Category - Authors

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23 More Quotes about Writing
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23 Quotes about Writing
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My Favourite Authors: their best and worst
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Famous Authors’ Bizarre Writing Habits
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20 More Quotes about Books, Reading and Writing
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7 Bizarre Author Deaths
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7 Books for 7 Moods
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Absurd Literary-Related Trivia
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26 Quotes about Books, Reading and Writing
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10 Recent & Contemporary Literary Satirists

23 More Quotes about Writing

Here are 23 more quotes about writing, none of which have featured in my previous quote-dedicated blog posts. I hope these will amuse and inspire my fellow authors and readers.

It takes an awful lot of time to not write a book. — Douglas Adams

I wrote a few children’s books. Not on purpose. — Steven Wright

Cut out all these exclamation points. An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke. — F. Scott Fitzgerald

You can fix anything but a blank page. — Nora Roberts

Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self. — Cyril Connolly

I have only made this letter longer because I have not had the time to make it shorter.Blaise Pascal

The beautiful part of writing is that you don’t have to get it right the first time, unlike, say, a brain surgeon. — Robert Cormier

The road to hell is paved with adverbs. — Stephen King

Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good. — Dr. Samuel Johnson

There’s not much to be said about the period except that most writers don’t reach it soon enough. — William Zinsser

No one is drawn to writing about being happy or feelings of joy. — Bret Easton Ellis

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial “we.” — Mark Twain

A person who publishes a book appears willfully in the public eye with his pants down. — Edna St Vincent Millay

There is probably no hell for authors in the next world — they suffer so much from critics and publishers in this. — C. N. Bovee

If you write one story, it may be bad; if you write a hundred, you have the odds in your favor. — Edgar Rice Burroughs

My books are water; those of the great geniuses is wine. Everybody drinks water. — Mark Twain

The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience. — Arthur Schopenhauer

I have no taste for either poverty or honest labor, so writing is the only recourse left for me. — Hunter S. Thompson

Don’t classify me, read me. I’m a writer, not a genre. — Carlos Fuentes

You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. — Jack London

A good book isn’t written, it’s rewritten. ― Phyllis A. Whitney

If writers were good businessmen, they’d have too much sense to be writers. — Irvin S. Cobb

Easy reading is damn hard writing. — Nathaniel Hawthorne

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23 Quotes about Writing

Here are 23 amusing and/or pertinent quotes about writing which might be of interest to my fellow authors and readers.

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.W. Somerset Maugham

Write what you know. That should leave you with a lot of free time.Howard Nemerov

I hate writing, I love having written. Dorothy Parker

The scariest moment is always just before you start.Stephen King

The first draft of anything is shit.Ernest Hemingway

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.Douglas Adams

Everybody does have a book in them, but in most cases that’s where it should stay.Christopher Hitchens

A bad review may spoil your breakfast, but you shouldn’t allow it to spoil your lunch.Kingsley Amis

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.A. J. Liebling

Poetic license is not a license to scribe recklessly.C. Kennedy

A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it. ― Mark Twain

A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit.Richard Bach

If you don’t have time to read, you don’t have the time (or the tools) to write.Stephen King

Don’t get it right – get it WRITTEN! Lee Child

If you are in difficulties with a book, try the element of surprise: attack it at an hour when it isn’t expecting it.H.G. Wells

Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money.Jules Renard

In the end, you have to just sit down, shut up, and write.Natalie Goldberg

Tomorrow may be hell, but today was a good writing day, and on the good writing days nothing else matters.Neil Gaiman

The pen is mightier than the sword and considerably easier to write with.Marty Feldman

I love being a writer. What I can’t stand is the paperwork.Peter De Vries

Easy writing makes hard reading.Ernest Hemingway

As for the adjective, when in doubt leave it out.Mark Twain

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.Steve Martin

There will be a second instalment soon.

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My Favourite Authors: their best and worst

I have my favourite authors, but that is not to say that I like all of their books. This week’s post is dedicated to what in my humble opinion is the following 4 authors’ best and worst books. Click on the links to read my reviews:

 

Vladimir Nabokov(April 22nd, 1899 – July 2nd, 1977)

Admittedly I have only read a couple of books penned by the Russian-American author and entomologist.

My favourite: Lolita

The protagonist, Humbert Humbert, is an intellectual with an all-consuming craving for young girls, or nymphets as he refers to them. After his wife leaves him for another man, Humbert Humbert becomes a live-in tutor…(more)

My least favourite: Pnin

Despite having lived in America for many years, conservative and eccentric Russian professor Timofei Pnin has never fully grasped the subtleties of the English language…(more)

 

Chuck Palahniuk(Born: February 21st, 1962)  

I have read many of this iconic transgressive fiction author’s works. Whilst I remain an avid fan, the quality of his books varies markedly in my opinion.

My favourite: Fight Club

The protagonist, who remains nameless, is an insomniac leading a bland corporate existence, investigating accidents for a car company, whose only concern is profit…(more)

My least favourite: Doomed

Doomed is the sequel to Damned and part two of a proposed Dante inspired trilogy.  It sees the return of Damned’s protagonist – the plucky, post-life, plump, periphrastic, pubescent progeny of celebrity parents…(more)

 

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn(December 11th, 1918 – August 3rd, 2008)

This controversial Russian author is one of my favourite writers. However…

My favourite: One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich

Ivan Denisovich Shukhov is a former POW serving a 10 year term in a Gulag on the Kazakh steppe for being a spy. He is innocent. The book chronicles a single day of his existence…(more)

My least favourite: August 1914

Set in the years leading up to The Revolution, this monumental book is Solzhenitsyn’s interpretation of a turbulent period in his country’s history, beginning with the outbreak of World War I…(more)

 

Bret Easton Ellis (Born: March 7th, 1964)

Easton Ellis achieved cult status for his outstanding works of transgressive fiction. In this reader’s opinion his later books are not as good as his early efforts.

My favourite: American Psycho

American Psycho is a highly controversial novel that brought its young author Bret Easton Ellis instant fame.  The book is written from the perspective of a young Wall Street financier, Patrick Bateman…(more)

My least favourite: Lunar Park

Lunar Park is a mock memoir that begins with a parodic account of Bret Easton Ellis’s early fame. The young New York resident’s existence consists of endless parties, casual relationships, spiralling drug use...(more)

 

 

 

Famous Authors’ Bizarre Writing Habits

Many authors have writing habits/routines that could be described as bizarre. Back in 2014 I dedicated a blog post to the subject. This is the second instalment. Here are 8 authors who have/had bizarre writing habits.

Alexandre Dumas — This French writer used different coloured paper for different types of writing. Blue was his colour of choice for fiction, pink for articles, and yellow for poetry.

Ernest Hemingway — Hemingway is one of a number of famous authors who liked/like to write standing up. His preference was to have a typewriter and reading board at chest-height opposite him.

Joan Didion — Literary journalist and novelist Joan Didion spends an hour alone before dinner with a drink, going through what she has written that day. When nearing the end of a book she sleeps in the same room as it.

James Joyce — This eccentric writer wrote in a white coat whilst lying on his stomach in bed. For writing materials he used cardboard and various coloured crayons. Joyce did this because he had poor eyesight. His white coat reflected the light.

Quill2

Friedrich Schiller — German poet Schiller always kept a pile of rotten apples in the drawer of his writing desk. He believed that the aroma inspired him, and that he could not write without it.

Franz Kafka — Kafka’s career left him with little time to write. After work he would rest and eat before commencing writing at 11 p.m. This taxing regime was said to have left him permanently exhausted.

W.H. Auden — This obsessive poet used drugs to balance his routine. He swallowed the amphetamine Benzedrine every morning for 20 years. At night he took the barbiturate Seconal in order to get to sleep.

John Steinbeck — Steinbeck was obsessed with pencils, particularly Blackwing 602’s. Drafts of his books were crafted in pencil, and he always kept 12 perfectly sharpened pencils aligned on his desk. He claimed pencils charged him with invention and energy.

As for me I am prone to wearing ear defenders when writing, to eliminate distracting sounds.

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20 More Quotes about Books, Reading and Writing

Back in July I devoted a post to 26 quotes about books, reading and writing. Here are 20 more:

Books are no more threatened by Kindle than stairs by elevators.Stephen Fry

Some books should be tasted, some devoured, but only a few should be chewed and digested thoroughly.Francis Bacon

The covers of this book are too far apart.Ambrose Bierce

Think before you speak. Read before you think.Fran Lebowitz, The Fran Lebowitz Reader

Quill

There are books of which the backs and covers are by far the best parts.Charles Dickens, Oliver Twist

There are two motives for reading a book; one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it.Bertrand Russell

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book – I’ll waste no time reading it.Moses Hadas

If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all.Oscar Wilde

There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written. That is all.Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.Groucho Marx

Books are the mirrors of the soul.Virginia Woolf, Between the Acts

I cannot live without books.Thomas Jefferson

I often carry things to read so that I will not have to look at people.Charles Bukowski

Book Stack

Everything comes to him who waits, except a loaned book. Kin Hubbard

If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.Marcus Tulles Cicero

He has only half learned the art of reading who has not added to it the more refined art of skipping and skimming.Arthur James Balfour

To buy books would be a good thing if we also could buy the time to read them.Arthur Schopenhauer

Not all readers are leaders, but all leaders are readers.Harry S Truman

I’ve often thought of writing my autobiography and selling it as a cure for insomnia.Melanie White

A person who reads 50 Shades of Grey has no advantage over one who can’t read. Guy Portman

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7 Bizarre Author Deaths

Last year I dedicated a blog post to 10 bizarre author deaths. This is the second and final instalment. Here are 7 more author deaths that could be described as bizarre. They are presented in chronological order.

Euripideseuripides(480 B.C. – 406 B.C.)

Euripides was an Ancient Greek tragedian. It was feelings of embitterment over his defeats in the Dionysia playwriting competitions that led him to move to Macedonia. There are a number of different theories as to how he met his demise there. One is that his first experience of the cold during the Macedonian winter killed him. Others have suggested he was killed by hunting dogs, or even torn apart by women. Euripides had a reputation for being something of a misogynist.

 

PetroniusPetroniusCirca 27 A.D. – 66 A.D.

Petronius is widely accepted to be the author of the scathing satirical novel Satyricon. The book ridiculed the pretensions of Rome’s newly rich. In 66 A.D. Petronius was accused of plotting to kill the Emperor Nero. Instead of waiting for his sentence, he decided to commit suicide by having his veins opened and then bound up again. The bandages were bandaged to prolong life, so that Petronius could spend time conversing with friends and enjoying a sumptuous banquet, after which he went to bed to die in his sleep.

 

Christopher MarloweChristopher Marlowe(February 26th 1564 – May 30th 1593)

The exact circumstances surrounding playwright Christopher Marlowe’s death remain a mystery. He met his demise when companion Ingram Frizer stabbed him with a knife. The official story is that an argument broke out over a drinks bill, resulting in Marlowe attacking Frizer with a knife, only to be disarmed and dispatched with a single thrust of the blade to the eye. Some have argued that his death was a political assassination whilst others claim it was because he was deemed a danger to the state, due to his reputed atheistic beliefs.

 

Sir Francis BaconSir Francis Bacon(January 22nd 1561 – April 9th 1626)

Sir Francis Bacon was an English philosopher, scientist, statesman, orator, essayist and author. The 65-year-old Bacon was purportedly travelling in his carriage in the midst of a snowstorm in Highgate when it occurred to him that snow would be an ideal way to preserve and insulate meat. Bacon immediately purchased a gutted chicken and attempted to prove his theory by stuffing the bird with snow. Unfortunately these actions resulted in pneumonia. He perished several days later.

 

Mark TwainMark Twain(November 30th 1835 – April 21st 1910)

Mark Twain is regarded as the father of American literature. He was born shortly after a visit by Halley’s Comet. Twain was convinced that he would meet his end when the comet next returned to earth. He famously said, ‘I came in with Halley’s Comet in 1835. It is coming next year, and I expect to go out with it.’ On April 21st 1910 Twain’s prophetic declaration came true, when he died of a heart attack, merely one day after the comet’s closest proximity to earth.

 

Hart Cranecrane(July 21, 1899 – April 27, 1932)

Crane was an influential American poet who wrote modernist poetry that was highly stylized, and ambitious in its scope. Crane was a heavy drinker prone to depression. It was while on board a steamship en route to New York that he jumped overboard into the Gulf of Mexico. Witnesses believed his intentions were suicidal because several reported that he exclaimed ‘Goodbye, everybody!’ prior to throwing himself overboard. His body was never recovered.

 

Ödön von Horváthhorvath(December 9th, 1901 – June 1st 1938)

Von Horváth was an Austro-Hungarian playwright and novelist. He met his demise when a falling branch from a tree killed him during a thunderstorm on the Champs-Élysées in Paris. A few days earlier, von Horváth had said to a friend: ‘I am not so afraid of the Nazis … There are worse things one can be afraid of, namely things one is afraid of without knowing why.’ A few years earlier, von Horváth wrote a poem about lightning. Yes, thunder, that it can do. And bolt and storm. Terror and destruction.

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Click here to read Bizarre Author Deaths Part I.

7 Books for 7 Moods

Our choice of book often depends on our frame of mind. My favourite genres are transgressive fiction and satire, but I am an eclectic reader, who is prone to select a given book according to my mood. Here are 7 books for 7 different moods/states of mind. Click on the links to read my reviews.

Are you are feeling Lazy? Then why not try:

Evil Twins by John Glatt

Evil Twins

Utilising a tabloid journalistic approach, Evil Twins is a true crime book, which is divided into 12 sections, each dedicated to a different set of ‘evil’ twins. It spawned a television series of the same name. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: Eminently readable sensationalist tripe.

 

Feeling Intellectual? You might like:

Steppenwolf by Hermann Hesse

Steppenwolf

Steppenwolf is a complex book that achieved cult status in the 1960s when it was embraced by the counter-culture. Its protagonist, the reclusive intellectual Harry Haller, is in the midst of a prolonged mid-life crisis. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: A rewarding and challenging read.

 

Want to be shocked?

Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk

Haunted

A group of writers are attending a writers group in an isolated theatre with no access to the outside world. The book takes the form of a series of controversial and harrowing short stories. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: An extreme but intelligent commentary on the human psyche.

 

Feeling like some light entertainment?

Fire In The Hole by Elmore Leonard

Fire In The Hole

This is a compilation of 9 short, authentic and atmospheric, American-based, crime-themed stories. The book is named after its longest title, Fire In The Hole, the inspiration for the television series Justified. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: A compelling introduction to this crime-writing maestro’s work.

In a historically-inclined mood?

 King Leopold’s Ghost by Adam Hochschild

Kind Leopold's Ghost

In 1885 King Leopold II took control of an area of land nearly 20 times the size of his home country of Belgium. This is a compelling and disturbing tale of corruption and greed. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: Strongly recommended for those interested in African history.

 

For those desiring sleep might I suggest:

Confessions of an English Opium-Eater by Thomas De Quincey

Confessions of an English Opium-Eater

Published in 1821, Confessions of an English Opium-Eater is widely regarded as being the forefather of addiction literature. The book embraces an ornate prose style and grandiloquent use of language. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: Reading this was comparable to struggling through sinking mud.

 

For those wishing to be disturbed:

The Killer Inside Me by Jim Thompson

The Killer Inside Me

The Killer Inside Me is a thought provoking and unrelentingly bleak first person narrative about a highly intelligent, manipulative and cold-blooded psychopath by the name of Lou Ford. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: Suspenseful and deeply disturbing.

 

Absurd Literary-Related Trivia

This week’s post is devoted to 13 absurd literary-related facts. Here goes:

Pile of Books

In 1931 the governor of Hunan, China banned Alice in Wonderland because he believed animals should not be using human language.

None of the 3 best-known tales of the Arabian Nights are contained in the Arabian Nights. Aladdin, Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves, and the Seven Voyages of Sinbad the Sailor were all later additions.

Victor T. Cheney is the author of Castration: The Advantages and the Disadvantages.

Winnie-the-Pooh was banned from a Polish playground because ‘he’s a half-naked hermaphrodite.’

Winnie

Danielle Steel is one of the world’s best-selling living authors. She has sold over 800 million books.

The Romance literary genre has 36 sub genres.

Dr. Seuss book Green Eggs and Ham uses only 50 different words.

Aristophanes’s play Assemblywoman contains the longest word in Greek. It is the name of a fictional food dish, and it has 171 letters. Here it is: Lopado­­temacho­­selacho­­galeo­­kranio­­leipsano­­drim­­hypo­­trimmato­­silphio­­parao­­melito­­katakechy­­meno­­kichl­­epi­­kossypho­­phatto­­perister­­alektryon­­opte­­kephallio­­kigklo­­peleio­­lagoio­­siraio­­baphe­­tragano­­pterygon.

ELIYZABETH YANNE STRONG-ANDERSON is the author of Birth Control Is Sinful in the Christian Marriages and Also Robbing God of Priesthood. Every letter in the book capitalised.

According to the American Library Association the Harry Potter series are the most frequently challenged books in America. Some religious parents argue that it promotes witchcraft.

Harry Potter

In Russia Winnie-the-Pooh is on an official list of banned ‘extremist’ material. This is because a senior official was found to own a picture of Pooh clad in swastika-adorned clothes.

Punk Literature (related to punk subculture) has 13 established sub genres. They are: Cyberpunk, Steampunk, Dieselpunk, Biopunk, Bugpunk, Transistorpunk, Nanopunk, Decopunk, Atompunk, Teslapunk, Clockpunk, Splatterpunk & Mythpunk…

50 Shades of Grey is Britain’s best-selling book of all time.

A person who reads 50 Shades of Grey has no advantage over one who can’t read. — Author Guy Portman

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I am the author of 3 books. More to follow.

Necropolis

Symbiosis

Middleworth

26 Quotes about Books, Reading and Writing

I like quotes by famous authors so much that I Tweet one everyday, 365 days a year at @GuyPortman. Here are 26 memorable author quotes, many of which are humorous.

Never judge a book by its movie. J.W. Eagan

Few things in life seem more sexy than a banned book. Chuck Palahniuk

I have only ever read one book in my life, and that is White Fang. It’s so frightfully good I’ve never bothered to read another.Nancy Mitford

This Is Not a Novel To Be Tossed Aside Lightly. It Should Be Thrown with Great Force.Dorothy Parker

Pile of Books

The books that the world calls immoral are books that show the world its own shame.Oscar Wilde

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.Groucho Marx

Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you’ll die of a misprint.Markus Herz

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.Jerry Seinfield

I know many books which have bored their readers, but I know of none which has done real evil.Voltaire

No one ever committed suicide while reading a good book, but many have tried while trying to write one.Robert Byrne

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read. Mark Twain

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.P. J. O’Rourke

Quill

The Christian’s Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.Mark Twain

I was reading a book… ‘the history of glue’ – I couldn’t put it down. Tim Vine

Books are not made for furniture, but there is nothing else that so beautifully furnishes a house.Henry Ward Beecher

Books had instant replay long before televised sports.Bern Williams

Having your book turned into a movie is like seeing your oxen turned into bouillon cubes.John LeCarre

If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking.Haruki Murakami

Reading is a discount ticket to everywhere.Mary Schmich

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.Steven Wright

‘Classic.’ A book which people praise and don’t read.Mark Twain

So many books, so little time.Frank Zappa

Where would Jesus be if no one ever wrote the gospels?Chuck Palahniuk

There’s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.Flannery O’Connor

To hold a pen is to be at war. Voltaire

I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go in the other room and read a book.Groucho Marx

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10 Recent & Contemporary Literary Satirists

Last time out it was history’s great literary satirists. Today we focus on more recent and contemporary satirists. They are presented in chronological order.

George Orwell
GeorgeOrwell
 (June 25th 1903 – January 21st 1950)

George Orwell was vehemently opposed to totalitarianism. He used political satire to criticise Stalin’s rule in his allegorical novella, Animal Farm. Stalin’s representative in the book is the pig Napoleon. Orwell’s dystopian novel, Nineteen Eighty-Four, is a satirical political commentary on totalitarianism.

Aldous HuxleyHuxley (July 26th 1894 – November 22nd 1963)

Huxley was one of the great intellectuals of his generation. His seminal work, Brave New World, is considered to be amongst the most influential novels of the 20th Century. It employs erudite social commentary to explore and satirise our obsession with consumption and technology.

Evelyn Waugh
Waugh
(October 28th 1903 – April 10th 1966)

Waugh was a journalist and author, who was known for his humour and savage satirical wit. He is widely considered to be one of the greatest prose satirists of the 20th Century. Amongst his most famous works is the WWII trilogy Sword of Honour.

Dorothy ParkerDorothy Parker (August 22nd 1893 – June 7th 1967) 

Critic, short story writer and poet Dorothy Parker was renowned for her sense of humour and satirising abilities. She was prone to satirising the middle classes. Satire of the humorous, sarcastic variety is present in much of her poetry, including Résumé and One Perfect Rose.

P. G. WodehouseWodehouse (October 15th 1881 – February 14th 1975)

Author P. G. Wodehouse was a famous 20th Century humourist. He used parody and ridicule in his comic fiction to satirise elements within society, particularly the English upper classes. His characters though ridiculous are generally likeable.

Joseph HellerHeller(May 1st 1923 – December 12th 1999) 

Satirical novelist, short story writer and playwright Joseph Heller is best remembered for his novel Catch-22. The story is about a group of soldiers fighting in WWII. This absurdist work sees the author employing relentless ludicrousness to chastise warfare.

Kurt Vonnegut
Vonnegut
(November 11th 1922 – April 11th 2007)

Vonnegut was a prolific postmodern author, whose seminal work was the satirical, anti war themed Slaughterhouse-Five (1969). The book explores notions such as fate, free will, the meaning of life and the futility of war – serious messages that are coated with humour.

 

Terry Pratchett
Pratchett
(April 28th 1948 – March 12th 2015)

Terry Pratchett was the author of the Discworld series of 41 novels. The fantasy series features satire of the comedic variety. Numerous issues facing contemporary society are explored, including politics, bribery, human behaviour and corruption, particularly with regards to the ruling elite.

Tom WolfeWolfe (Born March 2nd 1931) 

Journalist Tom Wolfe initially wrote only non-fiction, but later turned his hand to fiction. His first novel, The Bonfire of the Vanities (1987) is a satirical work whose themes include politics, ambition and greed. His third novel, I Am Charlotte Simmons, is replete with satirical wit.

Chuck Palahniuk
ChuckPalahniuk
 (Born: February 21st 1962)

Palahniuk is a transgressive author whose writing is brimming with dark humour, lurid descriptions and satirical observations. Amongst his favourite subjects to satirise are the media-saturated nature of society, our obsession with celebrities and the fate of the American working class.

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