Bizarre Books IV
I previously stated that part 3 was to be the final instalment in my bizarre books series. I have since changed my mind. Here is part 4. There may well be further additions in the not too distant future. As with the previous instalments, I have added pithy/fictitious comments below each.
There is a peculiar man on the front cover, but no sign of Jesus.
Read the instructions on the back of the packet, place food item in microwave, set time and press start. When microwave makes a beeping noise remove food.
If the vile looking concoction on the front cover is anything to go by, it is probably best not to be bold with bananas, and to stick to the tried and trusted peeling followed by eating method.
Client: I want to book a circumcision for next Tuesday at 2:30.
Receptionist: Sorry, no can do. How about 3?
Images You Should Not Masturbate To
If the image on the front cover is anything to go by…
Twelve Reasons you should Speak in Tongues
Reason One: Speaking in tongues is perfect for when you want to appear insane.
Reason Two: Um … let me think … wait … err…
To be a born-again virgin follow these simple steps.
Step one: Get a needle and thread.
Be wary of splinters.
If the bear is already eating you then is too late. You should have asked for help earlier.
How To Talk To Your Cat About Gun Safety
Owner: Yes Tiddles, approach the gun like that.
Tiddles: Meow, meow, purr.
Owner: That is the safety switch. Do not turn it off. No!
Tiddles: Meow, hiss!
Owner: Not the trigger. NOOO!
Bang!
