Easter Eggs | Guy Portman's Blog

Virtual Easter Egg Hunts, Easter Coronavirus Bunnies & More.

Apr 10 2020

Lent officially ended yesterday, but what with the coronavirus lockdown being extended it is going to run for a little while longer yet.

In other news, the Easter Bunny has had a makeover.

Kinder eggs are great, but I for one have had enough surprises this year.

Self-isolation and Easter eggs hunts aren’t an ideal combination, unless one has amnesia. Fortunately there is a solution – virtual Easter egg hunts. Presumably, the fun is all in the hunt. A bit like fox hunting when the fox bit was banned. After all virtual Easter eggs can’t be that appetising though I hear anorexics love them.

If you’re interested in setting up your own virtual Easter egg hunt, you can find instructions through this link. (Tip: Unless you want to get egg on your face do not use FaceTime for hunts involving more than ten people. Use Skype).

And the Easter fun doesn’t end with virtual Easter egg hunts. For the first time this Easter, virtual church services are taking place. Here in the UK, the Archbishop of Canterbury is due to lead the first virtual Church of England service. Combining church with a Sunday sleep-in certainly appeals more than turning up in person. None the less I think I’ll give it a miss.

And then there’s the virtual church service slash virtual Easter egg hunt. One has to locate the hidden eggs in various places in the church – (cloisters, congregations’ handbags etc.) in a clandestine manner, so as not to incur the wrath of the pastor, parishioners and God himself who will not hesitate in vanquishing you with a lightening bolt, if he notices you disrespecting his special day by scurrying around looking for eggs. I made that up; but it’s got promise.

Jokes aside, there seems little doubt that the coronavirus pandemic is giving us a sneak preview of the future. Everything will be going virtual in due course. That is my prediction in Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future (99c/99p on Amazon). If you’re not too busy with your virtual shenanigans this Easter, you might enjoy it.

‘This book will certainly have you turning the pages to see what happens next …’ – The Daily Squib

Tomorrow’s World is … a plea to put down the VR headset and experience life directly. Because nothing lasts forever.

My Easter Egg Hunt

Mar 25 2016

Happy Easter. This week we take a sojourn from the usual book/author theme to explore the world of Easter Eggs. Sales at Easter time make up approximately 10% of UK chocolate spending for the whole year. We Britons love chocolate. In world league tables of per capita consumption the UK comes joint 4th behind Switzerland, Germany and Austria. As is the case every year my supermarket is seething with Easter chocolate.

Amongst the usual culprits is this Lindt Giant Carrot.

The Church of England never tires of reminding us that secularism and consumerism is resulting in religious traditions being increasingly marginalised. Their response is The Real Easter Egg (see below). These can be found in stores across the UK. The story of Jesus is depicted on the sides and back of the box.

Until recently I was under the impression that Easter eggs are supposed to be an opportunity to indulge oneself after the privations of Lent. This is no longer the case. Lent Continued Easter Eggs are everywhere these days, especially in WholeFoods. The below ~~Smug Eggs~~ moo free eggs are organic, GM free, wheat free, soya free… It appears that soya is no longer the go to dairy alternative. This is due to its purported health risks. How do I know? I listen in on people’s conversations when I go on my photography trips to WholeFoods.

Prior to this Easter I had never seen the sweetener xylitol advertised on Easter Egg packaging (see below). To me it sounds as appealing as a swimming pool promoting its high chlorine content. Xylitol is all the rage at the moment I was soon to discover. Apparently it can reduce bacteria in your mouth by up to 90%. Does this mean that if you eat Easter Eggs with xylitol in you are cleaning your teeth at the same time?

There’s always one. Not content with being oval, this Ladurée pretentious petal egg (see below) has embraced a postmodern deconstructed look. It is decorated with crystallised rose, jasmine and violet petals, garnished with dark, milk and praline chocolate figurines and bells. Cost: £72.50 ($102.47)

Laduree Petal Egg

Below are some aesthetically pleasing Easter Eggs that resemble real birds’ eggs.

And here are some ostrich sized ones.

One thing I have noticed this year is the prevalence of Easter chocolate being sold by companies that we do not usually associate with chocolate. Below are some Hello Kitty chocolate treats that I came across yesterday.

I am an ardent devotee of Cadbury Creme Eggs (see below). But not all is well in the world of Cadbury Creme Eggs. Satisfaction has fallen dramatically amongst consumers since the product’s controversial recipe change, which saw Dairy Milk being replaced with ‘standard cocoa mix chocolate’. I must confess that I didn’t even notice.

creme egg

Whatever Easter Eggs you decide on, I hope you enjoy them.

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I am the author of the black comedy Necropolis.

And the psychological thriller Symbiosis.

My Easter Egg Tour

Apr 03 2015

I was going to dedicate this week’s blog post to books about Easter, but after doing a little research I came to the conclusion that this was not a good subject for a post. Most books about Easter are aimed at children and about half of them are about bunnies.

Yesterday afternoon I took a break from working on my third novel and went to the shops, where I came across a dizzying array of Easter Eggs. This inspired me to write this Easter Egg themed blog post.

As sales at Easter time make up 10% of UK chocolate spending for the whole year, it was no surprise that my local supermarket was seething with Easter eggs (see above), each struggling for attention amongst the crowded shelves. Most chocolate brands merely provide their usual chocolate offering shaped as an egg, but now and again a marketing team comes up with an inspired idea like this Lindt Giant Carrot (see below).

Easter eggs are supposed to be an opportunity to indulge oneself after the privations of Lent, or at least that is what I thought prior to coming across these moo free easter eggs, which are dairy free, wheat free, gluten free, egg free and vegan (see below). I call them Lent Continued Easter Eggs. My condolences to any unfortunate children who will be receiving Lent Continued Easter Eggs this Easter. I can only assume from the sickly looking bunny on the box that moo free eggs aren’t particularly appetising.

The Church of England often laments the loss of religious traditions in the face of relentless consumerism. However all is not lost. Below is The Real Easter Egg. These can be found in stores across the UK. Not only is the story of Jesus depicted on the sides and back of the box, but the chocolate is of the fair trade variety and a percentage of sales go to charity.

For those of us emaciated from our Lenten fasts might I suggest a gargantuan Easter egg (see below). If camouflaged with foliage this Easter Egg could masquerade as part of the scenery in an Easter egg hunt. While I am on the subject of Easter Egg hunts, did you know that the World’s biggest Easter egg hunt was in Florida in 2007, when close to 10,000 children set out to find 501,000 Easter Eggs. This I found surprising considering Florida’s large gator population.

For those unwilling to dine on the chocolate of the proletariat there is the Charbonnel et Walker milk chocolate egg with pink mare de champagne truffle (see below).

Did you know that the World’s most popular egg-shaped chocolate is Cadbury’s Creme Egg. Workers at the Cadbury factory in Birmingham produce 1.5 million of them everyday. I am a big fan of Cadbury Creme Eggs. Enjoy your Easter Eggs. Happy Easter.