – After much wheezing and spluttering my washing machine takes its last breath.

Tuesday 8th – Finished reading The Old Man and The Sea by Ernest Hemingway.

Wednesday 9th – Hope deserted this launderette a long time ago.

Thursday 17th – Still thinking about The Old Man and The Sea.

Sunday 20th – Catacombs tour of Brompton Cemetery.

August

Monday 5th – The Gym – I am getting really good at these leg presses; I must be getting close to the World record. Oh maybe not – Ronnie Coleman did x8 reps of 1.043 tons.

Friday 22nd – Publish my blog post – My Top 5 Most Disturbing Books Ever – (This will prove to be my most popular blog post ever).

September

Thursday 4th – The Dinner Party – I’ve added too much water to the couscous, this is a catastrophe.

Friday 5th – My weekly blog post – 10 Famous Banned Books.

Saturday 20th – Dinner – Homemade gyoza, highly recommended.

October

Tuesday 9th – Visit Recoleta Cemetery in Buenos Aires.

Tuesday 14th – Dinner – Pleased to be eating something other than steak for a change. A chicken and pigeon combo – delicious.

Wednesday 15th – Santiago del Estero – Northern Argentina – How can it be 40C on a spring day?

Sunday 26th – Go to NFL game between Atlanta Falcons and Detroit Giants at Wembley. I don’t even know the rules. Eat a MacDonald’s, a TGI Friday’s & 3 donuts before 1pm.

Monday 27th – Finish reading and reviewing my first Ballard novel – High-Rise.

November

Monday 10th – Another day another gym mishap – Squashed under bench press, have to cry out for assistance. How embarrassing.

Friday 14th – My weekly blog post – 7 Famous Drug Addicted Authors.

Wednesday 19th – Finish reading and reviewing The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath.

December

Thursday 11th – Necropolis selling well on Amazon.com this week.

Saturday 13th – See my first Selfie Stick (Narcissist Stick) in West End.

Friday 26th – Spend half the day playing Modern Warfare on the PS4. Is this what a mid life crisis looks like?

Saturday 27th – Passport please be in the filing cabinet. NOOOOO.

Wednesday 31st – 23:59 – In Japan at Shinto temple waiting for the bells to toll for New Year.

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10 Books About Prison

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7 Satirical Books about War

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Future of the Book

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10 Best-Sellers Initially Rejected

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7 Famous Works by Anonymous Authors

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7 Famous Controversial Novels

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Work in Progress Blog Hop

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4 Famous Male Writers’ Writing Styles

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Record Breaking Authors

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My 2014 – An Overview

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