The Gazebo | Guy Portman's Blog

New Release: The Gazebo Is Only 99p/99c

Sep 04 2020

My seventh book, The Gazebo, was unleashed on the world on Tuesday (Sep. 01). For a limited time only, it is only 99p/99c from all major retailers. The price will be raised next week. It is also available as a paperback.

Bawdily Brilliant Black Comedy

Two men’s lives are about to implode. Can they save themselves before it’s too late?

The first reviews are already up on Amazon US & Goodreads, and they’re good ones. As for the launch thus far, it has been a mixed bag. The enthusiasm shown by some of my ‘fans’ who have already read The Gazebo has been very encouraging. The apathy displayed by large sections of my mailing list, less so.

If you like dark humour you’ll love The Gazebo; and if you don’t you probably won’t. Have a good weekend.

The Links: Amazon US, Amazon UK, Goodreads, Kobo CA, Smashwords

The Gazebo – Release Imminent.

Aug 28 2020

My seventh book, The Gazebo, will be unleashed on the world next Tuesday (September 1st).

This darkly humorous, quick read (42k words) will be available in eBook and paperback form from all major retailers. I toyed with the idea of just opting for Amazon initially due to their potential incentives, but for better or worse decided against it in the end.

For a limited time only, The Gazebo (eBook) will be only 99p/99c. After a week or so a dollar/pound will likely be added to the price.

If you missed it, here is the back matter:

Click here to see The Gazebo on Goodreads.

Well, best be getting back to writing the next one. Have a good (extended if in UK) weekend.

Reading, Writing & Searing Heat

Aug 14 2020

It’s been unusually hot and humid in the UK of late, though it appears conditions will soon be returning to normal. It was 36C here the other day and it has been very sticky at night. Yesterday, while in the supermarket observing my fellow shoppers, I came to the conclusion that summer is the kindest time of year on the beautiful, the cruellest on those who are not.

The supermarket had rolled out some great deals on beer.

I opted for two Cobras and a Staropramen.

What with the heat, Trigga has been seeking the coolest places he can find.

He gave the postman a bit of a fright when he emerged barking from here.

Writer’s block is an ailment that affects many writers. This one is currently suffering from a bout. I have used some of the time to catch up with other stuff, including writing book reviews. It’s a labour of love but one I am adamant helps my writing. Six new book reviews will be appearing in the review section soon. I also ordered a couple of new books. Transgressive fiction and satire – two of my favourite genres.

I’ve been trying to mobilise some interest, from UK readers primarily, in the Necropolis Trilogy. A handful have taken the plunge.

With any luck some of them will be intrigued by my forthcoming darkly humorous book, The Gazebo (Release date: Sep. 01).

Have a good weekend.

Darkly Humorous Fiction, Carb-Free Feasts & Arachnids

Jul 17 2020

This week people have been helping me polish the blurb for my forthcoming book – The Gazebo (Release date: Tues, Sep.1). It’s a little way off but I want to try and get it to some reviewers a month or so before it comes out, and the front cover is still being designed. I shared the blurb in progress last week. Here is the completed version:

Two men’s lives are about to implode. Can they save themselves before it’s too late?

The Gazebo: A husband’s lustful behaviour is out of control. If his wife finds out, there’ll be hell to pay – and she is on to him. Calamity looms in this warped tale featuring an unusual fetish and a gazebo.

The Curse: They warned him to steer clear of the Transylvanian temptress, but entrepreneur Theo couldn’t resist her charms. Now he’s up to his neck in trouble. Could it be the death of him?

These turbulent romps merge domestic disaster with caustic comedy to devastating effect. If you like dark humour, you’ll relish these stories about desire and deception.

Here is a picture of a carb-free feast I had earlier in the week.

What with my new summerhouse, I will finally be able to get some bookshelves to house my books. Here is some of my homeless humorous fiction collection. Most are of the dark humour variety.

Last night I had a bedtime companion – a rarity these days.

This morning I came across these two deer on my morning walk. Fortunately, my dog obeyed my command, ‘Leave it!’ because the Roe buck on the left appeared quite feisty.

I hear that pesky bug is still about. Stay well, keep safe and have a good weekend.

A Gazebo, A Summerhouse & Black Comedy

Jul 10 2020

This week I’ve been working on my new book – The Gazebo. Here are some details:

Two men’s lives are about to implode. Can they save themselves before it’s too late?

The Gazebo: A husband’s peculiar lust is out of control. If his wife finds out, there’ll be hell to pay – and she is on to him. Calamity looms in this warped tale featuring an unusual fetish and a gazebo.

The Curse: They warned him to steer clear of the Transylvanian temptress, but entrepreneur Theo couldn’t resist her charms. Now he’s up to his neck in trouble.

The Gazebo will be released late summer.

That is not a gazebo, it’s a summerhouse that has just been erected in my garden. It is going to be my office. There is still a fair bit of work to do – roof covering, insulation, electrics, patio and varnishing. Hopefully, it will be up and running in a month or so. I picked it up discounted due to the Covid-19 crisis. It’s proven to be an absolute nightmare for the builders as a lot of the pieces did not come cut to size.

Here’s my dog Trigga having a snooze on his favourite chair. It’s strange because there’s a big sofa next to it, but he prefers being cramped in his familiar chair.

I have been eating a fair bit of watermelon of late. No, that’s not my bowl. As I can’t get through half a watermelon on my own, I need help.

What with Lockdown relaxing, I imagine some of you are getting out and about a bit more. Last weekend I visited family for the first time in ages. This beef bourguignon was Sunday lunch.

Have a good weekend.

Humorous Fiction and A New Toy

Jul 03 2020

You know when you have no luck with something. It could be anything – but in my case it’s brush cutters amongst other things. I started off with the cheapest I could find. It weighed the same as an Atlas stone from World’s Strongest Man, and the engine overheated and switched itself off every two minutes. I then bought a Kawasaki which was pretty good until it wasn’t. As repairing it was proving to be a big undertaking, I upgraded this week to the Ferrari of brush cutters – a Stihl FS70. It cost an arm and a leg, but I am hoping it will be just what the doctor ordered. I will be taking it out for a test run soon.

Here’s my dog posing with his new tennis ball in my mown, but not brush cut garden.

I just got him this 2kg bag of charcoal dog biscuits from Amazon. What did we do before Amazon came on the scene? Surely life was less convenient. They might come in for a lot of criticism, but I for one am somewhat dependent on them.

My seventh book is currently being proofread. The Gazebo is a darkly humorous quick read, consisting of two stories.

Story One: Lust threatens to go horribly wrong in a tale featuring an unusual fetish and a gazebo.

Story Two: When an entrepreneur falls for a temptress, his life rapidly spirals out of control.

A lot of people have been getting a fair bit of reading done over Lockdown. I’ve done some, but not as much as many from the sound of things. Of late, my book choices have been somewhat eclectic. But I’m going to stick with my genre, humorous fiction, for a while. My next two reads will be:

Have a good weekend.

A Gazebo, A Reading Recommendation, and Lockdown Haircuts.

Jun 12 2020

I finally had enough of waiting for hairdressers to reopen and shaved my head. You’ll have to take my word for it; it looks bad.

Of late, it has been unusually dry in the South of England. The heavens have just opened however. My new, threadbare lawn could certainly do with some water.

Having a dog is useful, in that he/she can help out when one has too much food in stock. There was no way I was going to be able to eat a whole melon on my own.