Category - Satire

1
10 Ludicrous Books
2
6 Dark Humour Books
3
5 Satires Penned by British Authors
4
15 Bizarre Books
5
What is a sociopath to do?
6
10 Transgressive Novels
7
If Authors Were Desserts
8
Sepultura Countdown
9
Necropolis Has A New Blurb
10
13 Baffling Book Titles

10 Ludicrous Books

This week sees the second and final instalment in my bizarre book series highlights. Here are 10 bizarre/ludicrous book titles.

 

Jogging With Jesus

jogging

There is a peculiar man on the front cover, but no sign of Jesus.

 

25 Placenta Recipes

placenta-recipes
Finally! I have grown tired of plain boiled placentas.

 

Natural Harvest: A collection of semen-based recipes

semen

That caramel pudding on the front cover is enough to put one off semen-based recipes for life.

 

Make Your Own Sex Toys

Could they not have come up with a more amorous front cover.

 

Innards And Other Variety Meats

Yummy!

 

Semenology: The Semen Bartender’s Handbook

semenology

Let this book be a warning to all those who treat bartenders badly.

 

Cards As Weapons

cards-as-weapons

Using cards as throwing stars can be very useful when you are poised to lose money on a card game.

 

The Goldflower Book of Business Greetings

Ever wondered why you always fail interviews? Next time you have an interview, try introducing yourself with the above handshake.

 

Beat Your Way to the Top: Masturbation as a technique for business success

CEO: ‘Jesus Christ put it away! What the %$@* do you think you’re doing?’

Junior Employee: ‘Just beating my way to the top.’

 

Walmart Atlas

What with a new Walmart springing up every five seconds, presumably Walmart Atlases date pretty quickly.

 

 

6 Dark Humour Books

This week sees the second instalment in my dark humour book series. Here are five darkly humorous books that I have read and one that I have written. Click on the links to read my reviews.

Damned by Chuck Palahniuk 

Damned is a light-hearted satire of hell, punctuated with comical details, pop-culture references and Theological irony.

My Review: The protagonist is thirteen-year-old Madison, the daughter of wealthy alternative parents.  The privileged Madison studies at an exclusive Swiss boarding school and spends her holidays alternating …(more)

Lunar Park by Bret Easton Ellis 

Lunar Park is a self-indulgent suburban horror that forces the reader to travel back through Easton Ellis’s old books.

My Review: Lunar Park is a mock memoir that begins with a parodic account of Bret Easton Ellis’s early fame. The young New York resident’s existence consists of endless parties, casual relationships, spiralling drug use, embarrassing book tours and …(more)

Skagboys by Irvine Welsh 

Skagboys is a work of Transgressive Fiction whose main focus is many of its characters increasing obsession with heroin.

My Review: Skagboys is the prequel to Trainspotting. Its colourful, mostly young characters hail from the Edinburgh port suburb of Leith. There is the bookish, unambitious Mark ‘Rents’ Renton, and his best friend, the verbose, predatory womaniser Sick Boy …(more)

Rant by Chuck Palahniuk 

Rant

Rant challenges our own traditions by demonstrating how we contort our recollection of events in accordance with our desires, motives and beliefs.

My Review: Rant is the oral history of Buster ‘Rant’ Casey, recounted by an array of people including his relations, friends, enemies and lovers. Rant’s childhood companions from the small rural town where …(more)

An Ice-Cream War by William Boyd 

An Ice-Cream War’s motif is the absurdness of war. This unpredictable serio-comedy’s blend of tragedy and black humour appealed to this reader.

My Review: After much tension and speculation, World War I begins. The main campaign is contended on the Western Front, but there is also a less well-known offensive in colonial East Africa, where the British and their native conscripts are …(more)

Sepultura (#2 Necropolis Trilogy) by Guy Portman

Sepultura is a caustic black comedy featuring an unforgettable sociopath. Click here to get #1 for FREE. 800+ Ratings for Necropolis Trilogy on Goodreads.

Dyson Devereux is a busy man, with a challenging new job at Paleham Council and a young son. He would be coping just fine were it not for crass colleagues, banal bureaucracy and contemptible clothes. He is not going to take it lying down …(more)

5 Satires Penned by British Authors

I am an avid fan of satire. I have penned two satirical novels to date and have read numerous satirical works, including these five novels, which were all penned by my fellow countrymen. Click on the links to read my reviews.

 

Vile Bodies by Evelyn Waugh (1930)

Published in 1930, Vile Bodies is a satirical novel whose primary purpose is satirising decadent 1920s London society. The book’s whimsical tone progressively gives way to a bleaker narrative.

My Review: Author Adam plans to marry his fiancé Nina Blount, but he does not have enough money to convince his disinterested, aristocratic beau to tie the knot. Every time Adam feels certain that his financial position is poised to change …(more)

Subjects Satirised: Upper classes

 

Cold Comfort Farm by Stella Gibbons (1932)

Light-hearted and wryly humorous, this satirical work lampoons the romanticised, often doom-laden ‘loam and lovechild’ novels of the 19th and early 20th century.

My Review: Although harbouring concerns about countryside living, recently orphaned, 19-year-old Flora Poste decides to go and live with relatives in rural Sussex. Her destination, the ramshackle and backward Cold Comfort Farm, is no bucolic utopia …(more)

Subject Satirised:Loam and lovechild novels

 

Brave New World by Aldous Huxley (1932)

Brave New World

This dystopian work utilises erudite social commentary and subtle satire to explore mankind’s inherent nature. Huxley’s portentous vision has proven to be prescient.

My Review: Brave New World is set in a society where everything is controlled. The parentless, manufactured, free-loving population are dependent on a state-endorsed hallucinogenic, happiness drug called Soma …(more)

Subjects Satirised: Society, technology & totalitarianism

 

An Ice-Cream War by William Boyd (1982)

An Ice-Cream War’s motif is the absurdness of war. This unpredictable serio-comedy’s blend of tragedy and black humour appealed to this reader.

My Review: After much tension and speculation, World War I begins. The main campaign is contended on the Western Front, but there is also a less well-known offensive in colonial East Africa, where the British and their native conscripts are pitted against the …(more)

Subjects Satirised: War & English Upper Class

 

High-Rise by J. G. Ballard (1975)

Set in an apartment tower block in London, High-Rise is a dystopian tale about the intense animosity that develops between the building’s various floors. Its motif is the fragmentation of the social order.

My Review: Set in an apartment tower block in London, High-Rise is a dystopian tale about the intense animosity that develops between the building’s various floors. The story centres around three main characters – Robert Laing, an instructor at a medical school …(more)

Subjects Satirised: Contemporary living arrangements & society at large

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‘The book is full of razor-sharp satire’ – Crime Fiction Lover

15 Bizarre Books

I am fascinated by bizarre books, and have devoted numerous blog posts to the subject in recent years. This week’s post consists of some of the highlights. Here are 15 books that I consider to be bizarre. I have added pithy comments/fictitious dialogue below each.

 

Gadsby: A Lipogram Novel

Gadsby2

This 50,000+ word lipogram novel claims not to use the letter e.

How many e’s can you spot on the front cover?

 

Nuclear War Fun Book

Who would have thought nuclear war could be so much fun.

 

How To Make Your Own Dolls For Pleasure And Profit

The highly unimaginative front cover makes me suspicious as to Schauffler’s doll making abilities, be they for pleasure or profit.

 

How to Disappear Completely and Never Be Found

Would you trust the author to make you disappear when he can’t spell disappear?

 

Why Cats Paint

cats-paint

Why cats paint? Boredom mostly. Playing with balls of string and toying with mice can only keep them entertained so long.

 

How To Talk To Your Cat About Gun Safety

gun-safety-cat

Owner: Yes Tiddles, approach the gun like that.

Tiddles: Meow, meow, purr.

Owner: That is the safety switch. Do not turn it off. No!

Tiddles: Meow, hiss!

Owner: Not the trigger. NOOO!

Bang!

 

Dating for Under a Dollar: 301 Ideas

Dollar Dating

Go to McDonald’s with your date and order a grilled onion cheddar burger from the dollar menu, then pull out 99c and plead until they let you off the 1c. Now cut the burger in 2 and give her/him half, but with all the onions.

Date: ‘All the onions? That’s so kind. Are you sure?’

You: ‘Yes I’m sure. Now eat them before I change my mind.’

 

The Book of Marmalade

marmalade

For those of us who spreading it on our toast is not enough.

 

How to Abandon Ship

Abandon Ship

Brimming with helpful tips from Argentine sailors.

 

Latawnya, the Naughty Horse, Learns to Say “No” to Drugs

Horse

This is how I imagine Latawnya the Naughty Horse learns how to say ‘No’ to drugs.

Someone walks into Latawnya’s stable holding some drugs.

Person: ‘Hi Latawnya you naughty horse, would you like some drugs?’

Latawnya: ‘Neighhhh.’

‘Let’s try that again shall we. Would you like some drugs?’

‘Neighhhh.’

‘Would you like some drugs?’

‘Neighhhno.’

Latawyna has learnt to say no to drugs. Have you?

 

How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack

gnome

You mean to tell me that gnomes are not only the height of bad taste, they also attack.

 

Collectible Spoons of the 3rd Reich

Spoons Reich

Not interested. I only collect 3rd Reich forks.

 

Microwave Cooking for One

microwave

Read the instructions on the back of the packet, place food item in microwave, set time and press start. When microwave makes a beeping noise remove food.

 

CB for Christians

There are books written millennia ago that have dated better than this.

 

Big & Little Crochets

What ludicrous garments.

What is a sociopath to do?

For a limited time only I am re-offering a FREE copy of my black comedy Necropolis to everyone who signs up to my humorous, monthly book-related newsletter. If you like dark humour you’ll love Necropolis. Click here to claim your Free Copy.

Necropolis is the first instalment of a proposed trilogy featuring Dyson Devereux, the sociopathic head of Burials and Cemeteries at his local council.

What is a sociopath to do?

‘The book is full of razor-sharp satire’ – Crime Fiction Lover

‘… a mix between The Office and American Psycho’ – Amazon Reviewer

Click here to see the 74 ratings & reviews for Necropolis on Goodreads.

The sequel was released earlier this year.

A sociopath can only keep up a façade for so long.

‘A satirical gem’

Sepultura Goodreads link.

Compulsive and brimming with satirical wit, Sepultura is a caustic black comedy featuring an unforgettable sociopath. Sepultura is available from all major retailers as a paperback and eBook.

Click here to sign up to my humorous, monthly book-related newsletter and claim your FREE copy of the first instalment in my black comedy trilogy  Necropolis.

 

 

 

10 Transgressive Novels

I am an avid writer and reader of Transgressive Fiction. Last November I devoted a blog post to 10 works of Transgressive Fiction. This week we return to the subject with 10 more Transgressive novels, none of which featured in the previous post. Click on the links to read my reviews.

Definition: Transgressive Fiction is a genre that focuses on characters who feel confined by the norms and expectations of society and who break free of those confines in unusual and/or illicit ways.

The following books are presented in chronological order:

 

Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller (1934)

Tropic of Cancer

Sexuality, freedom and the human condition are themes in this ground-breaking work of Transgressive Fiction. Tropic of Cancer was banned from being imported into the United States after its publication in France in 1934. 

My Review: Set in the late 1920s and early 30s, Tropic of Cancer is a semi-autobiographical first-person account of a young, struggling American writer living in Paris, and for a short period Le Havre. His is a seedy existence, characterised by a shortage of money …(more)

 

Novel with Cocaine by M. Ageyev (1934)

Novel with Cocaine is a nihilistic and philosophical novel about adolescence and addiction that could be described as Dostoyevskian. Since the time of its publication in book form there has been intense speculation over who wrote it.

My Review: Set in the years immediately before and after the Russian Revolution, Novel with Cocaine follows the life of Vadim, a Moscow adolescent and student. Vadim is prone to self-loathing and disdainful of others, none more so than his mother, whose …(more)

 

The Killer Inside Me by Jim Thompson (1952)

The Killer Inside Me is a suspenseful and unrelentingly bleak first person narrative about a psychopath. It is the most disturbing work of fiction this reader has ever read. The book left an indelible mark on his mind.

My Review: Twenty-nine-year-old Lou Ford is a Deputy Sheriff from the West Texas town of Central City. Lou is a hard-working and simple character with a fondness for clichés; at least this is how he is perceived by his community …(more)

 

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov (1955)

Lolita

The story is about a man named Humbert Humbert, who falls in love with a twelve-year-old girl, Lolita, the daughter of his landlady. Banned in a number of countries Lolita continues to cause controversy to this day.

My Review: The protagonist, Humbert Humbert, is an intellectual with an all-consuming craving for young girls, or nymphets as he refers to them.  After his wife leaves him for another man, Humbert Humbert becomes a live-in tutor for the Hazes, a family consisting of a …(more)

 

A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess (1962)

First published in 1962, A Clockwork Orange is a ground-breaking and controversial book with an intriguing and intelligent narrator, which leaves many questions to ponder concerning behaviourism and the role of the state. 

My Review: Alex is an eccentric 15-year-old delinquent with a penchant for classical music and drinking milk. He and his fellow ‘droogs’ assault, rob and rape with impunity, that is until a serious incident sees him arrested and incarcerated. Our anti-hero is anticipating …(more)

 

Ham On Rye by Charles Bukowski (1982)

Ham On Rye

Ham On Rye is a coming-of-age story, in which the protagonist views himself as an intruder, refusing to adhere to society’s expectations. This is a sad and moving work written in the author’s trademark economy of prose style.

My Review: Ham On Rye is a semi-autobiographical account of Bukowski’s formative years in his home city of Los Angeles. The story follows the early life of the author’s alter ego, Henry Chinaski, starting with his earliest memories, then through his school years …(more)

 

Queer by William S. Burroughs (1985)

Queer

Autobiographical in nature, the book is an account of Burroughs’s life in Mexico, during a troubled time in his life shortly after accidentally shooting wife Joan Vollmer dead. The author adeptly portrays a deep sense of longing and loss. 

My Review: Queer is an unreciprocated love story, in which the protagonist Lee craves love and attention from a young American by the name of Eugene Allerton. Set in the American ex-pat scene of hedonistic, lawless 1940s Mexico …(more)

 

American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis (1991) 

American Psycho

American Psycho is a satire of the yuppies culture of the 1980s. The book caused outrage when it was published due to its explicit violent and sexual content, as well as its perceived misogynistic elements.

My Review: American Psycho is a highly controversial novel that brought its young author Bret Easton Ellis instant fame. The book is written from the perspective of a young Wall Street financier, Patrick Bateman. He is intelligent, well-educated, wealth …(more)

 

Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk (1996)

FightClub

The author takes us on a journey through a dark, menacing and brutal world that mirrors the film it inspired almost exactly. Palahniuk’s seminal work is about a nameless narrator, who starts a fight club with a charismatic anarchist.

My Review: The protagonist, who remains nameless, is an insomniac leading a bland corporate existence, investigating accidents for a car company, whose only concern is profit. Unable to find meaning in a faceless consumerist society, he instead seeks solace in …(more)

 

Skagboys by Irvine Welsh (2012)

Skagboys is a work of Transgressive Fiction set for the most part in 1980s Scotland against a backdrop of Thatcherism, the rise of dance of music and HIV. The main focus is many of the characters increasing obsession with heroin.

My Review: Skagboys is the prequel to Trainspotting. Its colourful, mostly young characters hail from the Edinburgh port suburb of Leith. There is the bookish, unambitious Mark ‘Rents’ Renton, and his best friend, the verbose, predatory womaniser Sick Boy …(more)

 

If Authors Were Desserts

Here are twelve authors and the desserts that in my opinion they/their writing corresponds to.

Norman Mailer

Mailer

Cultural criticism, controversy and obscenity were hallmarks of this volatile and violent author.

Corresponding dessert: Fruitcake

Fruit Cake

Rationale: Self-explanatory

 

Stephanie Meyer

Meyer

Meyer is a young-adult fiction writer responsible for the vampire romance series Twilight.

Corresponding dessert: Sponge Cake

sponge cake

Rationale: It might look like a cake, feel like a cake and smell like a cake, but on taking a bite one realises it’s mostly just air.

 

Vladimir Nabokov

Nabokov

The intellectual Russian born Nabokov utilised an ornate prose style.

Corresponding dessert: Deconstructed S’more

Deconstructed Smores

Rationale: This sophisticated, deconstructed extravagance contains chocolate-coated cereal garnishes, caramelised vanilla marshmallow and more besides.

 

L. Ron Hubbard

Hubbard

The Scientology founder wrote numerous Sci-Fi and psychotherapy books.

Corresponding dessert: Waffle

IMG_0677

Rationale: The content of Scientology’s doctrine.

 

Ambrose Bierce

Corresponding dessert: Lemon sorbet

Rationale: Few desserts are more acerbic.

 

Anne Rice

Rice

The Vampire Chronicles creator is one of the best-selling writers in recent American history.

Corresponding dessert: Jelly

Jelly

Rationale: Right-minded adults steer clear of this puerile dessert.

 

Bret Easton Ellis

Easton-Ellis

Easton Ellis is a master of social commentary. Much of his writing features vapid, soulless characters.

Corresponding dessert: Lemon Sorbet

lemon

Rationale: This cold, astringent dessert isn’t for everyone. I rather like it.

 

Dan Brown

Brown

Brown has sold more than 200 million of his mystery/conspiracy novels.

Corresponding dessert: Ring-Shaped Donut

Doughnut

Rationale: These deep-fried snacks have a gaping hole in the middle.

 

Agatha Christie

Agatha Christie

English crime novelist Agatha Christie is the best-selling author of all time.

Corresponding dessert: Tunnock’s Teacake

Tea Cake

Rationale: One has to first unwrap the packaging and then bite through the outer layer to reveal what lies beneath.

 

E. L. James

ELJAmes

Erotica novelist E. L. James is one of the World’s best-selling authors.

Corresponding dessert: Cheesecake

cheese

Rationale: Many, including yours truly, are of the opinion that cheese and cake should not be mixed.

 

Leo Tolstoy

Tolstoy

Iconic Russian writer Tolstoy is best-remembered for his opuses Anna Karenina and War And Peace.

Corresponding dessert: Heavy Cake

Heavy Cake

Rationale: Heavy Cake is dense and requires a lot of chewing, but it tastes good.

 

Sidney Sheldon

Sidney Sheldon

Chick lit/Thriller author Sheldon is the one of the best-selling authors of all time.

Corresponding dessert: Wafer

Wafer

Rationale: With their primary ingredient being air, wafers won’t satisfy one’s hunger.

 

Dark Humour At Its Finest 

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Sepultura Countdown

Sepultura will be unleashed on the world this Thursday (January 11th).

A sociopath can only keep up a façade for so long.

Dyson Devereux is a busy man, with a challenging new job at Paleham Council and a young son. He would be coping just fine were it not for crass colleagues, banal bureaucracy and contemptible clothes. He is not going to take it lying down.

Because beneath Dyson’s charming, Italian delicacy-consuming veneer lurks something sinister. As his personal and professional lives threaten to spiral out of control, will Dyson’s true nature be revealed?

Compulsive and brimming with satirical wit, Sepultura is a caustic black comedy featuring an unforgettable sociopath.

“My kind of black comedy. You’ll either love Dyson, or love to hate him” Sandra Seymour, Author of Breed: Slayer

“A satirical gem” — Reader

“Sociopathic comedy at its best” — Adam Riley, Comedian

Click here to see the first reviews for Sepultura on Goodreads.

Here is a short extract:

After discarding two pamphlets advertising tacky funeral programme cards, I peruse a brochure from a local gravestone manufacturer. Having decided that the company’s creations are fit for public consumption, I hand the brochure to Sullen Goth with instructions to add their details to the database.

The next item needing my attention is a draft letter to the Scully family, one of whose number resides in Cressingham Park Cemetery. His gravestone was torn down on the orders of Health and Safety, for no other reason than it was tilting seven degrees to one side more than their irksome requirements permit. The living Scullys are less than impressed … My office telephone is ringing. I pick it up.

‘Good morning Burials and Cemeteries.’

‘Hi Burials and Cemeteries.’

‘Who is this?’

‘Come on blood, you telling me you don’t recognise my voice?’

Sepultura (release date: Thursday, January 11th) is now available for pre-order from Amazon.com, Amazon.co.uk, Kobo USA, Kobo UK & Barnes & Noble.

Necropolis Has A New Blurb

My fourth novel, Sepultura, is being released on January 11th. It is the sequel to the satirical black comedy, Necropolis. Today, I am pleased to share with you Necropolis’s new blurb. I believe it is a better representation of the book than the old one. I hope you like it.

 

What is a sociopath to do?

Dyson Devereux’s life appears to be on track. He has a way with the ladies, impeccable good taste, and as the recently promoted head of Burials and Cemeteries at Newton Borough Council, a job that demands respect.

But Dyson is becoming annoyed with his drug-addled girlfriend’s decline, fed up with his banal work colleagues, and incensed by Newton New Cemetery’s gaudy memorial structures.

When Dyson suspects someone of having a darker past than him, he has a chance for redemption. Will he seize it, or is his destiny to be a life of toil in Burials and Cemeteries?

Brutal, bleak and darkly comical, Necropolis is a savage indictment of the politically correct, health and safety obsessed public sector.

‘… a magnificent foray into the mind of a sociopath’ – DLS Reviews

‘The book is full of razor-sharp satire’ – Crime Fiction Lover

‘… a mix between The Office and American Psycho’ – Amazon Reviewer

Click here to see the reviews and ratings for Necropolis on Goodreads.

 

13 Baffling Book Titles

This week sees the second instalment in my bewildering/baffling book titles series. Here are 13 baffling book titles. Click on the links to learn more about them.

 

How To Pray When You’re Pissed At God

 

Knitted Meerkats

 

Are Women Human?

 

My Parents Open Carry

 

Scouting for Boys

 

277 Secrets Your Snake (And Lizard) Wants You To Know

 

How to Be Happy Though Married

 

Cheese Problems Solved

 

Enjoy Your Pigeons

 

Old Age Its Cause and Prevention

 

Your Three-Year-Old: Friend Or Enemy

 

How To Train Goldfish Using Dolphin Training Techniques

 

How To Become A Schizophrenic

 

I hope you found these titles mildly amusing. Click here to sign up to my monthly book-related newsletter.

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