Books | Guy Portman's Blog

7 Books for 7 Moods

Oct 14 2016

Our choice of book often depends on our frame of mind. My favourite genres are transgressive fiction and satire, but I am an eclectic reader, who is prone to select a given book according to my mood. Here are 7 books for 7 different moods/states of mind. Click on the links to read my reviews.

Are you are feeling Lazy? Then why not try:

Evil Twins by John Glatt

Evil Twins

Utilising a tabloid journalistic approach, Evil Twins is a true crime book, which is divided into 12 sections, each dedicated to a different set of ‘evil’ twins. It spawned a television series of the same name. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: Eminently readable sensationalist tripe.

Feeling Intellectual? You might like:

Steppenwolf by Hermann Hesse

Steppenwolf

Steppenwolf is a complex book that achieved cult status in the 1960s when it was embraced by the counter-culture. Its protagonist, the reclusive intellectual Harry Haller, is in the midst of a prolonged mid-life crisis. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: A rewarding and challenging read.

Want to be shocked?

Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk

A group of writers are attending a writers group in an isolated theatre with no access to the outside world. The book takes the form of a series of controversial and harrowing short stories. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: An extreme but intelligent commentary on the human psyche.

Feeling like some light entertainment?

Fire In The Hole by Elmore Leonard

Fire In The Hole

This is a compilation of 9 short, authentic and atmospheric, American-based, crime-themed stories. The book is named after its longest title, Fire In The Hole, the inspiration for the television series Justified. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: A compelling introduction to this crime-writing maestro’s work.

In a historically-inclined mood?

King Leopold’s Ghost by Adam Hochschild

Kind Leopold's Ghost

In 1885 King Leopold II took control of an area of land nearly 20 times the size of his home country of Belgium. This is a compelling and disturbing tale of corruption and greed. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: Strongly recommended for those interested in African history.

For those desiring sleep might I suggest:

Confessions of an English Opium-Eater by Thomas De Quincey

Confessions of an English Opium-Eater

Published in 1821, Confessions of an English Opium-Eater is widely regarded as being the forefather of addiction literature. The book embraces an ornate prose style and grandiloquent use of language. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: Reading this was comparable to struggling through sinking mud.

For those wishing to be disturbed:

The Killer Inside Me by Jim Thompson

The Killer Inside Me

The Killer Inside Me is a thought provoking and unrelentingly bleak first person narrative about a highly intelligent, manipulative and cold-blooded psychopath by the name of Lou Ford. Click here to read my review.

My Opinion: Suspenseful and deeply disturbing.

6 Works of Dark Fiction

Oct 07 2016

Dark fiction is concerned with the sinister side of human nature. It is often distinguished from the mainstream horror genre in that it tends not to be fantasy-orientated. Dark fiction may contain elements of black or satirical humour.

Here are six works of dark fiction that I have read. The following books are presented in the order in which they were published. Click on the links to read my reviews.

Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller

Tropic of Cancer

About: Sexuality, freedom and the human condition are themes in this groundbreaking work. Tropic of Cancer was banned from being imported into the United States after its publication in France in 1934.

My Review: Set in the late 1920s and early 30s, Tropic of Cancer is a semi-autobiographical first-person account of a young, struggling American writer living in Paris, and for a… (More)

The Plague by Albert Camus

The Plague

About: This is a philosophical work that explores destiny, the human condition, and absurdism, namely the tendency to try and find meaning in life, but failing to find any.

My Review: In the Algerian coastal town of Oran, an explosion in the rat population has not gone unnoticed. The infestation soon comes to an abrupt halt with the mysterious demise of the rats… (More)

Savage Night by Jim Thompson

Savage Night

About: Savage Night is a suspenseful crime novel written in its author’s trademark pulp prose style. Protagonist Carl is a paranoid and perplexing character, who is convinced that he is disintegrating.

My Review: A shadowy crime boss known as ‘The Man’ sends contract killer Carl Bigelow to a small town, on a mission to kill a man, by the name of Jake Winroy. Jake is a key witness in a forthcoming… (More)

A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess

About: First published in 1962, A Clockwork Orange is a ground-breaking and controversial book with an intriguing and intelligent narrator, which leaves many questions to ponder.

My Review: Alex is an eccentric 15-year-old delinquent with a penchant for classical music and drinking milk. He and his fellow ‘droogs’ assault, rob and rape with impunity, that is until a serious incident… (More)

Glamorama by Bret Easton Ellis

glamorama

About: This satirical work adeptly captures the hedonism of 1990s New York. In typical Ellis fashion the text is punctuated with numerous pop-culture references, in addition to sporadic descriptions of violence.

My Review: Victor Ward aka Victor Johnson is a male model living in 1990s Manhattan. Victor is a vapid, soulless character, obsessed with celebrity culture, who lives an existence that revolves around…(More)

Choke by Chuck Palahniuk

Choke

About: Choke is in essence a social commentary about our innate craving for attention. Protagonist Victor is a victim of the selfish motivations at the very root of modern American society.

My Review: The protagonist, Victor Mancini, is a sex addict employed at an eighteenth-century historical re-enactment park. Victor attends various sexual addiction support groups, where he meets… (More)

Bizarre Books III

Sep 30 2016

This is the final instalment of my Bizarre Books Series. As with Parts 1 & 2, I have added pithy/fictitious comments below each.

The New Radiation Recipe Book

radiation

For residents of Chernobyl and Fukushima.

Strangers Have The Best Candy

strangers

They do? So why did my mother always tell me not to talk to them?

The Book of Marmalade

marmalade

For those of us who spreading it on our toast is not enough.

I Can Has Cheezburger?

cheezburger

A Pulitzer Prize for Fiction winner this is not.

Do It Yourself Coffins for Pets and People

coffin

‘What’s that leaning against the wall?’

‘My DIY coffin.’

‘But you don’t need a DIY coffin, you’re not dead.’

‘Better to get it done early. DIY coffins are pretty tricky to assemble post-mortem.’

Managing a Dental Practice: The Genghis Khan Way

dental

If the client complains behead them. Then impale the head on a pike. Don’t forget to polish their teeth first.

Everything I Know about Women I Learned from My Tractor

tractor

Presumably not a lot then.

The Do It Yourself Lobotomy

lobotomy

Step One: Take the saw, hold it to the top of your head, and away you go — SsSsSsSsSs.

The Joy of Uncircumcising!

uncircumcising

Joy? — Needle, thread, skin. Really?

How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack

gnome

You mean to tell me that gnomes are not only the height of bad taste, they also attack.

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Click here to read Bizarre Books Part II.

14 Random Book Facts

Sep 23 2016

I have dedicated a number of posts to author and book-related trivia. This week sees a return to the theme. Here are 14 new book-related ‘facts’. I think they are quite interesting, and I hope you will too.

J.R.R. Tolkien typed the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy with two fingers.

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer is said to be the first book to have been written on a typewriter. Some disagree.

The largest book in the world is The Klencke Atlas at 1.75 metres tall and 1.90 metres wide. It is over 350 years old.

Typewriter2

The first book ever bought on Amazon is thought to be Fluid Concepts and Creative Analogies: Computer Models of the Fundamental Mechanisms of Thought.

Victor Hugo’s Les Miserables contains a sentence that is 823 words long.

The Bay Psalm Book was the first book printed in North America.

The slowest-selling book in history is allegedly a 1716 translation of the New Testament from Coptic into Latin. The last of its 500 copies was sold in 1907.

Nathanael West’s 1939 novel The Day of the Locust features a character named Homer Simpson.

Book Stack

Alexander Lenard’s Latin translation of A.A. Milne’s Winnie the Pooh is the only Latin book to have appeared on The New York Times Best Seller List.

Vladimir Nabokov wrote the first draft of his controversial novel Lolita on notecards.

The first book described as a ‘best-seller’ was Fools Of Nature by US writer Alice Brown in 1889.

The Tale of Genji is purported to be the first book ever written (circa 1007).

The first handwritten Bible since the invention of the printing press cost $8 million. It took 12 years to complete.

Cat’s Cradle earned Kurt Vonnegut his Master’s Degree.

Absurd Literary-Related Trivia

Sep 09 2016

This week’s post is devoted to 13 absurd literary-related facts. Here goes:

Pile of Books

In 1931 the governor of Hunan, China banned Alice in Wonderland because he believed animals should not be using human language.

None of the 3 best-known tales of the Arabian Nights are contained in the Arabian Nights. Aladdin, Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves, and the Seven Voyages of Sinbad the Sailor were all later additions.

Victor T. Cheney is the author of Castration: The Advantages and the Disadvantages.

Winnie-the-Pooh was banned from a Polish playground because ‘he’s a half-naked hermaphrodite.’

Winnie

Danielle Steel is one of the world’s best-selling living authors. She has sold over 800 million books.

The Romance literary genre has 36 sub genres.

Dr. Seuss book Green Eggs and Ham uses only 50 different words.

Aristophanes’s play Assemblywoman contains the longest word in Greek. It is the name of a fictional food dish, and it has 171 letters. Here it is: Lopadotemachoselachogaleokranioleipsanodrimhypotrimmatosilphioparaomelitokatakechymenokichlepikossyphophattoperisteralektryonoptekephalliokigklopeleiolagoiosiraiobaphetraganopterygon.

ELIYZABETH YANNE STRONG-ANDERSON is the author of Birth Control Is Sinful in the Christian Marriages and Also Robbing God of Priesthood. Every letter in the book capitalised.

According to the American Library Association the Harry Potter series are the most frequently challenged books in America. Some religious parents argue that it promotes witchcraft.

Harry Potter

In Russia Winnie-the-Pooh is on an official list of banned ‘extremist’ material. This is because a senior official was found to own a picture of Pooh clad in swastika-adorned clothes.

Punk Literature (related to punk subculture) has 13 established sub genres. They are: Cyberpunk, Steampunk, Dieselpunk, Biopunk, Bugpunk, Transistorpunk, Nanopunk, Decopunk, Atompunk, Teslapunk, Clockpunk, Splatterpunk & Mythpunk…

50 Shades of Grey is Britain’s best-selling book of all time.

A person who reads 50 Shades of Grey has no advantage over one who can’t read. — Author Guy Portman

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I am the author of 3 books. More to follow.

15 Curious Literary Terms

Sep 02 2016

This week’s post is dedicated to curious literary terms that might be of interest to my fellow authors and readers. They are presented in alphabetical order.

Bibliognost — a person who has a comprehensive knowledge of books and bibliography.

Bibliosmia — a fetishism, which entails the compulsion to smell books, particularly old books.

Bibliotaph — people who hide their book collections. These obsessive types often fear their books being ‘borrowed’ by others and not returned.

Boghandler — Danish word for ‘bookseller’.

Book Stack

Bouquinist — a person who deals in old books of little value.

Fabliau — a humorous and course short story relayed in verse, usually entailing sexual intrigue and/or pranks. They are chiefly found in early French poetry.

Flyting — a contest consisting of the exchange of insults conducted in verse between two parties, usually poets.

Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia — the fear of long words.

Librocubicultarist — people who read in bed. This literary slang term is yet to be included in the dictionary, but it is surely only a matter of time.

Omnilegent — someone who has read extensively/is well acquainted with a great amount of literature.

Quill2

Rhapsodomancy — is the practice of predicting the future by picking a passage of poetry at random.

Scripturient — this outdated term refers to someone who has a strong urge to write.

Sesquipedalian — a person who is prone to using overly long words. (e.g. Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia).

Stichomancy — predicting the future from lines of verse chosen from random books.

Tsundoku — a Japanese word for the condition that is acquiring lots of books and then not getting round to reading them.

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Bizarre Books II

Aug 26 2016

Here is Part II of my Bizarre Books Series. As with Part 1 I have added pithy/fictitious comments below each.

If God Loves Me Why Can’t I Get My Locker Open

God Locker

Because you forgot the key.

How to Disappear Completely and Never Be Found

Dissapear

Would you trust the author to make you disappear when he can’t spell disappear?

How to Abandon Ship

Abandon Ship

Brimming with helpful tips from Argentine sailors.

Is God In Your Bedroom?

God Bedroom

Well he’s not behind the door or in the wardrobe.

Extreme Ironing

Extreme Ironing

I don’t know about you, but I need to learn how to iron a shirt with the creases in the right places before attempting any extreme ironing.

Hitler: Neither Vegetarian Nor Animal Lover

Hitler

When in his countryside residence, Berghof, Hitler would march around the grounds munching on schnitzels whilst ranting at any livestock he came across with non Aryan characteristics. ‘Unter tier. Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei verboten unter tier…’

How To Sharpen Pencils

Pencils

Insert pencil into sharpener and rotate. Repeat until pencil is sharp.

The Missionary Position: Mother Teresa in Theory and Practice

Mother Theresa

Publishing Company CEO: ‘Are you the jackass who agreed to publish this book?’

Employee: ‘Err yes … I’m sorry, I didn’t notice that the title could be deemed offensive to some.’

Publishing Company CEO: ‘The Vatican has declared us to be heretics. You’re finished here. Clear your desk!’

We Never Went To The Moon

Moon

Author: ‘Do you believe NASA of the USA ever set foot on the moon in and after 1969 or do you doubt it?’

‘I can honestly say I’ve never given it any thought. On another subject did you use WordArt to design your front cover? … You did didn’t you.’

Collectible Spoons of the 3rd Reich

Spoons Reich

Not interested. I only collect 3rd Reich forks.

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7 Satirical Novels

Aug 19 2016

As followers of this blog know I am an enthusiastic satire reader and writer. This week’s post is dedicated to 7 satirical novels.

Satire definition: the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly...

Candide by Voltaire (1759)

Candide

Candide is an eighteenth-century satirical classic that evaluates optimism; the prevailing philosophical ideology during The Enlightenment. Voltaire adroitly sought to dispel the belief that all is for the best when it is not.

My Review: Brought up in the household of a German baron, cheerful protagonist Candide has been instilled with the philosophy of Leibniz, notably – That all is for the best in this, the best of all possible worlds…(more)

My Opinion: Amusing

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain (1884)

Huckleberry Finn

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is a satire of American southern antebellum society that parodies religion, morality, literature and above all the practice of slavery.

My Review: 13-year-old Huckleberry Finn is living in Missouri with a widow who plans to ‘sivilize’ him. That is until his alcoholic father relocates him to an isolated cabin in the woods. Huck fakes his own death and escapes…(more)

My Opinion: Okay but turgid.

Brave New World by Aldous Huxley (1932)

Brave New World

Brave New World utilises erudite social commentary to explore mankind’s inherent nature. Huxley’s portentous vision has proven to be prescient in its prediction of a science-controlled, consumer culture.

My Review: Brave New World is set in a society where everything is controlled. The parentless, manufactured, free-loving population are dependent on a state-endorsed hallucinogenic, happiness drug called Soma…(more)

My Opinion: Very good

Catch-22 by Joseph Heller (1961)

Catch-22

Catch-22 is a satire whose central theme is the futility of war. The book employs a distinctive writing style, an innovative out of sequence narration of events, imaginative descriptions, paradox and grandiloquent language.

My Review: Set on the Mediterranean island of Pianosa during WWII, Catch-22 is about the exploits of the fictitious 256th Squadron. We follow protagonist Yossarian and his comrades’ farcical attempts to…(more)

My Opinion: A rambling text

High-Rise by J.G. Ballard (1975)

High-Rise

Replete with similes and occurrences of the word ‘percolate’, High-Rise is a tense, bleak and satirical book about conflict that explores the connection between technology and the human condition.

My Review: Set in an apartment tower block in London, High-Rise is a dystopian tale about the intense animosity that develops between the building’s various floors. The story centres around three main characters…(more)

My Opinion: Quite good

Death And The Penguin by Andrey Kurkov (1996)

Death And The Penguin

Set in the post-Soviet Ukraine of the 1990s, Death And The Penguin is a bizarre, bleak, surreal and at times darkly humorous crime novel and tragicomedy that combines political and social commentary.

My Review: Kiev resident and journalist Viktor lives in a small flat with Misha, his pet Emperor Penguin, purchased from the near destitute city zoo. Viktor has ambitions of becoming a novelist or short story writer…(more)

My Opinion: Okay

Rant by Chuck Palahniuk (2007)

Rant

Rant challenges our own traditions by demonstrating how we contort our recollection of events in accordance with our desires, motives and beliefs. There are obvious parallels with the gospels.

My Review: Rant is the oral history of Buster ‘Rant’ Casey, recounted by an array of people including his relations, friends, enemies and lovers. Rant’s childhood companions from the small rural town where…(more)

My Opinion: Thought-provoking but convoluted.

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‘The book is full of razor-sharp satire’ – Crime Fiction Lover

26 Quotes about Books, Reading and Writing

Jul 29 2016

I like quotes by famous authors so much that I Tweet one everyday, 365 days a year at @GuyPortman. Here are 26 memorable author quotes, many of which are humorous.

Never judge a book by its movie. – J.W. Eagan

Few things in life seem more sexy than a banned book. – Chuck Palahniuk

I have only ever read one book in my life, and that is White Fang. It’s so frightfully good I’ve never bothered to read another. – Nancy Mitford

This Is Not a Novel To Be Tossed Aside Lightly. It Should Be Thrown with Great Force. – Dorothy Parker

Pile of Books

The books that the world calls immoral are books that show the world its own shame. – Oscar Wilde

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. – Groucho Marx

Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you’ll die of a misprint. – Markus Herz

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking. – Jerry Seinfield

I know many books which have bored their readers, but I know of none which has done real evil. – Voltaire

No one ever committed suicide while reading a good book, but many have tried while trying to write one. – Robert Byrne

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read. – Mark Twain

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. – P. J. O’Rourke

Quill

The Christian’s Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. – Mark Twain

I was reading a book… ‘the history of glue’ – I couldn’t put it down. – Tim Vine

Books are not made for furniture, but there is nothing else that so beautifully furnishes a house. – Henry Ward Beecher

Books had instant replay long before televised sports. – Bern Williams

Having your book turned into a movie is like seeing your oxen turned into bouillon cubes. – John LeCarre

If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking. – Haruki Murakami

Reading is a discount ticket to everywhere. – Mary Schmich

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done. – Steven Wright

‘Classic.’ A book which people praise and don’t read. – Mark Twain

So many books, so little time. – Frank Zappa

Where would Jesus be if no one ever wrote the gospels? – Chuck Palahniuk

There’s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher. – Flannery O’Connor

To hold a pen is to be at war. – Voltaire

I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go in the other room and read a book. – Groucho Marx

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The 10 Books I’ve Read This Year

Jul 01 2016

I have read 10 books in 2016. I hope to read at least another 10 before the end of the year. The following books are presented in the order in which I read them. Click on the links to read my reviews.

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

Genre: Classic

Tolstoy’s opus is set against a backdrop of the emancipation of the serfs, the Pan Slavism movement, political change and technological advancement. The story follows three interrelated families…(more)

My Rating: Good

Personal by Lee Child

Genre: Thriller

When a shot is fired at the French president in Paris, Jack Reacher is recruited to apprehend the rogue sniper before he causes havoc at a forthcoming G8 meeting in London. Reacher teams up with…(more)

My Rating: Intriguing

The Rebel’s Sketchbook by Rupert Dreyfus The Rebel's Sketchbook

Genre: Satire

The Rebel’s Sketchbook is a collection of 13 first person satirical short stories. Subjects encompass capitalism, class war, drugs, viral culture, boy bands and zero hour contracts. The compilation’s motif is rebellion…(more)

My Rating: Good

Concrete Island by J. G. Ballard

Genre: Dystopia

35-year-old architect Robert Maitland is driving along the orbital road, Westway, in London, when he loses control of his Jaguar, ploughs through the barriers and plummets onto an underpass…(more)

My Rating: Okay

Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

Genre: Dystopia

Brave New World is set in a society where everything is controlled. The parentless, manufactured, free-loving population are dependent on a state-endorsed hallucinogenic, happiness drug called…(more)

My Rating: Thought-provoking

The Man In The High Castle by Philip K. Dick Man in High Castle

Genre: Dystopia

After the allies lost World War II America was divided in half. The Germans occupied the east, the Japanese the west. It is now 1962. Robert Childan is the owner of an Americana antiques shop in San Francisco…(more)

My Rating: Interesting premise but convoluted

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

Genre: Dystopia

Books are banned in this dystopian world, where firemen are employed to burn them. Guy Montag is a fireman, who lives an unfulfilling existence with Mildred, his sedentary, parlour-consuming wife…(more)

My Rating: Good

To The Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf

Genre: Semi Autobiographical

Mrs Ramsay is devoted to her eight children, and her imperious, intellectual husband Mr Ramsay. They are staying in their holiday home on the Isle of Skye in the Hebrides. There is a tentative plan to visit…(more)

My Rating: Tedious & incredibly dense.

Make Me by Lee Child Make Me

Genre: Thriller

Lee Child’s alter ego Jack Reacher finds himself in Mother’s Rest, a dead end, small prairie town on the train line. Our protagonist is curious as to why the town got its name. At the local motel Reacher meets…(more)

My Rating: Not bad

Fire In The Hole by Elmore Leonard

Genre: Crime

This compilation, consisting of 9 short stories, is named after its longest title, Fire In The Hole, the inspiration for the television series Justified. It begins with a Kentucky-based Nazi called Boyd blowing up…(more)

My Rating: Entertaining

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Category - Books

7 Books for 7 Moods

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6 Works of Dark Fiction

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Bizarre Books III

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14 Random Book Facts

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Absurd Literary-Related Trivia

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15 Curious Literary Terms

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Bizarre Books II

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7 Satirical Novels

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26 Quotes about Books, Reading and Writing

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The 10 Books I’ve Read This Year

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