If Authors Were Desserts
Here are twelve authors and the desserts that in my opinion they/their writing corresponds to.
Norman Mailer
Cultural criticism, controversy and obscenity were hallmarks of this volatile and violent author.
Corresponding dessert: Fruitcake
Rationale: Self-explanatory
Stephanie Meyer
Meyer is a young-adult fiction writer responsible for the vampire romance series Twilight.
Corresponding dessert: Sponge Cake
Rationale: It might look like a cake, feel like a cake and smell like a cake, but on taking a bite one realises it’s mostly just air.
Vladimir Nabokov
The intellectual Russian born Nabokov utilised an ornate prose style.
Corresponding dessert: Deconstructed S’more
Rationale: This sophisticated, deconstructed extravagance contains chocolate-coated cereal garnishes, caramelised vanilla marshmallow and more besides.
L. Ron Hubbard
The Scientology founder wrote numerous Sci-Fi and psychotherapy books.
Corresponding dessert: Waffle
Rationale: The content of Scientology’s doctrine.
Ambrose Bierce
Corresponding dessert: Lemon sorbet
Rationale: Few desserts are more acerbic.
Anne Rice
The Vampire Chronicles creator is one of the best-selling writers in recent American history.
Corresponding dessert: Jelly
Rationale: Right-minded adults steer clear of this puerile dessert.
Bret Easton Ellis
Easton Ellis is a master of social commentary. Much of his writing features vapid, soulless characters.
Corresponding dessert: Lemon Sorbet
Rationale: This cold, astringent dessert isn’t for everyone. I rather like it.
Dan Brown
Brown has sold more than 200 million of his mystery/conspiracy novels.
Corresponding dessert: Ring-Shaped Donut
Rationale: These deep-fried snacks have a gaping hole in the middle.
Agatha Christie
English crime novelist Agatha Christie is the best-selling author of all time.
Corresponding dessert: Tunnock’s Teacake
Rationale: One has to first unwrap the packaging and then bite through the outer layer to reveal what lies beneath.
E. L. James
Erotica novelist E. L. James is one of the World’s best-selling authors.
Corresponding dessert: Cheesecake
Rationale: Many, including yours truly, are of the opinion that cheese and cake should not be mixed.
Leo Tolstoy
Iconic Russian writer Tolstoy is best-remembered for his opuses Anna Karenina and War And Peace.
Corresponding dessert: Heavy Cake
Rationale: Heavy Cake is dense and requires a lot of chewing, but it tastes good.
Sidney Sheldon
Chick lit/Thriller author Sheldon is the one of the best-selling authors of all time.
Corresponding dessert: Wafer
Rationale: With their primary ingredient being air, wafers won’t satisfy one’s hunger.
