2021 | Guy Portman's Blog

Weather, Writing, WordPress & Wildlife.

May 28 2021

After what has felt like weeks of virtually non-stop rain, the sun has finally come out. It is here to stay; at least that is what the weather forecast is claiming.

Is it just me, or is WordPress not working very well at the moment. It is incredibly slow whenever I use it and there are ongoing issues with uploading images. Rant over. I have been writing non-stop of late. Have just finished a third draft of a novel and am flying through another. However, this has come at a price. There has been nothing vaguely resembling marketing going on, and no social media, or building my mailing list.

On another subject, the cock pheasant has been spending ever more time at mine. How’s this for a close-up of him.

Blossom – a sight for sore eyes.

The dog on his morning walk.

Trigga moments later on point.

The obligatory weekly photo of a deer. This roe buck was considering whether flight or fight was the way to go. He opted for flight. You can never be sure at this time of year which way they’ll turn.

My current read. It’s a slow burn and morbidly depressing in places, but I can’t get enough of McCarthy.

I have some exciting news to share with you. Last Sunday, I went to a restaurant for the first time in forever.

This was purportedly a chocolate mousse. At least that’s what I ordered. Perhaps due to the fact none of us have been out for so long, restaurants now think they can pull the wool over our eyes. Good thing it was delicious, or I would have kicked up a fuss.

Pastures New

May 21 2021

As is the case with near on everyone, I haven’t been anywhere in ages due to the bug that’s been doing the rounds. Last weekend that all changed. I travelled up the east side of the country to the county of Norfolk. It was a long overdue change of scene and proved to be a welcome break from typing and television. Much of the time was spent walking. Saturday’s walk entailed traversing several fords.

A hauntingly beautiful tree.

Despite the omnipresent threat of a downpour, we were only drizzled on a few times.

How’s this for a close up shot of a wild rabbit. Good thing the dog had gone on ahead. Had it not, bunny would likely have bolted long before I got this close.

The entrance to a medieval monastery.

And here are the ruins of the monastery.

A tranquil village at the halfway point of the walk.

On the Sunday, I went to ‘The Washes’. In the winter they are a flooded haven for migratory wildfowl. At this time of year farmers graze their animals here. There is something disconcerting about being followed by cattle. I’ve heard several horror stories recently of people being trampled by them. I managed to make it through the herd unscathed.

Trigga, having smelt a pheasant hiding in the long grass.

Since my childhood many decades ago, I have always wanted to walk to ‘The Iron Bridge’.

Here is a picture of yours truly under the bridge.

4 Good Books I Read Recently.

May 14 2021

I haven’t got much to report on this week, so it’s back to my tried and trusted topic that is reading. Here are four good and very different books I’ve read recently. Click on the links to read my reviews.

All The Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy

Set during WWII, this moving and at times suspenseful novel is a bildungsroman-type story with nihilistic undertones.

My Review: Texan teenager John Grady’s family farm is poised to be sold. As a result, he decides it is time to leave for pastures new. The enterprising adolescent and close friend Rawlins set off for …(More)

Submission by Michel Houellebecq

Submission is an eminently readable, if somewhat pretentious novel. It boasts seductive prose, a satirical undertone, and a touch of melancholy.

My Review: The 2022 French Election sees the Front National defeated by the Muslim Fraternity, who have formed a coalition with another party. Overnight, France alters dramatically. The education …(More)

Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender by David R. Hawkins

Letting Go is not this cynical creature’s typical reading fare. It is a revealing book penned by a scientist with alternative tendencies.

My Review: This self-help book is dedicated to the process of letting go. Its author advocates allowing feelings to be present, as opposed to repressing them. The resulting sensation might be intense he …(More)

The Rules of Attraction by Bret Easton Ellis

The text’s plotless nature mirrors the vapid, aimless characters that populate it. Themes include bi-sexuality, drugs and despair.

My Review: The book is written in the first person from the perspective primarily of three students – Lauren, Sean and Paul. All are pupils of Camden College, an exclusive New Hampshire-based liberal arts …(More)

Motivation, Mutts, Meat and More.

May 07 2021

I’m really getting into this alliteration thing. As for the Oxford comma, for better or worse I abstained.

Let’s start off with motivation. If anyone has any to spare send it my way, I could do with some. Here’s a good quote about motivation I came across earlier today – “You can either experience the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The choice is yours.”

Why can’t one have both?

Moving on. Here is a good photo of Trigga. Something must have caught his interest as he went ‘on point’.

Despite being chased by Trigga, this cock pheasant keeps turning up in my garden. He is pheasant non grata across the road, and as a result has had to find new pastures. The dominant cock across the road has a harem of hens and doesn’t want any males around.

This mateless bird is in esteemed company here. I have faced the same scenario numerous times.

Vegetarians, please avert your gaze.

How’s this for a colour-coordinated combo?

Currently, I am trying to get back into my writing routine. Writing was so easy when it was a habit, but I am now struggling. However, I have managed to catch up with some odds and ends, including writing reviews of books that I’ve read recently. There are presently 192 book reviews in the review section of this website, all written by moi.

Have a good weekend.

Pizzas, Pheasants & Projects

Apr 30 2021

I’ve had a short break from the writing and have been concentrating on gardening. It has taken a Sisyphean effort to get the garden in shape. Ominously, the grass is growing and it seems I’ll need to get back out there soon. I’m not complaining really. Gardening is a cathartic activity and good exercise.

Carbohydrates are a must after toiling in the garden.

Today’s game is called spot the pheasant. Here are three photos, each of which contains a pheasant I came across this week. Can you spot them?

That last one was so well camouflaged, I nearly stepped on it.

Anyone else a fan of Asahi?

Here is a picture of my dog next to a molehill, defiling my immaculate lawn.

Yet more deer.

My current read is a transgressive work peppered with dark humour. Irvine Welsh (AKA ‘The Transgressive Messiah’) is a master of dialogue.

I’m in a quandary now. What should I do first – read, or flatten that molehill? … Eeny, meeny, miny, moe …

Food, Footwear, Features & Flymows.

Apr 23 2021

Had fish and chips for the first time in ages the other day. The calamari (see onion ring looking things below) wasn’t up to much, but the rest was good.

I have been having a break from the office and getting stuff done outside. One task was uncovering this water feature which had become completely overgrown. Can you see the robin?

A glass of wine after a hard day in the garden.

The dog out enjoying the sun and the newly manicured lawn.

Unfortunately, while I was in the process of cutting the lawn I turned the hover mower upside down. I won’t be doing that again in a hurry. It had to be taken into a gardening machinery repair shop. It was far from the only mower in need of some repairs. The line of mowers outside the shop was nearly as long as the queue outside the hairdresser’s at the end of Lockdown.

Earlier this week I went on a shopping trip. Like many of you no doubt, it had been a long time since I went into a ‘non-essential’ shop.

I have not turned into Imelda Marcos; I just happened to go into two footwear apparel stores.

Right, time to get back to the gardening. Have a good weekend.

Fauna, Fiction, Flora & Freedom.

Apr 16 2021

First up it is the fauna. You guessed it, more deer. They were captured through my new iPhone lens at close range.

My Transgressive fiction fix.

I have just started reading in earnest again. Five new book reviews will be appearing in the book review section of this blog imminently. Not sure if that is of any interest to anyone other than myself, but I digress … I took this picture yesterday afternoon immediately prior to going for a jog.

And this one first thing in the morning when I took my dog out for his walk.

Lockdown is gradually easing here in the UK. On Wednesday, I went to the pub for the first time in forever. It was a strange sensation drinking out of a pint glass, as opposed to a bottle. Hadn’t been out for so long that I’d forgotten how tedious people can be. They have reminded me.

Even a cyncial creature such as myself is not immune to the joys of spring.

Got a lot of gardening to do and best get started. Over and out.

More Of The Same

Apr 09 2021

Earlier this week, I was surprised on looking out of the kitchen window to see that winter had suddenly returned. It was sleeting and there was ice on the ground and on my freshly manicured shrubs.

Another day, another deer. I can’t stop running into them. It seems every time I leave the house they are there.

The dog enjoying a drink from the water feature.

What a splendid morning. Despite being half asleep, I couldn’t resist taking a photo.

A book, green tea and Maltesers equals an agreeable combination.

If you follow my blog, you’ve probably seen pictures of kebabs on it before. Here’s another.

What a healthy breakfast this was. Oranges, watermelon and green tea.

Last week, I posted a photo of a pheasant. This week I have a picture of four. Came across them in my neighbour’s garden yesterday. They were having their afternoon tea. I was watching them for quite a while. Now I understand where the term ‘pecking order’ comes from.

Have a good weekend.

Weather, Wildlife, Woods & Wonts

Apr 02 2021

I’ve been taking advantage of the amazing weather we’ve had here (it’s not going to last) and getting outdoors as much as possible. Have combined this activity with taking photos on my new iPhone. I woke up to find this cock pheasant in my garden earlier in the week.

There is an abundance of roe deer near my house at the moment. I’m running into them on a daily basis.

Even a cynical creature such as myself is not immune to the joys of spring.

Anyone else a fan of Cobra? It was designed specifically to be drunk with curry, as it is non-gassy. I like it – be it with curry, or on its own.

Here’s some fragmented salmon fillets and asparagus I prepared earlier.

The dog enjoying a spot of sunbathing.

It is well documented that peoples’ habits have changed during Lockdown. I thought I’d do a lot more reading, but for some reason of late I’ve been struggling with Fiction and only interested in reading the news and sports-related articles. However, Cormac McCarthy has steered me back onto the straight and narrow. This is my current read.

Happy Easter.

Mailing List Misery, Mobiles & More

Mar 26 2021

I finally bit the bullet and got a new iPhone. The one I had was ancient. Looking forward to taking and sharing photos with the new, improved iPhone 12 camera. None to show yet. But hope to have some good ones of Easter Eggs in time for next Friday. Here is the new phone.

For the last seven years or so, author gurus have been extolling the virtues of having a mailing list. Like most writers I have one; well three actually, all very modest in size. With the recent release of my new book, Mangetout, I did the logical thing and contacted my lists to announce the exciting news. I was under the impression that List One is comprised of readers with an interest in crime and/or darkly humorous fiction. Well, it seems I am mistaken and that the list consists of people living in north west London suffering from gluten allergies. I would have had more luck trying to sell them Lear jets than my 99c/99p book.

C’est la vie – time to bring out the big guns and move onto List Two. Now, I’m not sure who is on this list. Perhaps it is people who at school averaged a C in Trigonometry tests. A few of them took the plunge.

That left List Three. This list is reserved for people who prefer poached eggs to scrambled. A couple of them clicked the buy button.

My mailing list has undergone several Stalinesque purges, but evidently still consists mostly of Trotskyites, Capitalists, agitators and the bourgeois. What lessons are there to be learnt from the experience? According to someone I was talking to from the world of business, a mailing list that is not grown organically, ‘… is not worth its weight in manure, let alone gold.’

So, it is out with the giveaways and mailing list boost promos. I am going to try and stick to readers who have signed-up via the links at the back of my books.

In other news, I had a big free book promo for Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future. It hasn’t achieved much thus far apart from garnering some good reviews and ratings on Amazon.

Have a good weekend.

Amazon Link

‘This book will certainly have you turning the pages to see what happens next …’ – The Daily Squib

Archive - 2021

Weather, Writing, WordPress & Wildlife.

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Pastures New

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4 Good Books I Read Recently.

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Motivation, Mutts, Meat and More.

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Pizzas, Pheasants & Projects

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Food, Footwear, Features & Flymows.

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Fauna, Fiction, Flora & Freedom.

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More Of The Same

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Weather, Wildlife, Woods & Wonts

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Mailing List Misery, Mobiles & More

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Archive - 2021

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