Other | Guy Portman's Blog

Torrential Rain & Back From The Brink

Jun 18 2021

Last Friday for the first time in nearly a decade, I didn’t post an update on my blog. You must have been thinking I kicked the bucket, was put behind bars, or removed by the men in white coats. This is not the case.

What happened was, last Thursday when I tried to access my website, it didn’t exist. In a state of panic, I logged in to HostGator. My account had been suspended because I hadn’t paid. The reason I hadn’t was because I was under the impression guyportman.com had migrated to AWS. I was mistaken. There had been some miscommunication which had led me to making a potentially ruinous assumption.

A decade’s worth of blog posts and nearly 150 books reviews disappearing into the void was too much to bear. I was searching for the key to my shotgun cabinet when HostGator got back to me to say that my account was only suspended, and that I could get it restored for a fee.

It proved pretty complicated getting my website moved back over to guyportman.com. It took thirty-six hours and the help of a friend who updated the code, as well as Sunil from HostGator to get it up and running again. While I waited nervously for the site to be resurrected, I found solace in nature.

And eating.

Anyway, the site is back now. In other news, I got 140+ tonnes of soil dumped at the bottom of my garden. It was going spare. The soil has now been spread around. With any luck it will become a nice lawn in time.

It has been bucketing down the last twenty-four hours. Good thing I got the grass seed down in time.

Have a good weekend.

Nature, Nourishment, Naps & News.

Jun 04 2021

Let’s start off with the nature. I’m not really a flower person, but here are some from my garden. Hydrangeas, I think.

Not even an Iroquois tracker could get this close.

A slow worm.

My cock pheasant has found a female friend. There are no sour grapes on my part. Well, maybe a little.

The weather’s been hot and sunny of late.

Red isn’t my favourite colour, honestly.

I mentioned ‘Nourishment’ in the title. Not sure a kebab is really nourishment, but anyway here it is.

Dessert.

Trigga having a nap.

Another day, another nap.

Now for the ‘News’. Brace yourselves; I’ve got a new chair.

It has lumbar support, a headrest (albeit one designed for pygmies) & armrests.

The news doesn’t end there. Mangetout is free on Amazon for today and tomorrow only. Please download a copy if you haven’t already.

Links: Amazon US & Amazon UK

Weather, Writing, WordPress & Wildlife.

May 28 2021

After what has felt like weeks of virtually non-stop rain, the sun has finally come out. It is here to stay; at least that is what the weather forecast is claiming.

Is it just me, or is WordPress not working very well at the moment. It is incredibly slow whenever I use it and there are ongoing issues with uploading images. Rant over. I have been writing non-stop of late. Have just finished a third draft of a novel and am flying through another. However, this has come at a price. There has been nothing vaguely resembling marketing going on, and no social media, or building my mailing list.

On another subject, the cock pheasant has been spending ever more time at mine. How’s this for a close-up of him.

Blossom – a sight for sore eyes.

The dog on his morning walk.

Trigga moments later on point.

The obligatory weekly photo of a deer. This roe buck was considering whether flight or fight was the way to go. He opted for flight. You can never be sure at this time of year which way they’ll turn.

My current read. It’s a slow burn and morbidly depressing in places, but I can’t get enough of McCarthy.

I have some exciting news to share with you. Last Sunday, I went to a restaurant for the first time in forever.

This was purportedly a chocolate mousse. At least that’s what I ordered. Perhaps due to the fact none of us have been out for so long, restaurants now think they can pull the wool over our eyes. Good thing it was delicious, or I would have kicked up a fuss.

4 Good Books I Read Recently.

May 14 2021

I haven’t got much to report on this week, so it’s back to my tried and trusted topic that is reading. Here are four good and very different books I’ve read recently. Click on the links to read my reviews.

All The Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy

Set during WWII, this moving and at times suspenseful novel is a bildungsroman-type story with nihilistic undertones.

My Review: Texan teenager John Grady’s family farm is poised to be sold. As a result, he decides it is time to leave for pastures new. The enterprising adolescent and close friend Rawlins set off for …(More)

Submission by Michel Houellebecq

Submission is an eminently readable, if somewhat pretentious novel. It boasts seductive prose, a satirical undertone, and a touch of melancholy.

My Review: The 2022 French Election sees the Front National defeated by the Muslim Fraternity, who have formed a coalition with another party. Overnight, France alters dramatically. The education …(More)

Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender by David R. Hawkins

Letting Go is not this cynical creature’s typical reading fare. It is a revealing book penned by a scientist with alternative tendencies.

My Review: This self-help book is dedicated to the process of letting go. Its author advocates allowing feelings to be present, as opposed to repressing them. The resulting sensation might be intense he …(More)

The Rules of Attraction by Bret Easton Ellis

The text’s plotless nature mirrors the vapid, aimless characters that populate it. Themes include bi-sexuality, drugs and despair.

My Review: The book is written in the first person from the perspective primarily of three students – Lauren, Sean and Paul. All are pupils of Camden College, an exclusive New Hampshire-based liberal arts …(More)

Motivation, Mutts, Meat and More.

May 07 2021

I’m really getting into this alliteration thing. As for the Oxford comma, for better or worse I abstained.

Let’s start off with motivation. If anyone has any to spare send it my way, I could do with some. Here’s a good quote about motivation I came across earlier today – “You can either experience the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The choice is yours.”

Why can’t one have both?

Moving on. Here is a good photo of Trigga. Something must have caught his interest as he went ‘on point’.

Despite being chased by Trigga, this cock pheasant keeps turning up in my garden. He is pheasant non grata across the road, and as a result has had to find new pastures. The dominant cock across the road has a harem of hens and doesn’t want any males around.

This mateless bird is in esteemed company here. I have faced the same scenario numerous times.

Vegetarians, please avert your gaze.

How’s this for a colour-coordinated combo?

Currently, I am trying to get back into my writing routine. Writing was so easy when it was a habit, but I am now struggling. However, I have managed to catch up with some odds and ends, including writing reviews of books that I’ve read recently. There are presently 192 book reviews in the review section of this website, all written by moi.

Have a good weekend.

Pizzas, Pheasants & Projects

Apr 30 2021

I’ve had a short break from the writing and have been concentrating on gardening. It has taken a Sisyphean effort to get the garden in shape. Ominously, the grass is growing and it seems I’ll need to get back out there soon. I’m not complaining really. Gardening is a cathartic activity and good exercise.

Carbohydrates are a must after toiling in the garden.

Today’s game is called spot the pheasant. Here are three photos, each of which contains a pheasant I came across this week. Can you spot them?

That last one was so well camouflaged, I nearly stepped on it.

Anyone else a fan of Asahi?

Here is a picture of my dog next to a molehill, defiling my immaculate lawn.

Yet more deer.

My current read is a transgressive work peppered with dark humour. Irvine Welsh (AKA ‘The Transgressive Messiah’) is a master of dialogue.

I’m in a quandary now. What should I do first – read, or flatten that molehill? … Eeny, meeny, miny, moe …

Food, Footwear, Features & Flymows.

Apr 23 2021

Had fish and chips for the first time in ages the other day. The calamari (see onion ring looking things below) wasn’t up to much, but the rest was good.

I have been having a break from the office and getting stuff done outside. One task was uncovering this water feature which had become completely overgrown. Can you see the robin?

A glass of wine after a hard day in the garden.

The dog out enjoying the sun and the newly manicured lawn.

Unfortunately, while I was in the process of cutting the lawn I turned the hover mower upside down. I won’t be doing that again in a hurry. It had to be taken into a gardening machinery repair shop. It was far from the only mower in need of some repairs. The line of mowers outside the shop was nearly as long as the queue outside the hairdresser’s at the end of Lockdown.

Earlier this week I went on a shopping trip. Like many of you no doubt, it had been a long time since I went into a ‘non-essential’ shop.

I have not turned into Imelda Marcos; I just happened to go into two footwear apparel stores.

Right, time to get back to the gardening. Have a good weekend.

Fauna, Fiction, Flora & Freedom.

Apr 16 2021

First up it is the fauna. You guessed it, more deer. They were captured through my new iPhone lens at close range.

My Transgressive fiction fix.

I have just started reading in earnest again. Five new book reviews will be appearing in the book review section of this blog imminently. Not sure if that is of any interest to anyone other than myself, but I digress … I took this picture yesterday afternoon immediately prior to going for a jog.

And this one first thing in the morning when I took my dog out for his walk.

Lockdown is gradually easing here in the UK. On Wednesday, I went to the pub for the first time in forever. It was a strange sensation drinking out of a pint glass, as opposed to a bottle. Hadn’t been out for so long that I’d forgotten how tedious people can be. They have reminded me.

Even a cyncial creature such as myself is not immune to the joys of spring.

Got a lot of gardening to do and best get started. Over and out.

Gardening, Griping, Guzzling & German

Mar 19 2021

I just can’t get people to do what I want them to do, when I want them to do it. It’s a real problem; one that I can’t imagine Putin or Xi Jinping have. That’s the griping out of the way. Actually no, there’ll be more later. Now for the guzzling. Earlier this week I made an omelette that only broke very slightly. Give me a round of applause please. Here’s a picture of it:

Anyone else like Indian food? I’ll take your silence as a yes. I had an Indian banquet on Wednesday. What a treat.

Now for the German. Earlier this week, Leipzig-based publisher Festa Verlag published my psychological thriller.

Symbiose retail link

Symbiose means Symbiosis in English. Somebody their end must think Symbiosis is pretty good, as it boasts a fairly hefty price tag. The plan is it sells well and they take some more of my books, and I emigrate to Germany, where I am adulated like David Hasselhoff.

That is a picture of my hedge. I do most of my gardening myself due to the fact I like doing it, and because I’m a cheapskate and don’t want to fork out for a gardener. However, at this time of year I do get help with stuff above ground level, such as this hedge for example. A two-man team turned up with chainsaws for what I assumed from the invoice was going to be a full day of arduous labour. Must have been a little over five minutes into their day that the main man knocked on my summerhouse/office door and informs me, ‘We’re done’. When I went out to inspect, I couldn’t see any difference. I told him, ‘I didn’t get you in to trim my hedge with nail scissors.’ He shook his head and said, ‘D-don’t know what you mean. What do you mean?’ ‘I mean cut it properly, to the height of the top of a man’s head, and I’m not talking the world’s tallest man as it is currently.’ They did it again (see photo). I’m satisfied.

Mangetout has been out a week now. There are seven ratings on Goodreads and they are pretty positive. I’m not saying they’re all waxing lyrical, but some of them are. I’m hoping, no I’m praying, that more will appear on Amazon. There are none on the UK site at the time of writing. There are some on Amazon US though. Have a good weekend.