Helping The Retarded To Know God
Beat Your Way to the Top: Masturbation as a technique for business success
Innards And Other Variety Meats
Click here to sign up to my monthly book-related newsletter.
When in public drawing concern to the fragile state of one’s mental health is ill-advised.
I read the backs of cartons, chocolate bar wrappers and the writing contained on packets of crisps, but I do not read Sidney Sheldon let alone in public.
If your aim is to free up the seats on either side of you on the bus/tube/subway then great, but if not then keep this title stowed away on your bedside table.
Justin Bieber First Step 2 Forever: My Story
If I was a teenage girl then I might well not want to be seen in public without this book, but I am not…
I am already familiar with the subject matter, so I wouldn’t be tempted to read this in public, or anywhere in fact. Might I suggest that anyone who wants to discover more about ‘the joy’ read this in private.
Reading Danielle Steel in private is a traumatic experience, but in public…
This book may be brimming with ‘proven strategies to help you regain control of your life’, but they are best consumed in private.
Click here to sign up to my humorous monthly book-related newsletter.
Karl Marx
Corresponding dessert: Guriev Porridge
Rationale: It is widely believed that this frugal Russian dessert was invented by a serf chef.
Ambrose Bierce
Corresponding dessert: Lemon sorbet
Rationale: Few desserts are more acerbic.
Barbara Cartland
Corresponding dessert: Valentine’s Cookies
Rationale: These pink, heart-shaped morsels all taste the same.
James Joyce
Corresponding dessert: Perfect St. Patrick’s Day Cake
Rationale: This decadent, multi-layered cake is made from Guinness, Irish Cream and bittersweet chocolate.
Franz Kafka
Corresponding dessert: Sourdough Cake
Rationale: This dessert offering might not taste sweet, but it does taste good.
Sophie Kinsella
Corresponding dessert: Pink Waffle
Rationale: Pretty, pink desserts containing little more than air are not for everyone.
Jane Austen
Corresponding dessert: Lemon Drizzle Cake
Rationale: This traditional English offering is bitter yet appetising.
Jilly Cooper
Corresponding dessert: Jam Roly Poly
Rationale: This warm, sticky dessert is a staple of the English upper classes.
Going Rogue: An American Life by Sarah Palin
Celebrity autobiographies are anathema to me. This one looks particularly offensive.
The Voyeur’s Motel by Gay Talese
I am sure that I am not alone in steering clear of book titles containing the word ‘voyeur’ when in public. Click here to read my review of The Voyeur’s Motel.
There is a time and place for prurient filth. The public domain is not it.
No doubt Hitler would be furious if he discovered that his seminal work was being listed alongside tripe by Jilly Cooper & co. Its inclusion is because Hitler/Nazis tend to arouse strong reactions in people. If one is curious as to Mein Kampf’s contents, it is probably best exploring it in the privacy of one’s home.
‘A person who reads 50 Shades of Grey has no advantage over one who cannot read.’ — Guy Portman
One would gain more respect clasping faecal matter in public than clasping a copy of this.
How To Meet Women On The Subway
Being seen reading this book on the subway/tube is one sure way of not meeting women on the subway/tube.
Which books would you not be seen dead reading in public?
Click here to sign up to my monthly book-related newsletter.
How To Raise Your IQ By Eating Gifted Children
How to Date a White Woman: A Practical Guide for Asian Men
The Missionary Position: Mother Teresa in Theory and Practice
How To Succeed In Business Without A Penis
Games You Can Play With Your Pussy
Castration: The Advantages and the Disadvantages
Street Sword: Practical Use of the Long Blade for Self Defense
Natural Harvest: A collection of semen-based recipes
A Parent’s Guide To Preventing Homosexuality
There will be a further instalment at some point.
Click here to sign up to my humorous, book-related monthly newsletter.
Copyright © 2019. Guyportman's Blog