Archive - September 2017

1
12 Unfortunate Book Titles
2
7 More Books I Wouldn’t Be Seen Dead Reading In Public
3
Authors As Desserts V
4
7 Books I Wouldn’t Be Seen Dead Reading In Public
5
13 Unfortunate Book Titles

12 Unfortunate Book Titles

This week sees the second and final instalment in my ‘unfortunate book titles’ series. Here are 12 more books with titles that many would consider to be unfortunate.

 

Scouts In Bondage

 

The Art Of Taking A Wife

 

Oozing For My Lord

 

A Practical Guide To Racism

 

Helping The Retarded To Know God

 

The Loneliest Ho in the World

 

Beat Your Way to the Top: Masturbation as a technique for business success

 

Are Women Human?

 

Innards And Other Variety Meats

 

The Humanure Handbook

 

Cooking with Poo

 

Bitch Are You Retarded

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7 More Books I Wouldn’t Be Seen Dead Reading In Public

This week sees the second instalment in my series — books that I would not be seen dead reading in public.

 

Dancing with Cats 

When in public drawing concern to the fragile state of one’s mental health is ill-advised.

 

The Doomsday Conspiracy

I read the backs of cartons, chocolate bar wrappers and the writing contained on packets of crisps, but I do not read Sidney Sheldon let alone in public.

 

Small Game Taxidermy

If your aim is to free up the seats on either side of you on the bus/tube/subway then great, but if not then keep this title stowed away on your bedside table.

 

Justin Bieber First Step 2 Forever: My Story

If I was a teenage girl then I might well not want to be seen in public without this book, but I am not…

 

The Joy of Solo Sex

I am already familiar with the subject matter, so I wouldn’t be tempted to read this in public, or anywhere in fact. Might I suggest that anyone who wants to discover more about ‘the joy’ read this in private.

 

The Wedding

Reading Danielle Steel in private is a traumatic experience, but in public…

 

The Sex Addiction Workbook

This book may be brimming with ‘proven strategies to help you regain control of your life’, but they are best consumed in private.

 

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Authors As Desserts V

It has been quite some time since I dedicated a post to the topic of authors and the desserts that in my opinion they/their writing corresponds to. Here are 8 authors and their corresponding desserts.

 

Karl Marx

Corresponding dessert: Guriev Porridge

Rationale: It is widely believed that this frugal Russian dessert was invented by a serf chef.

 

Ambrose Bierce

Corresponding dessert: Lemon sorbet

Rationale: Few desserts are more acerbic.

 

Barbara Cartland

Corresponding dessert: Valentine’s Cookies

Rationale: These pink, heart-shaped morsels all taste the same.

 

James Joyce

Corresponding dessert: Perfect St. Patrick’s Day Cake 

Rationale: This decadent, multi-layered cake is made from Guinness, Irish Cream and bittersweet chocolate.

 

Franz Kafka 

Corresponding dessert: Sourdough Cake

Rationale: This dessert offering might not taste sweet, but it does taste good.

 

Sophie Kinsella

Corresponding dessert: Pink Waffle

Rationale: Pretty, pink desserts containing little more than air are not for everyone.

 

Jane Austen

Corresponding dessert: Lemon Drizzle Cake

Rationale: This traditional English offering is bitter yet appetising.

 

Jilly Cooper

Corresponding dessert: Jam Roly Poly

Rationale: This warm, sticky dessert is a staple of the English upper classes.

 

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A Black Comedy of True Distinction

 

7 Books I Wouldn’t Be Seen Dead Reading In Public

This week’s post is dedicated to seven books that I would not be seen dead reading in public.

 

Going Rogue: An American Life by Sarah Palin

Celebrity autobiographies are anathema to me. This one looks particularly offensive.

 

The Voyeur’s Motel by Gay Talese

I am sure that I am not alone in steering clear of book titles containing the word ‘voyeur’ when in public. Click here to read my review of The Voyeur’s Motel.

 

Riders by Jilly Cooper

There is a time and place for prurient filth. The public domain is not it.

 

Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler

No doubt Hitler would be furious if he discovered that his seminal work was being listed alongside tripe by Jilly Cooper & co. Its inclusion is because Hitler/Nazis tend to arouse strong reactions in people. If one is curious as to Mein Kampf’s contents, it is probably best exploring it in the privacy of one’s home.

 

Fifty Shades of Grey

‘A person who reads 50 Shades of Grey has no advantage over one who cannot read.’ Guy Portman

 

Twilight by Stephenie Meyer

One would gain more respect clasping faecal matter in public than clasping a copy of this.

 

How To Meet Women On The Subway

Being seen reading this book on the subway/tube is one sure way of not meeting women on the subway/tube.

 

Which books would you not be seen dead reading in public?

 

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13 Unfortunate Book Titles

I hope you are in the mood for some unfortunate book titles. Here are 13 book titles that I consider to be unfortunate.

 

Fellow Fags

 

How To Raise Your IQ By Eating Gifted Children

 

How to Date a White Woman: A Practical Guide for Asian Men

 

The Missionary Position: Mother Teresa in Theory and Practice

 

How To Succeed In Business Without A Penis

 

Games You Can Play With Your Pussy

 

Castration: The Advantages and the Disadvantages 

 

Street Sword: Practical Use of the Long Blade for Self Defense

 

Jesus And The ‘G’ Spot

 

Natural Harvest: A collection of semen-based recipes

semen

 

A Parent’s Guide To Preventing Homosexuality

 

The Pocket Book of Boners

 

A Passion For Donkeys

 

There will be a further instalment at some point.

 

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