Dark Humour Book | Guy Portman's Blog

Mangetout Blurb Reveal

Feb 12 2021

Today, I am pleased to unveil the updated blurb for Mangetout (Release date: March 11th).

Trouble has a habit of finding some people.

Kitchenhand Deron thinks he’s hit the jackpot when a routine delivery of vegetables turns out to be contraband. The problem is it belongs to somebody else. And they want it back.

Financier Hamish has got involved in the arms trade and business is good. However, he’s unwittingly made a formidable foe. One who will stop at nothing for revenge.

Ken’s fed up with the nine-to-five. An illegal venture with girlfriend Laura brings the job satisfaction he craves, but also attention from organised crime. This could all go horribly wrong.

These sharp, shocking and suspenseful stories are a must read.

‘Dangerously droll crime capers’ – Adam Riley, Comedian

Mangetout is my eighth book. I am currently hard at work on a ninth. Have a good weekend.

My Goodreads Author Page Link

The December Dark Fiction Bonanza.

Dec 25 2020

Happy Christmas everyone. I hope Santa brought you everything you wished for. If not don’t worry because I’ve got a present for you. But first I would like to share a picture of my Christmas Cake (Disclaimer: I didn’t make it). By the time you read this, it is probably half eaten.

I have teamed up with my fellow dark fiction authors to offer you a selection of 15 FREE dark fiction books. They include one of mine. The promotion ends on Sunday (27th).

December Dark Fiction Bonanza Link

All you have to do to claim your free book/s is to sign up to the given author’s mailing list. You can unsubscribe at any time. If you are already on my mailing list and want my title, just sign up again. I will remove any duplicates.

Happy Christmas and happy reading.

Food, Feasting, Fire & Free Fiction.

Nov 20 2020

We are in the midst of Lockdown #2 here in the UK and fun is in short supply. It’s wet, miserable and gets dark really early. Fortunately, there is still pleasure to be found. It had been a long time since I had scampi and chips.

Here is a Tesco-originating, Italian-themed antipasto I assembled earlier.

News of the birdfeeder has spread like wildfire. There are often multiple tits on the feeder at any given time with more waiting in the wings.

I’ll probably only fill it once a week. Otherwise it is going to become a financial burden.

After weeks of mild weather, there has been a cold spell. It was 1°C this morning.

The first fire of the season.

Presently, there is a KDP free day promotion running for my satirical offering – Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future. It is the only one of my books exclusive to Amazon. The five day campaign ends tomorrow (Saturday).

1,302 Amazon users downloaded Tomorrow’s World yesterday and it reached #37 Free in Kindle Store in Canada this lunchtime. Whether any of this means anything, only time will tell. Regardless, I am pleased that the book appeals enough for people to download despite the fact that it hasn’t got many reviews. Now I need them to read it.

Links: Amazon US, Amazon UK, Amazon CA, Amazon AU

Have a good weekend.

A Gazebo, A Summerhouse & Black Comedy

Jul 10 2020

This week I’ve been working on my new book – The Gazebo. Here are some details:

Two men’s lives are about to implode. Can they save themselves before it’s too late?

The Gazebo: A husband’s peculiar lust is out of control. If his wife finds out, there’ll be hell to pay – and she is on to him. Calamity looms in this warped tale featuring an unusual fetish and a gazebo.

The Curse: They warned him to steer clear of the Transylvanian temptress, but entrepreneur Theo couldn’t resist her charms. Now he’s up to his neck in trouble.

The Gazebo will be released late summer.

That is not a gazebo, it’s a summerhouse that has just been erected in my garden. It is going to be my office. There is still a fair bit of work to do – roof covering, insulation, electrics, patio and varnishing. Hopefully, it will be up and running in a month or so. I picked it up discounted due to the Covid-19 crisis. It’s proven to be an absolute nightmare for the builders as a lot of the pieces did not come cut to size.

Here’s my dog Trigga having a snooze on his favourite chair. It’s strange because there’s a big sofa next to it, but he prefers being cramped in his familiar chair.

I have been eating a fair bit of watermelon of late. No, that’s not my bowl. As I can’t get through half a watermelon on my own, I need help.

What with Lockdown relaxing, I imagine some of you are getting out and about a bit more. Last weekend I visited family for the first time in ages. This beef bourguignon was Sunday lunch.

Have a good weekend.

Sepultura Has A New Blurb

Sep 06 2019

As many of you are aware, the third instalment in the Necropolis Trilogy will be unleished on the world late this year (date to follow). The darkly humorous Golgotha will see the return of sociopath Dyson Devereux. I look forward to releasing more information in due course.

Today, I am pleased to unveil the new blurb for the second part in the trilogy. Those who have helped me modify the blurb for Sepultura are of the opinion that the new version better describes the book, particularly the conflict which lurks at the heart of it. And I agree with them. Here it is.

A sociopath’s work is never done.

Dyson Devereux is a busy man, with a challenging new job in the council’s Burials and Cemeteries department and a young son. Life should be fine.

But amid the mindless minutiae of his workplace, Dyson is fast losing patience with his crass colleagues and their contemptible clothes. Something’s got to give, and it’s not going to be Dyson.

Because unbeknown to those around him, beneath Dyson’s charming, Italian-delicacy-consuming veneer lurks something sinister. As his personal and professional lives threaten to spiral out of control, how long can Dyson keep his true nature under wraps?

Sepultura is a hilarious black comedy exposing the banality of public-sector bureaucracy.

“Hysterical. Takes dark humour to a whole new level” — Martin Allen, Author of Weed.

“A satirical gem” — Adam Riley, Comedian

Necropolis Trilogy retailer links – Amazon US, Amazon UK, Kobo US, Kobo UK, Kobo Ca

I know comments and likes aren’t functioning properly on this blog presently. I plan to rectify this soon. Have a good weekend.

Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future

Nov 02 2018

I am currently running a Goodreads Giveaway for my forthcoming book, Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future (Release Date: November 22nd).

The good news is that two signed, first edition paperback copies are up for grabs. The bad news is that the giveaway is only open to North American readers. Goodreads dictates the rules, not me. If it wasn’t for the inclusion of Canada, I would suspect this was another of Trump’s trade embargos. Regardless, you can still add Tomorrow’s World to your Goodreads to-read list; LibraryThing too if you’re that way inclined. Tomorrow’s World will be available to purchase in all countries (excluding North Korea). Here are some details:

The future’s here and it’s great. You can live for a very long time, you can experience the dream in virtual reality, and you can even worship David Hasselhoff. But not everyone is feeling fulfilled …

With the relentlessly increasing mandatory retirement age, Terrence can see no end to his life of drudgery. And then there are the compensation claim drones …

With its dark humour and gripping narrative, Tomorrow’s World paints a vivid picture of a future that’s a little too close for comfort.

40,251 words – 2.5 hours reading time
Publication Date: November 22nd (paperback & eBook)

‘… in Tomorrow’s World, Guy has seen the writing on the wall. And it’s in emojis.’ – Adam Riley (comedian)

Warning: This book is not suitable for overtly religious types/those who do not appreciate dark humour.

Tomorrow’s World Goodreads Page.

Have a good weekend.

Tag - Dark Humour Book

Mangetout Blurb Reveal

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The December Dark Fiction Bonanza.

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Food, Feasting, Fire & Free Fiction.

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A Gazebo, A Summerhouse & Black Comedy

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Sepultura Has A New Blurb

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Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future

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