books | Guy Portman's Blog

8 Macabre Books

Aug 11 2017

Anyone looking for macabre reading recommendations? If so then you are in the right place. Here are 8 macabre books. I have added pithy comments/fictitious commentary below each.

Peculiar Children

Yes, that child is levitating.

Still Life: Adventures In Taxidermy

If you are seeking a ‘fascinating romp through the world of stuffed animals’ then look no further.

They Thirst

What a terrifying creature!

Dissection

This book is best tackled on an empty stomach.

Pride And Prejudice And Zombies

I wonder what Jane Austen would make of this.

Rest In Pieces: The Curious Fates of Famous Corpses

Intriguing: I am adding this to my reading list.

Walter Potter’s Curious World of Taxidermy

Yuck!

Do-It-Yourself Coffins

Yet another DIY coffin title! Erotica better watch out, there’s a new genre in town.

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I am the author of five books. My genre is dark humour and satire.

A Black Comedy of True Distinction

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7 Books for 7 Moods

Aug 04 2017

This week sees the fifth instalment in my series of posts devoted to books for different moods. Here are more 7 books for 7 moods/states of mind. Click on the links to read my reviews.

In the mood for a Transgressive classic? (Perhaps you have seen the film but not read the book)

A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess

A Clockwork Orange is a ground-breaking and controversial work set in a dystopian near future. It leaves many questions to ponder concerning behaviourism, free will and the purpose of punishment. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: Interesting

Are you in the mood for something psychological, but don’t have much time. If so you might like:

Chess by Stefan Zweig

Chess offers the prospect of salvation, but also the threat of dissolution in this short psychological novella, which explores the delicate divide that separates genius from obsession and madness. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: Mildly intriguing

Tired of the joys of summer? Then how about:

Cancer Ward by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Whilst the drab setting, morose subject matter, distressing scenes, and length (nearly 600 pages) will not appeal to everyone, this reader was captivated by the book’s diverse characters and poignant prose. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: Superb characterisation

Feel like reading an iconic humour book?

A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole

The 1981 Pulitzer Prize for Fiction winner is less concerned with plot than focusing on absurd situations, designed to elicit a humorous response. The book boasts an obnoxious protagonist called Ignatius. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: Overrated

If you are in the mood for something dark and poignant then I would recommend:

The Pearl by John Steinbeck

The Pearl is a novella about a destitute Mexican pearl diver who finds a very valuable pearl. It is a parable about the darker side of human nature that illustrates how riches can be illusory. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: Good

If you are in the mood for a post-apocalyptic classic then look no further:

On the Beach by Nevil Shute

On the Beach is a cautionary and timeless post-apocalyptic novel whose central theme is an exploration of how people confront imminent death. This reader was impressed by the author’s adept characterisation. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: Memorable & Melancholic.

If you are in the mood for some contemporary non-Fiction then this might appeal:

Dreamland: The True Tale of America’s Opiate Epidemic by Sam Quinones

Composed of short, engaging chapters, Dreamland is a meticulously researched, multi-faceted work about addiction, entrepreneurship and the perils posed by unrestrained corporate greed. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: Compelling

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7 Books for 7 Moods

Jul 21 2017

This week sees the fourth instalment in my series of posts devoted to books for different moods. Here are more 7 books for 7 moods/states of mind. Click on the links to read my reviews.

Are you in the mood for something different? If so then you might like this humorous and vulgar parody of the detective/mystery genre:

Pulp by Charles Bukowski

This, Bukowski’s last book, is a noir detective tale featuring a rude and argumentative private eye. Dedicated to bad writing, Pulp employs a compelling, blunt prose style with short sentences and few adjectives. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: Fast-paced & Unique

In the mood to be challenged?

Glamorama by Bret Easton Ellis

Glamorama is a 482 page satirical work that adeptly captures the hedonism of 1990s New York. There are many bewildering elements such as the bizarrely numbered chapters of vastly varying lengths. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: Convoluted & Challenging

In a pensive mood? Then perhaps this might be of interest:

The Plague by Albert Camus

Set in the Algerian coastal town of Oran, The Plague is an existentialist classic that evaluates morality, the role of God and how we react to death. Its narrative tone and poetic prose style of prose will appeal to some. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: Okay

If you desire a break from Fiction then look no further:

Nothing To Envy by Barbara Demick

Providing fascinating insights into North Korea, Nothing To Envy is an engrossing text that effortlessly captures the lives of its interviewed, defector subjects. This is my favourite non-Fiction book. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: Engrossing

In the mood to read a good bestseller? You may well have read it already, but if not you might like:

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier

Imbibed with a sense of impending doom, Rebecca is a slow-moving, haunting and atmospheric literary masterpiece, boasting an expertly woven plot and an abrupt ending. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: Impressive

In the mood to swap reality for dystopia? If so you might appreciate:

High-Rise by J. G. Ballard

Set in an apartment tower block in London, High-Rise is a dystopian tale about the intense animosity that develops between the building’s various floors. Its motif is the fragmentation of the social order. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: Quite good

Are you in the mood for Transgressive fiction? If the answer is yes, here is a suggestion:

Novel with Cocaine by M. Ageyev

Novel with Cocaine is a nihilistic and philosophical novel about adolescence and addiction. It could be described as Dostoyevskian, due to its realism and the psychological exploration of its main character. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: Good

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6 Dark Fiction Books Not To Be Missed

Jul 07 2017

This week sees the third instalment in my Dark Fiction series.

Definition: Dark fiction is concerned with the sinister side of human nature. It is often distinguished from the mainstream horror genre in that it tends not to be fantasy-orientated. Dark fiction may contain elements of black or satirical humour.

The Pearl by John Steinbeck (1947)

The Pearl is a parable about the darker side of human nature, in which the author employs a simple yet captivating prose to illustrate how riches can be illusory.

My Review: Steinbeck’s novella, The Pearl, is a story about a destitute Mexican pearl diver by the name of Kino, who leads a simple existence with his wife Juana and baby son Coyotito. One day…(more)

The Killer Inside Me by Jim Thompson (1952)

The author adeptly employs suspense in this thought provoking, suspenseful and unrelentingly bleak first person narrative about a psychopath.

My Review: 29-year-old Lou Ford is a Deputy Sheriff from the West Texas town of Central City. Lou is a hard-working, trustworthy, simple character with a keenness for clichés; at least this is how he is perceived…(more)

Junky by William S. Burroughs (1953)

Junky

Junky is a semi-autobiographical novella, in which the author successfully utilises a detached journalistic approach to capture the obsessive nature of addiction.

My Review: Set in 1950s America and Mexico, Junky is a confessional novella about drug addiction. Its protagonist Bill Lee chronicles his drug-centred existence, which entails searching for his daily fix…(more)

The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath (1963)

The Bell Jar is about protagonist Esther’s year in the ‘bell jar’, a period in which the boundaries between the real and the imagined become blurred.

My Review: Having landed a highly-coveted position as an intern for a prominent New York based magazine, talented and intellectual Boston native Esther Greenwood experiences the glamour of the big…(more)

Less Than Zero by Bret Easton Ellis (1985)

Easton Ellis’s debut novel is a nihilistic account of life in 1980s L.A. This is a graphic and disturbing book that utilises social commentary and plotless realism.

My Review: Set in 1980s Los Angeles, the story follows eighteen-year-old Clay, returned home for Christmas from college in New Hampshire. Clay immediately falls back into the L.A. social scene…(more)

Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk (2005)

Haunted is a series of short stories, in which the author succeeds in not only amusing, horrifying and disgusting his readers, but also skilfully exploring a variety of themes.

My Review: Haunted is about a group of writers, who have been assembled by the conniving Mr Whittier to attend a writers group. The location of the retreat is in an isolated theatre with no access…(more)

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The 9 Books I’ve Read in 2017

Jun 30 2017

We are half way through 2017 already. Time flies. As is my habit at the half-way point, I am dedicating this blog post to the books that I have read so far this year. The following 9 books are presented in the order in which I read them. Click on the links to read my reviews.

Stalin’s Englishman: The Lives of Guy Burgess

Genre: Non Fiction

This biography of the notorious spy Guy Burgess recounts his life from birth through to premature death in Moscow, aged fifty-two in 1963. After spending his formative years at the naval college Dartmouth…(more)

My Rating: Absorbing

Dreamland: The True Tale of America’s Opiate Epidemic

Genre: Non Fiction

This award winning account of America’s opiate epidemic asserts that its origins are two-fold — the pharmaceutical industry and Mexican importation. In 1996 Purdue Pharma introduced its new opiate-containing…(more)

My Rating: Compelling

Cold Comfort Farm

Genre: Satire

Although harbouring concerns about countryside living, recently orphaned, 19-year-old Flora Poste decides to go and live with relatives in rural Sussex. Her destination, the ramshackle and backward Cold Comfort…(more)

My Rating: Repetitive & somewhat overrated

On the Beach

Genre: Post-Apocalyptic

World War III has culminated in atomic bombs being dropped on the northern hemisphere. The radiation is spreading steadily southwards on the winds, decimating populations in its wake. Stationed in Australia is American…(more)

My Rating: Excellent

I Am Charlotte Simmons

Genre: Satire

Appalachian wunderkind Charlotte Simmons has been awarded a scholarship to Dupont, an elite fictional university, steeped in tradition. Living amongst the cream of America’s youth is set to be a big change for a prudish girl, hailing…(more)

My Rating: Amusing but turgid

Newspaper Diapers

Genre: Transgressive

Newspaper Diapers consists of a series of loosely connected vignettes about child abuse and group homes being recounted by various perverse and narcissistic narrators. The line between abuser and victim is blurred in these traumatic...(more)

My Rating: Deeply disturbing

Race To The Bottom

Genre: Transgressive

Roy is a degenerate and borderline alcoholic with a menial job at retailer Bullseye that pays less than Walmart. Roy’s precarious existence takes a turn for the worse when his overweight girlfriend, fed up with him living on her couch…(more)

My Rating: A relatively entertaining light read

Tortilla Flat

Genre: General

Danny is an unemployed alcoholic, leading a transient existence in Monterrey, California. When Danny inherits two houses in the shabby district of Tortilla Flat, he invites a hobo friend and fellow paisano…(more)

My Rating: Good

Rebecca

Genre: Mystery/Crime/Romance

Our young, unnamed narrator is working as an assistant for a rich American woman in Monte Carlo. It is here that she meets recently widowed, forty-two-year-old Maximilian (Maxim) de Winter. Maxim is the proprietor of Manderley…(more)

My Rating: Excellent

6 Works of Dark Fiction

Jun 16 2017

Dark Fiction is concerned with the sinister side of human nature. It is often distinguished from the mainstream horror genre in that it tends not to be fantasy-orientated. Dark fiction may contain elements of black or satirical humour.

Here are six works of dark fiction, some of which are humorous, some of which are anything but. They are presented in the order in which they were published. Click on the links to read my reviews.

Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad (1899)

Heart of Darkness is a disturbing, multi-layered story about what can occur when man exists outside of civilisation’s constraints. Readers are challenged to question the existence of being.

My Review: Heart of Darkness is a novella about a steamship sailing up a river through the jungles of The Congo, in search of Mr Kurtz, a mysterious ivory trader, who has reportedly turned native…(more)

The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka (1915)

The Metamorphosis is a bleak, existential nihilistic tale that comments on the human condition and the futility of life. This reader appreciated its dark humour.

My Review: Protagonist Gregor Samsa wakes up one morning to find that he has been transformed into a beetle. This awkward situation is exacerbated when Gregor’s boss turns up at his house…(more)

Darkness at Noon by Arthur Koestler (1940)

Koestler’s seminal work is a powerful and poignant political novel that examines issues of morality, particularly that of justifying the means by the end.

My Review: Darkness At Noon is dedicated to the victims of ‘The Moscow Trials’, several of whom the author Arthur Koestler knew. Though the characters in the book are fictitious, the historical circumstances…(more)

American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis (1991)

This satire of the yuppie culture of the 1980s comments on our obsession with the meaningless and trivial, and questions the inherent value of capitalist society.

My Review: American Psycho is a highly controversial novel that brought its young author Bret Easton Ellis instant fame. The book is written from the perspective of a young Wall Street…(more)

Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk (1999)

The book’s premise, the superficial vanity of the beauty industry, is used both to explore the unattractive side of human nature and, in customary Palahniuk fashion, to satirise society.

My Review: Shannon McFarland is a catwalk model, who is the centre of attention wherever she goes. That is until she ‘accidentally’ blasts her jaw shot off with a gun whilst driving…(more)

Newspaper Diapers by M. T. Johnson (2012)

What this book lacks in length, it more than compensates for in disturbing, child abuse themed content. This harrowing work is one of the darkest books I have read to date.

My Review: Newspaper Diapers consists of a series of loosely connected vignettes about child abuse and group homes being recounted by various perverse and narcissistic narrators…(more)

My Favourite Books (Part III)

Jun 09 2017

This week sees the third instalment in my favourite books series. Click on the links to read my reviews.

Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

Brave New World

Brave New World utilises erudite social commentary to explore mankind’s inherent nature. Huxley’s portentous vision has proven to be prescient in its prediction of a science-controlled, consumer culture.

My Review: Brave New World is set in a society where everything is controlled. The parentless, manufactured, free-loving population are dependent on a state-endorsed hallucinogenic, happiness drug called Soma. Helicopters serve as the primary mode of transport…(more)

Genre: Dystopia

On the Beach by Nevil Shute

Published in 1957 On the Beach is a cautionary and timeless post-apocalyptic novel whose central theme is an exploration of how people confront imminent death.

My Review: World War III has culminated in atomic bombs being dropped on the northern hemisphere. The radiation is spreading steadily southwards on the winds, decimating populations in its wake. Stationed in Australia is American submarine captain Dwight Towers…(more)

Genre: Post-Apocalyptic

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

Fahrenheit 451’s motif is a warning about the threat posed by state censorship. It could be argued to be prescient in its prediction of our increasing obsession with mass media.

My Review: Books are banned in this dystopian world, where firemen are employed to burn them. Guy Montag is a fireman, who lives an unfulfilling existence with Mildred, his sedentary, parlour-consuming wife: parlours being an in-house form of entertainment…(more)

Genre: Dystopia

Cancer Ward by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Cancer Ward

Set in the post-Stalin era, Cancer Ward is an allegorical, semi-autobiographical novel, in which the cancer ward serves as a microcosm of Soviet society.

My Review: Oleg Kostoglotov, whose last name translates as ‘bone-chewer’, has been exiled in perpetuity to a village by the name of Ush-Terek, located on the steppe in Kazakhstan, a long way from home. Kostoglotov’s bad luck does not end there…(more)

Genre: Political Fiction

Less Than Zero by Bret Easton Ellis

Easton Ellis’s debut novel is a nihilistic account of life in 1980s L.A. Utilising social commentary and plotless realism, Less Than Zero is a graphic and disturbing novel that is unrelenting in its bleakness.

My Review: Set in nineteen-eighties Los Angeles, the story follows eighteen-year-old Clay, returned home for Christmas from college in New Hampshire. Clay immediately falls back into the L.A. social scene, spending his time hanging-out with various wealthy teenagers who include…(more)

Genre: Transgressive

Nothing To Envy by Barbara Demick

Providing fascinating insights into North Korea, Nothing To Envy is an engrossing text that effortlessly captures the lives of its interviewed North Korean defector subjects.

My Review: Published in 2009, Nothing To Envy is a novelisation of interviews with various North Korean defectors, hailing from Chongjin, a bleak, northern industrial city, far from the country’s Potemkin village capital, Pyongyang. There is particular emphasis on the famine…(more)

Genre: Non Fiction

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20 of Literature’s Funniest Quotes

May 26 2017

Previously on this blog I have dedicated posts to quotes about reading, writing and publishing. This week it is the turn of quotes from literature. Here are 20 quotes from books that I think are amusing, and I hope you will too.

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness — The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde

Multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign of a diseased mind — Eric by Terry Pratchett

He receives comfort like cold porridge — The Tempest by William Shakespeare

Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness — Letters from a Stoic by Seneca

…answers Molly, gleefully yet wholly inadequately; her skills more akin to the baking of macaroons than solving the complexities of the universe. — Charles Middleworth by Guy Portman

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer. — The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

‘There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, ‘Do trousers matter?’
‘The mood will pass, sir.’ — The Code of the Woosters by P.G. Wodehouse

Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. — The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce

It’s just a penis, right? Probably no worse for you than smoking. — When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris

Nick Naylor had been called many things since becoming the chief spokesman for the Academy of Tobacco Studies, but until now no one had actually compared him to Satan. — Thank You For Smoking by Christopher Buckley

As a boy, I wanted to be a train. — Machine Man by Max Barry

I write this sitting in the kitchen sink. — I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith

If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled. – The Code of the Woosters by P.G. Wodehouse

One press of a button and this degenerate goes to the cremator to the sound of Celine Dion’s dismal wails — Necropolis by Guy Portman

It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression ‘As pretty as an airport. — The Long Dark Tea-time of the Soul by Douglas Adams

You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think. — The Collected Dorothy Parker by Dorothy Parker

The trouble with modern education is you never know how ignorant people are. — Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh

Patience – A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue. — The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce

‘Matteo’s not that type of Italian,’ replies Fraser. ‘He’s more the sort you come across in southern cities like Bari and Pescara, dragging an Alsatian around by a tattered piece of string.’ — Necropolis by Guy Portman

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen. — The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

6 Humorous Novels

May 19 2017

This week’s post is dedicated to 6 humorous novels. Click on the links to read my reviews.

Cold Comfort Farm by Stella Gibbons (1932)

Light-hearted and wryly humorous, this satirical work lampoons the romanticised, often doom-laden ‘loam and lovechild’ novels of the 19th and early 20th century.

My Review: Although harbouring concerns about countryside living, recently orphaned, 19-year-old Flora Poste decides to go and live with relatives in rural Sussex. Her destination, the…(more)

My Opinion: Witty but repetitive

Fear And Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson (1971)

Fear And Loathing in Las Vegas is a humorous, ludicrous and on occasion repellent social commentary about the demise of the psychedelic, free loving dream of the sixties.

My Review: Hunter S. Thompson’s alter ego, journalist Raoul Duke, and his gargantuan Samoan attorney, Dr Gonzo, are on a drug-fuelled road trip through the desert, destination Las Vegas…(more)

My Opinion: Humorous, ludicrous & relentless

A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole (1980)

This iconic humour book, the 1981 Pulitzer Prize for Fiction winner, is less concerned with plot than focusing on absurd situations, designed to elicit a humorous response.

My Review: Obese, green-hunting-cap-wearing, 30-year-old virgin Ignatius J. Reilly still resides with his mother. With his idiosyncrasies, pompous old-fashioned views and deep-lying suspicion…(more)

My Opinion: Overrated and onerous

I Am Charlotte Simmons by Tom Wolfe (2004)

I Am Charlotte Simmons is a humorous satire about campus life. Themes include materialism, social class, race and America’s obsession with college sport.

My Review: Appalachian wunderkind Charlotte Simmons has been awarded a scholarship to Dupont, an elite fictional university, steeped in tradition. Living amongst the cream of America’s youth is…(more)

My Opinion: Hilarious but turgid

The Squirrel that Dreamt of Madness by Craig Stone (2011)

The Squirrel that Dreamt of Madness is a bizarre and humorous novel about the author’s time spent living homeless in a park. Craig has to deal with a multitude of issues that are alien to us home dwellers.

My Review: The author Craig Stone is becoming increasingly disillusioned with the predictability and banality of his everyday existence. Deciding that it is better to live dreaming than to…(more)

My Opinion: Bizarre and humorous

Damned by Chuck Palahniuk (2011)

Damned is a a light-hearted satire of hell, punctuated with comical details, pop-culture references and Theological irony. There are obvious comparisons with Dante’s Inferno.

My Review: The protagonist is thirteen-year-old Madison, the daughter of wealthy alternative parents. The privileged Madison studies at an exclusive Swiss boarding school and spends her holidays alternating…(more)

My Opinion: Quite amusing

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Bizarre Books VIII

May 12 2017

I have yet more bizarre books for you. Every time I think I have exhausted the topic, I discover yet more bizarre books. This is the eighth instalment in the series. Here are 10 bizarre books:

The Goldflower Book of Business Greetings

Ever wondered why you always fail interviews? Next time you have an interview, try introducing yourself with the above handshake.

Eating People is Wrong

Touché

Foreigners & How To Spot Them

Spotting foreigners sounds a bit like birdwatching. Next time I am on the London Tube, I will use this book to identify some foreigners, and then attempt some safe methods of approach.

Innards And Other Variety Meats

Yummy!

How to Good-bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?

Whether it is malarkey or an effective way to say good-bye to depression, constricting one’s anus 100 times per day sounds rather time consuming. I for one am sticking with the pills.

Microwave For One

This book would appear much more impressive if its title was Microwave For One Hundred. Perhaps someone should inform author Sonia Allison that all microwaving for one entails is reading the instructions on the back of the packet.

Bangkok Travel Guide For Men

Imagine what happens when the parcel arrives from Amazon, and the wife opens it.

God Is Great So How Come He Gave Me And Bobby Crossed Eyes

Because he doesn’t like you! (Note: I think this is a fictitious book title).

Enjoying Being Single

Just look at the fun that man is having on the front cover being single. I am feeling nostalgic…

Nuclear War Fun Book

Who would have thought nuclear war could be so much fun.

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8 Macabre Books

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7 Books for 7 Moods

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7 Books for 7 Moods

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6 Dark Fiction Books Not To Be Missed

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The 9 Books I’ve Read in 2017

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6 Works of Dark Fiction

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My Favourite Books (Part III)

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20 of Literature’s Funniest Quotes

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6 Humorous Novels

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Bizarre Books VIII

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