2021 | Guy Portman's Blog

My Trip To Wales & A Surprise From Germany

Aug 13 2021

I went to Wales last week. Like many of you no doubt, it had been a long time since I had travelled so far from home. Here are some pictures from my time away.

The weather was variable, as to be expected considering the location. The fluctuating weather did allow for some good photographs.

The steam train we went on.

It took a scenic route.

Some of the shops did not keep reliable hours.

Anyone else a fan of sea bass?

Eggs benedict – what a great way to kick off the day.

Shortly after returning from Wales I received these in the post from Germany.

The German-language hardback edition of Symbiosis. Symbiose in Deutsch.

8 Palahniuk Novels Reviewed.

Aug 06 2021

Here are eight Chuck Palahniuk books that I have read. Click on the links to read my reviews.

Choke

Choke is in essence a social commentary about our innate craving for attention and the fundamental nature of addiction.

My Review: The protagonist, Victor Mancini, is a sex addict employed at an eighteenth-century historical re-enactment park. Victor attends various sexual addiction support groups, where he …(more)

Damned

Damned is a a light-hearted satire of hell, punctuated with comical details, pop-culture references and Theological irony.

My Review: The protagonist is thirteen-year-old Madison, the daughter of wealthy alternative parents. The privileged Madison studies at an exclusive Swiss boarding school and spends her holidays alternating …(more)

Doomed

After escaping from Hell Madison Spencer (protagonist of Damned) is forced to spend a year languishing on Earth as a ghost.

My Review: Doomed is the sequel to Damned and part two of a proposed Dante inspired trilogy. It sees the return of Damned’s protagonist – the plucky, post-life, plump, periphrastic … (more)

Fight Club

The book’s narrator becomes friends with an anarchist by the name of Tyler Durden. The duo form a fight club.

My Review: The protagonist, who remains nameless, is an insomniac leading a bland corporate existence, investigating accidents for a car company, whose only concern is profit … (more)

Haunted

This series of short stories explore a variety of themes, including the media-obsessed nature of society.

My Review: Haunted is about a group of writers, who have been assembled by the conniving Mr Whittier to attend a writers group. The location of the retreat is in an isolated theatre with … (more)

Invisible Monsters

The book’s premise, the superficial vanity of the beauty industry, is used both to explore the unattractive side of human nature.

My Review: Shannon McFarland is a catwalk model, who is the centre of attention wherever she goes. That is until she ‘accidentally’ blasts her jaw shot off with a gun whilst driving down the highway. Shannon is left …(more)

Rant

Rant challenges our own traditions by demonstrating how we contort our recollection of events in accordance with our desires, motives and beliefs.

My Review: Rant is the oral history of Buster ‘Rant’ Casey, recounted by an array of people including his relations, friends, enemies and lovers. Rant’s childhood companions from the …(more)

Survivor

Survivor is an innovative and erudite social commentary, brimming with satirical observations and irreverent humour.

My Review: Tender Branson, the last survivor of the Creedish Church cult, has hijacked an aeroplane, which is now flying on autopilot. His objective: to dictate his life story onto …(more)

Cafes, Calamities, Catnaps & Creepy Crawlies

Jul 30 2021

It had been a long time since I’d been in a cafe. I guess I’m not alone in that regard.

No sooner had I started on the brush cutting than I discovered the metal plate had buckled. This resulted in a forty minute round trip to the garden tool repair shop.

En route I took to thinking about what it would be like living in rural Alberta when something like this happened. The garden tool shop could be two or three hours away.

Here is a picture of the kebab I had last weekend.

Trigga enjoying a catnap.

Yet another photo of a deer.

One would expect to find a creepy crawly this size in the tropics, not in West Sussex. It is a crane fly I am told, also known as a mosquito hawk. I’m pleased that I didn’t squash it, as they hunt mosquitos.

Currently, I am writing reviews of books I have read recently. They have been good, bad and ugly. Here are some of the good ones. Reviews to follow.

Have a good weekend.

Games, Grub & Gardening Galore

Jul 23 2021

By ‘Games’, I’m referring to The Olympic Games. The opening ceremony is today. Can’t say I’ll be watching. Maybe it’s just me, but there is something unappealing about an Olympics with no spectators.

Synchronised swimming isn’t particularly exciting at the best of times, and without a vociferous crowd in attendance it is tantamount to watching paint dry. Same goes for a lot of other events I’m thinking. However, one suspects a significant proportion of the world’s population will still tune in to see the men’s 100 metres final. I know I will. Wonder who the sprinters to watch are now Bolt and the ‘anti-christ’ Gatlin are gone.

Anyone else a fan of watermelon. There is no more refreshing way to kick off a hot summer’s day.

This proved to be a healthy dinner. Good thing I like the colour green.

Another day, another green tea. If you haven’t seen it before, this is my Italia 90 Panini mug.

Trigga, having his siesta.

What with the all the rain and now sun, the garden has been growing like mad. I got two hours of help last week, but otherwise I’ve been fighting with it alone. Not to complain – gardening is a cathartic activity and good exercise etc.

Admittedly, most of what I do is just cutting stuff. I’ve had neither the time or inclination to create beds brimming with an abundance of colourful flora. Maybe one of these days.

Just when I thought it was all done, I realised I’d forgotten this section. It looks like the Amazon Rainforest pre-Bolsonaro.

Better get it cleared right away before the rain comes.

Fauna, Feasts, Feathers, Fiction & Flora

Jul 16 2021

I’m really getting into this whole alliteration thing. Not sure titles of this ilk are effective in driving traffic to my blog, but c’est la vie. Let’s begin with the fauna. Yes, it’s another photo of a deer. The best to date in my opinion.

Anyone else like vegetable samosa? They’re one of my favourites, and this is coming from a carnivore. Consumed the rest of the Indian takeaway before taking any photos, so this shot of the samosas will have to suffice.

I was surprised to find this gargantuan feather in my garden. There are no birds sporting feathers that big to be found here, unless there’s an ostrich hiding somewhere. I assume it was shed from a passing heron, or was carried in by crows, who have a habit of collecting random things. The trainer is included as a point of comparison.

Here is Trigga inspecting our new bit of garden. It was only sown recently. It has grown quickly what with all the rain there’s been. It’s a bit patchy though and will need some more seed after its first mow.

Of late, I have had the misfortune of reading some rather poor books. However, I am poised to begin this controversial novel. It has received praise and condemnation in equal measure. You’ve probably heard of American Dirt.

Time to baptise the new lawn. Have a good weekend.

Football, Food & Fauna

Jul 09 2021

The big news this week is that England have reached their first football final since 1966. It has been a somewhat fortuitous journey. Ukraine in the quarters and Denmark in the semis is a pretty easy draw all things considered.

On Sunday, they face the Azzurri in the European Championship Final. I have been thoroughly enjoying the games. At the beginning of the tournament I had a punt on Italy, so even if disaster strikes the cloud will have a silver lining, albeit a meagre one.

In other news, I made this omelette. It took me ninety seven attempts to reach perfection. With the depth of knowledge and experience at my disposal, I feel confident that I will be able to repeat the feat several more times over my lifetime.

Got this ice cream by the sea last weekend. This seaside staple used to be called ’99 Flake’ back in the day. These days they go by the name ‘Mr Whippy’. We can thank Americanisation for that.

Well, that’s the exciting news out of the way.

Here are two pictures of deer taken this week.

Right, time to get some of the grass cut before it starts raining again.

Partying, Partaking, Pastries & Problems

Jul 02 2021

The partying in the title refers to the wedding I attended last Saturday. It had been a very long time since I had been in a large gathering of people. I managed to successfully avoid all physical contact. It came naturally to me.

Some lessons had to be relearned however. Lesson One: Make eye contact with people. Lesson Two: Don’t maintain eye contact 100% of the time (or one will appear psychotic). Lesson Three: Don’t drink to excess, or one will suffer the consequences.

It took me until I was around thirty to learn the first two lessons, but I learnt the latter when I was fifteen. Unfortunately, I had forgotten it. I have since been reminded.

The dining marquee

My place. There’s nothing quite like seeing one’s name in print.

That’s the wine done with. Anyone else a fan of Limoncello?

The two metre plus best man striding away from what was a successful speech.

A Scottish cousin and his other half in celebratory mood. No, it wasn’t England failing to beat Scotland in the football that was the cause of their jubilation.

Now for the pastries. They’re Baklava. I ate the entire box last night.

Finally, a break from the rain. It was time to get some gardening done. The problem was I couldn’t remember which oil the flymow takes.

Could have sworn it was this one.

I was wrong.

It’s A Dog’s Life

Jun 25 2021

Nothing of significance has happened this past week. Usually, I have some exciting news to share, such as pictures of yummy tidbits I’ve consumed. The only news to report is that a green tinge has appeared on what is going to be the new lawn. However, it is not yet in a photogenic state, so I’ll save the lawn pic for another week.

Therefore the dog is going to be the centre of attention this week. Firstly however, here is a picture of a deer. Back when wolves roamed the countryside, I doubt deer were so audacious. I can get almost close enough to touch them.

Two comfy chairs available yet Trigga opts for the floor. It gets hot in here in the summer and the wooden floor is the coolest place. He does have a mat to lie on. Latches for the windows are supposed to be arriving soon.

Trigga leading the way on a walk.

Relaxing in the garden post-walk.

Staring at things on the floor is so much more interesting than watching The Euros.

Will this tedious football tournament ever end? Guy is watching it practically every day and it’s so boring. Surely men should have evolved beyond watching a ball being kicked about. Dogs have.

The Germany vs Hungary game on Wednesday was a fascinating spectacle and undoubtedly the highlight of the week thus far. England are playing Germany next Tuesday in the last sixteen. Can’t say I’m feeling particularly optimistic. Like most of my nation, I am still haunted by the memories of ’90 and ’96.

When was the last time you saw loads of people at once? I am going to a wedding this Saturday. It will be the first time I have seen more than a handful of people in one go in a very long time. I guess most of you have faced the same Covid-related predicament/blessing in disguise.

Torrential Rain & Back From The Brink

Jun 18 2021

Last Friday for the first time in nearly a decade, I didn’t post an update on my blog. You must have been thinking I kicked the bucket, was put behind bars, or removed by the men in white coats. This is not the case.

What happened was, last Thursday when I tried to access my website, it didn’t exist. In a state of panic, I logged in to HostGator. My account had been suspended because I hadn’t paid. The reason I hadn’t was because I was under the impression guyportman.com had migrated to AWS. I was mistaken. There had been some miscommunication which had led me to making a potentially ruinous assumption.

A decade’s worth of blog posts and nearly 150 books reviews disappearing into the void was too much to bear. I was searching for the key to my shotgun cabinet when HostGator got back to me to say that my account was only suspended, and that I could get it restored for a fee.

It proved pretty complicated getting my website moved back over to guyportman.com. It took thirty-six hours and the help of a friend who updated the code, as well as Sunil from HostGator to get it up and running again. While I waited nervously for the site to be resurrected, I found solace in nature.

And eating.

Anyway, the site is back now. In other news, I got 140+ tonnes of soil dumped at the bottom of my garden. It was going spare. The soil has now been spread around. With any luck it will become a nice lawn in time.