January | 2019 | Guy Portman's Blog

Beat The January Blues

Jan 25 2019

Just a quick reminder about my ongoing FREE humour book promotion (ends Jan. 31). I have teamed up with some fellow UK humour authors to offer you a selection of 19 FREE humour books. The offer includes one of mine. Click on the link below to discover which of my humorous offerings it is, and to view the other hilarious options, consisting of comedy novellas, short stories, and a few full reads.

BEAT THE JANUARY BLUES FREE BOOK LINK

Click on the book cover you want and follow the instructions to receive your free book/s (Mobi/ePub/PDF) and to sign up to the given author’s mailing list. You can unsubscribe at any time. If you want my book and are already on my mailing list just sign up again, please. I will delete any duplicates.

As for me, I have been working hard on the final instalment in the Necropolis Trilogy. The books feature erudite sociopath, Dyson Devereux. Golgotha is due to be released later this year. If you haven’t read the first two instalments yet, why not check out the Goodreads pages for Necropolis and part 2, Sepultura. Have a good weekend.

19 Free Humour Books For You

Jan 18 2019

I have teamed up with some fellow UK humour authors to offer you a selection of 19 humour books for FREE. The offer includes one of mine. Click on the link below to discover which of my humorous offerings it is, and to view the other hilarious options, consisting of comedy novellas, short stories, and a few full reads. They are available for free for a limited time only. All you have to do is click on the book cover you want and follow the instructions to receive your free book/s (Mobi/ePub/PDF) and to sign up to the given author’s mailing list. You can unsubscribe at any time.

BEAT THE JANUARY BLUES FREE HUMOUR BOOK LINK

I will be contacting my ever-expanding mailing list with this fantastic offer in due course. But if you are already on it and want a free copy of my satirical ‘masterpiece’, drop me an email to info@guyportman.com with Yes in the subject line, or just Y if you’re too busy for the other two letters. Otherwise click on the link below and locate my book cover in the selection.

Have a good weekend.

BEAT THE JANUARY BLUES FREE HUMOUR BOOK LINK

12 Funny One Star Book Reviews

Jan 11 2019

Here is the latest instalment in my amusing one star famous book review series. I hope you find the following reviews as amusing as I do.

The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger – ‘I would rather read the dictionary.’

Othello by William Shakespeare – ‘…, the whole plot just didn’t make sense. Get your shit together Othello.’

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
– ‘Would I get into trouble if I strangled Little Prince and his syrupy philosophy. The flower I have already trampled.’

Ulysses by James Joyce – ‘… did not read bored in 10 seconds.’

1984 by George Orwell – ‘Attempting to read this book is worse than watching the grass grow.’

The Odyssey by Homer –‘I haven’t actually bought this item yet.’

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain – ‘DO NOT READ THIS BOOK!’

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone – ‘… well, well, what has the wolf pulled over our eyes this time. A brilliantly profitable book – but far from a brilliant book.’

Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert – ‘Monsieur Flaubert is not a writer.’

Emma by Jane Austen – ‘It’s great if you’re into that old 1800s kind of Ewwww.’

Othello by William Shakespeare – ‘Me doth thinkift I understandifth … It is English and I am English. I just don’t happen to speak Old English. Which is really ironic because I am old and speaking English.’

The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger – ‘The man who wrote this should be in an asylum.’

My Plans For 2019

Jan 04 2019

Happy New Year everyone.

‘May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.’ – Joey Adams

This, my first blog post of 2019, is about my plans for this year. With regards writing, I plan to release my sixth book later this year. I released two in 2018 (Sepultura & Tomorrow’s World). Golgotha will be the third and final instalment in the Necropolis Trilogy. It will feature suave sociopath Dyson Devereux. The first part, Necropolis, has 100+ reviews on Goodreads. Part two, Sepultura, was released last year. If you like dark humour you’ll love the Necropolis trilogy.

A sociopath can only keep up a façade for so long.

Sepultura Goodreads link.

As for other plans, I have some freelance writing work to get on with, and then there’s the reading. Here are a couple of books I want to read this year.

If you are looking for some more reading recommendations and you haven’t seen it already, check out – The 20 books I read in 2018. I have written a review of each. Happy New Year.