Books | Guy Portman's Blog

6 Books for 6 Moods

Mar 22 2019

This week sees the latest instalment in my books for different moods series. Here are 6 books for 6 moods/different states of mind. Click on the links to read my reviews.

In the mood for something shocking? If so then your search is over:

Newspaper Diapers

This compilation of vignettes about child abuse and group homes left an indelible mark on this reader’s mind. What it lacks in length, it more than compensates for in disturbing content. Click here to read my review.

In the mood for a Transgressive classic? If the answer is yes, you can’t do much better than this:

Survivor

Survivor is an innovative and erudite social commentary, brimming with satirical observations and irreverent humour. It is without doubt one of the author’s best efforts. Click here to read my review.

In the mood for something heavy and intellectual? This tome has the added benefit that it can also be used as a doorstop.

The Brothers Karamazov

This philosophical tome, Dostoyevsky’s last novel, is widely regarded as one of the great literary works of the last century. Click here to read my review.

Feeling like escaping from reality? Then you might like this dystopian classic:

The Man In The High Castle

This alternative history dystopia is set in a world in which the allies lost The War. It is a somewhat chaotic work, containing many intrigues. Click here to read my review.

Requiring something sleep-inducing? If so, then forget the pills and read this instead:

Go Set A Watchman

Set in the 1950s, Go Set A Watchman is essentially about a young woman maturing mentally, and very little else. It compares unfavourably to the author’s seminal work, To Kill A Mockingbird. Click here to read my review.

In the mood for something satirical?

Candide

Candide is an eighteenth-century satirical classic that evaluates optimism; the prevailing philosophical ideology of The Enlightenment. Click here to read my review.

6 Dark Humour Reading Recommendations

Feb 01 2019

Here are five darkly humorous books that I have read and one that I have written. Click on the links to read the reviews.

Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk

Haunted is a series of short stories, in which the author explores a variety of themes, including the media-obsessed nature of society.

My Review: Haunted is about a group of writers, who have been assembled by the conniving Mr Whittier to attend a writers group. The location of the retreat is in an isolated theatre with no access … (more)

The Blade Artist by Irvine Welsh

The complex and manipulative protagonist, sordid characters and squalid descriptions will appeal to fans of the Transgressive genre.

My Review: Reformed Scottish ex-con Jim Francis (formerly Franco Begbie) is now a successful sculptor living the dream in sunny California with his former prison art therapist now trophy wife …(more)

American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis

This satire of the yuppies culture of the 1980s adroitly explores the mind of a psychopath and questions the very essence of capitalist culture.

My Review: American Psycho is a highly controversial novel that brought its author Bret Easton Ellis instant fame. The book is written from the perspective of a young Wall Street financier …(more)

The Butcher by Nathan Burrows

This aptly named book is set in the English county of Norfolk. Topics comprise swine, cannibalism and illegal migrants.

My Review: Frank Pinch is a butcher, his brother Tom a pig farmer. The siblings have a problem. Their dilapidated family farm is struggling financially and under threat of closure due to …(more)

Knockemstiff by Donald Ray Pollock

Knockemstiff is a transgressive compilation of short stories. Topics include drugs, drinking, disease and sexual degeneracy.

My Review: These interlinked short stories are set in ‘The Holler’; an impoverished part of Knockemstiff, a real-life Ohioan backwater. ‘The Holler’s’ air is permanently imbued with the stench of …(more)

Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales by Guy Portman

The book’s subjects encompass manic capitalism, extreme celebrity worship, virtual reality and a grotesquely ageing population.

Daily Squib Review: There’s something about the future that scares the shit out of people a lot, maybe it’s simply the thought of the unknown that affects us with such fear. What possible delights await us in …(more)

Beat The January Blues

Jan 25 2019

Just a quick reminder about my ongoing FREE humour book promotion (ends Jan. 31). I have teamed up with some fellow UK humour authors to offer you a selection of 19 FREE humour books. The offer includes one of mine. Click on the link below to discover which of my humorous offerings it is, and to view the other hilarious options, consisting of comedy novellas, short stories, and a few full reads.

BEAT THE JANUARY BLUES FREE BOOK LINK

Click on the book cover you want and follow the instructions to receive your free book/s (Mobi/ePub/PDF) and to sign up to the given author’s mailing list. You can unsubscribe at any time. If you want my book and are already on my mailing list just sign up again, please. I will delete any duplicates.

As for me, I have been working hard on the final instalment in the Necropolis Trilogy. The books feature erudite sociopath, Dyson Devereux. Golgotha is due to be released later this year. If you haven’t read the first two instalments yet, why not check out the Goodreads pages for Necropolis and part 2, Sepultura. Have a good weekend.

19 Free Humour Books For You

Jan 18 2019

I have teamed up with some fellow UK humour authors to offer you a selection of 19 humour books for FREE. The offer includes one of mine. Click on the link below to discover which of my humorous offerings it is, and to view the other hilarious options, consisting of comedy novellas, short stories, and a few full reads. They are available for free for a limited time only. All you have to do is click on the book cover you want and follow the instructions to receive your free book/s (Mobi/ePub/PDF) and to sign up to the given author’s mailing list. You can unsubscribe at any time.

BEAT THE JANUARY BLUES FREE HUMOUR BOOK LINK

I will be contacting my ever-expanding mailing list with this fantastic offer in due course. But if you are already on it and want a free copy of my satirical ‘masterpiece’, drop me an email to info@guyportman.com with Yes in the subject line, or just Y if you’re too busy for the other two letters. Otherwise click on the link below and locate my book cover in the selection.

Have a good weekend.

BEAT THE JANUARY BLUES FREE HUMOUR BOOK LINK

12 Funny One Star Book Reviews

Jan 11 2019

Here is the latest instalment in my amusing one star famous book review series. I hope you find the following reviews as amusing as I do.

The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger – ‘I would rather read the dictionary.’

Othello by William Shakespeare – ‘…, the whole plot just didn’t make sense. Get your shit together Othello.’

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
– ‘Would I get into trouble if I strangled Little Prince and his syrupy philosophy. The flower I have already trampled.’

Ulysses by James Joyce – ‘… did not read bored in 10 seconds.’

1984 by George Orwell – ‘Attempting to read this book is worse than watching the grass grow.’

The Odyssey by Homer –‘I haven’t actually bought this item yet.’

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain – ‘DO NOT READ THIS BOOK!’

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone – ‘… well, well, what has the wolf pulled over our eyes this time. A brilliantly profitable book – but far from a brilliant book.’

Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert – ‘Monsieur Flaubert is not a writer.’

Emma by Jane Austen – ‘It’s great if you’re into that old 1800s kind of Ewwww.’

Othello by William Shakespeare – ‘Me doth thinkift I understandifth … It is English and I am English. I just don’t happen to speak Old English. Which is really ironic because I am old and speaking English.’

The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger – ‘The man who wrote this should be in an asylum.’

My Plans For 2019

Jan 04 2019

Happy New Year everyone.

‘May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.’ – Joey Adams

This, my first blog post of 2019, is about my plans for this year. With regards writing, I plan to release my sixth book later this year. I released two in 2018 (Sepultura & Tomorrow’s World). Golgotha will be the third and final instalment in the Necropolis Trilogy. It will feature suave sociopath Dyson Devereux. The first part, Necropolis, has 100+ reviews on Goodreads. Part two, Sepultura, was released last year. If you like dark humour you’ll love the Necropolis trilogy.

A sociopath can only keep up a façade for so long.

Sepultura Goodreads link.

As for other plans, I have some freelance writing work to get on with, and then there’s the reading. Here are a couple of books I want to read this year.

If you are looking for some more reading recommendations and you haven’t seen it already, check out – The 20 books I read in 2018. I have written a review of each. Happy New Year.

The 20 Books I Read In 2018

Dec 28 2018

As is my custom at year end, I am dedicating this blog post to the books I read this year. I have been pretty busy in 2018, what with releasing two books (Sepultura & Tomorrow’s World) and various writing gigs. However, I did find time to read 20 books. Click on the links to read my reviews. They are presented in the order in which I read them:

Skagboys by Irvine Welsh (2012) – This is the prequel to Trainspotting. It is set in the 1980s against a backdrop of Thatcherism, the rise of dance music and HIV.

The Carrot Man by Theo E. Gerken (2017) – This existential comedy is replete with jokes. Some are offensive, few are amusing.

An Ice-Cream War by William Boyd (1982) – An Ice-Cream War’s motif is the absurdness of war. The book’s grave content is laced with humour of the dark variety.

The Trumpassic Period – Year One by David Belisle (2018) – This sleep-inducing politics-meets-palaeontology work purports to be a satire, of the lampooning variety.

Last Exit To Brooklyn by Hubert Selby Jr. (1964) – This is a controversial and ground-breaking transgressive work consisting of six inter-related short stories.

Vile Bodies by Evelyn Waugh (1930) – This satirical novel’s primary purpose is satirising decadent 1920s London society.

Hotel Scarface by Roben Farzad (2017) – Named after iconic film Scarface, Hotel Scarface is an account of the rise and fall of Hotel Mutiny; a Miami-based hotel and club.

Not Exactly Shakespeare by Martin Freznell (2017) – Not Exactly Shakespeare purports to be the shortest book you’ll ever be forced to pretend to have to read.

The Raw Shark Texts by Steven Hall (2007) – This analytical and abstract book’s motif is mental health. Its contents include drawings and computer code.

Marabao Stork Nightmares by Irvine Welsh (1995) – An inventive, transgressive work, boasting parallel stories and different levels of awareness.

American Gods by Neil Gaiman (2001) – This dark, unusual blend of fantasy and mythology explores the tribalistic nature of America’s various beliefs.

Knockemstiff by Donald Ray Pollock (2008) – This excellent transgressive compilation of interlinked short stories is set in a real-life Ohioan backwater.

Discontents by James Wallace Birch (2011) – This rather uncompelling work of Transgressive Fiction contains considerable theorising.

The Journey of Crazy Horse by J.M. Marshall III (2004) – A biographical narrative about the legendary Lakota Sioux chief, Crazy Horse.

Between the Shadow and Lo by Lauren Sapala (2017) – A first-person work of Transgressive Fiction written by a female author and boasting an alcoholic female protagonist.

The Willow Tree by Hubert Selby Jr. (1998) – A fable about hate and its ramifications. Themes include hope, forgiveness and love.

The Blade Artist by Irvine Welsh (2016) – This memorable work of Transgressive Fiction boasts a complex and manipulative protagonist.

The Bad Boys of Bokaro Jail by Chetan Mahajan (2014) – This quick and easy read consists of a first-person account of the author’s short stint in an Indian local jail.

The Butcher by Nathan Burrows (2018) – This aptly named book is set in the English county of Norfolk. Topics encompass swine, illegal migrants, potential Brexit ramifications and cannibalism.

In Wolves’ Clothing by Greg Levin (2017) – A first-person transgressive work about a troubled member of an anti child trafficking organisation.

15 of Literature’s Funniest Quotes

Dec 14 2018

Some time back, I dedicated a number of posts to literature’s funniest quotes. This week I have compiled what I regard as the highlights from those posts. Here are 15 of literature’s funniest quotes:

He receives comfort like cold porridge— The Tempest by William Shakespeare

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.— The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

‘Matteo’s not that type of Italian,’ replies Fraser. ‘He’s more the sort you come across in southern cities like Bari and Pescara, dragging an Alsatian around by a tattered piece of string.’— Necropolis by Guy Portman

It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.— The Life and Times of Dorothy Parker by Dorothy Parker

If I could believe in myself, why not give other improbabilities the benefit of the doubt?— Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.— Very Good, Jeeves! by P.G. Wodehouse

It is not that I object to the work, mind you; I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.— Three Men in a Boat by Jerome K. Jerome

If there’s anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now. — The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can’t say ‘No’ in any of them. — While Rome Burns by Dorothy Parker

If you’re looking for sympathy you’ll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.— Barrel Fever: Stories and Essays by David Sedaris

A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life’s gas-pipe with a lighted candle.— The Man Upstairs and Other Stories by P.G. Wodehouse

If you’re going to read this, dont bother. After a couple pages, you won’t want to be here.— Choke (opening line) by Chuck Palahniuk

Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.— The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.— The Algonquin Wits by Dorothy Parker

If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
— The Code of the Woosters by P.G. Wodehouse

12 Entertaining One Star Book Reviews

Dec 07 2018

This week’s post is dedicated to more amusing one star book reviews. I have previously devoted two posts to the subject. I found the following reviews entertaining, and I hope you will too.

Ulysses by James Joyce – ‘This is a tough book to read unless you understand several languages and are on LSD.’

The Bible – ‘Author is erratic in his writing, the plot goes nowhere, the characters are clearly plagiarised from other books of its genre, it is gory and certainly not recommended for children.’

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë – ‘There’s only one word to sum up this ‘classic’ and that is BORING!’

The Great Gatsby by Scott F. Fitzgerald – ‘Classic garbage. Just because things are old or well-known, doesn’t mean they are worthwhile.’

Necropolis by Guy Portman – ‘… it was so tedious …’

Lord of the Flies by William Golding – ‘… utterly awful leaving a truley bitter taste in my mouth.’

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone – ‘… it sucks balls and its hard to read there should be pictures and bigger writing …’

The Great Gatsby by Scott F. Fitzgerald – ‘Now at 70 yo I remember why I hate this crap for a book.’

Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson – ‘this book is a bad book, is very scary gives you nightmares …’

The Bible – ‘If you can stomach the genocide, infanticide, rape and killings then the Bible is for you. I will be sticking to Game of Thrones.’

The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger – ‘I’d let Alex from A Clockwork Orange babysit my daughter before I’d spend a single minute with this over-hyped, chickenshit boy.’

1984 by George Orwell – ‘… my rabbit could have written a better book.’

8 Books That Made Me Laugh

Oct 19 2018

This week’s post is devoted to some more highlights from my bizarre books series. Here are 8 books that made me laugh. Well, I haven’t read any of them, but just looking at them makes me laugh.

Managing a Dental Practice: The Genghis Khan Way

dental