Tag - Twitter Types

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9 Twitter Types
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Tormenting Twitter Types

9 Twitter Types

Back in 2012 when I was a Twitter neophyte I wrote a series of satirical posts about the tweeting habits of the various species that inhabit Twitter. Today sees a return to the subject.

Aims & Objectives: To observe and document the tweeting habits of 9 Twitter species.

#Hyperactive #Hashtagger (Perquam strennus)
Incessant tweeters who can be distinguished from other species of the voluminous variety by the ubiquitous #. Nine #’s have been recorded in a single tweet.

Convivial Communicator (Amica Garrulus)
These social creatures calls are audible throughout their waking hours. They typically comprise RTs’, conversational tweets and on occasion self-promotion.Necropolis

Continual Commentator (Semper Nuntius)
Tweets are nearly always in the form of a statement, rarely part of a conversation, and more often than not contain opinion. It was with a heavy heart that I observed a Semper Nuntius specimen I had first come across back in 2012 still giving daily updates about their television watching itinerary.

Harmonious Helper (Concordi adiutor)
An enthusiastic and contented species that rarely tweets at a rate of more than 10 tweets per hour. They are known to provide detailed instructional information for the benefit of the herd.

Hate Hawker (Auctor odio)
These spite-filled animals vitriol tends to be directed at a particular minority group. In this observer’s opinion Auctor odio would be more readily accepted were they to mix things up with less fervent messages, such as the contents of their sandwich at lunch.

Mundane Messenger (Nuntius mundane)
Nuntius mundane calls consist of random information tweeted throughout its waking hours.

Don’t you just love it when the kettle boils faster than you thought it would — sent from Iphone

TwitterBird

Irritating Interloper (Vexo tertius)
Vexo Tertius is a flurry tweeter, who utilises statements and excessive capitalisation. They are prone to using the words I/Me/My (regional variations may apply).

Grammar Goons (Grammatica maculat)
im ready bt mi computer bout dead innit need 2 find mi charga bt ima take it t2 mi sista haus lolz

The prevalence of such tweets is a concern for the future of the English language.

Positivity Purveyor (Inspiratori Novitatis) 
Also known as Didactic Dispatchers, these relentlessly optimistic creatures are often well received by other species.

You can’t change what has already happened, so don’t waste your time thinking about it. Move on, let go, and get over it. — It all gets rather earnest for this specimen’s taste.

@GuyPortman

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Necropolis

Tormenting Twitter Types

Anyone who follows my blog will know that I am somewhat obsessed with Twitter and frequently devote posts to the subject.  One particular favourite pastime of mine is categorising types of Twitter users.  The following post is devoted to three Twitter types, who have tormenting me and no doubt others of late.

Forex Foragers – Forex is a form of exchange for the global decentralised trading of international currencies (according to Wikipedia anyway).  Trading takes place everyday, with the exception of weekends.  Forex Foragers in their desperation to get us to ‘trade’, ignore the weekend interlude and Tweet incessantly, 24/7 7 days a week, from thousands of accounts. Tweets such as:

TwitterBird

Best Forex Robot FOREX INCOME ENGINE BILL POULOS COMPLETE SET BRAMD NEW annoyingforexspammer/q3

And

Best Forex Robot MEGA NEW ‘STRATOSPHERE’ ES SYSTEM FOREX TRADESTATION incessantforexforrager/q3

I don’t even know what these Tweets mean and I don’t want to.

spam1(Courtesy of cloudcoomputing.blogspot.co.uk)

Mundane Messengers – Anyone who uses Twitter regularly will be aware of Mundane Messengers.  These are Tweeters whose Tweeting habits consist of Tweeting random, non-inspirational, worthless information throughout the day.  The following are two recent examples:

(Don’t you just love it when the kettle boils faster than you thought it would.
sent from Iphone)

And

(Driving along when the lyrics for Elvis’s ‘Can’t Help Falling in Love’ appeared in my mind.  Don’t you just love it when that happens.
sent from Iphone)

No I do not.

Admittedly neither of these occurrences have happened to me.  But if they ever were to, not only would I not love it, I would not feel the need to Tweet about it.

Asian Accumulators – These are the ‘10,000 Followers for $5’ type spam Twitter accounts us Twitter users are constantly being Followed by.  More often than not the john is lured in by an under-age looking South East Asian girl, unscrupulously being pimped out as jail bait.  It is a sad indictment of the ageing Western males found kerb crawling throughout South East Asia that this method is considered to be the most effective in getting us to part with our $$.

Having recently had a Twitter conversation with an Asian Accumulator (for research purposes only), I discovered that the Tweets consisted of little more than the predictable ‘Only $5’, ‘me love you long time’, ‘me sucky sucky’, ‘You pay NOW’ variety.

Click here to read an earlier post about Twitter Types.

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