15 of Literature’s Funniest Quotes

Some time back, I dedicated a number of posts to literature’s funniest quotes. This week I have compiled what I regard as the highlights from those posts. Here are 15 of literature’s funniest quotes:

He receives comfort like cold porridge— The Tempest by William Shakespeare

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.— The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams  

‘Matteo’s not that type of Italian,’ replies Fraser. ‘He’s more the sort you come across in southern cities like Bari and Pescara, dragging an Alsatian around by a tattered piece of string.’— Necropolis by Guy Portman

It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.— The Life and Times of Dorothy Parker by Dorothy Parker 

If I could believe in myself, why not give other improbabilities the benefit of the doubt?— Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris 

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.— Very Good, Jeeves! by P.G. Wodehouse

It is not that I object to the work, mind you; I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.—  Three Men in a Boat by Jerome K. Jerome

If there’s anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now. — The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy 

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can’t say ‘No’ in any of them. — While Rome Burns by Dorothy Parker

If you’re looking for sympathy you’ll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.— Barrel Fever: Stories and Essays by David Sedaris 

A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life’s gas-pipe with a lighted candle.— The Man Upstairs and Other Stories by P.G. Wodehouse

If you’re going to read this, dont bother. After a couple pages, you won’t want to be here.— Choke (opening line) by Chuck Palahniuk

Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.— The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce 

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.— The Algonquin Wits by Dorothy Parker 

If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
— The Code of the Woosters by P.G. Wodehouse