Here is Part II of my Bizarre Books Series. As with Part 1 I have added pithy/fictitious comments below each.
If God Loves Me Why Can’t I Get My Locker Open
Because you forgot the key.
How to Disappear Completely and Never Be Found
Would you trust the author to make you disappear when he can’t spell disappear?
Brimming with helpful tips from Argentine sailors.
Well he’s not behind the door or in the wardrobe.
I don’t know about you, but I need to learn how to iron a shirt with the creases in the right places before attempting any extreme ironing.
Hitler: Neither Vegetarian Nor Animal Lover
When in his countryside residence, Berghof, Hitler would march around the grounds munching on schnitzels whilst ranting at any livestock he came across with non Aryan characteristics. ‘Unter tier. Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei verboten unter tier…’
Insert pencil into sharpener and rotate. Repeat until pencil is sharp.
The Missionary Position: Mother Teresa in Theory and Practice
Publishing Company CEO: ‘Are you the jackass who agreed to publish this book?’
Employee: ‘Err yes … I’m sorry, I didn’t notice that the title could be deemed offensive to some.’
Publishing Company CEO: ‘The Vatican has declared us to be heretics. You’re finished here. Clear your desk!’
Author: ‘Do you believe NASA of the USA ever set foot on the moon in and after 1969 or do you doubt it?’
‘I can honestly say I’ve never given it any thought. On another subject did you use WordArt to design your front cover? … You did didn’t you.’
Collectible Spoons of the 3rd Reich
Not interested. I only collect 3rd Reich forks.
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