Twitter Species

New Twitter Species Discovered

May 16 2014

Followers of my blog will be only too aware of my Twitter obsession. I have devoted posts to how my fellow authors use Twitter to market their books, Twitter annoyances, in addition to several posts about the various species that inhabit the Twittersphere.

Several weeks ago a Twitter friend mentioned to me that random Tweets she was sending, which were utterly irrelevant to anyone but the intended recipient, were being RTd by others.

Without further ado I collected my specimen net, donned my Victorian explorer’s hat, and headed off into the darkest depths of the Twittersphere, to observe one of these peculiar Twitter specimens in their natural habitat. I had travelled but a short distance when I heard Emma reply to a Tweet from Chris with, ‘See you Monday Chris’.

No sooner had the Tweet been sent than it was seized and randomly RTd to twenty thousand Followers by another Twitter account, not named Chris. Since that occurrence I have been observing similar Tweeting antics on a nearly daily basis. The Tweets are of the:

‘Thank you for the RT Patricia’ – ‘How was your weekend Emilio.’ – ‘Okay see you then.’ And ‘She’s fine thanks for asking’ variety.

This new locust like Twitter species could soon reach plague proportions, devouring Tweets as they go, leaving a barren Twittersphere in their wake. I took to ruminating as to the logic behind this peculiar Tweeting habit, but was unable to comprehend a rational reason for it. It was at this juncture that I remembered a quote by author and cultural icon, William S. Burroughs.

‘Your knowledge of what is going on can only be superficial and relative.’

Burroughs possessed remarkable rationality and intuitiveness when it came to analysing situations, other than on the occasion when he accidentally shot his wife Joan Vollmer dead, whilst trying to shoot a water tumbler balanced on her head. But everyone is allowed the occassional off day.

Then I remembered another Burroughs quote, which also seemed appropriate in my perplexed state. Burroughs once famously said:

‘Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.’

Well I have been relaxing, but my mind is no closer to answering the perplexing question regarding the habits of this newly discovered Twitter species. And so I am left with no alternative but to return full circle to his first quote. Anyway I have named the new species temere sequitor, Random Repeater in English.

This is my review of Queer by William S. Burroughs.

Click here to read Adam’s review of The Soft Machine by the same author.

Mar 14 2014

Nearly two years ago in May 2012, shortly after starting this blog, and one month before the release of my humorous tale of the unexpected, Charles Middleworth, I made a detailed study of the various species that inhabit Twitter. Now a month removed from the launch of my second book, Necropolis, I grab my binoculars, specimen jars and butterfly net, and head off once more to the deepest, darkest depths of the Twittersphere.

The following is what I discovered. (Note: It includes species found in my last study + some new discoveries).

#Hyperactive #Hashtaggers (Perquam strennus) – #Hyperactive #Hashtaggers are incessant Tweeters that usually tweet 24 hours a day. During peak Tweeting hours around dusk and dawn single specimens have been recorded Tweeting as frequently as every 19 seconds. #Hyperactive #Hashtagger Tweeting calls can be distinguished from other species of the voluminous variety due to the ubiquitous #. 9 #’s have been recorded in a single Tweet.

Harmonious Helpers (Concordi adiutor) – These enthusiastic, contented Tweeters Tweet only during waking hours, at a rate rarely exceeding 10 tweets per hour, or a 100 per day. The Tweeting call of the Harmonious Helper is always positive and often contains words like thank you/greeting/welcome (regional variations may apply). A high percentage of Tweets (about 49%) are either part of or result in a conversation. Harmonious Helpers’ often provide detailed instructional Tweets for the benefit of other species.

Continual Commentators (Semper Nuntius) – These swamp dwelling creatures Tweet primarily during nocturnal hours after the cessation of their foraging activities. Their Tweeting call is usually in the form of a statement, is opinionated, and is not part of a conversation. Responses to their Tweets have only rarely been recorded in the wild.

It was with a heavy heart that I viewed a solitary specimen from my previous study (2 years ago) still Tweeting its opinions about TV shows and political views without response.

Forex Foragers – Forex Foragers Tweeting calls consist of unintelligible utterances such as:

Best Forex Robot FOREX INCOME ENGINE BILL POULOS COMPLETE SET BRAMD NEW annoyingforexspammer/q3

This researcher can only assume these Tweets mean something to its fellow species.

Convivial Communicators (Amica Garrulus) – The Convivial Communicator is a social Tweeter, whose Tweeting call is audible throughout its waking hours. Tweets can be distinguished in part by the lengthy pause between each utterance. Tweets generally take the form of RTs’, conversational tweets and on occasion self-promotion. Tweets very rarely contain facts, quotes, criticism or judgement.

Irritating Interlopers (Vexo Tertius) – These carrion consuming creatures generally Tweet in short flurries several times a day. It is very unusual for an Irritating Interloper’s Tweets to either be part of a conversation or to result in one. Tweets are in the form of statements, usually contain capitalisation, and one of more occurrence of the word I, Me or My (regional variations may apply). Other species’ have been recorded recoiling at the sound of a lone Irritating Interloper’s Tweeting call, before moving hastily out of Tweeting range.

Inspirational Innovators (Inspiratori Novitatis) – Inspirational Innovators Tweet intermittently on a daily basis. Tweeting generally occurs about 6 to 10 times in any given 24 period. Inspirational Innovators are pensive, rational creatures, who generally tweet about a single topic, which they deem will inspire creatures with an interest in this subject matter.

Positive Proselytizers – (Prima proselytizers) – A subspecies of the Inspiration Innovator. Positive Proselytizers are of a religious/spiritual disposition and do not shy away from sharing the ‘good’ news.

Mundane Messengers (mundana enim adnuntiantis) – Tweeting habits consist of Tweeting random, non-inspirational information sporadically throughout waking hours. Whilst conducting this study I observed several Mundane Messenger Tweets, including something about a cheese sandwich and wanting to put the kettle on.

Comical Contributors (Conferunt ridiculum) – Comical Contributors sole purpose is to cause amusement. They also utilise Tweeting displays (videos & pictures). Comical Contributors have the ability to bring a modicum of colour to a recipient’s day.

Distressing Discombobulaters – (Molestus confuse) – Tweeting is incessant (rates of about 100 Tweets per hour, every hour for days at a time have been recorded). Tweet composition generally takes the form of a combination of quotes and sales pitches with no/few RTs’. It is this researcher’s opinion that this species’ voracious Tweeting habits will result in its extinction, as specimens are left with little time to perform necessary functions such as eating.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

My second book, Necropolis ~~(Release date: April 24th)~~ is a work of dark humorous fiction about a sociopath, who works for the Burials and Cemeteries department in his local council. Further details to follow…

Twitter Part 3

Jun 08 2012

(I include the first three sections for those who did not read Twitter part 1 or 2).

Introduction

The evolution of Twitter since its creation in 2006 has been unprecedented in the history of the Universe. Twitter is currently inhabited by approximately 140 million creatures (though it is suspected that some are robotic). This study examines the role of two of Twitter’s many species.

Aims & Objectives

i). To observe, document & compare the tweeting habits of two species.

ii). Use the results to draw conclusions on the given species prospects for further evolutionary progress.

Methodology

One hundred tweets from two specimens from each species were analysed over a five day period. On each day a different hourly time frame was evaluated. (Note: In instances where not enough tweets were present, the team worked backwards in chronological order until the twenty tweet target was achieved).

The two species are:

Irritating Interloper (Vexo Tertius) & Inspirational Innovator (Inspiratori Novitatis)

The Irritating Interloper

Social Orientation: solitary

Habitat: scrubland & rocky outcrops

Diet: carrion

Behaviour: Irritating Interlopers generally tweet in short flurries several times a day. Tweeting is sporadic and occurs only during waking hours. It is very unusual for Irritating Interloper tweets to either be part of a tweeting conversation or to result in one. Tweets are in the form of statements, generally contain capitalisation and usually at least one occurrence of the word I, Me or My (regional variations may apply). Other species’ have been recorded recoiling at the sound of a lone Irritating Interloper’s tweeting call, before moving hastily out of tweeting range.

The Inspirational Innovator

Social Orientation: small family groups

Habitat: burrows are located in open grassland/prairies

Diet: grass & flowers

Behaviour: Inspirational Innovators tweet intermittently on a daily basis. Tweeting generally occurs about six to ten times in any given twenty-four period, during both waking and sleeping hours. Inspirational Innovators are pensive rational creatures, who generally tweet about a single topic, which they deem will inspire creatures with an interest in this subject matter and which in turn will aid their own ongoing evolutionary status in the Twitter sphere.

Tweeting data

Breakdown of Irritating Interloper tweets

Breakdown of Inspirational Innovator tweets

Conclusion:

The Irritating Interloper

i). The research team suspects that the life span of the Irritating Interloper is brief. Alarmingly, shortly after this study was completed one of the research specimens’s disappeared. Despite our attempts to locate it by sending tweets that would appeal to its narcissistic tendencies, no reply was forthcoming.

ii). Static follower numbers are evidence that the tweeting habits of Irritating Interlopers are not appreciated by other species’.

iii). The research team deems that the continual use of capitalisation and/or exclamation marks in tweets is both aggressive and intrusive. Crucially it fails to engage other creatures.

iv). The universally self-serving narcissistic nature of Irritating Interloper tweets is ironically failing to provide them with any tangible benefits.

The Inspirational Innovator

i). It is evident from steadily growing follower numbers and the convivial nature of the few conversations that were recorded that the original/innovative tweets of Inspirational Innovators will lead to evolutionary success.

ii). Inspirational Innovators relatively low tweeting rate is evidence that it is not only voluminous/vociferous species’ that are succeeding in the Twitter sphere.

Recommendations

a). Irritating Interlopers would do well to remember that carrion eaters were generally regarded as loathsome beasts in the Old world. It is evident that this opinion remains in the Twitter sphere. Irritating Interlopers are urged to take a more flexible approach to tweeting and engage with others in order to change this commonly held view.

b). Inspirational Innovators are remarkable in that their evolutionary success comes despite the fact that they are far less sociable than the other successful tweeting species’ documented over the last two weeks. Irritating Interlopers are advised to observe and learn from the tweeting habit of this species.

Comments welcomed

Tag - Twitter Species

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