Tag - Humour

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Misanthropic Ramblings
2
Games, Grub & Gardening Galore
3
Snow, Snacks, Steaks & Sunrises.
4
A Scary Fun Book Bonanza
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The Week – the good, the bad & the ugly
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Tomorrow’s World: 6 Days To Go
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8 Books That Made Me Laugh
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12 Peculiar Books
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12 Amusing One Star Book Reviews
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30 Free Humour Books

Misanthropic Ramblings

If I had as many interactions with people as I do deer, I would be considered a sociable creature. Take this morning for instance. Was barely out my garden when I stumbled across these three. Fortunately, deer don’t comment on the weather or I’d be sick to death of them by now.

And here are yesterday’s.

And Wednesday’s.

You get the point. Admittedly, some of them are no doubt the same deer. My dog doesn’t chase these deer (roe) if I tell him not to. The muntjack (little deer – invasive species from the Far East) are a different story. Muntjack are like a red flag to a bull for Trigga.

Here is an arboretum I visited last weekend. Note the fencing around the trees. It’s to stop the deer eating them.

Here is a shot of my desk. My summerhouse cum office is proving to be a tranquil working environment. I have written 1.5 books so far this year. Of course rewriting may be necessary.

Currently, I am reading a crime caper by Carl Hiassen, the famous humour author. It is proving to be something of a revelation, having never read any of his books. I think I prefer more subtle humour. It’s laid on a bit thick for me, though I appreciate how easy to read his writing is, and the pacing is impeccable.

Have a good weekend.

Games, Grub & Gardening Galore

By ‘Games’, I’m referring to The Olympic Games. The opening ceremony is today. Can’t say I’ll be watching. Maybe it’s just me, but there is something unappealing about an Olympics with no spectators.

Synchronised swimming isn’t particularly exciting at the best of times, and without a vociferous crowd in attendance it is tantamount to watching paint dry. Same goes for a lot of other events I’m thinking. However, one suspects a significant proportion of the world’s population will still tune in to see the men’s 100 metres final. I know I will. Wonder who the sprinters to watch are now Bolt and the ‘anti-christ’ Gatlin are gone.

Anyone else a fan of watermelon. There is no more refreshing way to kick off a hot summer’s day.

This proved to be a healthy dinner. Good thing I like the colour green.

Another day, another green tea. If you haven’t seen it before, this is my Italia 90 Panini mug.

Trigga, having his siesta.

What with the all the rain and now sun, the garden has been growing like mad. I got two hours of help last week, but otherwise I’ve been fighting with it alone. Not to complain – gardening is a cathartic activity and good exercise etc.

Admittedly, most of what I do is just cutting stuff. I’ve had neither the time or inclination to create beds brimming with an abundance of colourful flora. Maybe one of these days.

Just when I thought it was all done, I realised I’d forgotten this section. It looks like the Amazon Rainforest pre-Bolsonaro.

Better get it cleared right away before the rain comes.

Snow, Snacks, Steaks & Sunrises.

I’d forgotten the stuff existed. Hadn’t seen it in years.

The snow came as a big surprise. And a nostalgic one.

While we’re on the subject of nostalgia, it had been a long time since I had these. They were a staple of my formative years.

The dog wasn’t quite sure what to make of the snow.

Reading time.

Vegetarians, please avert your gaze.

Another week, another kebab.

A spot of sunbathing.

There have been some ascetically pleasing sunrises here of late.

Have a good weekend.

A Scary Fun Book Bonanza

Before I get into the details of the book bonanza, here is a photograph taken in my home office stroke summerhouse. I finally moved in on Monday. So far it is proving to be a new lease of life. The only problem, or benefit, depending on how you look at it, is that there is presently no internet.

Now for the book bonanza. I have teamed up with twenty of my fellow humour authors for a promotion. Scary Fun Books runs from Oct. 19th-31st. The books encompass a number of genres and all tastes are catered for. My title is Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future. It is presently on offer for the tantalising price of 99c/99p from Amazon only.

SCARY FUN BOOKS LINK

Time to get back to the office. I am hard at work on my latest book (#8). The plan is to finish it in record time.

Have a good weekend.

The Week – the good, the bad & the ugly

Another week bites the dust. I have just come back from a break in The Fens, and am now back at the grindstone trying to make up for lost time. For what it is worth I have categorised the week gone by into three categories.

The Good: There are few things as cathartic as being in the countryside. Here is a photo of a freshly cut Fens field taken shortly before the heatwave began in earnest.

More good … The local pub has Moretti on tap, and the butcher is of exceptional quality.

I wasn’t the only one enjoying The Fen food.

The Bad: I never thought I would live to see the day when it was 30C at 19:30 in Norfolk. I only remember a few days ever reaching that temperature when I was kid. Many will no doubt disagree, but it’s too hot for the UK in my humble opinion. And with the heat came the flies. There were so many on Monday, I could have been in Somalia.

More Bad … Sales of Necropolis and Sepultura (first two instalments in my black comedy trilogy) have been non-existent this past week. They had been performing okay of late. Hopefully this will be rectified soon. That’s called positive thinking.

The Ugly: My friends beat me in our air rifle target competition. Although I’ve had no practice of late it annoyed me immensely, especially considering we were using my gun.

But the ugliest thing this week is that I committed a cardinal sin.

Not sure how circumstances led to this, but this fashion faux pas/sartorial setback was a one off.

Tomorrow’s World: 6 Days To Go

Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future is being released next Thursday, Nov. 22nd.

The future may not be bright but it’s hilarious

Here are some details about the book:

In England, Terrence finds himself disillusioned in a world of drudgery, compensation claim drones and a relentlessly rising retirement age. Across the pond, Walter has harnessed the power of age-defying medication in a bid to prosper indefinitely – at any expense. What could possibly go wrong?

40,251 words/2.5 hours reading time

Congratulations to the two winners of the Goodreads giveaway – Alexandria and Jessica. A first edition, signed copy will be posted to your US locations on Monday.

“Because in Tomorrow’s World, Guy has seen the writing on the wall. And it’s in emojis.” Adam Riley, Comedian

1140 readers have now added Tomorrow’s World to their Goodreads TBR list.

Here are a few short snippets from the book:

‘The fact that Paradise Pods have the same dimensions as a standard coffin is incidental,’ says the salesman, ducking to avoid the hurled teacup …

The interior of the rotorcraft erupts in vociferations of glee when the passengers catch sight of the white-tipped peak of Mont Blanc, Western Europe’s last remaining refuge for snow.

She cannot envisage ever swapping her early 1990s Benidorm experience for any of the other virtual-reality options available to her and her fellow retirees …

If you like dark humour, you’ll love Tomorrow’s World.

Tomorrow’s World will be available as a paperback & ebook from all major retailers.

Click here to see Tomorrow’s World Goodreads Page.

 

8 Books That Made Me Laugh

This week’s post is devoted to some more highlights from my bizarre books series. Here are 8 books that made me laugh. Well, I haven’t read any of them, but just looking at them makes me laugh.

 

Managing a Dental Practice: The Genghis Khan Way

dental

If the client complains behead them. Then impale the head on a pike. Don’t forget to polish their teeth first.

 

We Never Went To The Moon

Moon

Author: ‘Do you believe NASA of the USA ever set foot on the moon in and after 1969 or do you doubt it?’

‘I can honestly say I’ve never given it any thought. On another subject did you use WordArt to design your front cover? … You did didn’t you.’

 

Scruples How to Avoid Them

Extreme supplication from the looks of things.

 

The Christian Life is Exciting

The front cover fails to give that impression.

 

Helping The Retarded To Know God 

And the winner of the most offensive book title is…

 

It’s Not Going To Get Any Better When You Grow Up

grow-up

Truer words were never spoken.

 

God’s Masturbation Solution

Penned by M. L. Brown — Reverend and masturbation connoisseur.

 

Thinking Biblically About The iPod 

If there is a more obscure book title out there, I am yet to come across it.

 

Why not sign up to my humorous, book-related newsletter? You’ll receive a FREE book.

12 Peculiar Books

This week’s post is dedicated to some of the peculiar/bizarre books out there.

Here are 12 peculiar books:

Dancing with Jesus

Do you ever feel embarrassed by something, even though you are not responsible for it.

How To Preserve Animal and Other Specimens in Clear Plastic

If you are looking for a 50-something year old book about keeping dead things in plastic then look no further.

Dancing with Cats 

A sure of attracting the attention of the men in white coats.

Does GOD Ever Speak through CATS?

Cat: ‘Meow! Meow! Purr, purr…’

Person: ‘That’s God speaking. Sssh …’

BIRTH CONTROL IS SINFUL IN THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES and Also ROBBING GOD OF PRIESTHOOD CHILDREN!! 

Amen!

Crafting With Cat Hair

That is one creepy book.

The Homosexual god and The Children of Satan

There is one sure way to make your book invisible on online book retailers. Make the cover completely black.

Saving Marriage by Applying Biblical Wisdom

That clenched fist looks ominous.

A Passion For Donkeys

Extraordinary.

Oozing For My Lord

That is one unfortunate title.

The Stray Shopping Carts Of Eastern North America

The one on the cover looks like a 2009 Wal-Mart MX19V.

Experiencing Bible Science

‘Bible Science’ — What’s that? The definition of an oxymoron?

12 Amusing One Star Book Reviews

Back in July, I dedicated a post to hilarious one star book reviews. Here is the second instalment.

Most books worth their salt have garnered at least a few terrible reviews. Often it is a case of the reviewer being opposed to the general consensus. In many instances bad reviews reveal more about the reviewer than the book.

Here are 12 scathing, and in many instances amsuing one star book reviews.

Ulysses by James Joyce – ‘This book not only ruined a week at the beach but also damaged my self-esteem.’ 

East of Eden by John Steinbeck – ‘Recommended to me by someone I thought I could trust.’

The Lord of The Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien – ‘I couldn’t get past all the Hobbit gossip in the beginning.’

Absalom, Absalom! by William Faulkner – ‘Too many words. Just look at the title, it’s twice as long as it needs to be.’

Necropolis by Guy Portman – ‘I read the first 5 pages, which usually tells me if I will continue … that’s as far as I got.’ 

A House for Mr Biswas by V.S. Naipaul – ‘… much longer than ‘Fifty Shades of Grey.’ 

The Road by Corman McCarthy – ‘If I wanted pompous discourse about the meaning of life, I’d read the New Yorker.’

The Railway Children by Edith Nesbit – ‘It drives me crazy how the railway station is so meaningful and important when it’s only visited, like, twice in the entire 188 pages. I went to the Brooklyn Public Library but people don’t call me ‘The Library Child.’

The Sea, The Sea by Iris Murdoch – ‘If I have to read one more simile-laden description of the sea I shall scream.’

Cat’s Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut – ‘… maybe the problem is me.’ 

The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger – ‘And as for the ducks the protagonist is always asking about? They fly away because it’s winter, and they’re ducks. They’re migrating. It’s a bad symbol, and everyone in the book, including Holden, should understand migration. It’s no big secret.’

Lord of the Flies by William Golding – ‘If this book was a horse, I would shoot it!’

I hope you found these reviews entertaining. I will probably do a further instalment or two at some point. About me.

 

30 Free Humour Books

Today, I am posting four hours earlier than normal. This is to give you more time to take advantage of this free books offer.

Searching for you next humorous read? Look no further!

I have teamed up with my fellow humour authors to offer you a selection of 30 FREE books, which include one of mine. Click on the link below to discover which one it is. This is a one off opportunity to get many of these books for free. But time is of the essence. The offer ends Saturday morning at 07:50 A.M. GMT. Happy reading.

Click here to claim your free books.

 

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