Bizarre Books III

This is the final instalment of my Bizarre Books Series. As with Parts 1 & 2, I have added pithy/fictitious comments below each.

The New Radiation Recipe Book


For residents of Chernobyl and Fukushima.


Strangers Have The Best Candy


They do? So why did my mother always tell me not to talk to them?


The Book of Marmalade


For those of us who spreading it on our toast is not enough.


I Can Has Cheezburger?


A Pulitzer Prize for Fiction winner this is not.


Do It Yourself Coffins for Pets and People


‘What’s that leaning against the wall?’

‘My DIY coffin.’

‘But you don’t need a DIY coffin, you’re not dead.’

‘Better to get it done early. DIY coffins are pretty tricky to assemble post-mortem.’


Managing a Dental Practice: The Genghis Khan Way 


If the client complains behead them. Then impale the head on a pike. Don’t forget to polish their teeth first.


Everything I Know about Women I Learned from My Tractor


Presumably not a lot then.


The Do It Yourself Lobotomy


Step One: Take the saw, hold it to the top of your head, and away you go — SsSsSsSsSs.


The Joy of Uncircumcising!


Joy? — Needle, thread, skin. Really?


How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack


You mean to tell me that gnomes are not only the height of bad taste, they also attack.


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I am the author of the satirical black comedy, Necropolis.


Click here to read Bizarre Books Part II.



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