Dark Humour | Guy Portman's Blog

The Gazebo – Release Imminent.

Aug 28 2020

My seventh book, The Gazebo, will be unleashed on the world next Tuesday (September 1st).

This darkly humorous, quick read (42k words) will be available in eBook and paperback form from all major retailers. I toyed with the idea of just opting for Amazon initially due to their potential incentives, but for better or worse decided against it in the end.

For a limited time only, The Gazebo (eBook) will be only 99p/99c. After a week or so a dollar/pound will likely be added to the price.

If you missed it, here is the back matter:

Click here to see The Gazebo on Goodreads.

Well, best be getting back to writing the next one. Have a good (extended if in UK) weekend.

Reading, Writing & Searing Heat

Aug 14 2020

It’s been unusually hot and humid in the UK of late, though it appears conditions will soon be returning to normal. It was 36C here the other day and it has been very sticky at night. Yesterday, while in the supermarket observing my fellow shoppers, I came to the conclusion that summer is the kindest time of year on the beautiful, the cruellest on those who are not.

The supermarket had rolled out some great deals on beer.

I opted for two Cobras and a Staropramen.

What with the heat, Trigga has been seeking the coolest places he can find.

He gave the postman a bit of a fright when he emerged barking from here.

Writer’s block is an ailment that affects many writers. This one is currently suffering from a bout. I have used some of the time to catch up with other stuff, including writing book reviews. It’s a labour of love but one I am adamant helps my writing. Six new book reviews will be appearing in the review section soon. I also ordered a couple of new books. Transgressive fiction and satire – two of my favourite genres.

I’ve been trying to mobilise some interest, from UK readers primarily, in the Necropolis Trilogy. A handful have taken the plunge.

With any luck some of them will be intrigued by my forthcoming darkly humorous book, The Gazebo (Release date: Sep. 01).

Have a good weekend.

The Gazebo: Check Out The Front Cover.

Aug 07 2020

Today, I am pleased to unveil the front cover for The Gazebo, my forthcoming darkly humorous work of fiction. Release date: September 1st.

Hope you like it as much as I do. The colour scheme and contrast is I believe appealing. Purple is a luxurious colour and an appropriate one for a darkly humorous read. The designer has done an excellent job with the depiction of the gazebo, which is a sinister presence in the first of the two stories.

The Gazebo is my seventh book. It will be available in eBook and paperback form. It is a quick, humorous and memorable read. The plan is to offer it at a discount for a short time, probably 99p/99c.

Here is the back matter:

It is searing hot here today and feels like Chad out there. Have a great weekend.

Click here to see my Goodreads Author Page.

The Summerhouse, The Gazebo & A One Day Heatwave.

Jul 31 2020

Recently, I have been feeling less like a writer and more like a labourer slash handyman, albeit one with dire DIY skills. It seemed that no sooner had I finished removing and burning a leylandii hedge than it was time to varnish the summerhouse. It took my friend and I twenty-two hours to put two coats on the exterior and one inside. There are just so many multiple-sided bits jutting out all over it, and the windows took an eternity to do.

Once the electricity is sorted, I will start using it as my office. That is the summerhouse dealt with, now for The Gazebo. The front cover is currently being designed and I look forward to unveiling it soon. The Gazebo consists of two darkly humorous stories. It is my seventh book.

The below is me posing with a honeysuckle, which is going to make a tree stump outside my front door more ascetically pleasing. That is the plan anyway.

It had been several decades since I saw a snake here in the UK. I stumbled across this grass snake on a walk the other day.

There is a one-day heatwave taking place today in much of the country. It feels like Chad out there. The temperature is currently 34C (93.2F). My dog has been seeking shade, as have I.

Hope you are all enjoying the hot weather, if you have hot weather that is. Have a great weekend.

Gardening, Beer, Reading & Lockdown Easing.

Jun 19 2020

Lockdown restrictions are beginning to ease and it seems things are returning to normal. This was made clear to me when I went to the supermarket this week and came across these Kleenex Originals. They are the first I’d seen in months. Was beginning to think Kleenex Originals had gone the same way as the dodo and woolly mammoth.

And that wasn’t the end of the supermarket’s pleasant surprises. This box of twenty-four Moretti was a mere twenty-three quid. What a deal.

I decided to make a daytrip of it, and also went to the gardening tool shop in addition to the supermarket. The protective shield bit had broken off on my brush cutter, and the lid for the scart socket keeps coming off, which has resulted in me getting sporadic electric shocks. A potentially catastrophic combination.

It transpires that it needs a new blade too. This is why cutting the garden has turned into a fulltime occupation. I had put it down to inefficiency on my part.

As for reading, I have just started a new book. This fiction writer needs a non fiction fix once in a while. It is proving to be interesting , but long.

Green tea and a Twix are an agreeable combination.

So is standard tea and a chocolate éclair.

Right, time to get going. My dog is waiting for his walk.

I’ve left Trigga out in the garden to scare off the pigeons. They keep eating my grass seed. Have a good weekend.

Lockdown Reading & Revelations

May 29 2020

Lockdown is starting to wind down here in the UK, it seems. As for me, I will be remaining in self-isolation. If there’s another way to live, I am not familiar with it. Besides, it has its perks, including reduced car fuel costs.

Not much of note has happened this week. On Monday, I found this nine quid box of Corona in the supermarket. It remains unopened, but that is poised to change.

You know when you have your schedule laid out for the day, only for a spanner to be thrown in the works? In this instance, it was discovering the hoover wasn’t performing its one function. It took ages to disassemble it, find the blockage and remove it. Mr Dyson’s hoover innovation infatuation doesn’t extend to inventing a non-blockable model, it appears. Dyson’s revolutionary wheel ball is all good and well, but I’d swap it for a blockage-free hoover any day of the week.

Someone was in for a treat. A dry pellet, broccoli, tomato and cheese feast. It could be the name of a Dominos Pizza, though I suspect my creation would be more appetising.

It’s been warm and sunny here in south of England every day for what seems like ages. Trigga has been enjoying the weather, as have I.

Some workers have been taking unusual precautions to protect themselves against the threat of Covid-19. Take my local supermarket worker for instance. Effective perhaps, if not a little concerning.

People are reading more during Lockdown, we are told. I want to try and utilise this trend to find more readers for my books. Presently, I am waiting for Amazon to get back to me about ways in which I can use my new Necropolis Trilogy series page to do just that; fingers crossed.

Like many authors, I don’t stick only to my own genre/s (dark humour/satire) when it comes to reading. Earlier this week, I picked up this kindle book for 99p following a recommendation on Goodreads. It’s a subject I know little about; and as I fancy myself to be something of a war historian dilettante, I thought why not?

No doubt you have read some good books over lockdown. If you have any suggestions, I’d be keen to hear them. Have a good weekend.

5 Good Books Containing Dark Humour

May 15 2020

This week we return to the subject of books. Here are five works of fiction that contain dark humour. Click on the links to read my reviews.

Glue by Irvine Welsh

Glue adeptly captures the zeitgeists of the various eras it encapsulates. The book’s scabrous descriptions will appeal to all fans of the Transgressive Fiction genre.

My Review: Glue is about four friends who hail from Scotland’s capital, Edinburgh. It begins with them as infants in the 1970s, and ends at the dawn of the new …(more)

Suttree by Cormac McCarthy

This brutal, bleak and at times humorous episodic tome (600+ pages) is a must for all dark fiction aficionados.

My Review: Cornelius Suttree resides in a dilapidated houseboat on the Tennessee River, on the edge of Knoxville. He ekes out a living fishing in its murky waters; his primary …(more)

Rant by Chuck Palahniuk

Rant challenges our own traditions by demonstrating how we contort our recollection of events in accordance with our desires, motives and beliefs.

My Review: Rant is the oral history of Buster ‘Rant’ Casey, recounted by an array of people including his relations, friends, enemies and lovers. Rant’s childhood companions from the …(more)

Knockemstiff by Donald Ray Pollock

Knockemstiff is a transgressive compilation of short stories. Topics include drugs, drinking, disease and sexual degeneracy.

My Review: These interlinked short stories are set in ‘The Holler’; an impoverished part of Knockemstiff, a real-life Ohioan backwater. ‘The Holler’s’ air is permanently imbued with the stench of …(more)

Checking Out by Nick Spalding

Checking Out is a black comedy sprinkled with hope. Many will be drawn to its protagonist due to his wry wit and likeable personality.

My Review: Nathan is a young, well-off musician with a gorgeous girlfriend, a sportscar and some exceedingly expensive bi-fold doors. He is also successful, thanks to his …(more)

Lockdown: Light At The End Of The Tunnel.

May 08 2020

The news here in the UK is that the lockdown is poised to be relaxed soon. What form this will take, only time will tell. Other European countries are beginning to return to normal, or at least a new normal, so it’s inevitable we’ll follow suit now new cases of Covid-19 are falling fast.

What are you most looking forward to doing when lockdown ends? For me – getting a haircut.

And what am I least looking forward to? The inevitable increase in taxes.

This week I’ve been catching up with my book reviews for the books I’ve read this year. The six new reviews will be making an appearance on my blog soon. If you haven’t already, you might be interested in the 165 reviews I’ve written (see My Reviews section). I’ve also been jogging and weight training. Here is my dog waiting for me to catch up on a run in the woods.

And here’s an inquisitive deer looking into my garden.

I’ve been drinking Corona. Couldn’t resist Tesco’s ten quid box offer of the stuff. If there’s a better warm weather beer out there, I am yet to try it.

Yesterday, I was pleased to see a duck on the tiny pond I recently dug out in my garden.

Lockdown is obviously proving pretty trying for people, particularly those stuck in small apartments in the city, and I hope things improve for them soon. As for me, the lockdown hasn’t made much difference to my life thus far. What would I have been doing differently anyway? Not much. But knowing that others are also stuck at home makes me feel better. Selfish perhaps; but what is there in this world if not by comparison.

Visitors have been pouring into my blog of late. What does this mean? Not a lot. They are coming to read my articles and reviews of books, and have no interest in me, my mailing list, or the six books I’ve written. C’est la vie; better that than nothing I suppose. I’m used to obscurity after a lifetime of it. Perhaps one of these days I’ll monetise this blog. Maybe sign up for an affiliate program with book retailers. Until then hope springs eternal. Have a good weekend. Keep well and stay safe.

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5 Things To Do During Lockdown.

May 01 2020

Lockdown continues to drag on here in the UK. Though there is light at the end of the tunnel, so we’re told. What with all the time people are spending at home, gardens have never had so much TLC. As it was raining this week, I took the opportunity to plant some hedges. You can pick the things up for peanuts at the moment. Planting my hedges entailed digging ninety holes.

And then it was time for the grass seed.

And then the wild flower seed.

Reading is a great way to wile away the time on lockdown. My current read is a morbid one.

I have been doing a lot of writing of late. My work in progress is a book of novella length, consisting of two darkly humorous tales, set for the most part in the upper echelons of English society. One of the tales has a supernatural theme.

Shopping was once a pleasure; it is now at best an inconvenience, at worst a nightmare. The queues to get into the supermarket are pretty horrendous and I try and stick to smaller shops. I’d been on the look out for these for over a month. If they didn’t come in a pack of six, this would constitute hoarding.

My fifth activity has been cleaning. Here is my dog sheltering on dry land after the floor was mopped.

Have a good weekend.

Covid-19 & The Great Outdoors

Apr 24 2020

The future has shifted from a promise to a threat. Who knows when this Covid-19 situation is going to blow over. It has to be soon, or the global economy is going to be a train wreck. Well, it is already come to think of it. As for me, I’ve been fortunate in that I can get outside, as I live in the countryside. Not that it’s all been enjoyment. Removing this stump was a living hell. It has been replaced with a hedging plant.

What with the Covid-19 situation, there are some good deals around, especially when it comes to hedging plants and gardening supplies in general it seems.

We’ve been fortunate to have had such glorious weather during lockdown, something you can’t take for granted here in the UK. Walking and unwinding in the woods has been a pleasure.

This tranquil setting (see below) proved to be the ideal place to ease coronavirus-related stress.

There is nothing quite as cathartic as water. Well opiates perhaps. But water is better for one’s health, and wallet.

What with all the gardening and writing I’ve been doing, I haven’t got as much reading done as I hoped. These two books will be devoured soon.

I’ve never considered myself a fan of sake, but this bottle was delicious.

As for book sales, it’s been a torrid period of late though there was a welcome smattering of sales of Necropolis (#1 Necropolis Trilogy) on UK Amazon this week.

Have a good weekend. Take care and stay safe.

Tag - Dark Humour

The Gazebo – Release Imminent.

Like this:

Reading, Writing & Searing Heat

Like this:

The Gazebo: Check Out The Front Cover.

Like this:

The Summerhouse, The Gazebo & A One Day Heatwave.

Like this:

Gardening, Beer, Reading & Lockdown Easing.

Like this:

Lockdown Reading & Revelations

Like this:

5 Good Books Containing Dark Humour

Like this:

Lockdown: Light At The End Of The Tunnel.

Like this:

5 Things To Do During Lockdown.

Like this:

Covid-19 & The Great Outdoors

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