Banks, Politics and The World Cup

6 Jun

Tuesday Morning 11:50am – I am walking to the bank. There is a newspaper discarded on a bench at the bus stop. I pick it up. The queue at the bank stretches nearly to the door. I take the opportunity to peruse the paper. It appears that half of Europe is in the midst of political change. The Greeks are refusing to accept austerity measures. Marine Le Pen’s far-right National Front scored its first victory in European Parliament elections in France. And over here the rise of UKIP, could be the final nail in the coffin for the Liberal Democrats, if this paper is to be believed. A scruffily dressed woman with a wheel trolley standing behind me, points at the article I am reading and says, ‘Innit it sad so many idiots voting for that UKIP.’

‘Quite,’ reply I.

‘Is that all you got to say, you can do better than that.’

Looking up at her I remark, ‘Are you aware that you are wearing a beige jumper with floral motif tracksuit bottoms?’

She looks down at her ensemble and then up at me. She says, ‘Err yes, I put them on didn’t I.’

‘Oh, you do know, okay.’

Pint

After leaving the bank I stop off at a pub, where I continue reading the newspaper whilst sipping on a pint of Fosters. At the other end of my table two men are partaking in a jovial conversation. A man with a Scottish accent, who from the look of his bulbous nose and thread veined cheeks, drinks full time.  The other, a gentleman in an expensive looking linen summer suit, who sounds like he is from West Africa.

Soon after they engage me in conversation. The newspaper is laid out on the table in front of me, and the Scottish man and the other, who transpires to be a Nigerian, make comments about its various articles. It is a sort of impromptu ‘Question Time’ (broadcast on the BBC). The Nigerian, name unknown, has a quick wit, which I appreciate. On turning to the political article from earlier, he complains about the ‘ineptitude’ of British politicians compared to his home country of Nigeria. I tell him, ‘I’ve got two words for you, Boko – Haram’.

On turning to the finance pages it becomes apparent that he is something of a minerals expert, as he offers some fairly detailed analysis about the state of the Australian bauxite industry and Congolese coltan mines. The Scottish man finishes his drink and bids us farewell.

Super Eagles

Next up is the sports section. Inevitably the conversation turns to the forthcoming World Cup. In a very sincere voice he tells me that he believes that the Super Eagles (Nigeria) will win the tournament. I laugh out loud and then exclaim, ‘Absolute nonsense, Nigeria won’t even get out of their group. Bosnia and Herzegovina will go through in second place behind Argentina.’

‘How can you know these things,’ responds the man in a menacing tone, encroaching into my personal space as he does so.

I reply, ‘I just do.’

He proceeds to preach to me about the qualities of the Super Eagles, in a very loud and aggressive manner, using hand gestures liberally, pacing up and down as he does so. His comments include, ‘You cannot understand these things.’ And ‘We have Mikel, Moses and Emenike.’ And ‘God is with the Super Eagles.’

Then, quite unexpectedly, he pulls up the trouser legs of his white suit to reveal green Super Eagle socks.  This is concerning.

A barman walks over. He tells us a customer has complained, and we have to leave, which seems unreasonable, as I haven’t uttered so much as a word in quite sometime. I down my pint. Outside in the fresh air the man is instantly calm again. We go our separate ways.

Necropolis

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11 Responses to “Banks, Politics and The World Cup”

  1. dydywriter June 6, 2014 at 6:01 pm #

    Sounds like you had a close shave there Guy. It reminds me of that saying about the three topics of conversation you should avoid with someone who has been drinking – politics, religion and I can’t quite remember the third one. :)

    • guyportman June 6, 2014 at 10:47 pm #

      Now you come to mention it I do remember something about the three topics of conversation to avoid. They are difficult ones to avoid though.

  2. Gus Sanchez June 6, 2014 at 7:43 pm #

    This guy is clearly deluded: the Super Eagles are garbage. Hell, Iran might beat them for 3rd in Group F. Argentina and BIH will take turns beating them like gongs.

    • guyportman June 6, 2014 at 10:51 pm #

      If Iran beat them that would be a catastrophe. I seem to remember Iran managed to do exactly that to the States back in 1998. You’ve got a really tough draw this time around. I look forward to BIH beating the Super Eagles like gongs.

  3. bonobolover June 6, 2014 at 7:51 pm #

    Highly amusing post. Perhaps the woman was wearing Lib Dem socks.

    • guyportman June 6, 2014 at 10:53 pm #

      Either that or Sports Direct ones. Perhaps I’ll find out when I go to the bank next time.

  4. John W. Howell June 6, 2014 at 11:09 pm #

    Loved the comment to the woman. The football discussion would never take place in the US. The minute a disagreement begins it becomes a politically correct issue and ends with no resolution. Your comment to the woman reminds me of the old doctor joke. A man is given the bad news that he is going to die. He tells the doctor he wants a second opinion. The doctors says, “and you’re ugly too.” Have a great weekend

    • guyportman June 7, 2014 at 11:21 am #

      I’ve never heard that old doctor joke before John, it’s a good one.

      • John W. Howell June 7, 2014 at 1:32 pm #

        You are a prince. My family has outlawed that joke many years ago. It is one of my favorites.

  5. Felcherman June 7, 2014 at 4:24 pm #

    I eagerly await your apology to Nigeria when they win the world cup… from somebody who has them in a sweepstake.

    • guyportman June 7, 2014 at 4:31 pm #

      I will certainly look pretty stupid if I am proved wrong, and it wouldn’t be the first time. Good luck with the sweepstake, you’ll need it.

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