Twitter

The evolution of Twitter since its creation in 2006 has been unprecedented in the history of the Universe.  Twitter is currently inhabited by approximately 140 million creatures (though it is suspected that some are robotic).  This study examines the role of two of Twitter’s many species.

Aims & Objectives

i).  To observe, document & compare the tweeting habits of two species.

ii). Use the results to draw conclusions on the given species prospects for further evolutionary progress.

Methodology

One hundred tweets from two specimens from each species were analysed over a five day period.  On each day a different hourly time frame was evaluated.  (Note: In instances where not enough tweets were present, the team worked backwards in chronological order until the twenty tweet target was achieved).


The two species are:

#Hyperactive #Hashtagger (Perquam strennus)& Harmonious Helper (Concordi adiutor)


The #Hyperactive #Hashtagger

Social Orientation: small troops or alone.

Habitat: trees.

Diet: fruit, bulbs & insects.

Behaviour: #Hyperactive #Hashtaggers are incessant tweeters that usually tweet twenty-four hours a day.  During peak tweeting hours around dusk and dawn single specimens have been recorded tweeting as frequently as every 19 seconds.  #Hyperactive #Hashtagger tweeting calls can be distinguished from other species of the voluminous variety due to the ubiquitous #.  Nine #’s have been recorded in a single tweet.  The tweeting calls of the #Hyperactive #Hashtagger is rarely targeted at a given individual and are usually not part of a conversation.  It is unusual for a #Hashtagger’s tweet to be met with a response.

The Harmonious Helper

Habitat: herd dwelling grazer.

Diet: grass & flowers.

Behaviour: The Harmonious Helper is an enthusiastic and contented tweeter, who usually tweets about a 100 times per day.  Tweeting occurs only during waking hours and rarely at a rate of more than 10 tweets per hour.  The tweeting call of the Harmonious Helper rarely contains quotes or facts, is always positive and often contains words like thank you/greeting/welcome (regional variations may apply).  Its tweets are recognisable not only due to their positivity and prevalence of gratitude, but also by the high percentage, about 49% of tweets that are either part of or result in a conversation.  On occasion Harmonious Helpers’ provide detailed instructional tweets for the benefit not only of the herd but also other species.

Tweeting Data

Conclusion:

The #Hyperactive #Hashtagger

i). The emaciated and exhausted state of many #Hashtaggers’ observed during this study raises concerns that their relentless tweeting has left them in dire need of rest and nourishment.

ii). Though the study acknowledges that the # has been instrumental in the exponential rise of the Twitter sphere, the #Hyperactive #Hashtaggers incessant, unnecessary and prolonged use of the # clogs up Twitter feeds unnecessarily, resulting in other species losing faith in the #.

The Harmonious Helper

i). Ever expanding follower numbers are evidence that Harmonious Helpers are gaining allies from a wide variety of species.

ii). The high proportion of tweets resulting in conversations signifies that Harmonious Helpers are listened to and that their tweets can be interpreted by other species.


Recommendations

a). The research team recommends that the #Hyperactive #Hashtagger population cease tweeting and listen to their Twitter feeds.

b). Though the team recognises and encourages the evolution of language, it views with alarm both the #Hashtaggers’ persistent disregard for old world language and fanatical embrace of the #; particularly # tagged lists in place of sentences and/or statements.  Especially pertinent in this regard is the demise of the preposition amongst the #Hashtagger population.  This has resulted in other species either not understanding and/or feeling alienated by the #Hashtaggers # tagged deluge.

To be continued next week.

Comments Welcome.

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