Satire | Guy Portman's Blog

Golgotha Cover Reveal

Sep 13 2019

Today, I am pleased to unveil the front cover for my forthcoming black comedy, Golgotha (release date: early December).

I am impressed with the design the team at Ebook Launch came up with. It captures the book’s tone perfectly. Golgotha is the final instalment in the popular Necropolis Trilogy. It will see the return of darkly humorous sociopath Dyson Devereux. I look forward to revealing the blurb and more besides in due course.

The first two instalments in the trilogy are #1 Necropolis & #2 Sepultura.

800 Ratings and Reviews on Goodreads

‘The book (#1) is full of razor-sharp satire’ – Crime Fiction Lover

‘… a magnificent foray into the mind of a sociopath’ – DLS Reviews

‘… a mix between The Office and American Psycho’ – Amazon Reviewer

If you like dark humour you’ll love the Necropolis Trilogy

Retailer Links (eBook & paperback) – Amazon US Amazon UK Kobo US Kobo UK Kobo CA Barnes & Noble Smashwords

Have a good weekend.

Sepultura Has A New Blurb

Sep 06 2019

As many of you are aware, the third instalment in the Necropolis Trilogy will be unleished on the world late this year (date to follow). The darkly humorous Golgotha will see the return of sociopath Dyson Devereux. I look forward to releasing more information in due course.

Today, I am pleased to unveil the new blurb for the second part in the trilogy. Those who have helped me modify the blurb for Sepultura are of the opinion that the new version better describes the book, particularly the conflict which lurks at the heart of it. And I agree with them. Here it is.

A sociopath’s work is never done.

Dyson Devereux is a busy man, with a challenging new job in the council’s Burials and Cemeteries department and a young son. Life should be fine.

But amid the mindless minutiae of his workplace, Dyson is fast losing patience with his crass colleagues and their contemptible clothes. Something’s got to give, and it’s not going to be Dyson.

Because unbeknown to those around him, beneath Dyson’s charming, Italian-delicacy-consuming veneer lurks something sinister. As his personal and professional lives threaten to spiral out of control, how long can Dyson keep his true nature under wraps?

Sepultura is a hilarious black comedy exposing the banality of public-sector bureaucracy.

“Hysterical. Takes dark humour to a whole new level” — Martin Allen, Author of Weed.

“A satirical gem” — Adam Riley, Comedian

Necropolis Trilogy retailer links – Amazon US, Amazon UK, Kobo US, Kobo UK, Kobo Ca

I know comments and likes aren’t functioning properly on this blog presently. I plan to rectify this soon. Have a good weekend.

The Necropolis Trilogy And More Besides

Aug 30 2019

Golgotha, the final instalment in my Necropolis Trilogy, is nearing completion. I am currently working on a blurb, which I look forward to sharing with you in due course. If you haven’t done so already, why not check out the first two darkly humorous offerings in the trilogy? Click here to see my books on Amazon.

What is a sociopath to do?

A sociopath’s work is never done.

I hope you’ve all enjoyed your summer (Northern Hemisphere) visitors. What with all the sun and rain, I have been besieged with gardening. It is now complete; that is until it grows again. This lawn was landscaped a few months back hence why it looks a bit patchy in places. But it’s coming along well, and I look forward to the day when it will be a pristine bowling green.

In other news, I have just finished my thirteenth book of the year – Papillon. The 600 page tome is about a man sentenced to life imprisonment in a penal colony in French Guiana. Review to follow. Perhaps you’ve read it or watched the film it inspired. Next up will be some dark humour. A batch of books are on their way.

My blog’s comments and likes etc. are still not working properly, which is annoying. But I will be migrating to a new website at some point in the not too distant future, so I am not going to try and rectify this fiddly issue for now.

Have a good weekend.

Random Ramblings, Pick & Mixes and Grass

May 03 2019

I am all about routine. Every morning when I awaken at seven, I have a walk in the woods by my house with my dog. There is no better time of day unless one is hungover. Of late, there have been plenty of sunny, idyllic mornings here in West Sussex. After a walk, I generally feel refreshed and ready to get on with my writing, or whatever I have to do that day.

My garden was recently landscaped. I scattered grass seed over it some weeks back, but despite there having been plenty of sun and some rain, it still resembles The Kalahari (see below). I was lamenting the lack of growth to a hippie I came across in the pub earlier in the week. He asked if I’d tried any ‘harvest prayers’. I said no, certainly not. He suggested that I might try the ‘very effective’ Mayan Prayer to the Seven Directions. Considering that the Mayan civilisation was decimated by severe drought, I think I will give it a miss.

Not a great deal else has happened to me this past week. Well actually, I had some vegetable samosas a few nights back. I am a carnivorous creature, but when it comes to samosas I am strictly vegetarian. They just don’t work with meat, at least not for me.

Some of my fondest memories from childhood entail Pick & Mix. And whenever I stumble across a Pick & Mix, I tend to be overwhelmed with nostalgia. On Monday when I went to the supermarket, I came across my first Lindor Pick & Mix.

I was unimpressed. While Lindor balls are not without their virtues, they are just too sickly and too similar to one another to justify a Pick & Mix devoted solely to them.

19 Free Humour Books For You

Jan 18 2019

I have teamed up with some fellow UK humour authors to offer you a selection of 19 humour books for FREE. The offer includes one of mine. Click on the link below to discover which of my humorous offerings it is, and to view the other hilarious options, consisting of comedy novellas, short stories, and a few full reads. They are available for free for a limited time only. All you have to do is click on the book cover you want and follow the instructions to receive your free book/s (Mobi/ePub/PDF) and to sign up to the given author’s mailing list. You can unsubscribe at any time.

BEAT THE JANUARY BLUES FREE HUMOUR BOOK LINK

I will be contacting my ever-expanding mailing list with this fantastic offer in due course. But if you are already on it and want a free copy of my satirical ‘masterpiece’, drop me an email to info@guyportman.com with Yes in the subject line, or just Y if you’re too busy for the other two letters. Otherwise click on the link below and locate my book cover in the selection.

Have a good weekend.

BEAT THE JANUARY BLUES FREE HUMOUR BOOK LINK

The 20 Books I Read In 2018

Dec 28 2018

As is my custom at year end, I am dedicating this blog post to the books I read this year. I have been pretty busy in 2018, what with releasing two books (Sepultura & Tomorrow’s World) and various writing gigs. However, I did find time to read 20 books. Click on the links to read my reviews. They are presented in the order in which I read them:

Skagboys by Irvine Welsh (2012) – This is the prequel to Trainspotting. It is set in the 1980s against a backdrop of Thatcherism, the rise of dance music and HIV.

The Carrot Man by Theo E. Gerken (2017) – This existential comedy is replete with jokes. Some are offensive, few are amusing.

An Ice-Cream War by William Boyd (1982) – An Ice-Cream War’s motif is the absurdness of war. The book’s grave content is laced with humour of the dark variety.

The Trumpassic Period – Year One by David Belisle (2018) – This sleep-inducing politics-meets-palaeontology work purports to be a satire, of the lampooning variety.

Last Exit To Brooklyn by Hubert Selby Jr. (1964) – This is a controversial and ground-breaking transgressive work consisting of six inter-related short stories.

Vile Bodies by Evelyn Waugh (1930) – This satirical novel’s primary purpose is satirising decadent 1920s London society.

Hotel Scarface by Roben Farzad (2017) – Named after iconic film Scarface, Hotel Scarface is an account of the rise and fall of Hotel Mutiny; a Miami-based hotel and club.

Not Exactly Shakespeare by Martin Freznell (2017) – Not Exactly Shakespeare purports to be the shortest book you’ll ever be forced to pretend to have to read.

The Raw Shark Texts by Steven Hall (2007) – This analytical and abstract book’s motif is mental health. Its contents include drawings and computer code.

Marabao Stork Nightmares by Irvine Welsh (1995) – An inventive, transgressive work, boasting parallel stories and different levels of awareness.

American Gods by Neil Gaiman (2001) – This dark, unusual blend of fantasy and mythology explores the tribalistic nature of America’s various beliefs.

Knockemstiff by Donald Ray Pollock (2008) – This excellent transgressive compilation of interlinked short stories is set in a real-life Ohioan backwater.

Discontents by James Wallace Birch (2011) – This rather uncompelling work of Transgressive Fiction contains considerable theorising.

The Journey of Crazy Horse by J.M. Marshall III (2004) – A biographical narrative about the legendary Lakota Sioux chief, Crazy Horse.

Between the Shadow and Lo by Lauren Sapala (2017) – A first-person work of Transgressive Fiction written by a female author and boasting an alcoholic female protagonist.

The Willow Tree by Hubert Selby Jr. (1998) – A fable about hate and its ramifications. Themes include hope, forgiveness and love.

The Blade Artist by Irvine Welsh (2016) – This memorable work of Transgressive Fiction boasts a complex and manipulative protagonist.

The Bad Boys of Bokaro Jail by Chetan Mahajan (2014) – This quick and easy read consists of a first-person account of the author’s short stint in an Indian local jail.

The Butcher by Nathan Burrows (2018) – This aptly named book is set in the English county of Norfolk. Topics encompass swine, illegal migrants, potential Brexit ramifications and cannibalism.

In Wolves’ Clothing by Greg Levin (2017) – A first-person transgressive work about a troubled member of an anti child trafficking organisation.

Tomorrow’s World & Black Friday

Nov 23 2018

My new book, Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future, was released yesterday.

I am pleased and grateful that one of the UK’s biggest and most prestigious satire sites, ‘The Daily Squib’, have written a positive, amusing and extremely thorough review (14 paragraphs) of Tomorrow’s World on their website. Click here to read it.

If you like dark humour, you’ll love Tomorrow’s World.

As for me, I am currently holed up at home, trying to avoid Black Friday. It only seems a few years ago that Black Friday barely existed. Since then the virus has spread everywhere. It is currently contaminating the continent. The Low Countries offered no resistance, and as for France they have held out longer than they did against the Germans, but it is only a matter of time. Black Friday is spreading faster than the Black Death.

My advice – stay at home, keep the windows closed and the television off. I am not into yoga, but at times like this breathing exercises can help …

Click here to see Tomorrow’s World Goodreads Page.

Have a good weekend.

Tomorrow’s World: 6 Days To Go

Nov 16 2018

Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future is being released next Thursday, Nov. 22nd.

The future may not be bright but it’s hilarious

Here are some details about the book:

In England, Terrence finds himself disillusioned in a world of drudgery, compensation claim drones and a relentlessly rising retirement age. Across the pond, Walter has harnessed the power of age-defying medication in a bid to prosper indefinitely – at any expense. What could possibly go wrong?

40,251 words/2.5 hours reading time

Congratulations to the two winners of the Goodreads giveaway – Alexandria and Jessica. A first edition, signed copy will be posted to your US locations on Monday.

“Because in Tomorrow’s World, Guy has seen the writing on the wall. And it’s in emojis.” Adam Riley, Comedian

1140 readers have now added Tomorrow’s World to their Goodreads TBR list.

Here are a few short snippets from the book:

‘The fact that Paradise Pods have the same dimensions as a standard coffin is incidental,’ says the salesman, ducking to avoid the hurled teacup …

The interior of the rotorcraft erupts in vociferations of glee when the passengers catch sight of the white-tipped peak of Mont Blanc, Western Europe’s last remaining refuge for snow.

She cannot envisage ever swapping her early 1990s Benidorm experience for any of the other virtual-reality options available to her and her fellow retirees …

If you like dark humour, you’ll love Tomorrow’s World.

Tomorrow’s World will be available as a paperback & ebook from all major retailers.

Click here to see Tomorrow’s World Goodreads Page.

Tomorrow’s World: Countdown

Nov 09 2018

There is less than two weeks to go until the release of Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future (November 22nd).

The first reviews for Tomorrow’s World have appeared on Goodreads, and the Goodreads Giveaway is still underway. Two signed, first edition paperback copies must be won.

Here are some details about the darkly humorous, satirical extravaganza that is Tomorrow’s World:

In tales that criss cross the Atlantic, Tomorrow’s World transports the reader into the future where even dreams can be controlled – but it seems that the future’s not all it’s cracked up to be. In England, Terrence finds himself disillusioned in a world of drudgery, compensation claim drones and a relentlessly rising retirement age. Across the pond, Walter has harnessed the power of age-defying medication in a bid to prosper indefinitely – at any expense. What could possibly go wrong?

40,251 words/2.5 hours reading time

Here are a few snippets from the book:

2176 A.D.

… he had abhorred virtual celebrity reality television his entire life. He had first been subjected to it as a small child in the family home. Over the years he had witnessed a plethora of virtual celebrity reality television shows that had catered to the vicarious, the voyeur, the vain and the vapid.

2160 A.D.

‘Garbage Pail Kids.’

‘What are Garbage Pail Kids?’

‘They were 1980s humorous, satirical trading cards. We have one of Europe’s finest private collections in the family. Remind me to show you them sometime.’

Click here to view Tomorrow’s World Goodreads page.

Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future

Nov 02 2018

I am currently running a Goodreads Giveaway for my forthcoming book, Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future (Release Date: November 22nd).

The good news is that two signed, first edition paperback copies are up for grabs. The bad news is that the giveaway is only open to North American readers. Goodreads dictates the rules, not me. If it wasn’t for the inclusion of Canada, I would suspect this was another of Trump’s trade embargos. Regardless, you can still add Tomorrow’s World to your Goodreads to-read list; LibraryThing too if you’re that way inclined. Tomorrow’s World will be available to purchase in all countries (excluding North Korea). Here are some details:

The future’s here and it’s great. You can live for a very long time, you can experience the dream in virtual reality, and you can even worship David Hasselhoff. But not everyone is feeling fulfilled …

With the relentlessly increasing mandatory retirement age, Terrence can see no end to his life of drudgery. And then there are the compensation claim drones …

With its dark humour and gripping narrative, Tomorrow’s World paints a vivid picture of a future that’s a little too close for comfort.

40,251 words – 2.5 hours reading time
Publication Date: November 22nd (paperback & eBook)

‘… in Tomorrow’s World, Guy has seen the writing on the wall. And it’s in emojis.’ – Adam Riley (comedian)

Warning: This book is not suitable for overtly religious types/those who do not appreciate dark humour.

Tomorrow’s World Goodreads Page.

Have a good weekend.

Tag - Satire

Golgotha Cover Reveal

Like this:

Sepultura Has A New Blurb

Like this:

The Necropolis Trilogy And More Besides

Like this:

Random Ramblings, Pick & Mixes and Grass

Like this:

19 Free Humour Books For You

Like this:

The 20 Books I Read In 2018

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Tomorrow’s World & Black Friday

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Tomorrow’s World: 6 Days To Go

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Tomorrow’s World: Countdown

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Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future

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