Gardening | Guy Portman's Blog

Games, Grub & Gardening Galore

Jul 23 2021

By ‘Games’, I’m referring to The Olympic Games. The opening ceremony is today. Can’t say I’ll be watching. Maybe it’s just me, but there is something unappealing about an Olympics with no spectators.

Synchronised swimming isn’t particularly exciting at the best of times, and without a vociferous crowd in attendance it is tantamount to watching paint dry. Same goes for a lot of other events I’m thinking. However, one suspects a significant proportion of the world’s population will still tune in to see the men’s 100 metres final. I know I will. Wonder who the sprinters to watch are now Bolt and the ‘anti-christ’ Gatlin are gone.

Anyone else a fan of watermelon. There is no more refreshing way to kick off a hot summer’s day.

This proved to be a healthy dinner. Good thing I like the colour green.

Another day, another green tea. If you haven’t seen it before, this is my Italia 90 Panini mug.

Trigga, having his siesta.

What with the all the rain and now sun, the garden has been growing like mad. I got two hours of help last week, but otherwise I’ve been fighting with it alone. Not to complain – gardening is a cathartic activity and good exercise etc.

Admittedly, most of what I do is just cutting stuff. I’ve had neither the time or inclination to create beds brimming with an abundance of colourful flora. Maybe one of these days.

Just when I thought it was all done, I realised I’d forgotten this section. It looks like the Amazon Rainforest pre-Bolsonaro.

Better get it cleared right away before the rain comes.

Partying, Partaking, Pastries & Problems

Jul 02 2021

The partying in the title refers to the wedding I attended last Saturday. It had been a very long time since I had been in a large gathering of people. I managed to successfully avoid all physical contact. It came naturally to me.

Some lessons had to be relearned however. Lesson One: Make eye contact with people. Lesson Two: Don’t maintain eye contact 100% of the time (or one will appear psychotic). Lesson Three: Don’t drink to excess, or one will suffer the consequences.

It took me until I was around thirty to learn the first two lessons, but I learnt the latter when I was fifteen. Unfortunately, I had forgotten it. I have since been reminded.

The dining marquee

My place. There’s nothing quite like seeing one’s name in print.

That’s the wine done with. Anyone else a fan of Limoncello?

The two metre plus best man striding away from what was a successful speech.

A Scottish cousin and his other half in celebratory mood. No, it wasn’t England failing to beat Scotland in the football that was the cause of their jubilation.

Now for the pastries. They’re Baklava. I ate the entire box last night.

Finally, a break from the rain. It was time to get some gardening done. The problem was I couldn’t remember which oil the flymow takes.

Could have sworn it was this one.

I was wrong.

Hedging, Reading & More Besides.

Sep 18 2020

This week I have divided most of my time between writing, reading and hedging. The hedging is of the vegetation variety, as opposed to hedge funding. This form of hedging might not be as lucrative, but it’s probably more fatiguing.

Fortunately, my neighbour has been helping me. Otherwise it would be a Sisyphean task. Topping the hedge is going to have to wait until a suitable platform arrives from Amazon, as it’s just too high. I did briefly consider utilising a ladder. However, I came to the conclusion that using a chainsaw on a ladder probably isn’t a good idea.

The weight seems to fall off doing gardening, this despite the fact I have been drinking a few beers in the evenings.

This is my new washing machine. Two washes in and it’s working like clockwork.

It was nostalgic eating a ’99 Flake’ last weekend. I hadn’t had one in decades. They might not cost 99p anymore but they still taste just as good.

As for reading, it’s been typical fare of late. I recently finished this highly original satirical novel.

And I am currently reading this work of Transgressive Fiction.

Have a good weekend.

Humorous Fiction and A New Toy

Jul 03 2020

You know when you have no luck with something. It could be anything – but in my case it’s brush cutters amongst other things. I started off with the cheapest I could find. It weighed the same as an Atlas stone from World’s Strongest Man, and the engine overheated and switched itself off every two minutes. I then bought a Kawasaki which was pretty good until it wasn’t. As repairing it was proving to be a big undertaking, I upgraded this week to the Ferrari of brush cutters – a Stihl FS70. It cost an arm and a leg, but I am hoping it will be just what the doctor ordered. I will be taking it out for a test run soon.

Here’s my dog posing with his new tennis ball in my mown, but not brush cut garden.

I just got him this 2kg bag of charcoal dog biscuits from Amazon. What did we do before Amazon came on the scene? Surely life was less convenient. They might come in for a lot of criticism, but I for one am somewhat dependent on them.

My seventh book is currently being proofread. The Gazebo is a darkly humorous quick read, consisting of two stories.

Story One: Lust threatens to go horribly wrong in a tale featuring an unusual fetish and a gazebo.

Story Two: When an entrepreneur falls for a temptress, his life rapidly spirals out of control.

A lot of people have been getting a fair bit of reading done over Lockdown. I’ve done some, but not as much as many from the sound of things. Of late, my book choices have been somewhat eclectic. But I’m going to stick with my genre, humorous fiction, for a while. My next two reads will be: