Dark Humour | Guy Portman's Blog

Necropolis Is On Sale – 99p/99c

Nov 22 2019

In the build up to the release of Golgotha (Dec. 03) and for a limited time (Today & Tomorrow), Necropolis is only 99p/99c (usual price: £2.99/$3.39). Available at all major retailers – Amazon US, Amazon UK, Barnes & Noble, Kobo & all the others. As is the case with the further instalments in my black comedy trilogy (#2 Sepultura & #3 Golgotha) #1 Necropolis can be read as a standalone novel.

What is a sociopath to do?

Dyson Devereux’s life appears to be on track. He has a way with the ladies, impeccable good taste, and as the recently promoted head of Burials and Cemeteries at Newton Borough Council, a job that demands request.

But Dyson is becoming annoyed with his drug-addled girlfriend’s decline, fed up with his banal work colleagues, and incensed by Newton New Cemetery’s gaudy memorial structures.

When Dyson suspects someone of having an even darker past than him, he has a chance for redemption. Will he seize it, or is his destiny to be a life of toil in Burials and Cemeteries?

Brutal, bleak and darkly comical, Necropolis is a savage indictment of the politically correct, health and safety obsessed public sector.

‘… a magnificent foray into the mind of a sociopath’ – DLS Reviews

‘The book is full of razor-sharp satire’ – Crime Fiction Lover

400+ Ratings on Goodreads

Grab your copy today and discover where it all began for your favourite sociopath, Dyson Devereux. Here are some of the retailer links – Amazon US, Amazon UK, Barnes & Noble, Kobo. Have a good weekend.

Another Week Bites The Dust

Nov 15 2019

Well, it’s Friday again. The week has had its up and downs like all weeks. The down has been a lingering cold; the ups have been several delicious meals, reading some good books and acceptance for a ‘BookBub New Release’ promotion for my forthcoming darkly humorous crime novel – Golgotha (release date: Dec. 03). Unlike with some of their other promotions, this type is for full price titles, and only runs in North America. If you haven’t read Golgotha’s excerpt yet, here is the link (467 words, <2 mins).

It has been cold here in West Sussex. Below is a photograph I took on my dog walk early one morning of a frost-covered field with a couple of deer in it.

Here is my dog stationed in the warmest spot in the house.

I had these scallops and chorizo at one of my local pubs on Wednesday.

And for dessert this. One never tires of chocolate brownies.

On another subject, I wrote a couple of book reviews this week. Click on the links to see my reviews of Papillon by Henri Charriere and Mother Night by Kurt Vonnegut.

Next up is Geek Love by Katherine Dunn.

Have a good weekend.

6 Darkly Humorous Reading Recommendations

Nov 01 2019

This week’s post is dedicated to six darkly humorous reading recommendations. Click on the links to read my reviews.

Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk

The book’s premise, the superficial vanity of the beauty industry, is used both to explore the unattractive side of human nature.

My Review: Shannon McFarland is a catwalk model, who is the centre of attention wherever she goes. That is until she ‘accidentally’ blasts her jaw shot off with a gun whilst driving down the highway. Shannon is left …(more)

Catch-22 by Joseph Heller

This best-selling and controversial satirical anti-war novel is brimming with absurdist humour.

My Review: Set on the Mediterranean island of Pianosa during WWII, Catch-22 is about the exploits of the fictitious 256th Squadron. We follow protagonist Yossarian and his comrades’ farcical attempts to be declared mentally unfit in order …(more)

An Ice-Cream War by William Boyd

An Ice-Cream War’s motif is the absurdness of war. This unpredictable serio-comedy’s utilises a blend of tragedy and black humour.

My Review: After much tension and speculation, World War I begins. The main campaign is contended on the Western Front, but there is also a less well-known offensive in colonial East Africa, where the British and their native conscripts are …(more)

Necropolis by Guy Portman

Brutal, bleak and darkly comical, Necropolis is a savage indictment of the politically correct, health and safety obsessed public sector.

The Blurb: Dyson Devereux’s life appears to be on track. He has a way with the ladies, impeccable good taste, and as the recently promoted head of Burials and Cemeteries at Newton Borough Council, a job that demands …(more)

Women by Charles Bukowski

The concise, visceral story follows the exploits of ageing lowlife and Bukowski alter ego, Henry Chinaski.

My Review: Fat, ugly fifty-something Henry Chinaski is a degenerate drinker, gambler and womaniser residing in downtrodden East Hollywood.
After a lifetime spent toiling in menial jobs, he is finally making a living as …(more)

The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

The Metamorphosis is a bleak, existential nihilistic tale that comments on the human condition and the futility of life.

My Review: Protagonist Gregor Samsa wakes up one morning to find that he has been transformed into a beetle. This awkward situation is exacerbated when Gregor’s boss turns up at his house seeking an explanation for …(more)

Fun, Furnishings & Frippery

Oct 25 2019

It’s Friday again. They seem to come around real quick. As for the ‘Friday Feeling’, it’s conspicuous by its absence here. Not that I’m complaining; I’ve had my fun for the week. While far from exhilarating, it was fun all the same. The fun:

1). The burger on Tuesday lunchtime.

2). A glimpse of sunshine in what has been an otherwise desolate stretch of weather for us UK inhabitants.

3). A conversation with an attractive female which might lead to more. ‘Illusion is the first of all pleasures’ – Oscar Wilde

We all indulge in labours of love, right? Well us writers certainly do; or the vast majority at least. One of my labours of love is writing reviews of every book I read. It’s a time-consuming process, but one I insist upon. I am currently behind on my reviews. Once the England vs All Blacks Rugby World Cup Semi Final ends tomorrow, I will start catching up on them. I have four to do. Here they are:

Moving on … I have been living without curtains for over two years. In their place, I have used drapes and/or towels cellotaped to the walls. This week my curtains finally arrived. Want to see them …? Probably not, but I’m going to show you anyway. Open …

Closed …

So, that’s the Furnishings part of this blog post’s title out of the way. As for the Frippery; they’re the ornate brass balls at the ends of the curtain rail. Have a good weekend.

The Necropolis Trilogy And More Besides

Aug 30 2019

Golgotha, the final instalment in my Necropolis Trilogy, is nearing completion. I am currently working on a blurb, which I look forward to sharing with you in due course. If you haven’t done so already, why not check out the first two darkly humorous offerings in the trilogy? Click here to see my books on Amazon.

What is a sociopath to do?

A sociopath’s work is never done.

I hope you’ve all enjoyed your summer (Northern Hemisphere) visitors. What with all the sun and rain, I have been besieged with gardening. It is now complete; that is until it grows again. This lawn was landscaped a few months back hence why it looks a bit patchy in places. But it’s coming along well, and I look forward to the day when it will be a pristine bowling green.

In other news, I have just finished my thirteenth book of the year – Papillon. The 600 page tome is about a man sentenced to life imprisonment in a penal colony in French Guiana. Review to follow. Perhaps you’ve read it or watched the film it inspired. Next up will be some dark humour. A batch of books are on their way.

My blog’s comments and likes etc. are still not working properly, which is annoying. But I will be migrating to a new website at some point in the not too distant future, so I am not going to try and rectify this fiddly issue for now.

Have a good weekend.

6 Humorous Reading Recommendations

Aug 23 2019

This week I have six humorous reading recommendations for you – five of which I’ve read and one that I have written. Click on the links to read my reviews.

High Fidelity by Nick Hornby

Set in the 1990s, High Fidelity is a wryly humorous, music-themed novel that analyses man’s fixations and foibles.

My Review: Rob is a record shop owner from North London. The thirty-something has just split up with his girlfriend Laura and is now single. He had been …(more)

The Squirrel that Dreamt of Madness by Craig Stone

The Squirrel that Dreamt of Madness is a bizarre and humorous novel about the author’s time spent living homeless in a park.

My Review: The author Craig Stone is becoming increasingly disillusioned with the predictability and banality of his everyday existence. Deciding that it is better to live dreaming than …(more)

Rant by Chuck Palahniuk

Rant challenges our own traditions by demonstrating how we contort our recollection of events in accordance with our desires, motives and beliefs.

My Review: Rant is the oral history of Buster ‘Rant’ Casey, recounted by an array of people including his relations, friends, enemies and lovers. Rant’s childhood companions from the …(more)

Candide by Voltaire

Candide is an eighteenth-century satirical classic that evaluates optimism; the prevailing philosophical ideology of The Enlightenment.

My Review: Brought up in the household of a German baron, cheerful protagonist Candide has been instilled with the philosophy of Leibniz, notably – That all is for the best in this …(more)

Knockemstiff by Donald Ray Pollock

Knockemstiff is a transgressive compilation of short stories. Topics include drugs, drinking, disease and sexual degeneracy.

My Review: These interlinked short stories are set in ‘The Holler’; an impoverished part of Knockemstiff, a real-life Ohioan backwater. ‘The Holler’s’ air is permanently imbued with …(more)

Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales by Guy Portman

This quick read’s subjects encompass manic capitalism, extreme celebrity worship, virtual reality and a grotesquely ageing population. (Free at all retailers – you can also download it through this link)

Daily Squib Review: There’s something about the future that scares the shit out of people a lot, maybe it’s simply the thought of the unknown that affects us with such fear. What possible delights await …(more)

The Week – the good, the bad & the ugly

Jul 26 2019

Another week bites the dust. I have just come back from a break in The Fens, and am now back at the grindstone trying to make up for lost time. For what it is worth I have categorised the week gone by into three categories.

The Good: There are few things as cathartic as being in the countryside. Here is a photo of a freshly cut Fens field taken shortly before the heatwave began in earnest.

More good … The local pub has Moretti on tap, and the butcher is of exceptional quality.

I wasn’t the only one enjoying The Fen food.

The Bad: I never thought I would live to see the day when it was 30C at 19:30 in Norfolk. I only remember a few days ever reaching that temperature when I was kid. Many will no doubt disagree, but it’s too hot for the UK in my humble opinion. And with the heat came the flies. There were so many on Monday, I could have been in Somalia.

More Bad … Sales of Necropolis and Sepultura (first two instalments in my black comedy trilogy) have been non-existent this past week. They had been performing okay of late. Hopefully this will be rectified soon. That’s called positive thinking.

The Ugly: My friends beat me in our air rifle target competition. Although I’ve had no practice of late it annoyed me immensely, especially considering we were using my gun.

But the ugliest thing this week is that I committed a cardinal sin.

Not sure how circumstances led to this, but this fashion faux pas/sartorial setback was a one off.

17 FREE Humour Books For You

May 17 2019

Once again, I have collaborated with my fellow humour authors to offer you a selection of FREE humour books. This time there are 17 to choose from. The deal includes my satirical book of vignettes, Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future (40,251 words/2.5 hours reading time).

17 FREE HUMOUR BOOKS OFFER LINK

If you like dark humour and you are looking for a quick read, Tomorrow’s World could be the book for you. To get your FREE copy of mine and/or any of the other offerings, just click on the link and then click on the book cover you want. All you have to do to claim your FREE book (Mobi/ePub/PDF) is sign up to the given author’s mailing list. You can unsubscribe at any point. If you are already on my mailing list, please sign up again. I will delete any duplicates. So hurry while stocks last. Actually, they are eBooks so stocks will last, but the deal ends on May 28th and time is ticking.

17 FREE HUMOUR BOOKS OFFER LINK

‘… in Tomorrow’s World, Guy has seen the writing on the wall. And it’s in emojis’ – Adam Riley (comedian)

‘This book will certainly have you turning the pages to see what happens next …’ – The Daily Squib

Floods, Felling Trees, Black Comedies and Comfort Food

May 10 2019

Yesterday afternoon, I finished the second draft of my forthcoming novel, the black comedy Golgotha. It is the final instalment in the Necropolis Trilogy, featuring darkly humorous sociopath Dyson Devereux. It is now in the hands of beta readers.

Having polished off the draft, I woke up in a cheery mood this morning, but a flood in my kitchen put an end to it. The dishwasher pipe is leaking, again. Last time I was able to stop it, this time I can’t. There is water everywhere, and only the plumber can save me now.

The best approach on failing to rectify a problem is to make a tactical retreat. After abandoning my efforts to hold back the flood, I sojourned to my study to drink coffee and eat Maltesers.

Here is a shot of some other indulgences from the week gone by.

It is quite noisy here today what with tree surgeons removing a tree in my garden. It was a case of nice tree, wrong place. Hopefully its demise will result in my house getting way more light.

The Council have permitted me to fell a couple of trees on the condition that I plant two new ones to replace them. I take my carbon footprint seriously, but I do not want more trees. The whole idea of getting rid of the trees was to have a less congested garden. I plan to get around the issue by planting bonsai trees.

There is the sound of crunching gravel. Someone is approaching. It better be the plumber and not another Jehovah’s Witness … Yes, I am in luck. It is time to go. Have a good weekend.

If you are looking for something to read, check out my soon to be completed Necropolis Trilogy. If you love dark humour, you’ll love Necropolis. And if you don’t, you probably won’t.

Click here to see the 155 ratings & reviews for #1 Necropolis and #2 Sepultura on Goodreads.

#1: What is a sociopath to do?

#2
A sociopath can only keep up a façade for so long.

‘The book is full of razor-sharp satire’ – Crime Fiction Lover

Random Ramblings, Pick & Mixes and Grass

May 03 2019

I am all about routine. Every morning when I awaken at seven, I have a walk in the woods by my house with my dog. There is no better time of day unless one is hungover. Of late, there have been plenty of sunny, idyllic mornings here in West Sussex. After a walk, I generally feel refreshed and ready to get on with my writing, or whatever I have to do that day.

My garden was recently landscaped. I scattered grass seed over it some weeks back, but despite there having been plenty of sun and some rain, it still resembles The Kalahari (see below). I was lamenting the lack of growth to a hippie I came across in the pub earlier in the week. He asked if I’d tried any ‘harvest prayers’. I said no, certainly not. He suggested that I might try the ‘very effective’ Mayan Prayer to the Seven Directions. Considering that the Mayan civilisation was decimated by severe drought, I think I will give it a miss.

Not a great deal else has happened to me this past week. Well actually, I had some vegetable samosas a few nights back. I am a carnivorous creature, but when it comes to samosas I am strictly vegetarian. They just don’t work with meat, at least not for me.

Some of my fondest memories from childhood entail Pick & Mix. And whenever I stumble across a Pick & Mix, I tend to be overwhelmed with nostalgia. On Monday when I went to the supermarket, I came across my first Lindor Pick & Mix.

I was unimpressed. While Lindor balls are not without their virtues, they are just too sickly and too similar to one another to justify a Pick & Mix devoted solely to them.

Tag - Dark Humour

Necropolis Is On Sale – 99p/99c

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Another Week Bites The Dust

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6 Darkly Humorous Reading Recommendations

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Fun, Furnishings & Frippery

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The Necropolis Trilogy And More Besides

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6 Humorous Reading Recommendations

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The Week – the good, the bad & the ugly

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17 FREE Humour Books For You

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Floods, Felling Trees, Black Comedies and Comfort Food

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Random Ramblings, Pick & Mixes and Grass

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