Reading | Guy Portman's Blog

More Of The Same

Apr 09 2021

Earlier this week, I was surprised on looking out of the kitchen window to see that winter had suddenly returned. It was sleeting and there was ice on the ground and on my freshly manicured shrubs.

Another day, another deer. I can’t stop running into them. It seems every time I leave the house they are there.

The dog enjoying a drink from the water feature.

What a splendid morning. Despite being half asleep, I couldn’t resist taking a photo.

A book, green tea and Maltesers equals an agreeable combination.

If you follow my blog, you’ve probably seen pictures of kebabs on it before. Here’s another.

What a healthy breakfast this was. Oranges, watermelon and green tea.

Last week, I posted a photo of a pheasant. This week I have a picture of four. Came across them in my neighbour’s garden yesterday. They were having their afternoon tea. I was watching them for quite a while. Now I understand where the term ‘pecking order’ comes from.

Have a good weekend.

Weather, Wildlife, Woods & Wonts

Apr 02 2021

I’ve been taking advantage of the amazing weather we’ve had here (it’s not going to last) and getting outdoors as much as possible. Have combined this activity with taking photos on my new iPhone. I woke up to find this cock pheasant in my garden earlier in the week.

There is an abundance of roe deer near my house at the moment. I’m running into them on a daily basis.

Even a cynical creature such as myself is not immune to the joys of spring.

Anyone else a fan of Cobra? It was designed specifically to be drunk with curry, as it is non-gassy. I like it – be it with curry, or on its own.

Here’s some fragmented salmon fillets and asparagus I prepared earlier.

The dog enjoying a spot of sunbathing.

It is well documented that peoples’ habits have changed during Lockdown. I thought I’d do a lot more reading, but for some reason of late I’ve been struggling with Fiction and only interested in reading the news and sports-related articles. However, Cormac McCarthy has steered me back onto the straight and narrow. This is my current read.

Happy Easter.

Mangetout: Coming Soon

Mar 05 2021

My eighth book is being unleashed on the world next Thursday (March: 11th). This quick read will appeal to all fans of darkly humorous crime fiction.

Mangetout Goodreads Link

Trouble has a habit of finding some people.

Kitchenhand Deron thinks he’s hit the jackpot when a routine delivery of vegetables turns out to be contraband …

Financier Hamish has got involved in the arms trade and business is good. However, he’s unwittingly made a formidable foe …

Ken’s fed up with the nine-to-five. An illegal venture with girlfriend Laura brings the job satisfaction he craves, but also attention from organised crime …

These sharp, shocking and suspenseful stories are a must read.

In North America mangetout (UK) are known as snow peas. This might make the title seem rather random to North American readers, and the Francophiles amongst them may think it means eat all, and perhaps wonder how this correlates to the picture of a snow pea. C’est la vie, the title is fixed now.

My books are supposed to be aimed primarily at my domestic market anyway. However, the one book I have had traditionally published is being published in Germany (this spring), so I may be proven wrong on that count. But I digress. Mangetout will be available from all retailers, initially at least.

Mangetout Goodreads Link

Have a good weekend.

Meals, Mangetout & More

Feb 26 2021

There have been some impressive skies here of late.

When I haven’t been staring at the sky, I’ve been writing, reading and eating.

Kebabs + beer = a great combination.

And here’s a shot of something healthier. It’s a tuna salad containing six ingredients that I made earlier.

Books and green tea is another favoured combo.

There is less than two weeks to go until the release of my latest book – Mangetout. This quick read will appeal to all fans of darkly humorous crime fiction.

Trouble has a habit of finding some people.

These sharp, shocking and suspenseful stories are a must read.

Have a good weekend.

Walking, Sleeping, Eating, Reading & Writing.

Feb 19 2021

This blog post’s title sums up my life. Well, there’s also housework, gardening, Netflix, watching sport, bathing and procrastinating in there too. But I digress …

It’s been a longtime coming but I finally got some new bedlinen, which if you follow me on Twitter you may have already seen. If you missed it don’t worry, here it is again:

It is ‘hotel quality’, or so the packet it came in claims. Not sure whether they mean The Ritz or Premier Inn. Regardless; so far so good.

Bought walking boots about four months ago. They’ve since ripped to shreds and now resemble hobo footwear. These are the new ones.

This combo takes some beating.

Sometimes simple fare is the best.

Currently, I am reading this. It is the third book I’ve read by gothic crime writer Pollock. It is likely the last as he’s only written three.

As for me, I am writing away and counting down the days until the release of Mangetout.

Have a good weekend.

Mangetout Blurb Reveal

Feb 12 2021

Today, I am pleased to unveil the updated blurb for Mangetout (Release date: March 11th).

Trouble has a habit of finding some people.

Kitchenhand Deron thinks he’s hit the jackpot when a routine delivery of vegetables turns out to be contraband. The problem is it belongs to somebody else. And they want it back.

Financier Hamish has got involved in the arms trade and business is good. However, he’s unwittingly made a formidable foe. One who will stop at nothing for revenge.

Ken’s fed up with the nine-to-five. An illegal venture with girlfriend Laura brings the job satisfaction he craves, but also attention from organised crime. This could all go horribly wrong.

These sharp, shocking and suspenseful stories are a must read.

‘Dangerously droll crime capers’ – Adam Riley, Comedian

Mangetout is my eighth book. I am currently hard at work on a ninth. Have a good weekend.

My Goodreads Author Page Link

Mangetout Cover Reveal & A New Blurb.

Feb 05 2021

I’ve written a new book. Mangetout will be unleashed on the world on March 11th. It is a crime caper of sorts. Mangetout will appeal to fans of crime fiction and dark humour.

Trouble has a habit of finding some people.

Hope you like it as much as I do. Red seems to fit the genre. After all red equals danger. Mangetout has the same format and virtually the same word count as my last effort, The Gazebo. It consists of three dark, acerbic tales that explore crime and class.

The plan was to share the blurb too today. I unveiled it to my mailing list subscribers last week. Unfortunately, I have since been presented with some data that suggests it will not convert well. I am currently rewriting it. If only I’d tested it prior to the designer designing the book’s back matter. I should know better by now. That’s the thing about experience – it only teaches the teachable.

I have however penned a new blurb for one of my other books – Tomorrow’s World. Some of my titles are wide, but Tomorrow’s World is an Amazon exclusive work. It’s ticking along in the Kindle Library, but I don’t feel it’s converting as well as it could.

If the new blurb works, great. If it needs some further polishing that option’s always open. Anyway, here it is:

Escape to the future with this hilarious and thought-provoking read.

Englishman Terrence has had enough of accountancy. After all, it’s been his job for over six decades. He’d bow out if the government didn’t keep increasing the mandatory retirement age. At this rate, Terrence will be working until doomsday.

American plutocrat Walter has harnessed the power of age-defying medication and enjoys the life of a conceited centenarian. But many are fed up with his kind. If the situation doesn’t change fast, there could be a revolution.

With its dark humour and gripping narrative, Tomorrow’s World paints a vivid picture of a future that’s a little too close for comfort.

‘Takes our current foibles and obsessions to their logical, gruesome and absurd conclusions’ – Adam Riley, Comedian

I could include the old blurb for comparison, but this post would be pretty long if I did that, so I’m not going to. If you want to see it get over to Amazon. You better hurry though because it’s poised to swap over any minute now. Have a good weekend.

Tomorrow’s World Amazon Link

5 Good Books Containing Dark Humour.

Jan 22 2021

Not a lot’s been going on this week, so it’s back to the trusted topic that is books. The following five books all contain dark humour. Click on the links to read my reviews.

Suttree

This brutal, bleak and at times humorous episodic tome (600+ pages) is a must for all dark fiction aficionados.

My Review: Cornelius Suttree resides in a dilapidated houseboat on the Tennessee River, on the edge of Knoxville. He ekes out a living fishing in its murky waters; his primary …(more)

Disaster Inc.

Disaster Inc is the first instalment in a series by former Irish stand-up comedian and successful television writer Caimh McDonnell.

My Review: Bunny McGarry is an Irishman in America on a mission to find someone. Hungover one morning, he is having breakfast at a diner, when …(more)

Survivor

Survivor is an innovative and erudite social commentary, brimming with satirical observations and irreverent humour.

My Review: Tender Branson, the last survivor of the Creedish Church cult, has hijacked an aeroplane, which is now flying on autopilot. His objective: to dictate his life story onto …(more)

A Decent Ride

This is one of Welsh’s lighter books. Its seediness, humour and bawdy Leith vernacular dialogue will appeal to many.

My Review: Terry ‘Juice’ Lawson is an Edinburgh taxi driver who moonlights as a porn actor and drug fixer. Since losing his virginity at the age of eleven, he has …(more)

My Sister, The Serial Killer

The intriguing premise, darkly humorous elements and dialogue-heavy content make for an enduring combination.

My Review: Twins Koredie and Ayoola are very different. Conscientious Korede is a senior nurse in a hospital while the beautiful Ayoola is …(more)

Sweets, Sport, Scenery & Submission.

Jan 15 2021

When it comes to cake, I tend to stick to chocolate. But variety is the spice of life, so they say. The other day, I had a sponge cake for a change. It was a birthday cake – not mine. It was rich and delicious.

Last Sunday, I indulged in some FA Cup in the bath. Tottenham Hotspur vs Marine. Very much a case of David vs Goliath. It wasn’t particularly entertaining.

I really appreciate being able to get outside during Lockdown.

My dog’s always been a fan of this spot. Last time I clambered up here, I fell off. The moss is pretty slippery when it’s wet. I won’t be trying it again anytime soon.

Green tea – one of life’s little pleasures. Rarely go a day without drinking the stuff.

A new author for a new year. This is the first book I’ve read by arrogant Frenchman and Islamophobe Houellebecq. Quite enjoying it so far.

Have a good weekend.

Titbits, Tissues & Turmoil.

Jan 08 2021

We are in Lockdown yet again here in the UK, and it looks like it’s going to be the state of play for quite some time yet. As for me, I’ve adapted to it. I’m nothing if not versatile. Living in the countryside does make it easier in my opinion.

Something was interesting Trigga out there. He was stationed by the window for ages. Likely it was a squirrel, pigeon or pheasant.

The first kebab of 2021.

Anyone else a fan of baklava?

I’ve been doing some healthy eating too, in an effort to shift the layer of Xmas cake and baklava-induced fat from the waistline.

Here’s a tuna and egg salad I prepared earlier.

I went a little overboard with the broccoli one day and had to enlist some help to eat it.

The riot on Capital Hill was extraordinary. I wonder what Abraham Lincoln would have thought of it. In the future it could be viewed as an iconic moment in the demise of democracy.

I went to the supermarket the other day and it was the usual story. No Original Kleenex. It seems the stuff is becoming as rare as Amur Leopards. There’s alway loads of Balsam and Soft Kleenex, but no one wants it hence why there’s loads of it on the shelves I guess. Personally, I’d rather have no Kleenex than the balsam variety.

There’s been a cold snap here and I have been enjoying having fires in the evenings.

Have a good weekend.

Tag - Reading

More Of The Same

Like this:

Weather, Wildlife, Woods & Wonts

Like this:

Mangetout: Coming Soon

Like this:

Meals, Mangetout & More

Like this:

Walking, Sleeping, Eating, Reading & Writing.

Like this:

Mangetout Blurb Reveal

Like this:

Mangetout Cover Reveal & A New Blurb.

Escape to the future with this hilarious and thought-provoking read.

Like this:

5 Good Books Containing Dark Humour.

Like this:

Sweets, Sport, Scenery & Submission.

Like this:

Titbits, Tissues & Turmoil.

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Escape to the future with this hilarious and thought-provoking read.

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