Satire | Guy Portman's Blog

A Scary Fun Book Bonanza

Oct 23 2020

Before I get into the details of the book bonanza, here is a photograph taken in my home office stroke summerhouse. I finally moved in on Monday. So far it is proving to be a new lease of life. The only problem, or benefit, depending on how you look at it, is that there is presently no internet.

Now for the book bonanza. I have teamed up with twenty of my fellow humour authors for a promotion. Scary Fun Books runs from Oct. 19th-31st. The books encompass a number of genres and all tastes are catered for. My title is Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future. It is presently on offer for the tantalising price of 99c/99p from Amazon only.

SCARY FUN BOOKS LINK

Time to get back to the office. I am hard at work on my latest book (#8). The plan is to finish it in record time.

Have a good weekend.

The Necropolis Trilogy Box Set

Feb 14 2020

Today, I am pleased to unveil the Necropolis Trilogy Box Set. My hope is that its vibrant colours will prove as irresistible to dark humour crime readers as the bright feathers used to lure mackerel.

Initially, the box set will be for eBook only. The individual books that make up my black comedy trilogy will continue to also be offered in paperback form.

In other news, the 19 free crime books offer I introduced last week is still running. The offer includes Necropolis; the first instalment in my darkly humorous crime trilogy.

800+ Ratings for the Necropolis Trilogy on Goodreads

‘The book is full of razor-sharp satire’ – Crime Fiction Lover

‘… a magnificent foray into the mind of a sociopath’ – DLS Reviews

Have a good weekend.

Golgotha: Only 4 Days To Go

Nov 29 2019

There are only four days to go until the release of my darkly humorous crime novel, Golgotha. The big day is next Tuesday (Dec. 03). Here is a short (467 word) extract, which I feel encapsulates the book’s dark tone. Click here to read it. The first reviews have now appeared on Goodreads, and they’re good. Click here to see the reviews.

You can’t keep a good sociopath down.

Dyson Devereux is languishing in prison awaiting trial for murder. Languishing wouldn’t be so bad were it not for the irksome inmates, crowded conditions and distinct lack of haute cuisine.

Only Alegra, his sometime paramour and frequent visitor, shares his desire to see him released. The problem is, she wants Dyson freed so they can start a new life together. But all Dyson desires is to get back home to his treasured mementos.

As judgement day draws ever closer, can Dyson keep up appearances long enough to win his freedom? And at what cost? For hell hath no fury like a sociopath scorned.

Golgotha is a funny, fast-paced crime comedy novel, boasting a sardonic and sinister sociopath at its helm.

“Sociopathic comedy at its best” — Adam Riley, Comedian

“Deeply dark and irresistibly funny. If you like dark humour, you’ll love watching Dyson unravel” — Sandra Seymour, Author

Golgotha is the final instalment in the Necropolis Trilogy (#1 Necropolis & #2 Sepultura). As is the case with its predecessors, Golgotha can be read as a standalone novel. It will be available as an eBook and paperback.

‘A devilishly wry read …’ – Goodreads Reviewer

‘I’m very pleased to be the first person to review this book, because I’ve all good things to say about it’ – Goodreads Reviewer

‘A brilliant unpredictable end’ – Goodreads Reviewer

Click here to see Golgotha on Goodreads.

Click here to read the extract. Have a great weekend.

Fiction, Food & Flooding

Oct 18 2019

The weather here in South East England has been absolutely wretched of late. Relentless rain, day in, day out. Well, we need it; so I’m told. Some of the roads around my way have flooded. Fortunately, last week I finally sold my little car and upgraded to one with 4-wheel drive capabilities, so I should be okay. She’s a Honda. We’re in that honeymoon stage in our relationship, when everything’s perfect.

With all this rain and the impending darkness as winter looms, one seeks solace in sugar. Or at least I do.

And feeding frenzies too. These pork ribs doused in a rich sauce were sumptuous.

In other news, I am finally back in the writing groove, for want of a better expression. Perhaps the writers amongst you are the same as me. When you don’t write for a while, it is difficult to get back into it, until it becomes part of one’s routine once again.

I am also in the process of seeking for reviews for Golgotha (release date: Dec.3) – the third instalment in the Necropolis Trilogy. Like its predecessors, the book can be read as a standalone novel. It promises to be the best part yet.

Will a sociopath get his way?

And I’ve been making time for some reading. Never read Oscar Wilde before. His humour appeals.

You have to make your own entertainment out here in the sticks. Fortunately, I’m an imaginative person. This is me trying to hypnotise my dog with a piece of spaghetti.

One more thing. My satirical book of vignettes is free at all retailers. This is probably where I’m supposed to insert a ‘for a limited time’ clause to persuade you guys to download it right away. Well, the chances are it will be free for a while so there’s no rush. If you were able to download a copy it would be great; if you actually read it even better; and leave a review; well in that case I would be in heaven. Have a good weekend.

Tomorrow’s World links (some of them at any rate) – Amazon US, Amazon UK, Kobo Ca, Kobo UK.

17 FREE Humour Books For You

May 17 2019

Once again, I have collaborated with my fellow humour authors to offer you a selection of FREE humour books. This time there are 17 to choose from. The deal includes my satirical book of vignettes, Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales From The Future (40,251 words/2.5 hours reading time).

17 FREE HUMOUR BOOKS OFFER LINK

If you like dark humour and you are looking for a quick read, Tomorrow’s World could be the book for you. To get your FREE copy of mine and/or any of the other offerings, just click on the link and then click on the book cover you want. All you have to do to claim your FREE book (Mobi/ePub/PDF) is sign up to the given author’s mailing list. You can unsubscribe at any point. If you are already on my mailing list, please sign up again. I will delete any duplicates. So hurry while stocks last. Actually, they are eBooks so stocks will last, but the deal ends on May 28th and time is ticking.

17 FREE HUMOUR BOOKS OFFER LINK

‘… in Tomorrow’s World, Guy has seen the writing on the wall. And it’s in emojis’ – Adam Riley (comedian)

‘This book will certainly have you turning the pages to see what happens next …’ – The Daily Squib

Floods, Felling Trees, Black Comedies and Comfort Food

May 10 2019

Yesterday afternoon, I finished the second draft of my forthcoming novel, the black comedy Golgotha. It is the final instalment in the Necropolis Trilogy, featuring darkly humorous sociopath Dyson Devereux. It is now in the hands of beta readers.

Having polished off the draft, I woke up in a cheery mood this morning, but a flood in my kitchen put an end to it. The dishwasher pipe is leaking, again. Last time I was able to stop it, this time I can’t. There is water everywhere, and only the plumber can save me now.

The best approach on failing to rectify a problem is to make a tactical retreat. After abandoning my efforts to hold back the flood, I sojourned to my study to drink coffee and eat Maltesers.

Here is a shot of some other indulgences from the week gone by.

It is quite noisy here today what with tree surgeons removing a tree in my garden. It was a case of nice tree, wrong place. Hopefully its demise will result in my house getting way more light.

The Council have permitted me to fell a couple of trees on the condition that I plant two new ones to replace them. I take my carbon footprint seriously, but I do not want more trees. The whole idea of getting rid of the trees was to have a less congested garden. I plan to get around the issue by planting bonsai trees.

There is the sound of crunching gravel. Someone is approaching. It better be the plumber and not another Jehovah’s Witness … Yes, I am in luck. It is time to go. Have a good weekend.

If you are looking for something to read, check out my soon to be completed Necropolis Trilogy. If you love dark humour, you’ll love Necropolis. And if you don’t, you probably won’t.

Click here to see the 155 ratings & reviews for #1 Necropolis and #2 Sepultura on Goodreads.

#1: What is a sociopath to do?

#2
A sociopath can only keep up a façade for so long.

‘The book is full of razor-sharp satire’ – Crime Fiction Lover

Random Ramblings, Pick & Mixes and Grass

May 03 2019

I am all about routine. Every morning when I awaken at seven, I have a walk in the woods by my house with my dog. There is no better time of day unless one is hungover. Of late, there have been plenty of sunny, idyllic mornings here in West Sussex. After a walk, I generally feel refreshed and ready to get on with my writing, or whatever I have to do that day.

My garden was recently landscaped. I scattered grass seed over it some weeks back, but despite there having been plenty of sun and some rain, it still resembles The Kalahari (see below). I was lamenting the lack of growth to a hippie I came across in the pub earlier in the week. He asked if I’d tried any ‘harvest prayers’. I said no, certainly not. He suggested that I might try the ‘very effective’ Mayan Prayer to the Seven Directions. Considering that the Mayan civilisation was decimated by severe drought, I think I will give it a miss.

Not a great deal else has happened to me this past week. Well actually, I had some vegetable samosas a few nights back. I am a carnivorous creature, but when it comes to samosas I am strictly vegetarian. They just don’t work with meat, at least not for me.

Some of my fondest memories from childhood entail Pick & Mix. And whenever I stumble across a Pick & Mix, I tend to be overwhelmed with nostalgia. On Monday when I went to the supermarket, I came across my first Lindor Pick & Mix.

I was unimpressed. While Lindor balls are not without their virtues, they are just too sickly and too similar to one another to justify a Pick & Mix devoted solely to them.

Gorging on Chocolate Bunnies & A Free Book

Apr 19 2019

There was a time when I didn’t eat chocolate during Lent. Now it’s all I eat.

I favour different types for different activities. While writing can be a rewarding experience, it can also be incredibly frustrating. And there is nothing more cathartic than biting the ears and/or head off a chocolate Lindt bunny. At least for me, anyway.

Initially, I purchased a pair of Lindt bunnies for young relatives for Easter, but I just kept eating them, and having to go back to the supermarket to get more.

When I am reading, I tend to be of a calm disposition. With the activity only requiring one hand, the other can be used to nibble on an old favourite, Cadbury Crème Eggs.

Here is the assortment of Easter chocolate I have bought for the big day.

And I have a Lindt bunny to see me through today’s writing. Currently, I am working on the third and final part in the Necropolis Trilogy. The black comedy series features the darkly humorous sociopath, Dyson Devereux. There is still time to download a free copy (offer ends Apr. 30). All you have to do is sign up to my monthly newsletter.

Click here to claim your FREE book

‘The book is full of razor-sharp satire’ – Crime Fiction Lover

‘… a mix between The Office and American Psycho’ – Amazon Reviewer

Happy Easter!

6 Dark Humour Reading Recommendations

Feb 01 2019

Here are five darkly humorous books that I have read and one that I have written. Click on the links to read the reviews.

Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk

Haunted is a series of short stories, in which the author explores a variety of themes, including the media-obsessed nature of society.

My Review: Haunted is about a group of writers, who have been assembled by the conniving Mr Whittier to attend a writers group. The location of the retreat is in an isolated theatre with no access … (more)

The Blade Artist by Irvine Welsh

The complex and manipulative protagonist, sordid characters and squalid descriptions will appeal to fans of the Transgressive genre.

My Review: Reformed Scottish ex-con Jim Francis (formerly Franco Begbie) is now a successful sculptor living the dream in sunny California with his former prison art therapist now trophy wife …(more)

American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis

This satire of the yuppies culture of the 1980s adroitly explores the mind of a psychopath and questions the very essence of capitalist culture.

My Review: American Psycho is a highly controversial novel that brought its author Bret Easton Ellis instant fame. The book is written from the perspective of a young Wall Street financier …(more)

The Butcher by Nathan Burrows

This aptly named book is set in the English county of Norfolk. Topics comprise swine, cannibalism and illegal migrants.

My Review: Frank Pinch is a butcher, his brother Tom a pig farmer. The siblings have a problem. Their dilapidated family farm is struggling financially and under threat of closure due to …(more)

Knockemstiff by Donald Ray Pollock

Knockemstiff is a transgressive compilation of short stories. Topics include drugs, drinking, disease and sexual degeneracy.

My Review: These interlinked short stories are set in ‘The Holler’; an impoverished part of Knockemstiff, a real-life Ohioan backwater. ‘The Holler’s’ air is permanently imbued with the stench of …(more)

Tomorrow’s World: Darkly Humorous Tales by Guy Portman

The book’s subjects encompass manic capitalism, extreme celebrity worship, virtual reality and a grotesquely ageing population.

Daily Squib Review: There’s something about the future that scares the shit out of people a lot, maybe it’s simply the thought of the unknown that affects us with such fear. What possible delights await us in …(more)

Beat The January Blues

Jan 25 2019

Just a quick reminder about my ongoing FREE humour book promotion (ends Jan. 31). I have teamed up with some fellow UK humour authors to offer you a selection of 19 FREE humour books. The offer includes one of mine. Click on the link below to discover which of my humorous offerings it is, and to view the other hilarious options, consisting of comedy novellas, short stories, and a few full reads.

BEAT THE JANUARY BLUES FREE BOOK LINK

Click on the book cover you want and follow the instructions to receive your free book/s (Mobi/ePub/PDF) and to sign up to the given author’s mailing list. You can unsubscribe at any time. If you want my book and are already on my mailing list just sign up again, please. I will delete any duplicates.

As for me, I have been working hard on the final instalment in the Necropolis Trilogy. The books feature erudite sociopath, Dyson Devereux. Golgotha is due to be released later this year. If you haven’t read the first two instalments yet, why not check out the Goodreads pages for Necropolis and part 2, Sepultura. Have a good weekend.

Category - Satire

A Scary Fun Book Bonanza

Like this:

The Necropolis Trilogy Box Set

Like this:

Golgotha: Only 4 Days To Go

Like this:

Fiction, Food & Flooding

Like this:

17 FREE Humour Books For You

Like this:

Floods, Felling Trees, Black Comedies and Comfort Food

Like this:

Random Ramblings, Pick & Mixes and Grass

Like this:

Gorging on Chocolate Bunnies & A Free Book

Like this:

6 Dark Humour Reading Recommendations

Like this:

Beat The January Blues

Like this:

Category - Satire

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